【例文解析+名师范文】你必须知道的托福大作文三大误区

环球名师：Kei Lee

本科英语专业，英语专业8级，本科毕业后曾到泰国志愿教授中英文。2014年获得美国密歇根州立大学高等教育管理学硕士学位。拥有6年以上资深教学经验，曾在国内知名培训机构担任托福、雅思、SAT讲师。以独特的亲和力、耐心以及纯正的英文发音获得学生的喜爱。多年在北美的教育工作经历，使她更善于帮助留学生找到自身问题所在，并加以改正。雅思A类8.5分获得者，其中口语获得9分满分。语言基础扎实。

托福的大作文跟很多其他考试的写作部分都很相似， 都是出一个具有debate性质的题目让考生分析，例如：

Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

这样的题目看似简单，但是很多考生写起来都不能得到想要的分数。据我的教学经验看来，很多考生在写托福作文的时候都陷入了以下几个致命误区。我在这篇文章当中，会用一个学生写的文章来做讲解，为什么这样的写作得不到高分。

例文

Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Personally, I believe it is sensible of school managers to ask students to evaluate their teachers. The benefits are quiet significant that school can be informed of students’ real thoughts about teachers. The evaluation can also be a stimulus for faculties to work harder and adopt better methods of teaching. Moreover, the evaluation mechanism prevents teachers bullying students and help make education more equitable in some degrees.

First of all, students can express their real feelings about teachers if they are asked to do. To be honest, if a teacher leaves bad impression on students, it takes courage for them to let the school know what they think. However, if the school offers chances to evaluate teachers, such as sending questionnaires, students would have the courage to speak out what they exactly think.

Secondly, the evaluation can motivative teachers to work harder. Teachers would feel honored when students make achievements, the great grades offer them motive force for teaching. However, not every teacher can remain patient, especially when students screw up the exams. Therefore, it is meaningful to set a evaluation mechanism so teachers can be consciously trying to keep patient and work harder to leave good impression on students.

At last, I believe the evaluation mechanism could prevent the phenomenons of bully  as students have the approach to report if they are bullied. Moreover, it is not rare that some teachers have preferences for good students and pay much attention on the top fews. As a result, the mediocre students would feel depressed as they are depreciated and their grades might become lower. In my opinion, a eligible teacher should care more about poor pupils and push them through the exams instead of ignoring. Thus, it is reasonable to utilize evaluation mechanism as a method to supervise teachers.

Above all, I believe schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers.

托福写作要求学生在短短30分钟之内写完300字以上的作文。例文的主人首先能在规定时间内写出311个字，这是非常好的。但是问题来了，这篇文章最多最多只能得到21分，而得分点会全部在于中间的3段，因为他的论点大致上写的还是比较合理的。那么丢分丢在哪呢？语言运用方面，包括语法和词汇我们在这里就不多点评了，这篇文章主要踏入了我要说的托福大作文三个误区之中的两个：

01

误区一：虎头蛇尾。一眼看过去，这篇文章的第一段和中间三段都有相当的内容，然而最后一段的总结部分只剩了一句话，不仅是简单重复自己的观点，而且above all也用错了 （above all是首先的意思，不是“总而言之”）。托福作文的标准结构是采取总-分-总的形式，在开头段要写出自己的观点，中间分段论述自己观点，最后则一定要有总结。如果没有总结段，这就不是一篇完整的议论文。

02

误区二：开头把接下来的论点全说一遍。这篇例文的第一段我们一眼看过去会觉得内容好像特别多，但是当你稍微仔细一看，就会发现写的东西跟下面要说的三个论点是一模一样的。那么有人就要问了，老师你不是说要总-分-总的结构吗，所以我在开头段先总结性地写一下下面的内容，为什么这样不行？答案很简单，总写首先不是简单将下面的论点汇总，用一模一样的语句去写，因为英文写作最忌用词重复。所以你如果真要这样去总写的话，请你同义替换。第二，这样的开头真没必要。你下面既然都要具体说了，而且每段开头的topic sentence也告诉读者你这一段的内容，你为什么还要先把它们写在上一段呢？所以，开头段正确的打开方式应该是，先写一下跟题目相关的一些背景信息，或是做一些小小的讨论，例如:

It’s a standard practice that teacher always evaluate students by marking their assignments and tests. However, most students do not have the chance to do the same to their teachers. There has been a debate whether schools should ask students to assess their teachers. Personally, I believe this is a great idea.

接下来这个误区例文的作者虽然避开了，但是很多初次接触托福写作的考生都很容易犯这样的错误。

03

误区三： 墙头草。“墙头草，两边倒。” 很多考生因为想不到写什么内容，就正反两个方面他都去论述，中间段落一段写教师评估的好处，另一段它写不好的地方。其实这样的写作最容易拿低分。托福是美国的考试，而美国学术的写作风格就是“Don’t sit on the fence.” 也就是说，你必须要确定好你的观点，然后根据这个观点去进行相关的论述。说的俗一点，就是你的观点必须“一边倒”。

以上就是我总结的托福大作文容易让考生丢分的三大误区，希望对大家的备考有所帮助。接下来我将把上面那篇例文修改后的文章放在这里，让大家共同学习探讨。

范文

It’s a standard practice that teacher always evaluate students by marking their assignments and tests. However, most students do not have the chance to do the same to their teachers. There has been a debate whether schools should ask students to assess their teachers. Personally, I believe this is a great idea.

First of all, students can express their real feelings about teachers if they are asked to do the assessment. To be honest, if a teacher leaves a bad impression on students, it takes courage for the students to let the school know what they think. However, if the school offers a chance to evaluate the teachers, such as sending out questionnaires, students would feel more comfortable to speak out what they think exactly.

Secondly, the evaluation can motivate teachers to work harder. Teachers would feel honored when students give them positive remarks on the survey. Also, most evaluations are linked to physical rewards, such as teachers’ wage.  Therefore, it is meaningful to set up an evaluation mechanism so teachers can consciously improve their teaching quality.

Finally, I believe the evaluation mechanism could prevent the phenomenon of favoritism as students have the approach to report it if they are neglected. It is not rare that some teachers have preferences for good students and pay more attention to the top few. As a result, the mediocre students would feel depressed as they are not appreciated, and thus their grades might become even lower. In my opinion, an eligible teacher should care more about the underachieving students and push them through the exams instead of ignoring them. Therefore, it is reasonable to utilize the evaluation mechanism as a method to supervise teachers.

In conclusion, although it might take time and money to implement the idea of teacher evaluation, the benefits of students assessing teachers are warranted. With this mechanism in place, students will be more content with their study environment; teachers can be more motivated; and schools will have a better idea about their employees.

点击图片 阅读更多文章