Pregnancy Diary: Why Gender Reveals Aren’t a Thing in China

Even before I found out that I was pregnant I’ve always enjoyed watching ‘gender reveal’ videos on Instagram and YouTube. A phenomenon that has become popular in recent years, especially in the US, a ‘gender reveal’ event is when instead of telling the parents the sex of their child, the doctor writes down the sex of the baby in a sealed envelope, which the parents then pass to a bakery or party supply store so that they can prepare a surprise gift that reveals the sex of the child. At the ensuing party, if their cake or balloon or whatever they ordered is blue, they know that they are having a boy, if the inside is pink, they’re having a girl.

Cute right? But if you’re pregnant in China and have your heart set on creating an Insta-perfect gender reveal party moment of surprise for you and your spouse, you’re out of luck. Gender reveal parties just aren’t a thing in China for one main reason: your doctor will never write down the sex of your baby because it’s illegal.

This law dates back to 1979 when China established it’s one-child policy. Chinese families desperately wanted boys over girls, leading to sex-selective abortion which in turn, affected the human sex ratio – the relative number of males to females in a given age group. To try to mitigate the practice, hospitals in China forbade doctors from telling parents the sex of their bundle of joy. But you think it’s totally impossible, you should know that just because disclosing the sex of a baby is not allowed, it doesn’t mean curious parents haven’t been finding ways around it.

My Dad worked as a surgeon at Harbin’s Armed Forces Hospital back in the 80s before immigrating to the US, and told me about how Chinese couples would sneak in gifts to their doctor or use whatever guanxi* they could to help them find out. But what about today?

At my international hospital in Beijing, while my doctor still technically isn’t allowed to tell me the sex of my baby, it’s an open secret that we can ask in some sort of indirect way. The most common questions to ask are “Doc, do you think we should buy pants or dresses for our baby?” and “Doc, do you think we should paint our nursery blue or pink?”, and for the parents with a sense of humor who aren’t afraid to watch their doctor crack up during the ultrasound, even “Doc, does my baby come with a handle?”

While it’s still not possible to surprise yourself with a gender reveal party, you can still enjoy some of the fun by throwing a party for your family or close friends though not without a bit of trial and error!

I tried it, and here’s how it went for me:

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Third Time’s The Charm!

After finding out that we’ll be having a little girl, I decided to organize a little gender reveal for close friends and family anyway. Instead of us finding out with them, they’ll just be the ones who are surprised.

First Attempt:

I planned a dinner with my two closest female friends in which they’d pop a black balloon and pink confetti would fall out. Not only did the dinner get canceled because of a freak thunderstorm, but when we opened the balloon box the next day, the balloon maker had also completely missed the point, and put pink confetti in a see-through gold balloon and filled the bottom of the box with pink tissue paper. Not exactly the dramatic effect we’d been hoping for.

Second Attempt:

For my mother-in-law, I had originally planned on making a chocolate  ball filled with pink-colored candy. She’d crack the ball and, voila, discover that she’ll be welcoming a little granddaughter in October. It sounded nice and simple in my head, but when it came time to make the chocolate ball, I discovered just now difficult the task actually was. I burned my first batch of chocolate, and when I finally managed to get the melted chocolate into the mold I discovered that they were stuck. Not just a little stuck, where it would come loose if I banged it really hard on the countertop, but seriously stuck together with no way of separating the two. After this experience, I’m never criticizing flustered amateur chefs while watching any kind of competitive cooking show every again! In the kitchen, things don’t always turn out the way you plan.

Third and Final Attempt:

I contacted party supplies and planning company Twozi Balloons and had a proper gender reveal balloon made. My husband and I took my mother-in-law out for lunch and called my dad in California via WeChat for our final attempt at giving our family a memorable gender reveal. Thankfully, this time it went off without a hitch.

*Guanxi is a Chinese term used to describe the dynamic of personalized social networks of and relationships.

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Photos: Mina Yan, amazon.com, madeformums.com, Unsplash

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