The Three Most Important Things in a Relationship Are...

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Do you believe in true love? We do! Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and we’d like to share a few love stories from couples right here in Beijing. Forget the fairy tales of princesses being rescued from castles, here’s what love in the real world looks like.

We asked couples to share their stories and to give a piece of advice on how to keep relationships alive and thriving year after year.

Here at jingkids, one of our absolute favorite places to eat is Larry the Bird. It's been the place where we've had countless creative meetings, and it has become our unofficial tradition to bring any newbie on the team there to get to know them over the best roast chicken in Beijing. Why are we talking about food when this is a love story? Read on and you'll see...

Today, we're speaking to Ully and Shagi Defoe.

Q

Can you tell us a bit about you and your partner?

A

Ully & Shagi: Hey, we are the DEFOES! Both of us are islanders from opposite sides of the globe (Indonesia and Dominica, respectively) but we have lived and loved in Beijing for almost two decades, so technically we are also Beijingers! Ully is literally the best partner. Ully works at an international school and Shagi pushes creative and marketing for Larry the Bird.

Q

How did you meet and who made the first move?

A

Shagi: We worked together in the Entertainment Industry at Club LA, a discotheque long gone. Well, technically Ully worked for me, haha. Her very easygoing personality made her very popular. She’s a social butterfly. Everyone knew her at the company but me, I guess. And one night, if I am not mistaken, it was the night Kardinal Offishall performed, she decided to poke me and say, “Do you not know who I am?” And me being professional as I don’t play while working, I said, “Do I need to?” Haha!

Ully: But later that night he asked for my number and asked me to have ice cream the next day, so I guess he was interested too! Haha. Long story short, almost 14 years later we are married with our beautiful daughter, Marley.

Q

How did you know he/she was the one?

A

Ully: I feel like, for me, when my bf cheats and doesn’t try to apologize or make up for it, I would right away be done with him. But with Shagi, he went above and beyond to mend it so I gave him a real chance. And on top of it, I come from a big family. Him being able to handle my big, loud family and it [turning out] they loved him, that was a green light for me to move forward.
Shagi: Her spirit and generosity were an instant hit with me. She was someone I could def see myself kicking it [with] long-term.

Q

What do you love the most about your partner?

A

Ully: The fact that I always come first 😍.
Shagi: The fact that I always come first 😍.

Q

Is there something that you can’t stand about your partner? How do you handle it?

A

Ully: Shagi has always been or actually is still a very introverted person. He also likes to keep things to himself and thinks he can handle whatever bothers him himself. It took years for me to change that. I always ask him how his day went. And by doing it every day, it made him open up and now he tells me everything without me asking.

Shagi: My wife cares too much about everyone, so she puts everyone's issues ahead of herself. She cares [so] deeply that it is actually a gift and a curse.

What’s the most valuable piece of relationship advice all couples should know?

A

Shagi: It’s a job. ROI is based on the investment put in. Not to sound too strict but you gotta work at it. Can’t get neglectful.
Ully: Just three things.
Communication is key! Always talk to each other no matter how bad things are.
Even with busy schedules, it is very important that you spend quality time [together].
Lastly, it is your relationship. Don’t let anybody else influence your decisions.

Images: Shagi Defoe

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