TED短片：如何给予优质反馈？

好的反馈能让人反思、成长，但我们习惯用糟糕的方式去接受和给予反馈，所以常常事与愿违。

如何更好地给予他人反馈？认知心理学家LeeAnn Renninger提供了有效反馈的4个方法，帮你应付任何棘手的对话，成为出色的反馈者。

演讲者：LeeAnn Renninger

认知心理学家，她研究了优秀沟通者和伟大沟通者之间的区别，帮助全球各地的人们更好地对自己和他人进行思考。

TED视频TED演讲稿If you look at a carpenter, they have a toolbox; a dentist, they have their drills. In our era and the type of work most of us are doing, the tool we most need is actually centered around being able to give and receive feedback well.若你看到一位木匠，他会随身带着工具箱；牙医则会是带着牙钻。在这个时代以及多数人的工作当中，其实我们最需要的工具，在于如何给予和接受回馈意见。
Humans have been talking about feedback for centuries. In fact, Confucius, way back in 500 BC, talked about how important it is to be able to say difficult messages well.人类已花了好几世纪探讨有关反馈这个话题。事实上，孔子早在公元前五百年就已经阐述过有效表达棘手讯息的重要性了。
But to be honest, we're still pretty bad at it. In fact, a recent Gallup survey found that only 26 percent of employees strongly agree that the feedback they get actually improves their work. Those numbers are pretty dismal.但老实说，这方面我们还是做得很差。事实上，根据最近的一个盖洛普调查显示仅有 26% 的员工非常赞同他们所得到的回馈对于改善工作表现有帮助。这些数据令人沮丧。
So what's going on? The way that most people give their feedback actually isn't brain-friendly. People fall into one of two camps. Either they're of the camp that is very indirect and soft and the brain doesn't even recognize that feedback is being given or it's just simply confused, or they fall into the other camp of being too direct, and with that, it tips the other person into the land of being defensive.所以问题出在哪呢？大多数人给人回馈意见的方式，其实不利于大脑的接受。人可归为两类。一类是他们非常迂回及温和，以至于大脑根本无法察觉已收到回馈或者只是感觉困惑；另一种人则是太过直接，这会让接收回馈的人进入防御状态。
There's this part of the brain called the amygdala, and it's scanning at all times to figure out whether the message has a social threat attached to it. With that, we'll move forward to defensiveness, we'll move backwards in retreat, and what happens is the feedback giver then starts to disregulate as well. They add more ums and ahs and justifications, and the whole thing gets wonky really fast.大脑有一个部分为杏仁核，它无时无刻都在扫描判断所接收到的讯息是否具社交威胁。如果有，我们会筑起防御之心，我们会往后退缩，这时给予回馈的人也会开始不知所措。他们说话更吞吞吐吐且用更多的借口，使得情况急转直下。
It doesn't have to be this way. I and my team have spent many years going into different companies and asking who here is a great feedback giver. Anybody who's named again and again, we actually bring into our labs to see what they're doing differently. And what we find is that there's a four-part formula that you can use to say any difficult message well.其实大可不必如此。我和我的团队花了许多年到不同公司询问他们当中谁是出色的回馈者。那些一直获得推荐的人，我们会带回实验室看看他们的做法究竟有何不同。我们找出了四种方法，可运用在传达任何棘手的讯息上。
OK, are you ready for it? Here we go. The first part of the formula is what we call the micro-yes. Great feedback givers begin their feedback by asking a question that is short but important. It lets the brain know that feedback is actually coming. 你准备好了吗? 开始咯。第一个方法就是我们所称的「微同意」。擅长给予回馈的人会以询问一个简短但重要的问题来破题。这让大脑知道自己即将要接收到回馈的讯息。
It would be something, for example, like, "Do you have five minutes to talk about how that last conversation went" or "I have some ideas for how we can improve things. Can I share them with you?" This micro-yes question does two things for you. 举例来说，问题有可能是：「你有五分钟的时间可以聊聊上次会谈的事吗？」或「让事情更趋完善，我有一些想法我能跟你分享吗？」这个微同意的提问会帮你完成两件事。
First of all, it's going to be a pacing tool. It lets the other person know that feedback is about to be given. And the second thing it does is it creates a moment of buy-in. I can say yes or no to that yes or no question. And with that, I get a feeling of autonomy.第一，它会是个调整节奏的工具。它会让另一个人知道自己即将接收到回馈。第二，它创造了接受的时机。我可以接受或拒绝对方的提问。因此，我觉得有了自主权。
The second part of the feedback formula is going to be giving your data point. Here, you should name specifically what you saw or heard, and cut out any words that aren't objective. There's a concept we call blur words. 第二个提供回馈的方法是给你数据点。你要明确地指出你看到或听到的事，并且排除任何不客观的用字。有一种概念，我们称作模糊字眼。
A blur word is something that can mean different things to different people. Blur words are not specific. So for example, if I say "You shouldn't be so defensive" or "You could be more proactive." What we see great feedback givers doing differently is they'll convert their blur words into actual data points. 模糊字眼意即每个人会有不同解释的字词。模糊字眼并不明确。所以，假设我说：「你不该防卫心这么强」，或「你该更积极一些」，出色的回馈者作法则不同，他们会将模糊字眼转换为数据点。
So for example, instead of saying, "You aren't reliable," we would say, "You said you'd get that email to me by 11, and I still don't have it yet." Specificity is also important when it comes to positive feedback, 举个例子，我们不会说：「你不可靠。」而会说：「你答应在 11 点前会传邮件给我，但我现在还没收到。」讯息明确对于提供正面回馈也很重要。
and the reason for that is that we want to be able to specify exactly what we want the other person to increase or diminish. And if we stick with blur words, they actually won't have any clue particularly what to do going forward to keep repeating that behavior.理由是我们希望能明确点出我们希望对方增加或减少什么。如果我们使用模糊字眼，他们其实完全不知道接下来该如何做才能符合需求。
The third part of the feedback formula is the impact statement. Here, you name exactly how that data point impacted you. So, for example, I might say, "Because I didn't get the message, I was blocked on my work and couldn't move forward" or "I really liked how you added those stories, because it helped me grasp the concepts faster." 提供回馈的第三部分就是陈述所造成的影响。你具体陈述那个数据点如何影响你。例如，我可能会说：「因为我没收到讯息，所以我遇到了瓶颈，使得工作无法顺利进行。」或者「我真的很欣赏你补充的那些故事，让我更快理解其中的概念。」
It gives you a sense of purpose and meaning and logic between the points, which is something the brain really craves.这么做会让你的陈述具有目标、意义与逻辑性，这才是大脑真正渴望获得的。
The fourth part of the feedback formula is a question. Great feedback givers wrap their feedback message with a question. They'll ask something like, "Well, how do you see it?" 回馈的第四部份是提出一个问题。擅长给回馈的人会用一个问题包装回馈讯息。他们可能会说：「那你对这件事看法如何？」
Or "This is what I'm thinking we should do, but what are your thoughts on it?" What it does is it creates commitment rather than just compliance. It makes the conversation no longer be a monologue, but rather becomes a joint problem-solving situation.或者「我认为我们应该这么做，但你有什么的想法吗？」这么说会鼓励对方投入而非服从。会让对话不再是独白，而是创造一个共同解决问题的情境。
But there's one last thing. Great feedback givers not only can say messages well, but also, they ask for feedback regularly. In fact, our research on perceived leadership shows that you shouldn't wait for feedback to be given to you -- what we call push feedback --但最后还有一点。出色的回馈者不但知道如何好好传达讯息，他们也会经常寻求回馈。事实上，我们所做的领导力认知的研究显示你不该等待别人给你回馈──就是我们所说的推送回馈──
but rather, you should actively ask for feedback, what we call pulling feedback. Pulling feedback establishes you as a continual learner and puts the power in your hands. The most challenging situations are actually the ones that call for the most skillful feedback. But it doesn't have to be hard.相反的，你应该主动寻求回馈，就是我们说的提取回馈。提取回馈会建立起你喜好持续学习的形象，让你有主控权。最具挑战性的是那些需要熟练技巧回馈的情况。但是要学会并不困难。
Now that you know this four-part formula, you can mix and match it to make it work for any difficult conversation.在认识了这四个方法后，你可以任意搭配运用来应付任何棘手的对话。
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