How to Overcome Social Anxiety
In this video, I am going to share with you exactly how I overcame my social anxiety, and I am going to do it by sharing with you a personal story.
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About four years ago, I was the guy who was incredibly① awkward around girls. I remember I would always see these guys who seem to be so naturally good with girls, and I really didn’t understand what they were doing that was so different from what I was doing. ①incredibly: [ɪnˈkredəbli] adv. extremely 极其地
I didn’t know what to say, how to say it. I didn’t understand how to flirt②, or even what flirting was. Whenever I saw a girl that I liked, I had this confused feeling right in my stomach where I just didn’t know what to do. ②Flirt: [flɜːrt] v. to behave towards someone in a way that shows that you are sexually attracted to them, although you do not really want a relationship with them. 调情About halfway through university, I started to watch people like Elliott Hulse③, and I also started to read some self-help books. And doing this exposed④ me to some very interesting ideas. The most interesting idea that I was exposed to was a very simple one, and it was you have the power to change things in your life. ③Elliott Hulse: a strongman, a strength coach. YouTube 博主④expose: [ɪkˈspoʊz] v. to make it possible for someone to experience new ideas, ways of life etc. 揭露；展现So I sat down at my desk, and I said out loud, “I am not happy with my dating life.” And then right after that I said out loud, “But I can change this if I want to.” And I recommend you do the same thing. Also around this time, YouTube pranks⑤ were very popular and I would see these YouTubers go up and approach girls during the day, and they would say all these crazy things, and no matter what they said, it always seemed like they were able to attract the girl. ⑤pranks: [præŋks] n. plural form of prank, a trick, especially one which is played on someone to make them look silly. 整蛊；恶作剧So after I watched about ten or twenty of these videos, I decided in that moment that I wanted to learn how to be that confident. So, at this time, there was no way I was going to be able to approach a beautiful girl during the day. I had to start off with something much, much, much smaller. So, instead was, I would go out on the street, and I simply would ask people, “Hey, what time is it?” And they would reply, “It’s 10 am.” And I would say, “Thank you.” And believe it or not, at first this was a little bit difficult for me, which is honestly kind of depressing to admit, but it’s the truth. And I did this until I became 100% comfortable doing it.And then after that, I would ask them, “How’s your day going?” And then I would make more and more small talk. I kept pushing myself outside of the comfort zone⑥. So for a couple of months, I kept pushing myself more and more. And then I woke up one day, and I decided that this was the day when I was going to approach a girl, and I was going to say to her, “Hey, I thought you were attractive and I just wanted to say hi,” just like those YouTubers. ⑥comfort zone: [ˈkʌmfərt zoʊn] n. your comfort zone is the range of activities or situations that you feel happy and confident in. 舒适区；放松区
So I left my apartment, and I told myself I was not allowed back into my apartment until I had approached someone. I left my apartment, and I started to walk around on the street. And whenever I would see an attractive girl, I would make up some stupid excuse about how I could not approach her. I would say stuff like: “She looks like she’s in a hurry,” “She looks mean,” “She looks like she has a boyfriend” even though that makes absolutely no sense, “She looks like she’s about to get a phone call.” Literally⑦, any excuse that I could think of, I would tell myself, and then I would just wouldn’t do it. ⑦literally: [ˈlɪtərəli] adv. intensifier before a figurative expression, without exaggeration. 加强语气，意为毫不夸张地说So five hours later, I am still wandering around the city, but I had made the commitment to myself that I could not return to my apartment until I did this. I needed to honor this commitment, because I understood that these types of commitments are what make you succeed. I am walking along the sidewalk, watching the sun go down. I see this brunette⑧ girl walking ahead of me, and for whatever reason in that moment, I told myself, “It is either now or never.” You can either live your life like a wimp⑨ or go up and face your fears head-on.⑧brunette: [bruːˈnet] n. a woman with dark brown hair, blonde. 有着深褐色头发的女子⑨wimp: [wɪmp] n. someone who has a weak character and is afraid to do something difficult or unpleasant. 窝囊废So I run up to her, and I tap⑩ her on the shoulder, and then when she turned around, I realized that I had just approached one of the most beautiful girls that I had seen all day. The first five minutes of the conversation were a bit awkward, but I pushed through it and very quickly we both became very comfortable with one another, and we even talked for about 20 minutes. ⑩tap: [tæp] v. to hit your fingers lightly on something, for example, to get someone’s attention. 轻扣；轻拍 I got her number, we hugged goodbye and then I could finally return to my apartment. And when I returned to my apartment, I had such a tremendous feeling of accomplishment, because just months ago the thought of approaching a girl during the day gave me so much anxiety to the point where I could physically feel knots in my stomach when I really imagine going up and approaching a girl during the day. What are the takeaways⑪ of my story here? There are five main things that you need to understand if you want to overcome your social anxiety. ⑪takeaway: [ˈteɪkəweɪ] n. an important fact, point or idea to be remembered from talk, meeting or event. 心得；领悟；总结One, sit down and say out loud that you want to change. Two, say out loud that you have the power to change it. Three, set a goal of what you want to do. For me, it was simply approaching a beautiful girl during the day without having a heart attack. Four, start taking very, very small steps that push you a little outside of your comfort zone and closer to your goal. And the fifth and final, most important step is constantly course⑫ correct your way there, meaning identify the things that you could do better and fix those things.⑫course: [kɔːrs] v. to run or pass rapidly along or as if along an indicated path. 沿着；朝着
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A really easy example could be someone who’s really afraid of public speaking. And to correct that, the best thing that that person can do is say something in front of one person. Then talk in front two people, three people, four people and just keep increasing it.
And do it until you’re comfortable. If you do this, it’s pretty much impossible for you not to reach your goal. But it will take time.
大连外国语大学高级翻译学院实习生
穆楠 整理
(Credit: uniquemindcare.com)