如果整天吵吵闹闹，你还愿意和我过吗？
年前，这篇《婚姻的见证物，不是戒指，而是「床」》发送后，室友曾经问过我，这题目是不是有点标题党？我坏笑着说，所以你也是想歪咯？
其实真不是制造噱头，Agnes和Michael，这两个年轻人，从新婚之夜的娇羞小夫妻，携手五十年，吵吵闹闹但也甜甜蜜蜜，这是音乐剧I DO! I DO!的主要故事线。民间一句「床头吵架床尾和」，形容Agnes和Michael的婚姻状态也挺贴切的，主人公家中的那张四柱床，也雷打不动地见证了二人婚姻生活的惊天动地和鸡毛蒜皮。
因为题材的普世性，音乐剧I DO! I DO!自1966年在百老汇首演之后，已经拥有了多个语言版本，自然也少不了中文版。
中文版本的歌词译配是由李然老师完成的（其他译配作品，音乐剧《梵高》），剧中的两个角色Agnes和Michael，由演员夏振凯、蒋奇明、崔秀丽、贺梦洁演绎。剧组开始进入了排练阶段，从昨天路透的排练照看，演员们正在围读剧本↓
△哟，这小伙子，可不是咱们的蒋老师嘛~/图源见水印
既然演员们还在认真排练，咱们先做一波功课。音乐剧I DO! I DO!的编剧和演出历程，在上次的文章（见文末）已经有比较详实的介绍了，既然是音乐剧嘛，歌曲也是少不了的一环。
音乐剧I DO! I DO!的19首歌曲，出自作曲家哈维•施密特（Harvey Schmidt）和词作者汤姆•琼斯（Tom Jones）之手。
这二位称得上是音乐剧创作的黄金搭档了，共同创作了十余部音乐剧，最著名的一部就是在外百老汇持续上演时间最长的音乐剧《异想天开》（The Fantasticks，1960）。
△I DO! I DO!的词曲创作者Harvey Schmidt、Tom Jones、
这部《异想天开》（The Fantasticks），你可能没有看过现场或者是演出视频，但里面有一首歌，你一定在一些影视作品中听过，就是这首Try to Remember，电影《玻璃之城》和电视剧《深情密码》都曾在剧情中穿插过这首歌。
↑经过美国民谣组合The Brothers Four翻唱的Try to Remember，甫一开嗓，质感干净，低沉的音色有款款深情，会让人挪不开脚，哪儿也不想去了，就听他们唱完。
Tom Jones的这首代表作，细数值得被记住的画面，是青草黄谷，白雪盖地。他在德克萨斯州立大学读书的时候，就已经显露出他的创作才华。难得的是，他还遇到了一个志同道合的朋友，也就是Harvey Schmidt。大学毕业后，二人就一起闯荡纽约百老汇，在美国的戏剧名人堂留下了自己的名字。
听音乐剧I DO! I DO!原声带，A Wellknown Fact这首歌，从男人的视角出发，人到四十的Michael就展现出了「男人四十一朵花」的小小自满↓
「It's a well-known fact that a man is more attractivethe older that he grows.He's like a late October rose; he's noticed everywherehe goes.」
容我粗暴地翻译一下，Michael说，大家都知道，一个男人越老就越有魅力，像是一朵开在十月下旬的玫瑰，走到哪儿都会有人注意。
你想啊，一个年过四十的男人自诩为「一朵开在十月下旬的玫瑰」，是有多戏精啊！歌词实在太妙，阿闹的收藏&整理癖又犯了，忍不住想把I DO! I DO!的歌单整理一波。不过遗憾的是网上没有完整的原声带链接，那就给大家整理好歌词吧！
诶，别因为全是英文就犯难了。音乐剧中的歌词，严格来讲是「剧诗」（lyric）,和音乐相互配合，承载着一定的叙事功能。所以呢，看看剧诗的内容，多少也可以获知人物形象的特点和戏剧情节的发展。
接下来你将收到一大堆英文的轰炸，一共19首英文歌，分为两幕，请查收。(歌词via.All Musicals,图源网络及视频截图）
Act I
（Agnes 简称A，Michael 简称M，both为合唱）
♥ All the Dearly Beloved.
M：All the dearly beloved have gathered at last.
A：Faces from the future and those from the past.
M：Distant cousins and uncles and aunts.
A：The boy who took me to my very first dance.
M：The girl I used to think was somewhat cute.
A：My mother's uncle Herbert from the institute.
Both：And they've all of them come with one thing in mind; just to see us say -"I do."
M：I do, I do, that's all I have to say. I do, I do, I say it every day. I did,I did, I did it just last night. I said it at the church rehearsal, and I gotit right. I do, I do. How easily it's said. I wonder what would happen if Isaid "I don't" instead!
A：This morning I woke up so early. In fact, I never slept. I got down the boxinside my closet where my very best things are kept. Then I fixed me a cup ofnice hot tea, and I locked my door inside. Then I looked at my high schoolphotographs, and cried (I do!) and cried (I do!) and cried (I do, I do!)!
♥ Together Forever.
M：A man and a woman are meant for each other, are meantfor each other as husband and wife.
From this moment forward, I promise to love thee;
I promise to love thee the rest of my life.
Both：Together forever, forever together.
For this is the promise you give.
ogether forever, forever together.
Through all of the sorrow - and happiness.
Together as long as you live.
A：To honor and cherish, forsaking all other.
Forsaking all others, I offer my heart.
For richer, for poorer, to love and to comfort, to love and to comfort tilldeath do us part.
Both：Together forever, forever together, for this is the promise you give.
Together forever, forever together, through all of the sorrow - and happiness,together as long as you live.
♥ Good Night.
A：Goodnight.
M：Goodnight.
A：I hope you sleep all right.
M：I hope so too.
A：Pleasant dreams.
M：The same to you.
( A：Michael? M：Yes, dear?)
A：I have never seen a man
M：A man?
A：Undressed
M：I see.
A：I'm afraid, I'm as innocent as I can be; I have never seen a single man, I mean, with clothes removed - and such -
M：Well... you haven't really missed very much.
A：Goodnight.
M：Goodnight
A：I hope you sleep all right.
M：I hope so too.
A：Pleasant dreams.
M：The same to you.
(A：Michael? M：Yes, dear?)
A：Have you ever seen a girl?
M：A girl?
A：Undressed?
M：I see.
A：Could it be - you're inexperienced the same as me? Have you ever seen a single girl; I mean, without a stitch of clothes?
M：Well... I must have seen one once, I suppose.
A：Goodnight!
M：He-Goodnight!
A：Goodnight!
M：Goodnight!
A：I hope you sleep all right!
M：I hope you sleep all right
A：I hope so too.
M：I hope you sleep well too.
A：Pleasant dreams.
M：The same to you.
A：Pleasant dreams.
M：The same to you.
♥ I Do! I Do!
A：There's a strange new world that you enter when yousay I do.
M：I do.
A：Such a strange new world that you barely can believe it's true.
M：It's true.
A：For your friends all shower you with shoes and rice!
M：Your head is spinning, and you feel so nice!
Both：Who think that marriage is a paradise? I do! I do!
A：In this strange new world that you enter when you say I do
M：I do - You can almost see that the future's gonna be a dream-
A：Come true-
Both：You can throw away your every care and doubt! For that what married lifeis all about! I do! I do! I do!
♥ I Love My Wife. （Michael 独唱）
I love my wife, what should I do?
I've been to see a specialist,
but when he was through -
he told me it's hopeless I'm stricken for life.
"My son," He said,
"Get back to bed, you happen to love your wife!"
Other men love famous stars; but not I.
The sort you worship from afar; and I try.
Other men love femme fatales, sveltely dressed.
But when I'm with those femme fatales, I get depressed.
Cause - I love my wife.
How will it end?
I love her as a lover, and not just as a friend.
I may be abnormal, with drama it's rife -
But nevertheless - I confess - I - love - my wife!
Dialogue
I love my wife. How will it end?
I love her as a lover and not just as a friend.
It may be abnormal, with drama it's rife.
But nevertheless I confess I love my wife.
I love my wife. I love my wife.
Doodle. oodle, oodle, oodle doo doo doo.
I adore my wife!
♥ Something Has Happened. （Agnes 独唱）
Something has happened.
Something new, as you can plainly see.
All at once there is someone else,
where once there was only me.
If I hold so still that my heart doesn't beat
He will sometimes kick me gently with his feet.
Oh - something has happened.
Something old.
But to me it is still so new.
For all at once, instead of one - I am two.
♥ My Cup Runneth Over.
A:Sometimes in the morning when shadows are deep,
I lie where beside you just watching you sleep.
And sometimes I whisper what I'm thinking of:
My cup runneth over with love!
M:Sometimes in the evening when you do not see,
I study the small things you do constantly.
I memorize moments that I'm fondest of.
My cup runneth over with love!
Both:In only a moment we both will be old.
We won't even notice the world turning cold.
And so, in this moment, with sunlight above.
My cup runneth over.
A:with love.
M:With love.
A:With love...with (she grasps bedpost as first pain hits her)
♥ Love Isn't Everything.
M:At one minute after two in the morning,
Six hours following my wife's confinement,
Early on the day of January 12th,
In room 22 of the new city hospital,
A brand new person suddenly was
Who never was to be.
He weighted six pounds and fourteen ounces.
And we name him after me!
A son! A son! A son!
A:Love isn't everything.
It cannot buy the pills,
Or pay the doctor bills.
Or warm the baby's formula when he starts crying!
Love isn't everything.
It won't provide a new supply of fresh dry diapers.
Love keeps you on the run, but when it's said and done -
Love is what make it sort of fun,
Sort of fun, sort of fun, sort of fun.
M:Bicycle, tricycle, roller skates, clothes!
A:That's how the money goes.
M:Cowboy, Indian, hobby horse, guns!
A:That's where the money runs.
(She is once again pregnant)
A:At two minutes after four in the morning,
Five hours following my next confinement,
Early on the day of April 17th
In room 22 of the new city hospital,
A brand new person suddenly was who never used to be,
She weighted five pounds and thirteen ounces,
And they say she looks like me!
A girl! A girl! A girl!
M:Love isn't everything.
It will not hire a nurse or fill an empty purse.
Love cannot pay for milk, or put the satin ruffles on her party dresses.
Love isn't everything.
It will not sign the check for her piano lessons.
Love kicks you once or twice.
But when you pay the price,
Love is what makes it sort of nice,
Sort of nice, Sort of nice, Sort of nice.
A:Baby doll, mama doll, safety pins, clothes!
M:That's how the money goes.
A:Middy-blouse, petticoat, Buster Brown shoes!
M:Gives you the money blues.
Both:Love keeps you on the go.
But when you're feelin' low -
A:Love is what keeps you hummin'
M:While all the bills keep comin' -
Both:Love is what make it sort of fun!
Sort of fun; sort of fun; sort of fun!
Love make it sort of fun!
♥ Nobody's Perfect.
A:Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect.
I am human, so are you.
M:Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect.
Here is what we ought to plan to do.
Let's make a list of irritating habits
That we think the other person has.
A:Then once we know our irritating habits we can correct then.
M:As for example:
Now please don't be offended,
But because these things exist,
I have taken the little liberty of fixing up a little list.
(M:Now, you're sure you don't mind?
A:Oh, I am absolutely sure.
M:Well, I think that's very bid of you.
A:Well, you see dear - It just so happens - that I have made up a littlelisting too .(she pulls out an enormous roll of paper).
A:A pair of socks does not represent
The end of the civilized world.
If you're out of socks, believe me when I say
That there's bound to be a more effective way
To get them washed than to stand in your drawers
In the middle of the kitchen screaming:
"Someone has stolen my socks!"
M:This is a piece of paper.
This is a column which, as you see,
I have placed on the piece of paper.
This is a list of receipts and bills -
What we might call household expense,
Which I have entered along this line,
Forming a business-like design,
Inside the column which I've prepared
Upon this piece of paper.
This is a total of all those bills;
It's represents a month's expense.
The whole outlay in checks and cash
That went for the rent and the cornbeef hash;
In short, the sum and net result of all the figures
Inside the column which I've prepared
Upon this piece of paper.
Now this, as you know -
Is a statement from the bank...!
It must be compared with the total result
Of all the figures inside the column
If we are to know, in terms of cost,
Just how much money we've made or lost;
How far, in fact, we've come or gone;
What I'm trying to say is, Honey;
You're overdrawn - ! Again!
A:You chew in your sleep!
M:Do what?
A:You chew! You go like this: (Gk gk gk gk)
M:I don't!
A:You do!
M:I've never done that one time in my life!
A:Darling, please - remember, I'm your wife.
You chew in your sleep!
You do it frequently! (Gk gk gk gk)
M:But that's absolutely awful.
A:I quite agree.
M:You are always late.
A:You are always early.
M:We're totally dressed
And ready to go.
I open the door.
But do we make it?
No!
It's... "Where are my gloves, my gloves, my gloves?"
And "where is my purse, my purse, my purse?"
"Where are my keys?" - "Where is my hat?"
"Where is my this?" - "Where is my that?"
If I protest, it only makes it worse -
Hat and gloves; keys and purse.
Pain in the neck - terrible curse!
And I would simply like to state
That if you ask me what I hate -
It's the terrible, horrible habit you have of always being late!
A:Oh, when I start to tell a story
An amusing anecdote I've read -
When I start to tell a funny, funny story,
I get flustered 'cause I know what lies ahead (It always happens!)
Yes, when I start to tell a story -
It makes no difference where we are -
When I get where the joke should be
You say it just ahead of me!
I mean to say - It drives me mad!
M:You give me Russian dressing which I happen to detest!
A:You grab the morning papers, and you take the part that's best!
He-Every night since we've been wed
You've worn cold cream into bed!
Every night beneath the sheet -
Must you look like trick or treat?
A:Well... Nobody's perfect!
Both:Nobody's perfect!
I am human; so are you!
Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect.
M:Now here is what we ought to plan to do;
You take my list and see if you can't do a little better!
A:You take mine and see if you can't notice an improvement!
Both:Cause nobody's perfect especially.
M:Not you!
A:Not you!
Both:NOT YOU!
♥ A WellKnown fact. （Michael 独唱）
It's a well-known fact that a man is more attractive theolder that he grows.
He's like a late October rose; he's noticed everywhere he goes.
It's the strangest thing but a man is more distinguished as time starts sliding by.
Although I really don't know why, I couldn't change it if I try.
Unfortunate... may be, but changeable it's not.
Men of forty go to town. Women go to pot.
It's a well known fact that a man is more attractive with each passing year.
He gets more and more attractive and the girls react. It's a well known fact!
When a man is under 21, he is not worth a damn.
He thinks that he's a tiger, but he's really just a lamb.
He growls. He roars. He wears his trousers tight.
But he's like that no-good hound of ours, all bark, no bite!
When a man is under 31, he's like domestic beer.
He has a certain body, but he doesn't have it here (points to head).
He wheels. He deals. He doesn't spare expense.
But he's like the national budget! All bills, no sense!
But when a man is 41, he's entering his prime.
He's delightfully witty, still he's wise, for his stood the test of time!
(dance)
Women go to...
It's a well known fact that a man is more attractive with each passing year.
He gets more and more attractive and the girls react.
It's a well-known fact!
♥ Flaming Agnes. （Agnes 独唱）
That pompous, pompous, pompous, pompous ass!! Now's thetime for that hat. The one I've been saving all these years. What's good forthe goose is good for the gander.
An eighty-five dollar hat!
What do you think of that!
Thirteen feathers of the pigeon family!
And a bird of paradise plume!
I hid this hat for four whole years
In this great big box at the foot of the bed -
Right here is this very same room!
But now, my spouse, it's out of the box,
And I'm gonna tell you what;
If I am going to go to pot -
This pot is gonna be HOT!
Say - who's that racy, middle-aged lady,
Peeking underneath her veil?
Why, don't you know?
That's Flaming Agnes. (Her husband up and left her)
Who's that pale, available matron,
Underneath the peacock's tail?
Why, can't you guess?
That's Flaming Agnes. (Emancipated lady!)
Used to find her sittin' in the kitchen.
Mousy housewife was her name.
But the day her husband up and left her -
Agnes started to flame!
Now they say that nothing can save her -
And they blame her husband for the blazing shame of Flaming Agnes! (vulgardance) Fresh!
Used to find her tendin' to the kiddies;
Up to here in Cream of Wheat!
But the day her husband up and left her,
That's the day that Agnes turned the heat one!
Now she flames from night till early mornin'!
While he slaves to raise the alimony
He must pay, to Flaming Agnes!
♥ The Honeymoon Is Over.
A:When your husband treats you like a piece of dirt -
When you find the purple lipstick on his shirt -
Then, my dear, it's clear the honeymoon is over,
And you'd better be on the alert!
M:When your wife decides that she should wear the pants -
When she gets your goat each time she gets the chance.
Then, my dear, it's clear the honeymoon is over,
And you'd better search for some romance!
Both:Time you saw your old, trusty lawyer.
As him whether you should find another nest to feather!
A:When you husband suddenly becomes the swell-
M:When you wife is bored by every joke you tell -
Both:Then, my dear, it's clear the honeymoon is over;
And you may as well; pack up, move out.
Tell him (her) Darling, fare thee well!
Time you saw your old, trusty lawyer.
As him whether you should find another nest to feather!
A:When your husband starts to play cherchez la femme -
M:When you wife is always ready to condemn -
Both:Then, my dear, it's clear the honeymoon is over -
And you may as well!
M:Play the scene out;
A:Make you exit;
M:Hit the climax;
A:Pull the curtain;
M:Pack up;
A:Move out;
Both:Tell him (her), Darling!
Together forever!
Looks more like it's never!
Fare- Thee- Well!
Go to hell!
Act II
♥ Where Are the Snows?
M:Where are the snows of yesteryear?
When did that double chin appear?
Our boy will be sixteen this year.
How did the time slip by?
A:Where are the snows of yesterday?
We used to be quite bright and gay.
M:Whoopee!
A:Now every night at home we stay.
How did the time slip by?
Both:Oh, what we were.
We were something to see!
Would you believe -
We used to be fancy and free.
M:Where are the snows of yesteryear?
When did my belt get out to here?
A:Our daughter bought her first brassiere.
Both:How did the time slip by?
Where are the snows?
Nobody knows.
How did the time slip by?
♥ When the Kids Get Married.
M:When the kids get married I'm gonna spend each day inbed!
Chocolates in my pocket - a pillow underhead!
I'm gonna read just what I please even finish "War and Peace"!
I wish they'd marry soon!
A:When the kids get married I'm gonna take a little trip
Go to native places on a great big ship.
I'm gonna see Tahiti too.
Learn to do the hootchy-koo!
I wish they'd marry soon!
A:Bessie Mae
Bessie Mae Sue Ella
Alo alo alo alo alei - e
Bessie Mae
Bessie Mae Sue Ella
Alo alo alo alo alei - e
M:(overlapping) Boom chick boom chick boom boom
boom chick boom chick boom chick chick.
Chick chick.
When the kids get married, I'm gonna guy a chicken far.
Palce a little nest-egg safely out of harm.
The when I've got some debts to pay -
I'll just make those chickens lay!
I wish they'd marry soon!
A:When the kids get married, I'm gonna teach myself to paint.
Nothing very fancy, something kind of quaint.
I'm gonna paint the way we live -
Call it early primitive.
I wish they'd marry soon.
M:When the kids get married, I'm gonna play the saxophone.
Practice till I master every golden tone.
Then when I've go my six in hand -
I may form a little band!
I wish they'd marry soon!
A:When the kids get married, I'm gonna try the violin.
Something nice and simple -
That's how I'll begin.
Then when I finish "Claire de Lune,"
I'll attack another tuen!
I wish they'd marry soon!
M:When the kids get married, we're gonna play for one and all.
A:Maybe give recitals at Philharmonic Hall.
Both:We're gonna be a double bill, the oldest team in vaudeville.
If they don't marry soon!
M:I'm gonna spend a year in bed!
A:I'm gonna dye my hair bright red!
M:I'm gonna learn to shoot some golf!
A:I'm gonna take my girdle off!
M:Play the sax
A:Claire de lune
Both:Take a second honeymoon.
Wish they'd marry soon!
♥ The Father of the Bride. （Michael 独唱）
My daughter is marrying an idiot!
How could she stoop so low?
My daughter is marrying a nincompoop.
She love him, but even so...
I thought I had taught her what to expect
For someone as fine as she;
A man with some fire, some brains and some tact!
Someone, in fact, like me!My daughter is marrying an idiot!
The stupidest of men.
And I wish she were just my own little girl again!
Marriage is a sacrament -
Which is just a way to say -
That a very private thing is done -
In a very public way.
You stand among your neighbors -
Like a lamb before the slaughter -
And watch some village idiot -
Take away your daughter.
The groom has got a family -
That sits around and gapes -
And bears a strange resemblance
To anthropoidal apes!
It's like some sort of nightmare,
And the thought that really kills
Not only must you suffer,
But you have to pay the bills!
My daughter is marrying an idiot.
The stupidest of men!
And I wish she were just my own little girl again!
♥ What Is a Woman? （Agnes 独唱）
This is very strange.
Everything is changing.
Suddenly a door
Can slam.
This is very strange.
Suddenly we're strangers.
And I start to wonder
Who I am.
What is a woman?
What is she made of?
Why is a woman afraid of
Not being in love?
What is a woman?
What does she long for?
Why is it wrong for a woman
To be all alone?
Young girls are April
With rainbows and changes.
One day they grow up
And April is over forever
To be a woman
Means being lonely.
That's why a woman is only
Alive when in love.
Young girls are April
With rainbows and changes.
One day they grow up
And April is over forever.
To be a woman
Means being lonely.
That's why a woman
Is only alive
When in love.
♥ Someone Needs Me.
A:Did someone suddenly decorate the sky?
M:Did someone suddenly hire a band to play?
A:I'm suddenly laughing - even while I cry -
I've simply got to celebrate this day.
All at once I'm lighter than air.
The nicest things are happening.
M:All at once I haven't a care.
Tonight I might try anything.
A:Moments ago I felt so alone -
Frightened and ready to run away
Then don't you see he reached out to me
And I'm declaring a holiday.
M:Everyday!
Both:All at once I feel so alive
As bright as I will ever be,
For you see - someone needs me!
A:For you see - someone needs - me!
For you see - someone need me!
♥ Roll Up the Ribbons.
M:Roll up the ribbons, fold up the papers
Stow all these things away!
This day is done, and another is on its way.
A:Pack up the present; look to the future.
One thing I know is true.
The best day of all is the day that is on its way.
Both:Waiting for you.
The best day of all is the day that is on its way.
A:Waiting for you.
M:Waiting for you.
Both:Waiting for you.
♥ This House. (歌词暂无)
音乐剧I DO! I DO! 19首英文歌的歌词都在这里了，我都开始好奇中文版本又会是怎样的妙语连珠了。
△图源见水印
百老汇音乐剧 IDO! IDO! 中文版
上海
时间：2018年4月6日-19日(周五-周日，周二-周四 19:30/ 14:00)
地点：兰心大戏院
票价：80-380
石家庄
时间：2018年5月4日-6日(周五-周日，周二-周四 19:30/ 14:00)
地点：石家庄大剧院-中剧场
票价：50-488
苏州
时间：2018年5月18日-20日(周五-周日 19:30/ 14:00)
地点：苏州昆剧院
票价：80-200
宜昌
时间：2018年5月24日-25日(周五-周日 19:30/ 14:00)
地点：宜昌剧院
票价：100-469
深圳
时间：2018年5月30日-6月1日(周三-周五 19:30/ 14:00)
地点：南山文体中心小剧场
票价：99-299
广州
时间：2018年6月7日-23日(周六-周日 19:30)
地点：正佳演艺剧院
票价：100-380
重庆
时间：2018年6月30日(周六 19:30)
地点：重庆文化宫大剧院
票价：100-380
北京
时间：2018年8月15日-19日(周三-周日 19:30/ 14:00)
地点：北京剧空间剧场
票价：180-280
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