心灵捕手：自我救赎之路
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老桑说
今天，我们来聊一部讲述“天才”的治愈好片
——《心灵捕手》。
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「 朋友，你好，我是老桑。 」
我们很多人都在玩推卸责任的游戏。当事情出错时，我们要么责备自己，要么责备他人。如果是我们的错，那么对自己的错误负责是很重要的。当别人错了，我们可以纠正他们或宽容相待，这取决于具体情况。
但有时我们会反过来：当我们有错的时候责备别人，或者当别人有错的时候责备自己。在第一种情况下，我们是在shirk（逃避）责任，让别人看起来很糟糕，试图保护自己或避免尴尬。但通常，当真相大白时，这个计划就会瓦解，我们就可能因此而被认为不值得信任或不可靠。
然而，在今天的文章中，我想讨论的是当我们为别人的过错而责怪自己的那些时候。或许一些过错在我们童年早期这种事情曾经发生过。但是渐渐的，我们逐渐开始责怪自己，认为自己“罪有应得”，或者认为自己由于曾经的错误而不该得到现在的爱与关怀。
《心灵捕手》
Good Will Hunting
《心灵捕手》（Good Will Hunting）是1997年的一部电影，它探讨的正是这个主题。这部获得奥斯卡金像奖的电影在《好莱坞报道》杂志的“100部最受欢迎电影”榜单中排名第53位。这部电影经久不衰的原因之一是它所揭示的自我谴责和自我厌恶的负担，让我们中的许多人产生了共鸣。
在这部电影中，马特·达蒙（Matt Damon）饰演威尔·亨特，他有着天才般的智商，但却仅仅在麻省理工学院做janitor（清洁工）。威尔记忆力很强，能轻而易举地解决复杂的数学问题。他也有一段困扰他的过去。他没有充分利用自己的天赋，而是和叛逆的朋友们一起出去玩，抽烟喝酒，还多次触犯法律。
因参加帮派斗殴被捕后，法官命令威尔与麻省理工学院的一名教授学习数学并接受治疗。他嘲笑最初的几个治疗师，直到他遇到了桑恩·马奎尔医生（罗宾·威廉姆斯(Robin Williams)饰)。马奎尔并没有试图让威尔看到自己的错误，而是运用了相反的心理和挑战威尔的防御机制，让他敞开心扉。
“有些人不相信自己，直到有人相信他们。”马奎尔的这句话体现了他对待他人的方式。
威尔的童年充满坎坷，经历了许多艰难困苦。他很小就被遗弃了，过着孤儿的生活。他的养父无缘无故地虐待他，让威尔在扳手、棍子和皮带之间做出选择。威尔后来和错误的人混在一起，卷入了许多斗争，最终为此入狱。
尽管威尔有朋友相伴，内心深处却仍是一个孤独的人。在成长过程中，他经历了太多的拒绝，以至于后来在人们离开他之前，他就选择与朋友隔离开来。例如，他在一个酒吧里遇到一个哈佛学生，这个学生疯狂地爱上了他，但他不让她走得太近，尽管她是真心爱他，他们最后还是分手了。
马奎尔明白，尽管威尔试图表现得坚强，但鉴于他痛苦的过去，他内心实际上非常脆弱。在一次治疗中，当威尔对他喃喃自语时，马奎尔告诉他，他是一个“自大又胆小的孩子”。他看到威尔保护自己的“面具”，就用一些经过深思熟虑的技巧让他明白过来。他的方法都是源于他想让威尔快乐幸福的无私的渴望 。
“这不是你的错。”
“This is not your fault.”
威尔多年的情绪turmoil（波动）使他陷入了自我厌恶。他为发生在他身上的每一件不幸之事而责备自己——尽管这不是他的过错。为了让威尔摆脱这种自责的心态，促使他分享自己的感受，马奎尔合上了威尔的医疗档案，只是简单地告诉他，“这不是你的错。”
威尔对他的话置之不理。但是马圭尔重复地说着：“这不是你的错。“他又重复了八遍，最后威尔崩溃了，哭了，拥抱了马奎尔。威尔终于意识到他的过去不是他的错。此番epiphany（顿悟）让威尔释放了内心深处被掩藏一生的情感。
养父的酗酒和对威尔的虐待在很大程度上是其不幸的根源，因为他没有承担好悉心抚养他的儿子的责任。他的养父非但没有爱和教养威尔，反而嘲笑和殴打他。随着时间的推移，威尔内化了这种拒绝，错误地认为这都是自己的错。经历过家庭虐待的孩子常因受虐而感到自责。
威尔对被利用很敏感。这位受法官委托教他数学的麻省理工学院教授想通过威尔来提高自己的名誉。威尔粗鲁的朋友们想利用他来增强自己的信心。然而，只有马奎尔才真心希望威尔能够为他自己感到高兴，欣赏他作为一个人的价值，并从中找到自我。
《心灵捕手》是一部发现自我的电影。尽管威尔有相当大的智力天赋和学习书本的能力，但他无法充分发挥自己的潜力，直到他将这些天赋与自己的情感治疗和对内在自我价值的欣赏结合起来。
文字游戏
A play on words
这部电影的名字是一个文字游戏，一语双关。首先，这意味着威尔·亨特是个“好”人。在内心深处，他是一个好人，也是家庭暴力的受害者。他后来的peccadilloes（过失）源于他早期经历的遗弃和虐待。尽管他的很多行为都是“坏”的，但在内心深处，他实则是一个从未受过良好教育的“好”孩子。
其次，这意味着威尔在追求善意。“善意”（good will）意味着有一种温和的兴趣、一种善意的感觉或认可。威尔早先被抛弃的经历使他在别人身上找到了这种“善意”。这种追求将他引领到了马奎尔那里，马奎尔的支持最终使威尔有了更高层次的自我发现。
最后，正是由于马奎尔无条件的关心和支持，使威尔愿意“原谅”自己，接受别人对他过去的指责，去追求自己的激情。威尔后来允许自己按照自己希望的方式来生活，并最终出发去加利福尼亚寻找爱情和冒险。
孩子对自己的行为不认为应该承担道德责任，直到他们达到“理性时代“的年龄时。虽然有不同的标准来确定这个年龄，但教规规定的理性年龄是7岁。按照这个标准，威尔当然不能为之前发生的任何事情责怪自己。即便如此，虐待也永远是不可接受的。
这不是你的错
It's not your fault
如果你在为他人的错误而自己承担责任，试着把自己当作威尔代入到与马奎尔的谈话中 。当马奎尔对你说“这不是你的错”时，你会怎样回应呢?停下来想一想。你可能会像威尔一样表面上同意。但当马奎尔看着你重复这句话时，他最终会和你心灵相通吗?
处理伤痛的第一步是停止责备自己。
你不必为你的情绪、你对情绪的反应、以及别人的拒绝而责备自己。你不需要为自己的失败而责备自己，相反，你应该把失败当作一种学习经验来继续前进。如果你只是不擅长某件事，那也没关系，只是打好你的牌，专注于你的强项。
正如我们从《心灵捕手》中学到的，不要为过去发生的事情责怪自己。你有权利选择现在如何生活。任何负面事件都属于它发生的那个时期，拖着它走对你没有好处。而且，你不能回到过去，你所能做的就是继续前进。
要做出这个选择，你必须原谅。原谅别人，不一定能改变他们，但能改变自己。当你原谅自己，尤其是那些不是你错的事情，你就解放了自己。正如威尔在接受这个真理时释放了他的潜力一样，你也可以。
我的朋友，《心灵捕手》这部电影有力地提醒我们，我们不能为别人强加于我们的错误承担责任，尤其是当我们还是小孩子的时候。当我们被虐待或欺负时，我们很自然地会感到自我厌恶，但随着我们的成长，我们可以原谅别人，接受自己。试一试，看看你的潜力有多大。这不是你的错。
本文部分图片来源网络。
谢谢收看《老桑说》。
给你启发，激励你上进，陪伴你坚持。
敬请期待下一集。
英文版
English
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Good Will Hunting: it's not your fault
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「 Hello, my friend！
I'm John Smagula. 」
Many of us play the blame game. When something goes wrong, we either blame ourselves or blame others. If it’s our fault, then it’s important to take ownership of our mistake. When someone else is wrong, we can correct them or be tolerant, depending on the circumstances.
However, sometimes we get it backwards: blaming others when we are at fault, or, blaming ourselves when others are at fault. In the first case, we shirk responsibility, making someone else look bad to try to protect ourselves or avoid shame. Often, this scheme unravels when the truth becomes known, and we gain a reputation of being untrustworthy or unreliable.
In today’s blog post, though, I’d like to discuss when we blame ourselves for something someone else did. Many of these wrongs may have happened in our early childhood. But over the years, we come to blame ourselves, saying we “deserved” it or were otherwise unworthy of the love and affection rightfully due to children.
Good Will Hunting
Good Will Hunting is a 1997 movie that explores this very theme. This Academy Award winning movie ranks #53 in The Hollywood Reporter's "100 Favorite Films" list. One of the reasons for the enduring popularity of this movie is because the burden of self-blame and self-loathing resonates with so many of us.
In this film, Matt Damon plays Will Hunting, who has a genius-level IQ but works as a janitor at MIT. Will has a photographic memory and can solve complicated math problems with little effort. He also has a troubled past that holds him back. Rather than make the most of his gifts, he hangs out with rebel friends, smokes and drinks, and has many brushes with the law.
After being arrested for joining a gang fight, a judge orders Will to study mathematics with a MIT professor and go for therapy. He mocks the first few therapists until he meets Dr. Sean Maguire (played by Robin Williams). Rather than try to get Will to see his wrongs, Maguire uses reverse psychology and challenges Will’s defense mechanisms, causing him to open up.
”Some people can never believe in themselves, until someone believes in them first.” This quote by Maguire embodies his approach to dealing with others.
Will had a troubled childhood and endured many hardships. He was abandoned at an early age and lived life as an orphan. His foster father abused him for no reason, making Will choose between a wrench, stick, and belt for that evening’s beatings. Will later hung out with the wrong crowd and got involved in many fights, for which he was ultimately jailed.
Will was also a loner deep inside, even though he had friends. He experienced so much rejection growing up that he later breaks up relationships before people can leave him. For example, he met a Harvard student at a bar who fell head over heels in love with him, but he wouldn’t let her get too close, and broke up despite her profession that she truly loves him.
Maguire understood that although Will tried to look strong, he is really scared inside given his painful past. In one session when Will was mouthing off to him, Maguire tells him that he is a “cocky scared kid.” He saw the mask Will was wearing and used some thoughtful techniques to get through to him. His methods were grounded in a selfless desire for Will to be happy.
“This is not your fault.”
Will’s years of emotional turmoil caused him to fall into self-loathing. He blamed himself for every wrong that happened to him—even though it was not his fault or mistake. In order to bring Will out of this self-blaming mindset and prompt him to share his feelings, Maguire closes Will’s medical file and simply tells him, "This is not your fault."
Will coolly casts aside this assertion. But Maguire repeats it. “It’s not your fault.” And he kept repeating it, eight more times, after which Will finally broke down, cried, and hugged Maguire. Will finally realized that his past is not his mistake. This epiphany caused Will to release a lifetime of emotions that were buried deep within.
Will’s alcoholic and abusive foster father was largely at fault, as he did not accept the responsibility of raising his son properly. Rather than love and nurture Will, his foster father scorned and beat him. Over time, Will internalized this rejection, wrongly believing it was all his fault. Children from abusive homes often blame themselves for their abuse.
Will was very sensitive to being exploited. The MIT professor entrusted by the judge to teach him math wants to use Will to benefit his own reputation. Will’s crude friends want to use him to boost their own confidence. It was Maguire, however, who wanted Will to be happy for who he was, to appreciate his worth as a human being, and to then find himself from there.
Good Will Hunting is a movie of self-discovery. Despite his considerable intellectual gifts and capacity for book learning, he was not able to fully reach his potential until he aligned these gifts with his own emotional healing and appreciation of his intrinsic self-worth.
A play on words
The movie title is a play on words and has two meanings. First, it means that Will Hunting is indeed “good.” Deep down, he is a good person, a victim of a horrible upbringing. His later peccadilloes stem from his earlier abandonment and abuse. Even though much of his behavior was “bad,” deep down he was really a “good” child who was never properly cultivated.
Second, it means that Will is hunting for good will. “Good will” means having a benevolent interest or a kindly feeling or approval. Will’s earlier abandonment caused him to search out this “good will” in others. This hunt brought him to Maguire, whose support ultimately brought Will to a higher level of self-discovery.
In the end, Maguire’s unconditional care and support caused Will to “forgive” himself, accept that others were to blame for his past, and to pursue his own passions. Will gave himself permission to live his own life, and in the end set off for California to find love and adventure.
A child is not deemed to be morally responsible for their actions until they reach the “age of reason.” Although there are different standards to determine this age, Canon Law defines the age of reason to be seven years old. Using this standard, Will certainly could not blame himself for anything that occurred earlier on. And even so, abuse is never acceptable.
It's not your fault
If you are carrying around the burden for a wrong someone else committed, substitute yourself for Will in that conversation with Maguire. How do you react when Maguire says to you, “It’s not your fault?” Take pause and think about it. You may be like Will and agree on the surface. But when Maguire looks at you and repeats it, will he finally get through to you?
The first step to dealing with the pain is to stop blaming yourself.
You need not blame yourself for your emotions, your reaction to your emotions, and another person’s rejection. You need not blame yourself for your failures, but rather, use them as a learning experience to move forward. If you’re simply not good at something, that’s OK too, and just play the hand you’re dealt and focus on your strengths.
And as we learned from Good Will Hunting, do not blame yourself for anything that happened in the past. You have the power to make the choice on how to live now. Any negative event belongs in the period when it occurred, and it does not benefit you to drag it along with you. And besides, you can’t return to the past. All you can do is move forward.
And to make this choice, you have to forgive. When you forgive others, you may not change them, but you’ll change yourself. When you forgive yourself, especially for the things that are not your fault, you set yourself free. Just as Will Hunting let loose his potential when he accepted this truth, so you can you.
My friend, Good Will Hunting is a powerful reminder that we must not take the blame for the wrongs others have inflicted upon us, especially from when we were young children. It is natural to feel self-loathing when we were abused or bullied, but as we grow, we can forgive others and accept ourselves. Give it a try and see your potential soar. It’s not your fault.
{ 今日英文速记卡 }
1.Shirk \ ˈshərk \
a)含义：v. 逃避；推卸
b)例句：
i.In the first case, we shirk responsibility, making someone else look bad to try to protect ourselves or avoid shame.
在第一种情况下，我们逃避责任，让别人看起来很糟糕，试图保护自己或避免尴尬。
ii.Unless the person being psychologically profiled wants to shirk criminal responsibility or can see themselves as a danger to themselves or others, it makes sense to want to establish "normality".
除非接受心理测试者试图逃避刑事责任，或是设想自己于己于人会构成危险，否则证实自己“常态”的想法还是情有可原的。
c)近义词：avoid, escape, shun
2.Janitor \ ˈja-nə-tər \
a)含义： n. 清洁工
b)例句：
i.In this film, Matt Damon plays Will Hunting, who has a genius-level IQ but works as a janitor at MIT.
在这部电影中，马特·达蒙饰演威尔·亨特，他有着天才般的智商，但在麻省理工学院当清洁工。
ii."As to that," said the janitor, "I am sorry to hurt your feelings, but what you're saying is news to me.
“如果真是这样的话”看门人回答道，“我很抱歉伤害了你的感情，但你所说的对我而言确实是个新闻。
c)近义词： caretaker, custodian, keeper
3.Turmoil \ ˈtər-ˌmȯi(-ə)l \
a)含义：n. 混乱；骚动
b)例句：
i.Will’s years of emotional turmoil caused him to fall into self-loathing.
威尔多年的情绪波动使他陷入了自我厌恶。
ii.Yet turmoil in journalism threatens our ability oversee the people who act on our behalf.
然而新闻的混乱会危及我们监督那些代表大众行动的人的能力。
c)近义词： disquiet, ferment, unrest
4.Epiphany \ i-ˈpi-fə-nē \
a)含义：n. 顿悟
b)例句：
i.This epiphany caused Will to release a lifetime of emotions that were buried deep within.
此番顿悟让威尔释放了内心深处被掩藏一生的情感。
ii.This change might manifest itself as an epiphany at some point during the project, or it might seep in as a gradual change.
这种更改可能在项目开发的过程中的某个时候突然出现，也有可能成为一点一点渐进的改变。
c)近义词： enlightenment, revelation, understanding
5.Peccadillo \ ˌpe-kə-ˈdi-(ˌ)lō \
a)含义：n. 轻罪；小过失
b)例句：
i.His later peccadilloes stem from his earlier abandonment and abuse.
他后来的过失源于他早期的遗弃和虐待。
ii.In actual operation, there are so many factors which could influence the reliability of high-strength bolts that one peccadillo could endanger the safety of wind turbines.
实际应用过程中，由于影响高强度螺栓联接可靠性的因素较多，稍有不慎就可能危及风力机运行的安全。
c)近义词： fault, foible, misdemeanor
Thank you for watching me to inspire, encourage, and accompany you.
See you next time.
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