Can You Let It Go? A Parenting Challenge

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A parenting book club that I occasionally frequent recently came up with a challenge for its members:

Can you find one thing to let go of that is a source of tension between you and your child?

To give you some context, every parent-child relationship is fraught with many challenges. From crying babies wriggling out of diapers to high-schoolers staying up too late on their devices – the struggle is real. But in reading the book How To Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims, I have been confronted with the fact that all my nagging will be for naught for my kid doesn't learn self-regulation and self-motivation.

In other words, it really doesn't matter if I make him eat vegetables during meal times as a family, because the moment he's off at school or somewhere on his own, he's not likely to continue the habit without me there. (In fact, another book I browsed at the library said it could be counter-productive to force the issue, but that's for another article.)

I know you're probably thinking, "Well at least I can make my kid do what's necessary while I'm around, so I absolutely have to exert control when possible." But let's face it, isn't it just exhausting and ultimately damaging to your relationship to keep nagging, getting upset and dealing with tantrums?

So the challenge was to let go – simply choose just one thing that you're constantly on edge about regarding your kid's behavior, and for just one week, let it go. You can sit down with your child and pick out a few things, then decide together on which thing you want to tackle first. 

Ground rules: You are not choosing to ignore misbehavior or neglect good behavior, you are simply choosing not to press the issue, nag and belabor the point.

For example, my child and I decided on that I would not nag him about doing his homework before video games. It doesn't mean he gets to play video games without doing the homework, but it's just not my responsibility to chase him about it. When he asks me about playing video games, I'll simply ask, "Have you finished your homework?" If he has, he can have his well-earned video game time.

We shortlisted a few other issues that other parents choose to tackle together with their kids, for some inspiration:

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Letting my child decide what to wear everyday

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Letting my child remember to charge his own smart watch

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Letting my child decide when and how long to practice piano

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Letting my child decide when to have a haircut

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Letting my child organize her own toys

So how about it? Are you up for the challenge of letting it go? Read my follow-up article after a week of this challenge to see how things went!

Images: Pexels, Vivienne Tseng-Rush

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