《飞越疯人院》：怎样打败操纵者？
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老桑说
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「 朋友，你好，我是老桑。」
你有被人操纵过的经历吗?那种感觉就像是被别人牵着走的木偶。操控者知道什么能让你生气，什么可以让你做到他们想做的事。他们能在每处时机上都巧妙地激怒你，等到你最后发脾气时，他们会chide（责备）你做错了。即使你是被陷害的一方，也会感觉非常糟糕。
操纵者可能很难被发现，因为他们会缓慢而轻柔地在你的周围编织成一张网，让它一点一点的发挥作用。一般来说，操纵者本身并没有多大的力量，所以他们依靠阴险的策略来压制你，削弱你的力量，或者让你按照他们的方式行事。这些人可能非常狡猾。但也有办法在这场游戏中打败他们。
《飞越疯人院》肯·克西创作于1962年的一部小说。故事发生在一家精神病院，那里一切都处于控制之中，一切都按计划进行。护士长拉奇德(Nurse Ratched)曾是一名军医，她以独裁的手段统治着这个混乱的病房。她对18名男性病人的算计和malicious（恶意）控制让他们情绪低落。
俄勒冈州立精神病院
这部小说于1975年正式登上大银幕。有些人认为它是有史以来最伟大的电影之一，当年包揽了所有的五项奥斯卡大奖(最佳影片奖、最佳男主角奖、最佳女主角奖、最佳导演奖和最佳编剧奖)，而直到1991年电影《沉默的羔羊》获奖时才重现了这份辉煌。
多年来，病房里的男人们服从拉奇德护士的控制，机械地服从着她的规定。接着，兰德尔·麦克墨菲(Randle McMurphy)来到了病房，想要立刻去挑战拉奇德的权威。他在护士长构建的秩序中带来了混乱，而小说则将我们带入了二人之间harrowing（令人揪心的）斗智斗勇之中。
护士长拉奇德在她完全掌控的环境中发展的很顺利。她很了解病人，知道该说些什么来让他们开心，也清楚他们看重什么。另一方面，她了解是什么让他们心烦意乱，以及该说些什么让他们陷入不安。她熟练地运用着自己的能力。换句话说，拉奇德护士是一个典型的操纵者。
麦克墨菲
麦克墨菲没有选择在护士长的游戏中去击败她，而是去挑战她的游戏。他要求她改变规则，召集其他人团结起来抗议，甚至诉诸暴力。但是护士使用了分而治之的策略，让这些人怀疑麦克墨菲的动机，这更加有效地压制了麦克墨菲rebellious（反叛的）勇气和暴力。
操纵者善于把自己描绘成一个心地单纯、真诚的人。例如，护士长拉奇德似乎是把病人的最大利益放在心上，在治疗过程期间管理好病房是必要的。其中一位病人还称她为“仁慈天使”，尽管他感觉到她的独裁风格有些不对劲。
护士长拉奇德
随着故事的发展，护士长拉奇德就像许多操纵者一样向我们展示了她真实的一面。她痛斥蔑视她的病人，导致他自杀。她还命令麦克墨菲接受会使他成为植物人的额叶切除术，从他的痛苦中获得极大的快乐。作为掌控者，她不顾一切地保持对于病人们的控制。
麦克墨菲玩得并不聪明，因为他没有和她打心理战。虽然他的一些伎俩使她感到不安，但她知道不断地对他发脾气就会使他垮下来。在身体上，麦克墨菲虽然输了，但他的榜样力量给了其他人勇气，让他们勇敢地面对拉奇德，他们中的许多人都做到了。最后，护士长拉奇德完全失去了控制。
操控者使用不同的策略来压制和控制对方。以下是他们经常使用的四种常见策略：
“扮演受害者”是一种为了操纵他人和解决自身不足而制造的受害者心理。这种人总是说:“你不关心我，也不想帮助我。我做了这么多，我不明白我做错了什么得罪你。”操控者希望被视为受害者，寻求同情以获得控制权和权力。
实际上，操纵者经常逃避自己的责任。由于他们不是团队的成员，于是采用分而治之的策略来维护自己的利益。他们没有去建立团队，没有改善自己的工作表现，也没有解决自己的愤怒和恐惧，而是声称其他人都有错，拒绝承担任何个人责任。
当麦克墨菲走进病房时，他和其他病人成了朋友。当一名初级护士评论说“他肯定会采取控制”时，拉奇德护士说，他“就是我们所说的‘操纵者’……一个为了自己的目的利用所有人和事的人。”她把自己的操纵行为投射到麦克墨菲身上，把注意力从自己的行为上转移开。
“专家”会主张认为他们能比你做得更好，因为这些人想要得到的是比别人获得更高的地位。他们坚持认为你需要他们，夸大了自己对你的生活和工作的重要性，以此来达到控制的目的。较高的社会地位和支配地位对他们的自尊至关重要。专家们会让你害怕结束这段关系，暗示没有他们你会更糟。
麦克墨菲知道拉奇德护士不会容忍任何对她权威的挑战。他说，她就像那些“试图让你软弱的人，这样就能让你服从组织，遵守他们的规则，过操纵者想让你过的生活”。任何时候，只要病人坚持自己的观点，护士就会让他让步，坚持说她是专家，知道什么对患者的治疗最好。
这些操纵者利用夸张、半真半假和谎言来获得权力和控制。通过散布谣言，他们玷污了受害者的名誉。那些人会说出一部分事实，但会歪曲事实。他们还可能故意曲解受害者的话，以得到他们想要的东西。面对挑战，操纵者会积极捍卫自己的立场。
病房的精神科医生斯皮维被拉奇德护士选中，因为他是一个软弱而顺从的人。有一天，她评论说，他似乎在大量购买德米罗，这是一种非常容易上瘾的合成阿片类药物。她没有指控他，只是影射他是个吸毒者。这使医生处于劣势状态。
她抓住了事实的核心(他开了更多的德米罗)，并进一步暗示 医生是个瘾君子。其中一位病人打趣道:“你听过她……曾经指控过我什么吗?但我似乎被被指控了很多事情……”操控者是善于含沙射影的大师。
恐吓者利用欺凌来得到他们想要的。他们非常苛刻，坚持要你照他们说的去做。同时试图消灭那些不服从管理的人。尽管他们也有inadequacies（不足）之处，但仍会有一种优越感，并迫使别人适应他们的愿望。
操控者往往缺乏自我意识，认为自己有权为所欲为。如果你看穿了他们的虚张声势，他们可能会有理由感到惊讶。一旦cornered（走投无路），他们就会发出威胁。例如，护士长拉奇德经常威胁说，如果病人违反规定，造成混乱，就会使用药物和电击疗法。
首先，保持坚定和控制自己。当麦克默菲和他的病人同伴切斯威克(Cheswick)谈论如何打败护士拉奇德时，切斯威克给了他一些很好的建议:“只要你控制住自己，只要你不乱发脾气，你就会很安全。”操纵者想从你身上得到某种反应，但当你冷静下来，控制住局面时，他们就会感到不安。
切斯威克
其次，要了解操控者的策略。病人布罗姆登(Bromden)甚至建议去了解这些策略中的幽默性，他说:“只有看到事情有趣的一面，你才能真正强大。”以及“你必须笑对那些伤害自己的事物才能让自我保持平衡的心态。”当你明白他们在做什么，特别是当你觉得很有趣的时候，操控者是不会高兴的！
布罗姆登
我的朋友，和操控者打交道会让人心力交瘁。他们的行为往往表明他们自己内心深处尚未解决的愤怒、恐惧和羞耻。了解他们的战术是成功的一半。然后，保持坚定，保持冷静，在这种情况下找到幽默。就像棉花糖一样，一旦你深入到操纵一方的内心，你会发现里面并没有什么。
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One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:
how to defeat a manipulator
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「 Hello, my friend！
I'm John Smagula. 」
Have you ever been manipulated? It feels like being a puppet on someone else’s string. Manipulators know what makes you angry and what causes you to do what they want. They subtly provoke you at every turn, and when you finally lose your temper, they chide you for being wrong. You feel bad, even though you have been set up.
Manipulators can be hard to spot, as they slowly and softly weave a web around you, working on you little by little. In general, manipulators do not have much power of their own, so they rely on insidious tactics to repress you, diminish your power, or otherwise get you to do things their way. They can be very cunning. But there are ways to beat them at their own game.
Making a big man small
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is the 1962 novel by Ken Kesey. The story takes place in a mental hospital where everything is controlled and on a schedule. Nurse Ratched, a former military nurse, dominates the disturbed ward with her authoritarian rule. Her calculating and malicious control over the 18 male patients keeps them in a low emotional state.
Oregon State Hospital
The movie version was released in 1975. Considered by some to be one of the greatest films ever made, it won all five major Academy Awards (Best Picture, Actor in Lead Role, Actress in Lead Rome, Director, and Screenplay), an accomplishment not repeated until 1991 with Silence of the Lambs.
Over the years, the men in the ward submit to Nurse Ratched’s control, blindly following her rules. Then, Randle McMurphy, a free-spirited gambler who loves pushing limits, checks into the ward and immediately challenges Nurse Ratched’s authority. He introduces chaos into the nurse’s order, and the novel draws us into the harrowing game of wits between the two.
Nurse Ratched thrives in an environment where she has complete control. She knows the patients well. She knows what to say to make them happy, and she knows what they value. On the flip side, she also knows what upsets them and what to say to get them into a state of unrest. She uses her powers expertly. In other words, Nurse Ratched is a classic manipulator.
Randle McMurphy
Rather than beat the nurse at her own game, McMurphy challenged her. He demanded that she change rules, rallied the others to unite and protest, and even resorted to physical violence. But the nurse used a divide-and-conquer strategy and caused the men to suspect McMurphy’s motives, which was more effective than McMurphy’s rebellious courage and brute force.
Manipulators are good at portraying themselves as pure-hearted and sincere. For example, it seems Nurse Ratched has the patients’ best interests in mind, keeping control of the ward as necessary for their therapy. One of the patients refers to her as an “angel of mercy,” even though he senses there is something awry about her dictatorial style.
Nurse Ratched
As the story progresses, Nurse Ratched shows us her true colors, as many manipulators do. She berates a patient who defies her, causing him to commit suicide. She also orders McMurphy to receive a lobotomy that renders him a vegetable, taking great pleasure in his suffering. As a puppeteer, she stops at nothing to maintain her control.
McMurphy didn’t play smart, as he didn’t match her mind games. Although some of his antics managed to unsettle her, she just kept whittling away at him, knowing that she’d break him down. On a physical level McMurphy loses, but his example gave other men courage to stand up to her, which many of them did. In the end, Nurse Ratched lost her complete control.
Manipulators use different tactics to repress and control. Here are four common tactics:
Victim playing is the fabrication of victimhood to manipulate others and cope with one’s own inadequacies. This person will always say, “You don’t care about me and don’t want to help me. I have done so much, and I don’t understand what I did wrong to offend you.” The manipulator wants to be perceived as a victim, seeking sympathy to gain control and power.
In reality, manipulators often shirk their own responsibilities. As they are not team players, they use a divide-and-conquer strategy to assert themselves. Rather than build the team, improve their own work performance, and address their own anger and fears, they instead claim that everyone else is at fault and relinquish any personal accountability.
When McMurphy entered the ward, he befriended the other patients. When a junior nurse commented how “he certainly takes over,” Nurse Ratched said he “is what we call a ‘manipulator’…a man who will use everyone and everything to his own ends.” She projected her own manipulative behavior onto McMurphy, deflecting attention from her own actions.
The “expert” will claim they can do anything better than you, as they want to gain the higher ground over others. They assert control by insisting that you need them, exaggerating their importance to your life and work. High social status and dominance is crucial to their ego. They make you afraid of ending the relationship, insinuating that you will be worse off without them.
McMurphy knew that Nurse Ratched would not tolerate any challenge to her authority. He said she’s like people “who try to make you weak so they can get you to toe the line, to follow their rules, to live like they want you to.” Any time a patient asserted himself, the nurse would get him to back down, insisting that she is the expert who knows what’s best for their therapy.
These manipulators use exaggerations, half-truths, and lies to gain power and control. By spreading rumors, they tarnish their victim’s reputation. They will tell a part of the truth, but slant the truth around it. They may also purposefully misinterpret what their victim says to get what they want. When confronted, they will vigorously defend their position.
The ward’s psychiatrist, Doctor Spivey, was selected by Nurse Ratched because he is a weak and submissive man. One day she commented that he seemed to be making a great number of requisitions for Demerol, a highly addictive synthetic opiate. She did not accuse him, but simply insinuated he was a drug user. This put the doctor on the defensive.
She took a kernel of truth (that he was prescribing more Demerol) and expanded it to insinuate that the doctor was an addict. One of the patients quipped, “Did you ever hear her…ever once accuse me of anything? Yet is seems I have been accused of a multitude of things...” Manipulators are masters at the power of insinuation.
The intimidator will use bullying to get what they want. They are very demanding and insistent that you do what they say. They will try to destroy those who do not submit to their control. Despite their inadequacies, they feel superior and force others to accommodate their desires.
Manipulators often lack self-awareness, thinking that they feel it’s their right to always get their way. They may be legitimately be surprised if you see through their bravado. When cornered, they will make threats. For example, Nurse Ratched often threatened to use medication and electroshock therapy for patients who broke rules and caused disruptions.
First, stay firm and in control of yourself. When McMurphy spoke with fellow patient Cheswick about how to defeat Nurse Ratched, Cheswick gave him some good advice, “You’re safe as long as you keep control. As long as you don’t lose your temper…” Manipulators want to get a reaction out of you, but when you are calm and stay in control, it can unsettle them.
Cheswick
Second, be aware of the manipulator’s tactics. Patient Bromden even advised seeing the humor in these tactics, saying “you can’t really be strong until you can see a funny side to things” and “you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance.” A manipulator will not be happy when you understand what they are doing, especially if you find it amusing!
Bromden
My friend, dealing with a manipulator can be emotionally draining. Their behavior often signals their own unresolved deep-set anger, fear, and shame. Being aware of their tactics is half the battle. Then, stay firm, keep your cool, and find the humor in the situation. Like cotton candy, once you get down to the substance of the manipulator, you’ll see there’s not much there.
{ 今日英文速记卡 }
1.Chide \ ˈchīd \
a)含义：v. 责骂；斥责
b)例句：
i.They subtly provoke you at every turn, and when you finally lose your temper, they chide you for being wrong.
他们能在每处时机上都巧妙地激怒你，等到你最后发脾气时，他们会责备你做错了。
ii.Our intent here is not to chide our young further. They're simply products of their socialization.
我无意进一步责备我们的年轻人，他们只是我们特定环境下的产物。
c)近义词： admonish, rebuke, reproach
2.Malicious \ mə-ˈli-shəs \
a)含义：adj. 恶意的；恶毒的
b)例句：
i.Her calculating and malicious control over the 18 male patients keeps them in a low emotional state.
她对18名男性病人的算计和恶意控制让他们情绪低落。
ii.In particular this means that this file is not malicious but a false alarm.
尤其是这意味着该文件是不是恶意的，但是虚惊一场。
c)近义词：malevolent, malignant, vicious
3.Rebellious \ ri-ˈbel-yəs \
a)含义：adj. 反抗的；造反的
b)例句：
i.But the nurse used a divide-and-conquer strategy and caused the men to suspect McMurphy’s motives, which was more effective than McMurphy’s rebellious courage and brute force.
但是护士使用了分而治之的策略，让这些人怀疑麦克墨菲的动机，这比麦克墨菲反叛的勇气和暴力更有效。
ii.I was rebellious on the outside, but on the inside, I wanted people to like me.
表面上我是叛逆的，而我的内心却时刻希望人们可以喜欢我。
c)近义词：insurgent, insurrectionary, mutinous
4.Inadequacy \ i-ˈna-di-kwə-sē \
a)含义：n. 不足
b)例句：
i.Despite their inadequacies, they feel superior and force others to accommodate their desires.
尽管他们也有不足之处，但仍会有一种优越感，并迫使别人适应他们的愿望。
ii.I can accept your shortcomings and inadequacies.
我可以接受你的缺点和不足。
c)近义词： deficiency, insufficiency, lack
5.Corner \ ˈkȯr-nər \
a)含义：adj. 有角的；走投无路的
b)例句：
i.When cornered, they will make threats.
一旦走投无路，他们就会发出威胁。
ii.He was cornered. There was so much pressure, he lost all hope of living.
那时，他已经走投无路了，有很大的压力，没有活下去的希望了。
c)近义词：bind, jam, trap
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