WELL PARENT |Tame The Morning Chaos

The alarm goes off, and the morning starts well.

It's all sleepy hugs and snuggly kisses and the smell of pillow hair.

But the gentle wake-up quickly escalates downhill as the race against the clock begins and your sentences become more peppered with exclamation marks.

“Get dressed! Stop playing. Eat your breakfast! Have you packed your bag? You didn’t charge your iPad! Brush your hair! Why are you still not dressed?! Hurry up we are going to be late! Where are your shoes?!”

Meanwhile you also have to get yourself ready.

So. Much. To. Do.

And the faster you need them to go, the slower they seem to move.

We all have days like these, but when they happen I quickly figure out WHY, and then I make a course adjustment to get back on track, because I like to start my day on a good note – and for me that means CALM and PEACEFUL.

Imagine... if your kids got themselves ready in the morning, completely by themselves.

Imagine... if you didn’t have to nag, yell, dress people, or run around searching for things they need.

Imagine... if everyone was ready early enough that you could sit and relax with your coffee while they happily played.

It’s 100% possible, and I want to share with you how we keep our mornings (mostly) calm and grounded.

1.     GET UP BEFORE THE KIDS

It’s tempting to lie in until the last minute, but things will go a lot more smoothly if you can at least shower and get dressed in peace, and get your things together, so that you can stay calmer while guiding your kids through their morning.

2.     ROUTINE CHARTS

Every good classroom needs routines for classroom management, and every child needs routine in their lives at home to help guide them through the process of getting ready in the morning.

Even though we may have been helping them through the same routine every day for years, until you hand the responsibility over to them they will drag their feet and you’ll have to nag and remind them constantly.

Here's the checklists we use in our family in the morning. We have been through several different kinds of checklists over the years since my eldest (now 9.5) was 3 years old. 

Checklist in the bedroom

Checklist on the fridge and next to the schoolbag station

I'm a big advocate and lifelong learner of Positive Discipline, which focuses on guiding our children through the steps towards becoming independent, and routine charts are an important way of giving kids visual reminders to help them develop independence and autonomy. You can start routine charts even when your child is a toddler. Trust me, they make a huge difference.

3.     ASKING VS TELLING

No one likes being bossed around or constantly nagged, so instead of barking instructions out, throw the responsibility back on your child.

Refer them to their routine chart to keep them moving. No need to yell. Get down on their level, touch them and make eye contact, and make sure they hear you.

“What do you need to do first? What is next on your chart? Let's look together. What do you need to do so that you are ready to leave in 20 minutes? We will be leaving in 5 minutes, what do you need to do so you don’t miss the bus?”

If they don’t do it, let them suffer the consequences while you stay calm.

They’ll do better next time. 

4.     CALM IN THE MORNING STARTS THE DAY BEFORE

Afternoon routines are just as important in my family as the morning ones. The kids still refer to their chart every afternoon just in case they miss something (e.g if they don’t take their snack box out, then it won’t get washed and they’ll have to do it themselves the next morning or miss out on snack; or if they don’t charge their iPad it will be flat the next day for school).

Our afternoon check-list - our eldest has her own version, and the kids have modified this as they figure out what works for them and what doesn't.

A quick check for school uniforms, or laying out their outfit will eliminate the rushing around the next day.

What else could be done to eliminate stress in the morning? Pack backpack? Make lunches? Lay out breakfast?

5.     IF YOU WANT DIFFERENT RESULTS, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Pick a stress point that frustrates you every day and see if there is some way you can do that ONE thing differently.

For example, I was getting so sick of hearing the same question (“what uniform do I need today?!”) every morning from each of my three kids so I made a visual weekly chart for their wardrobe which shows which uniform (P.E or formal) they need to wear on which day. Problem solved.

Since the return back to school campus, I felt like my kids were bickering way more often at the breakfast table.  It drove me nuts, until I realized they were probably bored. They now use conversation starters, or times table flashcards or something similar, so they can engage and interact positively with their siblings. Less fighting in the morning = happier mom!

Mornings don’t have to be a mad rush of nagging and stress and anxiety and fighting and power struggles.

A good morning sets you up for a good day, and if watching Pixar’s Inside Out fifty times has taught me anything it’s, we need to “have a good day, which will turn into a good week, which will turn into a good year, which will turn into a good life.”  

Join me for an Introductory Workshop on Positive Discipline on Thursday 5th Nov, 10am-11:30am at the Culture Yard, Beixingqiao, Beijing.

We’ll use powerful experimental learning activities, role play and group discussion to learn how Positive Discipline can help you understand your child’s behavior, and give you the tools you need to help your kid develop responsibility and important life skills, as well has helping you build a respectful relationship. To find out more or sign up, scan the QR code in the poster.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Originally from New Zealand, WellWomen co-founder Rebecca Archer considers herself a global citizen, and has lived in Australia, Canada, Nigeria and Indonesia and spent time in many more countries. She is just as at home paddling on the Delta Rivers in the Papua New Guinea jungle, as she is eating jianbing on the streets on Beijing. With a diverse background in media, marketing, events and education, Rebecca has written for the World Health Organization, BeijingKids magazine and various educational institutes in Beijing. The founder of the Clothing Auction Network, Rebecca is passionate about sustainable and ethical approaches to fashion, and is also taking her family on the journey towards a Zero Waste lifestyle.