TED-什么是爱情？择一城终老，遇一人白首

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Stacey向来很着迷一对伴侣的邂逅过程。她邀请了摄影师Alec协助探讨这个议题，她们在情人节那天，一起到拉斯维加斯参加全球最盛大的快速约会，又到访内华达州最大的退休人士社区，她们解开了一个谜，就是一对伴侣怎样由初次邂逅到一起共同生活的历程。

演讲者：Alec·Soth & Stacey·Baker 

演讲题目：什么是爱情？择一城终老，遇一人白首！

https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=x03432jc0hg&width=500&height=375&auto=0

Alec Soth: So about 10 years ago, I got a call from a woman in Texas, Stacey Baker, and she'd seen some of my photographs in an art exhibition and was wondering if she could commission me to take a portrait of her parents. Now, at the time I hadn't met Stacey, and I thought this was some sort of wealthy oil tycoon and I'd struck it rich, but it was only later that I found out she'd actually taken out a loan to make this happen.

00:41

I took the picture of her parents, but I was actually more excited about photographing Stacey. The picture I made that day ended up becoming one of my best-known portraits. At the time I made this picture, Stacey was working as an attorney for the State of Texas. Not long after, she left her job to study photography in Maine, and while she was there, she ended up meeting the director of photography at the New York Times Magazine and was actually offered a job. Stacey Baker: In the years since, Alec and I have done a number of magazine projects together, and we've become friends.

01:18

A few months ago, I started talking to Alec about a fascination of mine. I've always been obsessed with how couples meet. I asked Alec how he and his wife Rachel met, and he told me the story of a high school football game where she was 16 and he was 15, and he asked her out. He liked her purple hair. She said yes, and that was it. I then asked Alec if he'd be interested in doing a photography project exploring this question.

01:49

AS: And I was interested in the question, but I was actually much more interested in Stacey's motivation for asking it, particularly since I'd never known Stacey to have a boyfriend. So as part of this project, I thought it'd be interesting if she tried to meet someone. So my idea was to have Stacey here go speed dating in Las Vegas on Valentine's Day. 

02:20

SB: We ended up at what was advertised as the world's largest speed dating event. I had 19 dates and each date lasted three minutes. Participants were given a list of ice- breaker questions to get the ball rolling, things like, "If you could be any kind of animal, what would you be?" That sort of thing.

02:40

My first date was Colin. He's from England, and he once married a woman he met after placing an ad for a Capricorn. Alec and I saw him at the end of the evening, and he said he'd kissed a woman in line at one of the concession stands.

02:56

Zack and Chris came to the date-a-thon together.

03:02

This is Carl. I asked Carl, "What's the first thing you notice about a woman?" He said, "Tits." (Laughter)

03:17

Matthew is attracted to women with muscular calves. We talked about running. He does triathlons, I run half-marathons. Alec actually liked his eyes and asked if I was attracted to him, but I wasn't, and I don't think he was attracted to me either.

03:33

Austin and Mike came together. Mike asked me a hypothetical question. He said, "You're in an elevator running late for a meeting. Someone makes a dash for the elevator. Do you hold it open for them?" And I said I would not. (Laughter)

03:55

Cliff said the first thing he notices about a woman is her teeth, and we complimented each other's teeth. Because he's an open mouth sleeper, he says he has to floss more to help prevent gum disease, and so I asked him how often he flosses, and he said, "Every other day." (Laughter) Now, as someone who flosses twice a day, I wasn't really sure that that was flossing more but I don't think I said that out loud.

04:24

Bill is an auditor, and we talked the entire three minutes about auditing. (Laughter)

04:34

The first thing Spencer notices about a woman is her complexion. He feels a lot of women wear too much makeup, and that they should only wear enough to accentuate the features that they have. I told him I didn't wear any makeup at all and he seemed to think that that was a good thing. Craig told me he didn't think I was willing to be vulnerable. He was also frustrated when I couldn't remember my most embarrassing moment. He thought I was lying, but I wasn't. I didn't think he liked me at all, but at the end of the night, he came back to me and he gave me a box of chocolates.

05:09

William was really difficult to talk to. I think he was drunk. (Laughter)

05:17

Actor Chris McKenna was the MC of the event. He used to be on "The Young and the Restless." I didn't actually go on a date with him. Alec said he saw several women give their phone numbers to him.

05:30

Needless to say, I didn't fall in love. I didn't feel a particular connection with any of the men that I went on dates with, and I didn't feel like they felt a particular connection with me either.

05:45

AS: Now, the most beautiful thing to me -- (Laughter) -- as a photographer is the quality of vulnerability. The physical exterior reveals a crack in which you can get a glimpse at a more fragile interior. At this date-a-thon event, I saw so many examples of that, but as I watched Stacey's dates and talked to her about them, I realized how different photographic love is from real love.

06:14

What is real love? How does it work? In order to work on this question and to figure out how someone goes from meeting on a date to having a life together, Stacey and I went to Sun City Summerlin, which is the largest retirement community in Las Vegas. Our contact there was George, who runs the community's photography club. He arranged for us to meet other couples in their makeshift photo studio. SB: After 45 years of marriage, Anastasia's husband died two years ago,

06:49

so we asked if she had an old wedding picture. She met her husband when she was a 15-year-old waitress at a small barbecue place in Michigan. He was 30. She'd lied about her age. He was the first person she'd dated.

07:05

Dean had been named photographer of the year in Las Vegas two years in a row, and this caught Alec's attention, as did the fact that he met his wife, Judy, at the same age when Alec met Rachel. Dean admitted that he likes to look at beautiful women, but he's never questioned his decision to marry Judy.

07:24

AS: George met Josephine at a parish dance. He was 18, she was 15. Like a lot of the couples we met, they weren't especially philosophical about their early choices. George said something that really stuck with me. He said, "When you get that feeling, you just go with it."

07:45

Bob and Trudy met on a blind date when she was still in high school. They said they weren't particularly attracted to each other when the first met. Nevertheless, they were married soon after.

07:56

SB: The story that stayed with me the most was that of George, the photography club president, and his wife, Mary. This was George and Mary's second marriage. They met at a country-western club in Louisville, Kentucky called the Sahara. He was there alone drinking and she was with friends. When they started dating, he owed the IRS 9,000 dollars in taxes, and she offered to help him get out of debt, so for the next year, he turned his paychecks over to Mary, and she got him out of debt. George was actually an alcoholic when they married, and Mary knew it. At some point in their marriage, he says he consumed 54 beers in one day. Another time, when he was drunk, he threatened to kill Mary and her two kids, but they escaped and a SWAT team was called to the house. Amazingly, Mary took him back, and eventually things got better. George has been involved in Alcoholics Anonymous and hasn't had a drink in 36 years.

09:01

At the end of the day, after we left Sun City, I told Alec that I didn't actually think that the stories of how these couples met were all that interesting. What was more interesting was how they managed to stay together.

09:16

AS: They all had this beautiful quality of endurance, but that was true of the singles, too. The world is hard, and the singles were out there trying to connect with other people, and the couples were holding onto each other after all these decades.

09:35

My favorite pictures on this trip were of Joe and Roseanne. Now, by the time we met Joe and Roseanne, we'd gotten in the habit of asking couples if they had an old wedding photograph. In their case, they simultaneously pulled out of their wallets the exact same photograph. What's more beautiful, I thought to myself, this image of a young couple who has just fallen in love or the idea of these two people holding onto this image for decades?Thank you.

00:12

Alec Soth: 大概十年前， 我收到德州一位女士的电话， 就是她，Stacey Baker。 她在一场艺术展上看过我的一些摄影作品， 然后想问是否可以请我为她的父母拍照。 当时，我还没有见到Stacey， 我本以为她会是 某位石油大亨，让我一夜暴富。 然而后来我很快发现， 她实际上是贷款来完成这个拍摄的。

00:41

我为她父母拍摄了照片， 但实际上我对拍摄Stacey更感兴趣。 当日我拍下的这张照片， 最后成为了我最出名的人像摄影作品之一。 我拍这张照片的时候， Stacey是德州的一位律师。 不久之后，她辞去工作， 去缅因州学习摄影。 在那期间， 她遇到了纽约时报杂志的一名摄影指导， 并得到了一份工作。 Stacey Baker: 那之后很多年里， Alec和我一起完成了很多杂志摄影项目。 而且我们成为了朋友。

01:18

几个月前， 我给Alec讲述了我非常着迷的一个领域。 我一直痴迷于研究夫妇是如何相遇的。 我问Alec是如何和他妻子Rachel相遇的， 他给我讲述了一个高中橄榄球赛的故事。 当时她16岁，他15岁， 他约她出去， 他喜欢她紫色的头发， 她同意了，就是这样而已。 然后我问Alec他是否感兴趣做一个摄影项目 来探索这个问题。

01:49

Alec Soth: 我对这个话题感兴趣， 但我更感兴趣的是 Stacey 询问的动机。 尤其是因为我从没听说 Stacey 有男朋友。 所以作为这个项目的一部分， 我想如果她可以开始约会应该很有意思。 所以我的想法是让 Stacey 参加速配约会， 去拉斯维加斯，在情人节当天。 

02:20

Stacey Baker: 我们最后参加了 被宣传为世界最大规模速配约会的活动。 我经历了19个约会， 每个三分钟。 参加者会得到一张清单， 写着各种用来打破沉默的问题 问题例如 “如果你可以成为一种动物， 你会选择什么？” 诸如此类。

02:40

我的第一个约会对象是Colin， 他来自英国， 他在张贴“想认识摩羯座的女孩”的广告后， 遇见了前妻。 Alec 和我在那晚结束时看到了他， 他说他亲吻了一位在小卖部排队的女士。

02:56

Zack 和 Chris 是一起来参加这场约会马拉松的。

03:02

这位是Carl。 我问Carl，“对一个女人，你首先关注的是什么？” 他说，“乳房。” （笑声）

03:17

Matthew 喜欢女人的小腿肌肉。 我们聊了跑步。 他参加三项全能，我参加半程马拉松。 Alec 很喜欢他的眼睛， 问我有没有被他吸引，我说：没有。 而且我想我也没有吸引到他。

03:33

Austin 和 Mark 是一起来参加的。 Mike 问我了一个假设性问题。 他说，“如果你在一架电梯里， 参加会议要迟到了， 这时候有个人想冲进电梯， 你会等他上来后再关门吗？” 我回答说不会。 （笑声）

03:55

Cliff 说他会先注意到女人的牙齿， 我们称赞了对方的牙齿。 因为他是那种张嘴睡觉的人， 他说他需要更频繁地使用牙线， 以预防牙周病。 所以我问他用牙线有多频繁， 然后他回答说，“两天一次。” （笑声） 作为一个一天用两次牙线的人， 我不是太确定这算是更频繁的使用， 但是我应该没有说出口。

04:24

Bill 是一位审计师。 然后我们三分钟全程都在讨论审计。

04:34

Spencer 首先注意到女人的会是她的面色。 他觉得很多女人妆化得太重了， 他觉得女人只应该适当强调特征部位就可以。 我告诉他，我一点妆也没化， 他看上去觉得这是件好事。 Craig 告诉我， 他觉得我是不愿意脆弱的人。 对于我不能回想起人生中最尴尬时刻， 他感到很受挫。 他觉得我在说谎，但我并没有。 我一点也没觉得他喜欢我， 但是那晚结束时， 他来找我了，还送给了我一盒巧克力。

05:09

和 William 很难交谈， 我觉得他喝多了。

05:17

演员 Chris McKenna 是活动的司仪， 他曾出演过“不安分的青春”。 我实际上并没有和他约会。 Alec 说他看到一些女性 把自己的电话号码给了 Chris。

05:30

毋庸置疑，我没有坠入爱河。 我没有对约会的任何一位男士有特别的感觉， 也没感到他们对我有特殊的感觉。

05:45

Alec Soth: 作为一位摄影师， 对我来说最美好的事情-- （笑声）就是脆弱的特质。 生理性质的外部展示出裂痕， 由此可以窥见一个更加脆弱的内心。 在这场约会马拉松上， 我看到了许许多多这样的例子， 但是我看着 Stacey 的约会对象， 对着她介绍自己， 我意识到照片下的爱 和真实中的爱是多么的不同。

06:14

什么是真实的爱？它如何作用？ 为了解决这个问题， 为了找寻人们是如何从约会到一起生活的答案， Stacey 和我去了太阳城， 它是拉斯维加斯最大的退休人群居住社区。 我们在那的联系人是George， 他经营社区的摄影俱乐部。 他在简易摄影工作室里， 为我们安排了与其他夫妇的见面。 Stacey Baker: 经过了45年的婚姻生活， Anastasia 的丈夫于两年前去世了。

06:49

所以我们问她能否提供以前的结婚照片。 她遇见他的丈夫的时候， 她是一位15岁的服务生， 在密歇根一家小烧烤店工作。 他当时30岁。 她谎报了年龄。 他是她约会的第一个人。

07:05

Dean 曾连续两年在拉斯维加斯 被称为年度摄影师。 这引起了 Alec 的关注。 事实上，Dean 遇见他妻子 Judy 时的年龄， 与 Alec 遇见 Rachel 时的年龄一样。 Dean 承认他喜欢看漂亮的的女人， 但是他从未对自己选择 Judy 产生过疑问。

07:24

Alec Soth: George 是在教区舞会上 遇到 Josephine 的。 当时他18岁，她15岁。 如同我们遇到的很多夫妇一样， 在一开始选择时，他们没有特别的理性。 George 说的话让我特别难以忘怀， 他说，“当你有感觉时，就跟着感觉走。”

07:45

Bob 和 Trudy 在一场初次约会中相遇， 当时她还在高中。 他们说他们在初次见面时，并没有特别互相吸引。 然而，他们之后很快结婚了。

07:56

Stacey Baker: 我印象最深的故事 是 George，摄影俱乐部会长， 和他的妻子，Mary。 这是 George 和 Mary 的第二次婚姻。 他们一个叫撒哈拉的西部俱乐部相遇， 俱乐部在肯塔基的路易斯维尔。 当时他独自在那喝酒， 而她和她的朋友们一起。 当他们开始约会时， 他欠国税局9000美金税款。 她提出要帮助他还上负债。 所以之后的一年， 他把自己的薪水上交给Mary， 然后她帮他走出了负债困境。 事实上，他们结婚时，George 是个酒鬼， 而 Mary 也知道此事。 在婚姻生活中的一段日子里， 他说自己可以一天喝下 54 瓶啤酒。 还有一次，他喝醉了， 曾威胁要杀了 Mary 和她的两个孩子。 她们逃走了，找了特警队来家里。 令人惊讶的是，Mary 把他从深渊里拉了上来， 最后，一切都变好了。 George 参加了匿名戒酒互助会， 而且他已经 36 年没有再喝酒了。

09:01

那天结束时， 我们离开了太阳城之后， 我对 Alec 说， 实际上，我没觉得这些夫妇的相遇 本身有多么有趣。 其实更加有趣的是， 他们如何一直生活在一起。

09:16

Alec Soth: 他们都拥有忍耐这种美好品质， 然而，单身人士也是如此。 俗世艰难， 单身者独自在那， 尝试与他人接触。 而夫妻在经历岁月后， 依旧紧握彼此。

09:35

这趟旅程中我最爱的照片， 是 Joe 和 Roseanne 的。 在我们遇到 Joe 和 Roseanne 时， 我们习惯于问夫妇俩有没有一张老结婚照。 对此，他们俩同时从钱包里 拿出了一模一样的照片。 我问我自己，哪一个更美呢？ 是这张年轻夫妻刚刚坠入爱河的照片？ 还是二人紧握这张照片度过如此多年？谢谢。

什么是爱情？

爱情就是经历漫长的岁月

依旧紧握彼此的双手

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