语言教学|普渡大学写作教学系列Subject-Specific Writing17-Professional Writing17

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Subject-Specific Writing 17 - Professional, Technical Writing 17

16、Revision in Business Writing

（1）Revision

Few writers are so talented that they can express themselves clearly and effectively in a rough draft. For short, routine business communications, you may be able to write quite easily with little or no revision. However, for most business writing—especially longer, more complex letters and reports—you should expect to revise, sometimes substantially, to ensure that you've said exactly what you meant to say in a manner that the reader will understand.

Remember: An ineffective message is a waste of everyone's time.

Revision Provides a Service for Your Reader

If you are always satisfied to send out the first draft of your letter or report, you are not serving your reader well. Not only are you asking a high payment in terms of your reader's time and attention and running the risk that the reader may misinterpret or be confused by what you have to say, but you are also risking your reader's low opinion: careless, hasty, unrevised writing is always apparent.

Revision Requires a Shift in Your Perspective

To revise effectively, you must first distance yourself from your writing so that you can respond objectively. In other words, you need to shift your perspective by assuming the role of the reader. To accomplish this, you should get away from the paper for a while, usually leaving it until the following morning. You may not be able to budget your time this ideally; but you can put the paper aside while you visit a friend, grab a bite to eat, or work on something else. Unless you divorce yourself from the paper, you will probably remain under its spell: that is, you will see only what you think is on the page instead of what is actually there. And you will be unable to transport yourself from your role of writer to that of reader.

Such objective distance may at first seem difficult to achieve; however, the following questions should help you to systematize the revision stage of your letter and report writing and enable you to keep your reader in mind as you determine appropriate detail, language, tone, organization, and mechanical correctness.

Detail: Deciding What to Include

1. What does my reader want or need to know to enable him or her to understand my message?

2. Does my letter/report answer all the questions my reader has asked or questions they may have in mind?

3. What is my purpose in writing this letter/report?

4. Does my letter/report give all the information needed to accomplish this purpose?

5. What purpose does this communication serve for my reader?

6. Have I included ONLY the material essential to my reader's purpose and understanding? Or am I boring or distracting my reader with unessential and/or obvious information?

7. What do I want my reader to do when they finish reading my letter or report?

8. Have I included all the information needed to enable my reader to easily take this action or make this decision.

（2）Language: Revising for Concision and Clarity

Have I used ONLY the essential words to get my message across to the reader?

Wordy: Sale of surplus tappers is one of our primary needs. (10)
Concise: We must sell our surplus tappers. (6)

Wordy: This manual of instructions was prepared to aid our dealers in being helpful to their customers. (16)
Concise: We prepared this instruction manual to help our dealers serve their customers. (12)

Wordy: It is the responsibility of our Production Department to see that it meets the requirements of our Sales Division. (19)
Concise: Our Production Department must meet our Sales Division's requirements. (9)

Have I used too many words to express simple, unimportant, or obvious ideas?

Wordy: The collision had the effect of a destructive force on the duplicator. (12)
Concise: The collision destroyed the duplicator. (5)

Wordy: We have enclosed a pamphlet which shows further details of construction on page four. (14)
Concise: Page four of the enclosed pamphlet shows further construction details. (10)

Wordy: Three days ago you asked us to investigate the problem of discomfort among your office workers. . . We have made our study. Too low humidity is apparently the main cause of your problem. Your building is steam-heated; therefore, your solution is to. . . (41)
Concise: Too low humidity is apparently the cause of your workers' discomfort. Since your building is steam-heated, your solution is to . . . (21)

Have I poured out ideas and facts too rapidly for the reader's comprehension?

Negative Example

Our deluxe models have chromium, rubber-insulated fixtures for durability, economy, and easy maintenance, and convenient controls to cut down on installation costs and necessary adjustments. They operate on AC or DC current and incorporate the latest principles of electronic controls which means flexibility in their use, better adjustment of the thermal units, less chance of error, and reduced labor costs per unit of production.

Have I used vague words instead of more vivid and convincing specific words?

Vague: contact
Specific: call, write, visit

Vague: slowly
Specific about as fast as you normally walk

Vague: soon
Specific: by March 15

Vague: This television set is high quality.
Specific: All components in this television set meet or exceed government specifications for use in manned satellites.

Have I keyed the language to my reader's understanding?

Excessive, Overwritten: The defendant is renowned as a person of intemperate habits. He is known to partake heavily of intoxicating beverages. Further, he cultivates the company of others of the distaff side, and wholly, regularly, and consistently refuses and abstains from earnest endeavors to gain remuneration.
Accessible, Direct: The defendant drinks, chases other women, and refuses to work.

Excessive, Overwritten: The choice of exogenous variables in relation to multi-collinearity is contingent upon the derivations of certain multiple correlation coefficients.
Accesible, Direct Supply determines demand.

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