面对未知，你可以做的是这3件事
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老桑说
看/沧/海/变/桑/田
何时何地，事物总在变化。
即便暂时没有，它很快也会出现。
就好像某日的白天突然变成了夜晚，
无论你是否喜欢它。
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「 朋友，你好，我是老桑。 」
我最近回到了我在康涅狄格州的家乡，拜访了我的姑姥姥安托瓦内特女士。我的外公是他八个兄弟姐妹中最年长的，而姑姥姥则是最年轻的。作为那一代人中少数仍在世的长者，88岁高龄的她总能给我们讲述数不尽的故事——此外，还能烹饪最好吃的意大利肉丸面。
尽管她是我们家族历史记忆的见证者，她仍然选择去活在当下。对于她而言，88岁仅仅是一个数字而已。无论是活在过去，还是对未来感到焦虑，这些都不是她所乐意的生活方式。实际上她并不总是主动提及过往，除非是像我一样好奇的听众，不断地询问她相关的经历时才会有所涉及。
在与她的交谈中，我的确问了一些家族过往的故事。外公在我还上中学时就去世了，所以我没有机会去从他口中直接得到一些关于家族早期生活的故事。但在许多方面上，他的过往亦是我的过往。所以姑姥姥安托瓦内特成为了唯一一个了解过去发生的事情的人。
外公（右一）
Aunt Antionette（左二）
就在我一边询问问题，一边注视着那些旧的家族照片时，我逐渐对一个问题有了更加清晰的思考：
Over time, everything has got to change.
时光荏苒，一切必将改变。
”我外曾祖母39岁就离开了人世，而我外曾祖父安东尼奥后来回到了意大利，并迎娶了第二任妻子，后来两人又一起回到了美国。他的第二任妻子生下了我的姑姥姥安托瓦内特。外曾祖母的不幸离世并不是生命的终点，而是一种转变。如今，我们还能与姑姥姥安托瓦内特一同相伴。
在我家族历史的过往中，发生了很多的转变。比如新生命的诞生、婚礼和葬礼，那些家庭依赖较强的孩子和独立的子女，再比如有些人的路越走越宽而有些则人生路途坎坷，甚至有人误入歧途。还有那些战争与和平的年代，龙卷风和大洪水造成的财产损失，以及在那些悲剧和眼泪中走过的转折瞬间，事故与疾病，欢笑与喜悦。
The only constant in this family history is change.
你会发现，在家族历史中唯一不变的就是“改变”本身。
当我询问这些故事时，她就会根据故事的发展，从欢笑中走出，历数那些或是惊悚的、让人起鸡皮疙瘩的或是令人潸然泪下的瞬间。而那些故事所引出的极致情感都以各种改变为中心：一位兄长在硫磺岛上的作战经历，一个家庭秘密被untimely（不合时宜的）揭露，亦或是一段令人不安的婚姻，激烈的争吵会导致长期矛盾的产生。
在中国文化中，我们常说“沧海桑田”：大海变成农田，农田变成大海。
在过去，家庭的财富很大程度上依赖于康涅狄格州沃特伯里市的经济发展状况。它曾经是世界黄铜之都，但如今正走向没落，关闭的工厂、落寞的建筑以及各种腐败问题带来的不安感，当然还有管理不善和懒惰等问题的存在。我知道必然有很多的改变将会出现，大概也是好坏参半的结果。
我想从姑姥姥那里了解一些关于家族的兴衰变革和地区生活的回忆，但她只是耸耸肩说道：“时光荏苒，一切都将成为过往。”后来我希望她能详细解释其中的奥义，但是她说她没必要这样做。现实的状况就是如此。
实际上我是想寻找一种更深刻的智慧，一种更广泛的真理。但她不经意间告诉我，那些基本的真理实际上是非常简单的：一切都将改变。延伸开来，尽管她没有直接说出其中的道理，她也承认： “Deal with it” （“应该直面变革”）。
多年过去，我也听了很多触动人心的演讲者讲述这种改变。虽然讲述的方法不尽相同但是都有一个主题：接受改变、适应改变、拥抱改变。有些人甚至说“在变革改变你之前就主动改变自己”，这似乎说起来非常容易。本质上看，转变带我们进入了不确定的处境，但通常来说，我们并不喜欢不确定性。
你现在正在面对转变吗？或许是一位新的家庭成员的出现，或是离去；也或许是自己健康状况的变化，得到新的工作或是被解雇。这些都可能不在你的掌控之中，好似是改变你世界观的新闻故事。当然也可能是一些小的波澜，比如失去了公寓的租约，工作中的同事将要退休，也或许是你的邻居正在搬家或是一个学校里的好朋友马上就要毕业离开。
何时何地，事物总在变化。即便暂时没有，它很快也会出现。所以，下面是我对于如何应对变化的思考——面对未知，你可以做的是这3件事:
在你做出任何决定或是对于情况进行判断时，首先思考一下你对这件事的反应。你可以对自己说：“这对我是一次改变，我对它感到非常不舒服因为这让事情变得不确定，而我不喜欢这种不确定性。同时我又不知道接下来会发生什么。” 诚实地面对自己，这将有助于缓解你对变化的内在紧张感。
给自己空间去思考变化是可行的。有些人把这种变化称为“记录你自己的天气报告”，这是通过查看某种变化是如何影响你的情绪和行动的。好像是mourn（哀悼）最近的时光从而使自己可以继续前进。
Keep the change in perspective
通常我们很容易夸大变化的影响。比如，如果你挂科了，或者丢掉了工作，你可能会想：“天啊，我的世界就要完了!”(其实不会)。如果一位朋友或亲戚离你而去，你可能会惊慌失措，心想:“没有这个人我活不下去!”（你依然能活下去）。当你看到一个悲伤的新闻故事时，你可能会紧握住双手说:“我完蛋了。”(实际并没有。)
对这些极端的反应抱以调侃的态度是可以接受的，但是也应该提醒自己还有另一种故事的结局。如果你说“天啊，我的世界马上就要完了”，其实你可以这样接续自己的论断：“或许这并不是结束。”尽管应该谨慎的考虑所有的可能性，对于如何理性地安放你的关注点同样是非常重要的。
Focus on the positive outcomes
当你给自己一些空间来反思你对变化的反应，然后把对变化的态度放在正确的位置，思考一些积极的结果。这样能带来什么好处呢?
比如，当我们谈论到当地经济时，她说:“事情在好转之前必须先变得更糟。”然而，尽管生活在一个萧条的地区，仍然有一些pinpoints（极小的亮点）。“皇宫剧院(Palace Theater)位于市中心,”她说,“它仍然是不错的。”在她看来，事情总有一天会变得更好，因为“随着时间的推移，一切都在改变。”
这让我想起来中国的一句名言：“过犹不及”。生活每时每刻都在运动中，就像一个钟摆，任何东西都无法在极端状态下生存——无论是好是坏的境遇——持续太长时间。
企业家喜欢讲述他们的失败是如何促成他们成功的故事。他们从不说这个过程很容易，但是这些经历把他们带到一个更高的水平。他们说，自己失去的金钱和时间就像在生活的大学里交学费，而获得的经验和智慧是无价的。
我们可以把这种mindset（心态）应用到生活的任何变化上，无论是个人的还是专业的，宏观的还是微观的，大的还是小的。如果你正处于困在选择的十字路口，那就应和你信任的朋友或家人谈谈，因为你可能会惊讶于别人是如何帮助你想出积极的解决方案的，而你自己甚至都不知道这些解决方案的存在。
在夏卡康的歌曲“Everything Changes”（一切都在变化）里他唱到：
Everything changes,
one day will turn to night,
whether you like it or not.
一切都在变化，
就好像某日的白天突然变成了夜晚，
无论你是否喜欢它。
许多人试图通过音乐、文字或其他艺术表达来理解变化。
我的朋友，当你encounter（遇到）改变的时候，让自己用心反思变化以及自身的反应，然后把变化放到一个更广阔的维度上来看，最后要想想积极的结果。通过这一心理过程减轻压力并促使你发现，正如我的姑姥姥所认为的那样，最好的事情还还没有来到。
谢谢收看《老桑说》。
给你启发，激励你上进，陪伴你坚持。
敬请期待下一集。
英文版
English
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Change:
3 tips to deal with the unknown
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「 Hello, my friend！
I'm John Smagula. 」
On my last trip to my home state of Connecticut, I visited with my great Aunt Antoinette. My grandfather was the oldest of eight children, and Aunt Antoinette was the youngest. As the remaining survivor of that generation, 88-year-old Aunt Antoinette regales us with endless stories and makes the best pasta with meatballs around.
Yet despite being a treasure trove of family history, Aunt Antoinette lives in the present. For her, 88 is just a number. She doesn't dwell on the past, nor does she fret about the future. In fact, she doesn't often bring up the past unless a curious listener, such as myself, repeatedly asks about it.
And ask about the past I do. My grandfather passed away when I was in middle school, so I never had the chance to hear much from him directly about the family’s earlier life. In many ways, his past is my past, and Aunt Antoinette is the only one who holds the spotlight on what life was like back then.
As I asked questions and looked at the old family photos, one theme became clear to me:
Over time, everything has got to change.
”For example, my biological great grandmother Antionetta died at 39. My great grandfather, Antonio, went back to Italy, found another wife, and returned with her to the United States. His second wife gave birth to my Aunt Antoinette. The unfortunate death of my great grandmother wasn’t the end, but a change. And today, we still have Aunt Antoinette to enjoy.
Over the years, in the family history, there have been changes. Births, weddings, and deaths. Family-oriented children and independent children. Those who walk the straight and narrow, and others who went off track. War and peace. Property damage from tornadoes and floods. Turning points from tragedy and tears, accidents and illnesses, laughter and joy.
The only constant in this family history is change.
As I pried these stories out, Aunt Antoinette went from laughter and clapping to goose bumps and tears, depending on the story. And the stories that brought out these extreme emotions centered on change: a brother’s departure to fight in Iwo Jima, the untimely revelation of a family secret, a troubled marriage where a hot-tempered fight caused a long-standing grudge.
In Chinese culture, we often say “the sea becomes farmland; and the farmland turns into the sea,” which means time brings great changes.
The family's fortune was often tied to the local economy of Waterbury, Connecticut. Once the brass capital of the world, Waterbury is now a city in decline, with shuttered industries, deteriorating buildings, and a general sense of malaise coming from corruption, mismanagement, and inertia. I'm sure more change is to come: some good, some not to good.
I asked Aunt Antoinette to reflect on the vicissitudes of family and regional life, and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Over time, everything has got to change.” I asked her to elaborate on that, but she said she didn’t need to. It is what it is.
I was looking for a greater wisdom, a larger truth. But Aunt Antoinette unwittingly reminded me that this fundamental truth is actually quite simple: everything has got to change. And by extension, although she didn’t say this directly, she was saying, “Deal with it.”
Over the years, I have heard many motivational speakers talk about change. It’s all variations on the same theme: accept change, adapt to change, embrace change. Some even say, “cause change before change changes you,” as if it were so simple. In essence, change brings us into a world of uncertainty, and in general, we don’t like uncertainty.
Are you dealing with change right now? It could be a new, or lost, family member; a change in your health situation; a new, or lost, job. It could be beyond your control, like a news story that changes your world. And it could be smaller, like losing the lease on your apartment. Maybe a colleague at work is stepping down, a neighbor moving, or a friend at school graduating.
Somewhere and somehow, something is changing. And if not, it will soon. So, here are my thoughts on dealing with change:
Before making any decisions or judging the situation, first reflect on how you are reacting to the matter. You can say to yourself, “This is a change for me. I’m uncomfortable with this change. It is making things uncertain, and I don’t like uncertainty. I don’t know what’s coming next.” Be honest with yourself, and this could help diffuse any internal tension you feel about the change.
It’s OK to give yourself the space to reflect on the change. Some call this “taking your own weather report” by checking in with how this change affects your emotions and actions. It’s like mourning the recent past so you can move on. This is a way of grounding yourself before taking any action.
It’s easy to exaggerate the effects of change. For example, if you fail a course or lose your job, you might think, “My world is going to end!” (It won’t.) If you lose a friend or relative, you may panic, thinking, “I can’t ever live without this person!” (You will.) When you see a distressing news story, you might wring your hands and say, “I’m doomed.” (You’re not.)
It’s fine to entertain these extreme reactions, but then remind yourself that there is another end of the spectrum. If you say, “My world is going to end!”, be sure to complete that sentence by saying, “and maybe it won’t!” While it’s prudent to consider all possibilities, it’s also important to be rational on where to place your focus.
After you give yourself some space to reflect on your reaction to the change and then place it in perspective, think about some positive outcomes. What good might come about from this situation?
For example, as we were talking about the local economy, Aunt Antoinette said, “Things have to get worse before they can get better.” Yet despite living in a depressed area, there are still pinpoints of light. “The Palace Theater downtown,” she said, “is still pretty good.” In her mind, things will get better at some point, indeed, because “Over time, everything has got to change.”
This reminded me of the Chinese concept of “going too far is as bad as not going far enough.” Life is in motion, and like a pendulum, nothing can survive at an extreme—either good or bad—for too long.
Entrepreneurs love to tell stories about how their failures gave rise to their successes. They never say the process was easy, but the result brought them to a higher level. The money and time they lost, they say, is like paying tuition in the school of life. The experience and wisdom they acquired are priceless.
We can apply this mindset to any change in life, personal or professional, macro or micro, big or small. If you are stuck at a crossroads, talk with a trusted friend or family member, as you might be surprised at how other people can help you think of positive solutions you may not know even exist.
In her song Everything Changes, Chaka Khan sings, “Everything changes, one day will turn to night, whether you like it or not.” Many people try to make sense out of change through musical, written, or other artistic expression.
My friend, when you encounter change, take heart by allowing yourself to reflect on the change—and your reaction to it, then place the change into a larger perspective, and finally, think of the positive outcomes. By going through this mental process, you’ll reduce the pressure and discover that, as my Aunt Antoinette would think, the best is yet to come.
{ 今日英文速记卡 }
1.Untimely \ ˌən-ˈtīm-lē \
a)含义：adv. 不合时宜的
b)例句：
i.And the stories that brought out these extreme emotions centered on change: a brother’s departure to fight in Iwo Jima, the untimely revelation of a family secret, a troubled marriage where a hot-tempered fight caused a long-standing grudge.
而那些故事所引出的极致情感都以各种改变为中心：一位兄长在硫磺岛上的作战经历，一个家庭秘密被不合时宜的揭露，亦或是一段令人不安的婚姻，激烈的争吵会导致长期矛盾的产生。
ii.Still, I am saddened by his untimely and shocking passing, which prompts me to write this post. 然而，对于他突然过早的离世，我仍然感到很难过，也因此写下了这个帖子。
c)近义词：inopportune, unanticipated, unseasonable
2.Mourn \ ˈmȯrn \
a)含义： v. 哀悼；忧伤
b)例句：
i.It’s like mourning the recent past so you can move on.
好像是哀悼最近的时光从而使自己可以继续前进。
ii.Acknowledge and mourn losses. Your child may be dealing with anguish over a divorce or the death of a parent.
接受现实并为失去的亲人哀悼你的孩子也许正沉浸于父母离婚或者失去至亲的悲痛之中。
c)近义词：grieve (for), lament, wail (for)
3.Pinpoint \ ˈpin-ˌpȯint \
a)含义：adj. 精确的 n. 极小之物
b)例句：
i.Yet despite living in a depressed area, there are still pinpoints of light.
尽管生活在一个萧条的地区，仍然有一些极小的亮点。
ii.They have to be able to pinpoint people in order to work, but satellite positioning does not work indoors.
因为这样的技术必须精确人的位置才可以工作，而目前卫星的定位系统还不能运行到室内。
c)近义词：distinguish, identify, single (out)
4.Mindset \ ˈmīn(d)-ˌset \
a)含义：n. 心态；倾向
b)例句：
i.We can apply this mindset to any change in life, personal or professional, macro or micro, big or small.
我们可以把这种心态应用到生活的任何变化上，无论是个人的还是专业的，宏观的还是微观的，大的还是小的。
ii.It gave me some insight into that mindset, that subculture, but I never want to see it again.
这部电影让我对那种心态，那种亚文化有了一些了解，但我再也不想看了，一次足矣。
c)近义词：attitude, frame of mind, mentality
5.Encounter \ en-ˈkau̇n-tər \
a)含义：v.遭遇；遇到
b)例句：
i.My friend, when you encounter change, take heart by allowing yourself to reflect on the change—and your reaction to it, then place the change into a larger perspective, and finally, think of the positive outcomes.
我的朋友，当你遇到改变的时候，让自己用心反思变化以及自身的反应，然后把变化放到一个更广阔的维度上来看，最后要想想积极的结果。
ii.You may encounter the same question when you retrace the progress of civilization.
当你追溯文明的进步时，你可能会遇到同样的问题。
c)近义词： bump into, come across, meet
Thank you for watching me to inspire, encourage, and accompany you.
See you next time.
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