TED演讲：来自阿拉伯职业女性的成功经验

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在阿拉伯这个男权社会，女性往往被忽视甚至不平等对待。但即便在这种情况下，演讲者还是闯出了自己的一片天地，并和大家分享关于她的成功经验。

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"Mom, who are these people?"

“妈妈，这些人是谁?”

It was an innocent question from my young daughter Alia around the time when she was three.

这是来自我小女儿Alia的天真的疑问，大概是在她三岁的时候。

We were walking along with my husband in one of Abu Dhabi's big fancy malls.

我们正与我丈夫走在一块，在阿布扎比的某一间大型豪华购物中心中。

Alia was peering at a huge poster Alia standing tall in the middle of the mall.

仔细端详着立在购物中心中央的巨幅海报。

It featured the three rulers of the United Arab Emirates.

它标示着三位阿拉伯联合酋长国的统治者。

As she tucked in my side,

当她拽着我的衣角，

I bent down and explained that these were the rulers of the UAE

我弯下身然后描述着这就是阿拉伯联合酋长国的统治者，

who had worked hard to develop their nation and preserve its unity.

他们很努力地发展他们的国家，保持他们的团结性。

She asked, "Mom, why is it that here where we live,

她问说:“妈妈，为什么这里，我们住的地方，

and back in Lebanon, where grandma and grandpa live,

和黎巴嫩，爷爷跟奶奶住的地方，

we never see the pictures of powerful women on the walls?

我们从没有看过在墙上有厉害的女人的图片？

Is it because women are not important?"

这是因为女人不重要吗?”

This is probably the hardest question I've had to answer in my years as a parent

这大概是我身为父母以及16年多的职业生涯中

and in my 16-plus years of professional life, for that matter.

曾回答过的最困难的问题了。

I had grown up in my hometown in Lebanon,

我在我的家乡黎巴嫩(Lebanon)长大，

the younger of two daughters to a very hard-working pilot

是两个女儿中的小女儿，父亲是努力工作的飞行员，

and director of operations for the Lebanese Airlines

同时也是黎巴嫩航空的操作总监。

and a super-supportive stay-at-home mom and grandma.

有个超级顾家的母亲与祖母。

My father had encouraged my sister and I to pursue our education

我的父亲很鼓励我们求学，

even though our culture emphasized at the time

即使我们的文化，特别强调在那个时间点，

that it was sons and not daughters who should be professionally motivated.

那是只有儿子而不是女儿应该要被启发的(职业积极性)。

I was one of very few girls of my generation who left home at 18 to study abroad.

我是在我那个年代极少数女孩的其中一个在18岁离开家出国念书。

My father didn't have a son, and so I, in a sense, became his.

我的父亲没有儿子，所以，在某种意义上来说，我变成了儿子。

Fast-forward a couple of decades, and I hope I didn't do too badly in making my father proud of his would-be son.

快转数十年，我希望我没有做得太差，在让我父亲以他试图打造的“儿子”为傲的方面。

As I got my Bachelor's and PhD in electrical engineering,

当我电子工程方面取得学士与博士学位，

did R And D in the UK, then consulting in the Middle East,

在英国从事研发，此外在中东咨询，

I have always been in male-dominated environments.

我总是处在男权至上的环境。

Truth be told, I have never found a role model I could truly identify with.

老实说，我从未找到能让我共鸣的榜样。

My mother's generation wasn't into professional leadership.

我母亲的年代对职业的领导地位不感兴趣。

There were some encouraging men along the way,

在我的经历中遇见过很多激励并鼓舞人心的男士，

but none knew the demands and pressures I was facing,

但没有人知道我当时正面对的需求与压力。

pressures that got particularly acute when I had my own two beautiful children.

当我拥有两个美丽的小孩时，这压力变得特别严重。

And although Western women love to give us poor, oppressed Arab women advice,

而虽然西方女性喜欢给予贫穷的、 受欺压的阿拉伯女性忠告，

they live different lives with different constraints.

但她们过着不一样的生活，有着不一样的束缚。

So Arab women of my generation have had to become our own role models.

所以我这一代的阿拉伯女性不得不成为我们的楷模。

We have had to juggle more than Arab men,

我们不得不比阿拉伯男性兼顾更多，

and we have had to face more cultural rigidity than Western women.

我们也不得不去面对比起西方女性会遇到的更顽固的文化。

As a result, I would like to think that we poor, oppressed women

到最后，我想，对于我们这些贫穷、受压迫的女性

actually have some useful, certainly hard-earned lessons to share,

确实有一些实用的、来之不易的经验能够去分享，

lessons that might turn out useful for anyone wishing to thrive in the modern world.

这些经验可能对任何一位希望在这现代化的世界成长茁壮的人都很有用。

Here are three of mine.

我这里有三个经验分享。

There is this word that everybody is touting as the key to success: resilience.

每个人都认为这是成功的金钥匙：适应性。

Well, what exactly is resilience, and how do you develop it?

恩，什么是适应性，你要怎么发展适应性呢？

I believe resilience is simply the ability to transform shit into fuel.

我相信适应性简单来说就是把负面能量转换成自身动力的能力

In my previous job, well before my current firm,

在进入我现在这间公司之前，在我的工作中，

I was working with a man, we will call John.

我与一个男人共事，我们称他约翰好了。

I had teamed up with John and was working hard,

我跟约翰组成一组，很努力地工作，

hoping he would notice how great I was

希望他能注意到我很能干。

and that he would come to support my case to make partner at the firm.

而他能够帮助我的业务并成为我的公司伙伴。

I was, in addition to delivering on my consulting projects,

此外，我正集中完成我的咨询项目，

writing passionately on the topic of women economic empowerment.

情绪激昂地着手写着关于女性经济自主的主题。

One day, I got to present my research to a roomful of MBA students.

有一天，我给满屋子的工商管理学的硕士生呈现我的研究成果。

John was part of the audience listening for the first time to the details of my study.

约翰是第一次聆听我的研究细节其中的一名听众。

As I proceeded with my presentation, I could see John in the corner of my eye.

当我在进行陈述时，我眼角可以看到约翰。

He had turned a dark shade of pink and had slid under his chair in apparent shame.

他的脸变成暗粉红色，因为明显的羞愧而滑下他的椅子。

I finished my presentation to an applauding audience

我在充满掌声的观众中完成了演讲，

and we rushed out and jumped into the car. There he exploded.

而我们快速离开并跳上车子。在那里他大发雷霆。

"What you did up there was unacceptable! You are a consultant, not an activist!"

“你做的事情是不可接受的！你是个顾问，不是个激进主义分子！”

I said, "John, I don't understand.

我说“约翰，我不明白。

I presented a couple of gender parity indices, and some conclusions about the Arab world.

我展示了数个性别待遇平等指数，和一些关于阿拉伯世界的结论。

Yes, we do happen to be today at the bottom of the index,

是的，我们现在碰巧地是在这指数的底部，

but what is it that I said or presented that was not factual?"

但是有什么我说的是不符合事实的地方吗？”

To which he replied, "The whole premise of your study is wrong.

他回答，“你研究的所有前提都是错的。

What you are doing is dangerous and will break the social fabric of our society."

你正在做的事情很危险而且将会破坏我们的社会结构。”

He paused, then added,"When women have children, their place is in the home."

他停了下来，又补充道，“当女人有小孩，她们归属就是在家里面。”

Time stood still for a long while,

好长一会儿，时间彷佛静止了，

and all I could think and repeat in the chaos of my brain was:

而在混乱中，我脑中想的与重复的是：

"You can forget about that partnership, Leila.

你可以忘记那个伙伴关系，蕾拉。

It's just never going to happen."

这样下去不会有什么结果的。

It took me a couple of days to fully absorb this incident and its implications,

这让我花了几天去完全消化这件事与它的含义，

but once I did, I reached three conclusions.

但最后，我得到三个结论。

One, that these were his issues, his complexes.

第一，那是他的问题，他的病态心理。

There may be many like him in our society, but I would never let their issues become mine.

在我们的社会中存在着很多像他一样的人，他们的观点我绝不会苟同。

Two, that I needed another sponsor, and fast.

第二，我需要其他的支持者，而且要快。

I got one, by the way, and boy, was he great.

顺带一提，我找到了另一半，他真的很棒。

And three, that I would get to show John what women with children can do.

而第三，我要展示给约翰，有小孩的女人可以做什么。

I apply this lesson equally well to my personal life.

这个经验在我的个人生活中也是一样好用。

As I have progressed in my career, I have received many words of encouragement,

当我在职业上有进展时，我得到很多言语的鼓励，

but I have also often been met by women, men and couples

但我也常遇到一些女人、男人与夫妻，

who have clearly had an issue with my husband and I having chosen the path of a dual-career couple.

他们很明确地对我们夫妇选择双薪家庭的道路存有质疑。

So you get this well-meaning couple

所以你知道这些出于好心的夫妇

who tells you straight out at a family gathering or at a friends gathering,

在家庭聚会或是在朋友聚会直接了当地告诉你，

that, come on, you must know you're not a great mom, given how much you're investing in your career, right?

哎呀，你必须知道你不是个好妈妈，投资了多少在你的职业生涯，对吧?

I would lie if I said these words didn't hurt.

如果我说这些言语不伤人，那我绝对在说谎。

My children are the most precious thing to me,

我的孩子是我最珍视的事情，

and the thought that I could be failing them in any way is intolerable.

而要我辜负他们的想法无论如何都是无法忍受的。

But just like I did with John, I quickly reminded myself that these were their issues, their complexes.

但就像我对约翰所做的，我很快地提醒我自己这些都是他们的问题，他们的自卑心态。

So instead of replying, I gave back one of my largest smiles as I saw, in flashing light, the following sign in my mind's eye.

所以我不回答他们，只是回敬一个我最大的微笑，当时我看到，在闪烁的光芒下，在我脑海中的迹象。

Be happy, it drives people crazy.

要幸福快乐，让人们嫉妒疯狂吧。

You see, as a young woman in these situations, you have two options.

你们看，作为一个年轻女人遇到这些状况，你有两个选择。

You can either decide to internalize these negative messages that are being thrown at you,

你可以决定去内化这些被丢在你身上的负面讯息，

to let them make you feel like a failure,

任凭他们让你自我贬低，

like success is way too hard to ever achieve,

就像成功是遥不可及般的，

or you can choose to see that others' negativity is their own issue,

或者你可以选择去看待：别人的负面能量是他们自己的问题，

and instead transform it into your own personal fuel.

而取而代之地转换这些变成你的个人动力。

I have learned to always go for option two,

我已经学会总是选第二个选择，

and I have found that it has taken me from strength to strength.

然后我发现这带领我不断强大。

And it's true what they say: success is the best revenge.

而他们说得是正确的：成功就是最好的复仇

Some women in the Middle East are lucky enough to be married to someone supportive of their career.

有些中东的女性够幸运地可以嫁给某个支持她职业生涯的人

Correction: I should say "smart enough,"

修正一下，我应该说是够聪明

because who you marry is your own choice,

因为你嫁的人是你的选择，

and you'd better marry someone supportive if you plan to have a long career.

而你最好可以嫁给很支持你的人，如果你计划要有很长的职业生涯。

Still today, the Arab man is not an equal contributor in the home.

时至今日，阿拉伯男姓在家中仍不是个公平的贡献者。

It's simply not expected by our society, and even frowned upon as not very manly.

在我们的社会简而易见地不被期待，甚至会因为没有男人味而被人不满。

As for the Arab woman, our society still assumes

对阿拉伯女性来说，我们的社会仍然认为

that her primary source of happiness should be the happiness and prosperity of her children and husband.

阿拉伯女性主要的幸福快乐应该来自于她小孩与丈夫的幸福与成功。

She mostly exists for her family.

她几乎是为了她的家庭而存在。

Things are changing, but it will take time.

事态正在改变，但这会需要些时间。

For now, it means that the professional Arab woman has to somehow maintain the perfect home,

现在来说，它代表着职业阿拉伯女性必须以某种方法维持她的完美家庭，

make sure that her children's every need is being taken care of and manage her demanding career.

确保她孩子的每个需求都有被照顾到，然后经营她耗费尽精力的职业生涯。

To achieve this, I have found the hard way that you need to apply your hard-earned professional skills to your personal life.

为了完成这项成就，我发现了难处在于你需要在你的私生活中去运用你得来不易的职业技能。

You need to work your life.

你需要巧妙地安排你的生活。

Here is how I do this in my personal life.

以下就是我在我个人生活中做的事.

One thing to know about the Middle East

关于中东需要知道的一件事,

is that nearly every family has access to affordable domestic help.

就是几乎每个家庭都能找到可负担费用的家务代理。

The challenge therefore becomes how to recruit effectively.

难题因此变成如何有效地召募(家务代理人)。

Just like I would in my business life,

就如同在我的商业生活中，

I have based the selection of who would support me with my children while I'm at work on a strong referral.

我很大程度上根据谁能在我工作时够帮助我打理孩子来挑选。

Cristina had worked for four years with my sister

Cristina曾与我姐姐一同工作4年，

and the quality of her work was well-established.

而她工作的质量是受到公认的。

She is now an integral member of our family,

她现在是我们家庭中不可或缺的一员，

having been with us since Alia was six months old.

从Alia六个月大的时候就跟我们在一块了。

She makes sure that the house is running smoothly while I'm at work,

她确保当我在工作时我们家庭运作顺畅，

and I make sure to empower her in the most optimal conditions for her and my children,

而我保障她对她和我的孩子来说在最佳的状况下。

just like I would my best talent at work.

就像我用最好的天赋在工作一样

This lesson applies whatever your childcare situation,

这个经验很通用，无论你的小孩的照护状况事怎样的，

whether an au pair, nursery, part-time nanny that you share with someone else.

也不管是年轻女性的换工互惠生，托儿所，你与某些人共享的临时保母。

Choose very carefully, and empower.

请特别小心地选择，然后赋予他们自主权。

If you look at my calendar,

如果你检阅我的行事历，

you will see every working day one and a half hours from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time blocked and called "family time."

你会看到每个工作日，从晚上7点到8点30的一个半小时的阿拉伯联合酋长国时间被占据了而且称作“家庭时间”。

This is sacred time.

这是个神圣的时刻。

I have done this ever since Alia was a baby.

我从Alia还是婴儿的时候就这么做了。

I do everything in my power to protect this time

我竭尽所能地去保留这段时间，

so that I can be home by then to spend quality time with my children,

所以我可以在这个时间前回到家与我的孩子们共度宝贵时光，

asking them about their day, checking up on homework,

问问他们的日常，检查他们的作业，

reading them a bedtime story and giving them lots of kisses and cuddles.

给他们读睡前故事，然后给他们许多的吻和拥抱。

If I'm traveling, in whatever the time zone,

如果我正在旅行，无论在哪个时区，

I use Skype to connect with my children even if I am miles away.

我用Skype与孩子们联系，即使我在数里之外。

Our son Burhan is five years old, and he's learning to read and do basic maths.

我们的儿子Burhan现年5岁，而他正在学习阅读和作基础运算。

Here's another confession:

这是我另一个忏悔：

I have found that our daughter is actually more successful at teaching him these skills than I am.

我发现我们的女儿实际上比起我更成功地在教他这些技能。

It started as a game, but Alia loves playing teacher to her little brother,

这是从一场游戏里开始的，而Alia爱上去扮演她弟弟的老师，

and I have found that these sessions actually improve Burhan's literacy,

而我发现到这些活动实际上改善了Burhan的读写能力，

increase Alia's sense of responsibility, and strengthen the bonding between them, a win-win all around.

增加了Alia的责任感，也强化了他们之间的连结，一切是双赢的局面。

The successful Arab women I know have each found their unique approach to working their life

我所知道的成功的阿拉伯女性，个个都发现他们独特的方法去安排他们的生活，

as they continue to shoulder the lion's share of responsibility in the home.

当他们继续去承担最大部分的家庭责任的时候。

But this is not just about surviving in your dual role as a career woman and mother.

但这不仅仅是关于在你的作为一个职业女性与一个母亲的双重角色下存活，

This is also about being in the present.

这也是关于当下的生活。

来自阿拉伯女商人的成功经验

When I am with my children, I try to leave work out of our lives.

当我跟孩子在一起时，我尝试让工作离开我们的生活。

Instead of worrying about how many minutes I can spend with them every day,

与其担心有多少时间我每天可以陪着他们，

I focus on turning these minutes into memorable moments,

我专注在把这些分分秒秒都变成难忘的片刻。

moments where I'm seeing my kids, hearing them, connecting with them.

这些时刻我正在看我的孩子，聆听他们，与跟他们连结。

Arab women of my generation have not been very visible in the public eye as they grew up.

我这代的阿拉伯女性在他们成长时在大众眼中不是很引人注目。

This explains, I think, to some extent, why you find so few women in politics in the Arab world.

这些描述，我认为，在某种程度上解释了为什么你发现在阿拉伯世界的政治人物中只有极少数的女性。

The upside of this, however, is that we have spent a lot of time developing a social skill behind the scenes,

好处是，我们花费许多时间，在幕后发展社交技巧，

in coffee shops, in living rooms, on the phone, a social skill that is very important to success: networking.

在咖啡店，在客厅，在电话中，有一种社交技巧是对成功来说是非常重要的：建立人脉。

I would say the average Arab woman has a large network of friends and acquaintances.

我要说一般阿拉伯女性有很广的朋友与泛泛之交人脉。

The majority of those are also women.

而大部分也都是女人。

In the West, it seems like ambitious women often compare themselves to other women

在西方，有野心的女性似乎经常把自己跟其他女性做比较，

hoping to be noticed as the most successful woman in the room.

希望被注意到是屋子里最成功的女人。

This leads to the much-spoken-about competitive behavior between professional women.

这导致了常被提到的在职业女性之间的竞争行为。

If there's only room for one woman at the top,

如果只有容得下一位最优异女性的空间，

then you can't make room for others, much less lift them up.

那你不能为其他人挪出空间，更不用说激励她们。

Arab women, generally speaking, have not fallen for this psychological trap.

阿拉伯女性，一般来说，没有掉入这个心理陷阱。

Faced with a patriarchal society, they have found that by helping each other out, all benefit.

面对这个父权社会，她们发现，藉由帮助彼此，所有人都能得到好处。

In my previous job, I was the most senior woman in the Middle East,

在我前一份工作中，我在中东是最资深的女性，

so one could think that investing in my network of female colleagues couldn't bring many benefits

所以能想到投资在我女性同事的人脉并不能带来很大的效益，

and that I should instead invest my time developing my relationships with male seniors and peers.

而我应该要把时间投资在发展我跟男性前辈与同侪的关系。

Yet two of my biggest breaks came through the support of other women.

尽管我最大的两个突破来自其他女人的帮助。

It was the head of marketing who initially suggested I be considered as a young global leader to the World Economic Forum.

那是来自于一位营销领导，她最初建议我成为一个世界经济论坛年轻的全球领导人。

She was familiar with my media engagements and my publications,

她很熟悉我的媒体参与和我发表的东西，

and when she was asked to voice her opinion, she highlighted my name.

而当她被要求表达意见时，她强调了我的名字。

It was a young consultant, a Saudi lady and friend,

这是一位年轻的顾问，一位沙乌地女士，是我的朋友，

who helped me sell my first project in Saudi Arabia,

她帮我在沙特阿拉伯卖出了我第一个项目，

a market I was finding hard to gain traction in as a woman.

作为一个女人，我发现很难在这市场得到吸引力。

She introduced me to a client, and that introduction led to the first of very many projects for me in Saudi.

她向我介绍一名客户，而这场介绍开始了我在沙乌地众多的项目的第一道曙光。

Today, I have two senior women on my team,

如今，在我的团队内有两个资深的女性，

and I see making them successful as key to my own success.

而我看见，让她们成功，就是开启我成功之路的钥匙。

Women continue to advance in the world, not fast enough, but we're moving.

女性持续在世界上进步，还不算快，但我们正在努力。

The Arab world, too, is making progress, despite many recent setbacks.

阿拉伯世界也是如此，正在有所进展，尽管现在有很多障碍。

Just this year, the UAE appointed five new female ministers to its cabinet, for a total of eight female ministers.

就在今年，阿拉伯联合酋长国指派五名新的女部长进入内阁，总计有8位女部长。

That's nearly 28 percent of the cabinet, and more than many developed countries can claim.

那相当于内阁人数的28%，可以说比许多已发达国家还多。

This is today my daughter Alia's favorite picture.

这是我女儿Alia现在最爱的图片。

This is the result, no doubt, of great leadership,

不用怀疑，这是在伟大的领导之下的结果。

but it is also the result of strong Arab women not giving up and continuously pushing the boundaries.

但这也是杰出的阿拉伯女性的成就， 不放弃并且不断的推动界线。

It is the result of Arab women deciding every day like me

这是阿拉伯女性每天像我一样生活的结果，

to convert shit into fuel, to work their life, to keep work out of their life, and to join forces and not compete.

我们把负面能量转换成动力，去安排他们的生活，在生活外保持发展，然后团结合作不对抗彼此。

As I look to the future, my hopes for my daughter when she stands on this stage some 20, 30 years from now

当我看向未来，我希望我的女儿从现在开始20、30年后，在那时，

are that she be as proud to call herself her mother's daughter as her father's daughter.

她能以自己是母亲的女儿为傲，就跟是她父亲的女儿一样骄傲。

My hopes for my son are that by then, the expression "her mother's son" or "mama's boy"

我希望我的儿子在那时也是一样，描述自己是“母亲的儿子”或是“妈妈的男孩”，

would have taken on a completely different meaning. Thank you.

将会带给我们完全不一样的意义。谢谢。

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