贤某回忆录 The Memoirs of XianM （3）

不定期发布佛门女性纪实小说，欢迎投稿！

Unscheduled release of Buddhist female documentary novels，Contributions are welcome!

前言

Foreword

温馨提示WarmTips：

1.       请尊重作者劳动成果和知识产权，未经同意，不得擅自复制。如需转发，请联系编辑开通白名单。可以分享原文链接。

Please respectintellectual property. If you need to copy or forward this paper, pleasecontact the editor for permission. You are welcome to share the original link.

2. 持续写作与翻译需要耗费大量时间、精力、体力、脑力、心力和勇气。若支持作者继续更新，请积极赞赏鼓励。

Continuous writing and translation require a lot of time, energy, physical and mental power, and great courage. If you want the author to continue to update, please actively give your support for encouragement.

3. 请尊重作者的良好发心，耐心地看完全部系列内容之后再做评判。不要先入为主，自设障碍。修行人慈悲为怀，不与任何人为敌。

Please respect the author’s motivation and patiently read all the content of the series before making your judgment. Don't be preconceived, set up obstacles, blindly confront others, and maliciously create meaningless conflicts and disputes.

4. 为便于读者理解，可能会放一些照片。若有人介意，请提前告知。

In order to facilitate readers' understanding, some photos may be included. If anyone minds, please let me know in advance. 

5. 因缘使然，仓促成文，没有仔细检查与思考。如有疏漏或冒犯，请私信指正。不接受公开批评。

Due to special conditions, may words was written hastily without careful inspection and thinking. If you find any omissions or offenses, please privately write to correct me. I don't accept any public criticice.

出家前的作者（从左往右数第三个白衣女生）

The author before becoming a monk 

(the third girl in white from left to right)

贤某回忆录：二零一八年的大事因缘

XianM’sMemoirs:

TheCause and Conditions of the Big Event in 2018

（三）

我是受家人影响，从小就学佛信佛的。我家是一个多元信仰的大家庭。有基督徒、道教徒、佛教徒，也有共产党员。各自对各自的信仰都很虔诚和坚定，别人没法改变。但因为都是亲人，所以能够互相尊重和包容，不会因为不同的宗教信仰而产生矛盾。

Under the influence of my family, I have touched Buddhism since I was a child. My family is a big multi-faith family. There are Christians, Taoists, Buddhists, and Communists. Each is very pious and firm in his/her own belief, and others can't change it. But because we are relatives, we can respect and tolerate each other, and there is no conflict among us due to different religious beliefs.

有一个亲戚是一个资深的道长，道行非常高深，提前一个月预知时至，健健康康地自在往生。因为他提前一个月就告诉亲人说他一个月之后就要往生，让亲人们帮忙准备后事。亲人们都没有搭理他，完全没当回事。因为他很健康，一点儿毛病都没有，大家只觉得他是说笑话，说着玩的，都没有当真。到了他预知往生的那天，谁也没准备去，因为早就把他的玩笑话忘了，根本没放在心上。他只得自己去置办好丧葬物品，然后洗了澡、剃了头，换了衣服，上了香，没病没灾，轻轻松松地就走了。然后，大家才知道，他是一个早已成就的高道，没有开玩笑。

One of my relatives was a senior Daoist master, and his Daoist achievement was very advanced. He predicted his death time one month in advance and died in a healthy and auspicious manner. He told his relatives one month in advance that he was going to die one month later, and asked them to help prepare for the funeral. His relatives ignored him and didn't take it seriously. Because he looked very healthy without any problem at all. Everyone just thought that he was telling jokes and just talking about it for fun, so they didn't take it seriously. By the day he predicted as his death day, no one was ready to go, because they had forgotten his jokes a long time ago and didn't take it to heart. The Daoist master had to buy the funeral items by himself, then took a bath, shaved his head, changed his clothes, and burned incense, and then died at ease without any sickness or painfulness. Then, everyone realized that he was a great master who had already achieved Daoist enlightenment, and he was not kidding at all.

我小时候在外婆家生活，经常跟我外婆去寺庙。我外婆每次去寺庙，都会问我去不去。我喜欢跟外婆待在一起，所以每次都跟着去。外祖家是当地一个小庙的大护法、大功德主。在我小时候的印象中，寺庙的师父常给我们一家人做佛事。在做佛事的过程中，我们一大家子，男女老少都要上殿跪拜。那时候很小，不懂，都是听大人的指挥，什么时候拜，什么时候起来，什么时候可以坐着，什么时候可以吃东西。后来长大了才能理解，就是佛门常用的各种祈福、消灾、超度的经忏仪式。

When I was a child, I lived at my grandmother's house and often went to temples with my grandmother. Every time my grandmother went to the temple, she would ask me if I would go. I liked to stay with my grandmother, so I followed along every time. My grandma's family was a great protector and supporter of the local temple. In my childhood, the master of the temple often performed Buddhist rituals for my grandma’s big family. In the process of doing Buddhist rituals, all of us, men and women, old and young, all needed to go to the temple and bow down in the Buddha hall. At that time, I was very young, and I didn’t understand what was going on. I just listened to the instructions of the adults, when to kneel down, when to get up, when to sit, and when to eat. Later, after I grow up, I can understand, that’s  the various rituals commonly used in Buddhism for praying for blessings, eliminating disasters, and transcending salvation.

那个小庙不是很大，平常没事的时候，只有一个尼师守庙。那时候佛教才刚刚开始复兴，青黄不接。能建一个小庙，能有一个出家人看守都已经是很不错的了。但是在佛教的节日或者有活动的时候，小庙就会从其他寺院请一些大师父们来作佛事。远近的人，老远都会赶去。他们喜欢到小庙打斋，一起做饭、聊天、拜佛、抄经、作事，然后一起吃饭，像一大家子的人一样，彼此都很友善。我爸妈也很喜欢这样的气氛，也时不时找时间去小庙打斋，支持小庙。小庙离我家有点远，不是经常能去。有一次，我爸爸居然还异想天开地提出来说，想在我家附近的一个政府办的养老院去打斋，就像去寺庙那样，自己出钱买些菜，到养老院去做给老人们吃。

The small temple is not very big. Usually, there was only one Buddhist nun guarding the temple. At that time, Buddhism had only just begun to revive, and it seriously lacked of Buddhist professionals. It’s already very good to be able to build a small temple and have a monk/nun guarding it. But during Buddhist festivals or when it needed to perform Buddhist events, the small temple would invite some great masters from other monasteries to do Buddhist services. People who were near and far would like to rush to the temple. They liked to go to the small temple for food offering, cooking together, group chat, worshipping the Buddha, copying Buddhist scriptures, and then eating together. Just like a big family, they were very friendly to each other. My parents also liked this atmosphere very much, and from time to time they tried to spare time to go to the small temple for fasting and supporting the small temple. The small temple is a bit far away from my home, so they can't go to it often. Once, my dad even made a whimsical suggestion that he wanted to do food offering in a government-run nursing home near my home, just like going to the small templefor offering, he paid for some vegetables and went to the nursing home to make food for the elderly.

一直到现在，我父母一直都是非常虔诚，每年都严格执行他们的放生计划，过生日不是到酒店办生日宴，而是去寺庙上香祈福，每天坚持拜佛和定课，长年素食，过年过节都不吃肉。有时候，一些亲戚就开玩笑地说我父母：过年去你家有啥意思哦，肉都没得吃。

Up to now, my parents have been very faithful and strictly implement their animal-release plan every year. For birthdays, they don’t hold a birthday banquet at the hotel, but go to the temple to pray for blessings. They worship Buddha and do regular practice every day, maintain vegetarian food for all year round. They don’t eat meat even during Chinese traditional festivals, like the Chinese New Year. Sometimes, some relatives jokingly said to my parents: It's boring to go to your house during the New Year’s festival, because you don’t let us eat meat.

那时候，因为经常去寺庙，小小的我就对佛像很好奇，想不通：这些佛像明明是泥巴和石头做的，为什么就有这么大的魅力，人人都要跪拜它呢？好奇心驱使，我就绕着几个佛像仔细看，上下左右地打量，想搞明白这个问题。我在琢磨研究佛像的时候，家长和主持寺庙的尼师正在佛像前给我打卦，结果显示是个不好的卦。他们看了看我，发现我正在调皮地研究佛像，就说这是因为我对佛像不恭敬。然后他们就不约而同、赶紧地非常虔诚地替我在佛像面前做忏悔，说我还是个小孩子，不懂事，请佛菩萨不要怪罪。忏悔完了之后，他们就给我重新打了一个卦，结果显示是一个很好的卦，他们就高兴了。

At that time, because I often went to temples, I was very curious about Buddha statues, and I couldn't figure out: These Buddha statues are obviously made of mud and stones, but why do they have such a charm that everyone has to bow down and worship them? Driven by curiosity, I took a closer look around a few Buddha statues and looked up and down, trying to figure out the problem. When I was thinking about and looking Buddha statues, my grandma and the master who presided over the temple were doing hexagrams for me in front of the Buddha statues. It turned out to be a bad hexagram. They looked at me and found that I was looking the Buddha statue mischievously, and they said it was because I was disrespectful to the Buddha statue. Then without anappointment, they just quickly and very religiously confessed to the Buddhastatue, saying that I was still a child and ignorant, so please the Buddha and Bodhisattva not to blame me. After the confession was over, they gave me a new hexagram, and the result showed that it was a good hexagram, and then they felt very happy.

在我读高中的时候，我妈妈有一段时间就到那个寺庙里陪着主持尼师共住了一段时间。我妈妈说，那时候觉得在寺庙里住着真好，每天跟着尼师一起念经、看佛教视频、听法师讲经、打扫打扫寺院，感觉非常安宁和快乐，她当时就想要出家了。后来我放假了要回家，她就不得不离开了寺庙，回到家里照顾家人的生活。我父母因为觉得我很聪明，从小到大学习成绩特别好，所以，基本上不要求我做家务。有时候，我读书很专心，我妈妈都不敢打扰我。她自己静悄悄地做好了饭菜，端到了桌子上，才轻轻地敲敲门我的门说：嘿，吃饭了。

When I was in high school, my mother went to the temple to live with the nun master for a period. My mother said that it was really nice to live in the temple at that time. She chanted with the nun master every day, watched Buddhist videos, listened to some Buddhist masters’ video lectures, and cleaned the temple relaxedly. She felt very peaceful and happy. She wanted to become a nun at that time. Later, when I went home for holiday, she had to leave the temple and return home to take care of her family. My parents thought that I was very smart and had very good academic performance since I was young, so they basically didn't require me to do housework. Sometimes, when I studied very attentively, my mother dared not disturb me. She made the meal quietly by herself, and after she put the meal on the table, she knocked on my door gently and said: Hey, it's time to eat.

我从小就很喜欢古典文学。中学时期在学校文学社和校报做文学编辑、通讯员和小记者。填词作诗、写通讯稿，不亦乐乎。文学社刊和校报上经常性地发表我的诗文。那时候其实写了很多诗词和文章，有很多没保存好，被我弄丢了。有别的班级的女生在文学社刊和校报上读到了我的文章之后，认为我是一个很大气、有才华、有思想、有责任心、非常值得追求的男生，就打听着要主动追求我做男朋友。结果后来打听到我其实是个女生，就只好放弃了。

I have liked classical literature since I was a child. In middle school, I worked as a literary editor, correspondent and reporter in the school literature club and school newspaper. It’s a joy to write lyrics, write poems, and write newsletters. I regularly published my poems and small essays in literary journals and school newspapers. At that time, I actually wrote a lot of poems and essays, many of which were not preserved and were lost by me. When some girl in other classes read my writings in literature journals and school newspapers, she thought I was very heroic, talented, thoughtful, responsible, and a very ideal boyfriend, so she tried to ask some others to introduce me to be her boyfriend. However, later, when he found out that I was actually a girl, she had to give up her idea.

中学时候就开始读了一些佛学相关的书，一读就很相应。尤其是王阳明先生的一些思想，很喜欢。我们在学校里的课本，都是明显地主张唯物主义思想，批评和贬低唯心主义思想的。作为一个好学生，我一向都是非常老实地按照书本上的教导去吸收和接受知识。但是，对于唯物主义和唯心主义这个两分法，我当时莫名其妙地就是有自己的一个主张，不太赞同书本上的说法。我心里就觉得，既然唯心主义与唯物主义两个派别长期并存的话，那么唯心主义肯定有它的可取之处，如果一味地抬高唯物主义而贬低唯心主义，必然是不客观的。另外，我一读到王阳明的心学思想，就特别理解和欢喜，那时候很多人是不能理解他的思想的，都是以唯物主义思想的观点来批判王阳明是乱说，但我的心里就很理解他的思想。所以，我对唯物主义思想就没有那么盲从，对唯心主义思想也不持批判态度。虽然，以我现在的学识来说，我理解到其实唯物主义和唯心主义的分法本身就是很有局限性的，但是，在我中学的那个时候，我并不是被动地读书，而是能够有自己的独立思考，我觉得这也是很难得的。

I started to read some books related to Buddhism when I was in middle school. Especially some thoughts of Mr. Wang Yangming. I like his thoughts very much. Our textbooks in school all clearly advocate materialism and criticize and belittle idealism. As a good student, I have always been very honest in absorbing and accepting knowledge in accordance with the teachings and guidance in the text books. However, with regard to the dichotomy between materialism and idealism, I inexplicably had a proposition of my own at the time, and I did not agree with the statement in the book. I feel in my heart that since the two factions of idealism and materialism coexist for a long time, idealism must have its merits. If you blindly promote materialism and depreciate idealism, it is bound to be unobjective. In addition, as soon as I read Mr. Wang Yangming’s thoughts on the mind, I particularly understood and delighted. At that time, many people could not understand his thoughts. They all criticized Mr. Wang Yangming’s nonsense from the perspective of materialism, but my heart was justified. I understand his thoughts very well. Therefore, I am not so blindly following materialist thinking, and I am notcritical of idealist thinking. Based on my current knowledge, I understand that the separation of materialism and idealism is inherently very limited. However, when I was in middle school, I was not passively studying, but was able to learn my own independent thinking, I think this is also very rare.

初中二年级的时候，读到隐逸诗人林逋先生的诗词，知道他“以梅为妻、以鹤为子”，终身不婚的事情，我心里非常震撼，觉得这样子真是好极了，所以，我当时就下了决心，也要像他一样坚持独身主义，“梅妻鹤子”，终身不婚。

When I was in the second grade of junior high school, I read the poems of the reclusive poet Mr. Lin Bu. I knew that he"takes plum as his wife and crane as his son" and never married forever. I was very shocked. I think this is really great, so at that time, Imade up my mind to insist on celibacy like him, "with plum as my wife andcrane as my son", and never marry for life.

初中二年级放假回家的时候，一个同学问我将来要做什么。我没理解她的问题。她就解释说，有的人想做老师，有的人想做科学家，你将来想做什么？我说，我希望将来能像孔子那样，做一个有思想的人。

When I went home from the junior high school holiday, a classmate asked me what I would like to do in the future. I didn't understand her question. She explained that some people want to be teachers while some want to be scientists. What do you want to do in the future? I said, I hope that in the future I can be a thoughtful person like Confucius.

大概是因为内心清静，从小到大，我做的梦都很真实，灵验到不可思议的地步。比如，某天我的饭卡丢了，找不着了，就想着第二天去办个新卡，结果当天晚上就梦见饭卡就在我的床垫下面，第二天起床整理床铺，顺手一翻床垫，饭卡果然就在床垫下面。比如，某天做梦，梦到一个在远方求学的好朋友谈恋爱了，第二天特意问他，果然他刚交了一个女朋友。比如，某天做梦，梦到一个好朋友感冒了，第二天联系她询问，她果然是感冒了。这样灵验的梦，很多很多。

Probably because of my inner peace, since I was young, my dreams have been always very real, and they are incredibly effective. For example, one day I lost my meal card and I couldn't find it, so I wanted to apply for a newcard the next day. But that night, I dreamed that the meal card was under my mattress. When I got up to make the bed the next day, I flipped over the mattress, and the meal card was really under the mattress. Another example, one day I dreamed that a good friend who was studying in a distant place get in love. When I asked him the next day, it turned out that he had just had a girlfriend. One more example, one day I dreamed that a good friend had a cold, and I contacted her the next day to ask her, she told me that she really had a cold. There are many and many such efficacious dreams.

我在小学五年级的时候就开始阅读文言文版本的四大名著。到了高中一年级的时候，语文课要学习四大名著的一些片段，于是在语文老师的指导下，再次阅读文言文版本的四大名著。

I started reading the four classics in classical Chinese when I was in the fifth grade of elementary school. When I arrived in the first grade of high school, the Chinese class required us to learn some fragments of the four classics, so under the guidance of the Chinese teacher, I read the classics version of the four classics again.

再读《三国演义》，卷首语中“青山依旧在，几度夕阳红”一句，让我潸然落泪！当时就醒悟到：青山屹立不倒，而青山脚下的人们却已经几度春秋，如庄子所言，“方生方死，方死方生”，生命只在刹那之间。可是人们却认识不到这个生死的大问题，每天把大把大把的时间浪费在游戏娱乐、尔虞我诈、你争我斗这些毫无意义的事情上，为一些鸡毛蒜皮而口角相争，甚至大动干戈。仿佛被卷入一个恶性循环的漩涡，纠缠在里面出不来，意识不到，人的生命是多么有限，人身是多么短暂易逝！

Reading "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" again, the sentence "The green hills erect still there, but the sunset comes andgoes again and again" in the foreword made me cry. At that time, I realized that the green mountain will not fall in a long time, but the people at the foot of the green mountain have been experienced the springs and autumns. Just like what Zhuangzi said, it’s soon to birth and death. However, people don't recognize this issue of birth and death. They waste a lot of time everyday on some meaningless things as games, entertainment, intrigue, and fighting with each other, arguing over trivial matters, and even fighting. It seems to be caught in a vortex of a vicious circle, entangled in it, unable to get out, without realizing how limited human life is, how short and fleeting the human body is!

高中一年级，学习《红楼梦》时，我深有感触地写下这样一段话：

When I was studying "Dream of Red Mansions" in the first grade of high school, I wrote this passage with deep feeling:

“漫揾英雄泪，相离处士家。谢慈悲，剃度在莲台下。没缘法，转眼分离乍。赤条条来去无牵挂。哪里讨烟蓑雨笠卷单行，一任俺芒鞋破钵随缘化！”

 再读《红楼梦》时，发现这几个句子，我的心情久久不能平静。我好想好想成为“来去无牵挂”的自由之人。我愿意穿一身缁衣，静心于佛经。我崇尚心静，静到心中虚无一物。我向往着一双芒鞋，在烟雨中穿行，在尘世中匆匆漂泊，却不看尘俗庸情。

 我愿站在青山的岩石上，高唱这苍凉悲壮的心声；当猎猎雄风吹动我一身单薄的缁衣，我听到了远古的呼唤。那是穿越千年的寂寞与崇高，超脱我内心的浮躁与浑浊，将灵魂净化。

 我信仰青灯黄卷、皓首穷经的生活。我能够摒弃树欲动而风不止的浮躁，在昏暗的油灯下，苦读佛经，我的心宽阔得如无边的大海，如茫茫苍穹，我心之宁静胜过人类诞生之前的混沌天地，胜过沉寂的古墓幽室，没有任何干扰，在唯我的境界中，这是一种多么珍贵的美！

 我想，上帝对每个人都是公平的。

 生命有限，灵魂无边。我别无所求，只执着地追求踏实奋斗中的那一种甘甜和充实的生活给我带来的无限快乐。只要我的生命还有延续的可能，不管压力有多大，我都不会轻言放弃。因为只有努力奋斗，才会使人生之路留下充实的印痕；只有心灵的充实才会储存下一生的美丽，追溯到亘古的洪荒年代，流传至如滔滔江水般不见尽头的社会的末日，灵魂便会与时间共存。

"Wiping my heroic tears, I left my home. Thank you for mercy, I became a monk under the lotus platform. There is no other choice, and I left the secular world in a blink of an eye. I came to this secular world with a naked body, and I have nothing to worry about when I leave. Where can I ask for a rain coat and rain hat to travel alone?  Wearing tattered straw shoes and taking a ragged bow, I just go with the flow!

When I read "Dream of Red Mansions" again, I found these few sentences, and my mood couldn't be calm for a long time. I really want to be a free person who "comes and goes without concern". I am willing to wear a suit and meditate on the Buddhist scriptures. I advocate peace of mind, so quiet that there is nothing in my heart. I yearn for a pair of straw shoes, walking through the mist and rain, wandering hurriedly in the world, but Idon't look at the vulgarity and worldly matters.

I would like to stand on the rocks of the green mountain and sing this desolate and solemn heartfelt voice; when the hunting wind blows my thin clothes, I hear the call from the ancients. That is the loneliness and sublime that have traveled through thousands of years, transcending the impetuousness and turbidity of my heart, and purifying my soul.

I believe in the life of reading endless scriptures with a dark lamp. I can get rid of the impetuousness of the tree when the wind keeps going. Under the dim oil lamp, I read Buddhist scriptures hard. My heart is as broad as the boundless sea and the boundless sky. The tranquility of my heart is better than the chaotic world before the birth of mankind, than the quiet room of the ancient tomb. Without any interference, in the realm of solipsism, what aprecious beauty this is!

I think God is fair to everyone. Life is limited, but the soul is boundless. I have nothing to ask for, but persistently pursue the infinite happiness that a sweet and fulfilling life brought to me in a down-to-earth struggle. As long as my life is still possible, no matter how great the pressure is, I will not give up lightly. Because only hard work can leave a full mark on the road of life; only the fullness of the soul can store the beauty of the whole life, which can be traced back to the ancient prehistoric times, and passed down to the end of the society like a surging river, the soul will coexist with time.

因为成绩很好，老师们课上很喜欢跟我互动。高中一年级的一次政治课，正好讲到宗教信仰的内容，政治老师就在课上直接问我信仰什么，我毫不犹豫地当着老师和全班同学的面，自信满满地公开表示：我信仰佛教。政治老师听了，马上就不笑了，很严肃地说：你信仰佛教的话，就不能入党了。

When I was in high school, the teachers liked interacting with me in class because of my good grades. Once in a politics class, it happened to talk about the content of religious belief. The political teacher asked me what I believed in. I did not hesitate in front of the teacher and the whole class, and confidently and publicly stated: I believe in Buddhism. The politics teacher stopped his smile immediately but said seriously: If you believe in Buddhism, you can't join the Communist party.

所以，我后来就一直没有入党。

Therefore, I never joined the Communist party.

       高中的时候，因为经常一个人在教室学习，周围非常安静，我的心里也非常宁静，能够听到自己的呼吸，能够感知到周围非常细微的变化。有一天，正在专心学习的我，不经意间地抬头，看到教室外面的一片树叶飘落下来，顿时深感世事无常！即使是好好的一片树叶，清翠可爱、长在高高的枝头迎风昂扬，顷刻之间就这样凄凉地随风飘落，说没就没了。那一片树叶往下飘落的场景，当时在我心中是一个很慢的慢镜头，过程被无限细化，撞击我的内心，至今刻骨铭心，难以磨灭。当时我心里非常伤感，为那片飘落的树叶哭了很久很久，心里就生起了出离之心，想要出家。   

When I was in high school, because I often studied alone in the classroom, it was very quiet around me, I felt very peaceful in my heart, I could hear my breathing, and could perceive very subtle changes in my surroundings. One day, while I was studying attentively, I inadvertently looked up and saw a leaf falling down from a big tree outside the classroom. I immediately felt that things are impermanent: even a very good leaf, no matter how beautiful and lovely it is, how energic when it sway at the high branch of the big tree, would be gone with the wind in a second. The scene of that leaf falling down was avery slow motion in my mind at that time. The process was infinitely refined and hit my heart. It is unforgettable and indelible to this day. At that time, I cried for a long time for the falling leaf, and I thus got the idea to renunciate secular world in my heart.

高考之前，清华大学负责招生工作的一位教授，来我们省的各个重点高中寻找优质生源。在校长的亲自安排和陪同下，我也面见了这位教授，跟教授进行了交流。知道我是文科生，教授鼓励我说，你的信息我记下了，清华也有文科专业，只要你过了投档线，我们就会优先录取你。

Before the college entrance examination, a professor in charge of admissions at Tsinghua University came to various key high schools in our province to find good-quality students. Under the personal arrangement and accompaniment of the principal, I also met with the professor and communicated with him. Knowing that I was a liberal arts student, the professor encouraged me to apply for Tsinghua. As he said, he had taken down my personal information, and Tsinghua also has some liberal arts majors, as long as I could pass the entry line, Tsinghua would give me priority.

但是，高考当天凌晨，突然身体不舒服，折腾了很久，影响了考试，高考发挥失常。虽然还是继续稳坐了学校的文科第一名，但没有达到清华的标准。填志愿时，在“人大”和“法大”之间纠结犹豫了很久，改了又改，最后还是填了“法大”。

However, in the early morning of the day of the college entrance examination, I suddenly felt physically uncomfortable. After a long period of tossing, it affected my performance in the exam and I performed abnormally in the college entrance examination. Although I continued to sit firmly in the school's liberal arts first place, but did not meet the standards of Tsinghua University. When I had to choose a university, I was entangled and hesitatedfor a long time between the "Renmin University" and the "CUPL". After changed and changed again, I finally filled in the "CUPL".

后来才知道，清华的法学院那时候才刚刚成立，师资都是从法大调拨过去的，而且有的从法大调去清华法学院任教的老师，后来又主动申请调回了法大，因为觉得清华是纯理工科的学校，不适合人文社科类，没有人文科研的气氛。这也都是当时的因缘。没有什么得失或者好坏。不过，后来我也常去清华蹭吃蹭喝蹭玩。因为我高中老师的上一届学生（我的师兄）在清华就读。

Later I learned that Tsinghua Law School had just been established at that time. The professors were all transferred from Law School of CUPL. But some of the teachers who went to Tsinghua Law School from Law School of CUPL toteach at Tsinghua Law School later took the initiative to apply for transfer back to Law School of CUPL, because they felt that it is a pure science and engineering university, not suitable for humanities and social sciences, and did not have that kind of humanistic research atmosphere. This is also the cause and conditions of the time. There is no gain or loss, no good or bad. However, later on, I often went to Tsinghua to eat and drink. Because some student of my high school teacher (one year before me) was studying in Tsinghua.

虽然是我自己填的志愿，但在高考录取榜贴出来之后，看着榜单上我名字后面的“录取专业”的“法学”两个大字，我心里居然想：这个法学，会不会是佛法的法呢？

Although it was my own choice, after the college entrance examination admission list was posted, I looked at the two big words "Law Studies" of the "Admission Major" behind my name on the list, I actually thought to myself: Will this law studies be the Buddhist Dharma?

大学一年级，十九岁，随学校的传统文化社去北京广化寺和国子监孔庙参观的时候，我就决心出家了。在北京广化寺，受到一群比丘法师以及方丈怡学大和尚的热情接待。进门的时候就是一群好多个比丘法师在等待和迎接我们，我就故意靠他们很近，就像我以前好奇地打量佛像那样，也好奇地打量他们。我觉得这些法师们长得都很好看，很清净、秀气。

At the age of 19, I was a freshman in the university. When I visited the Guanghua Temple and Guozijian Confucian Temple in Beijing with the traditional cultural society of the university, I decided to leave home for full-time Buddhist practice. At the Guanghua Temple in Beijing, we were warmly received by a group of monk masters and the abbot master Yixue. When we entered the door, there was a group of monks waiting and welcoming us. I deliberately walked close to them. Just like I used to look at the Buddha statues curiously, I also looked at them curiously. I thought these monks were very good-looking, very clean and delicate.

法师很耐心地教我们拜佛，带我们参观，还让我们在广化寺斋堂用了午斋。方丈亲自来给我们讲座，讲述他和他母亲长期素食的亲身经历，向我们宣说素食的好处。讲座用了很先进的投影仪设备。当时又觉得很好奇。因为我老家的小庙可没有这么高级和先进。这个寺庙的和尚们居然有电脑，还有手机，让我感觉太新鲜了。临走时，方丈给我们每人都送了一个装着经书和光盘的礼品袋，亲自把我们送到大门口，还指着旁边的一个牌子说，中国人民大学在这里办了一个佛学研究所。

The monk masters patiently taught us to worship the Buddha, showed us around the temple, and helped us have lunch at Guanghua Temple's dining hall. The abbot personally came to give us a lecture, telling us about him and his mother’s personal long-term experience of being avegetarian, and telling us the benefits of being a vegetarian. Very advanced projector equipment were used for the lecture. I felt very curious at the time. Because the small temple in my hometown is not so advanced like here. The monks in the temple actually had computers and mobile phones, which made me feel so fresh. Before leaving, the abbot gave each of us a gift bag containing Buddhist scriptures and CDs, and he personally delivered us to the gate. He also pointed to a sign next to him and said that Renmin University of China established a Buddhist research institute here.

       从广化寺出来，我们就直接去了国子监孔庙。当其他人都还在里面看碑林的时候，我已经看完了，一个人走出来，站在孔庙的院子里，感觉整个世界都安静了。因为接近黄昏，游人已经离去，院子里一片寂静，这时候我听到自己内心里油然升起一股信念：我要出家。

Leaving from Guanghua Temple, we went directly to the Guozijian Confucian Temple. When everyone else was still looking at the forest of steles inside, I walked out alone and stood in the courtyard of the Confucian Temple, feeling that the whole world was in deep quietness. Because it was close to dusk, the tourists had already left, and the courtyard was deadly silent. At this time, I heard a conviction rise in my heart: I want to become a monk.

万籁寂静的境界中，从我的内心深处传来，也仿佛从遥远的地方传来。这股信念很清晰、很明确、很自然，也很欢喜。我当时就掏出手机，给好多个朋友和同学（包括高中同学和大学室友）发了信息，告诉他们我要出家。大家纷纷规劝，都有三个字：别吓我。其中一位高中的男同学还说：不为自己也要为别人想想，不要为自己而让他人痛苦。

In the state of deadly silence, it came from the depths of my heart, and it seemed to come from a distant place. This belief is clear, definite, natural, and joyful. I took out my phone and sent messages to many friends and classmates (including high school classmates and university  roommates), telling them that I was going to be a monk. Everyone was trying to persuade me to give up this idea, and all contained three words: Don't scare me. One of my highschool male students said: Even if you don't consider for others, you need to consider for yourself, don't make others suffer for yourself.

当时为什么会想要出家，好像也没有为什么，就是那一时刻间，自然而然地感觉到自己要出家。也许是宿世的业力或者愿力吧。

Why did I want to be a monk at that time? It seems that there is no reason. At that moment, I naturally felt that I was going to be a monk. Maybe it's the karma or willingness of the past life.

从小喜欢读书。上小学的时候，我离开了外婆家，回到自己家。每次跟父母上街，父母问我想要买什么东西，我都是说要去新华书店买书。我妈妈很高兴，总是尽可能地帮我买到我想要的书。我妈妈说，因为我爱学习，而且学习成绩好，所以，她出去干活都觉得特别幸福快乐，心里总是美滋滋的。有时候别的邻居和朋友跟她聊天，说你家小孩怎么学习那么好，是不是天生的文曲星？我妈妈居然一点儿不掩饰地说：是啊，我观察她的学习，我也觉得学习这个事情，可能确实是天生的。我的中学老师也说过这样的话。老师语重心长地说，因为你学习成绩好，老师很高兴，老师心甘情愿为你做一切事情来成就你。

I like reading since I was a child. I went back to my home from my grandma’s home when I was in elementary school. Everytime I went to the street with my parents and my parents asked me what I want to buy, I always said that I wanted to buy books at the Xinhua Bookstore. My mother was very happy and always helped me to buy the books I wanted as much aspossible. My mother said that because I loved to study and had good academic performance, she felt especially happy when she went out to work, and she always felt happy in her heart. Sometimes other neighbors and friends chatted with her and said to her: how your child studied so well, Isn't she reborn from a study star? My mother replied happily without concealment: Yes, I observe her learning, and I also think that learning talents may indeed be born with. My middle school teacher also said the same thing. My teacher ever said sincerely to me: because your academic performance is excellent, as your teacher, I am very happy, and I am willing to do everything for you.

我以前学过命理学，也喜欢给人算命，有时候算得太准，把人惊讶得不行。不过，后来读了《了凡四训》之后，我就不算命了，专心修行了。但单从命理上看，我确实是命带文昌。

I have studied numerology before, and I also like to give fortune-telling for others. Sometimes my accurate calculations and predictions surprised others very much. However, after reading the "Four Lessons of Liao Fan", I stopped fortune-telling and concentrated on Buddhist practice. But from a numerological point of view, I am indeed born with a study star.

从小到大，我唯一真正最快乐的事情就是一个人安安静静地读书。热爱中国传统文化，并且深受影响，思想上很传统和保守，走中庸之道，总觉得凡事还是要内省，向内看，修自己的心。而且坚信百善孝为先，出家乃人生大事，必须要征求父母同意。出家之前，把父母接到北京和我一起生活，花了大概半年的时间跟父母商量，沟通好了之后再出家。我外婆以及信佛的舅舅阿姨们也都表示理解和支持。我外婆还主动拿钱给我，她说，你出家了，以后就没钱了，外婆给你钱是应该的。

Ever since I was young, the only thing I really enjoyed the happiest thing was to read a book quietly by myself. I love Chinese traditional culture and are deeply influenced. I am very traditional and conservative in my thinking. I follow the middle way. I always feel that I must introspect, look inward, and cultivate my own heart in everything. I also firmly believes that filial piety comes first, and that being a monk is a major event in life, so this big thing must be approved by parents. Before I became a monk, I brought my parents to Beijing to live with me. It took me about half a year to negotiate with my parents, and I become a monk after a good communication with my parents. My grandmother and my uncles and aunts who believe in Buddhism also expressed their understanding and support for my choice. My grandmother even took the initiative to give me some  money. She said that if I become a monk, I will have no money, so Grandma should give me some money.

那时候在一家国企上班。出家大事，也提前给工作单位的领导作了汇报，取得了领导和同事们的同意和支持。在出家之前，我已经在北京佑胜教寺然教法师（原北京广化寺的法师）座下受了三皈五戒，得到了皈依体和五戒的戒体，一直严格遵守，同事们实际上早就把我当成出家人了。有时候一起去吃饭，同事和领导会主动帮我挡酒，实在挡不了的时候，我的领导居然就亲自替我喝了。而且同事每次都会主动记得给我专门点个素菜，有时候也会很善意地指着我，说我是个出家人。所以，对于我终于跟他们说出来决定出家的时候，他们一点儿都不惊讶，反而说：意料之中。他们说，早就看出来我是个出家人，也早就把我当成了出家人。领导和同事们先后为我组织了两次饭局，算是为我送行。因为我出家，大约是希望我以后在寺庙能过得好，为我祈福积功德，我的父母和领导同事都去LQ寺作了金钱供养，也都去做了义工。

At that time, I was working in a state-owned enterprise. I also reported to my work leaders in advance about the important matter of being a monk, and obtained the consent and support of my leaders and colleagues. Before I became a monk, I had taken the three refuges and five precepts under the supervision of Master Ranjiao of Beijing Yousheng teachingTemple (a former the master of Beijing Guanghua Temple). I obtained the precept body of the five precepts and the refuge body. After that, I have been always strictly abiding. So, my colleagues had treated me as a monk for a long time. Sometimes when we went to dinner together, my colleagues and leaders would take the initiative to help me avoid the wine. When it’s really impossible to avoid, my leader even drank it for me. Moreover, my colleagues always took the initiative to remember to order me a special vegetable dish, and sometimes they kindly pointed to me, saying that: “this is a monk”. Therefore, when I finally told them that I decided to become a monk, they were not surprised at all. Instead, they said: just as we expected. They said that they knew I was a monk a long time ago, and they thought of me as a monk a long time ago. My leaders and colleagues organized two dinners for me as seeing me off. Because I became a monk, maybe because of their kind hope that I could live well in the temple in the future, to pray for me and accumulate merits, my parents and leaders and colleagues all went to LQ temple to make financial offerings, and worked as volunteers.

后来，每当有人问我什么时候开始学佛的，我每次都觉得这个问题真是没法回答。这怎么说呢，我感觉我学佛已经好多世了吧。后来，我家人告诉我，我从小就老说自己前世是个男的，出家当过和尚。

Later, whenever someone asked me when I started to study Buddhism, I always felt that this question was really unanswerable. How do you say this, I feel that I have been studying Buddhism for many lives. Later, my family told me that since I was a child, I always said that I was a man in a previous life and had become a monk.

贤某回忆录：二零一八年的大事因缘

XianM's Memoirs: 

The Cause and Destiny of the Great Event in 2018

第三回到此结束，感谢您的阅读。

This concludes the first chapter of this book. 

Thank you for reading.

个人时间精力非常有限，下回更新时间待定。

The next chapter will be updated according to the situation.

建议耐心看完全部内容之后，再做评判。

It is recommended to read the complete book patiently before making judgments.

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编辑/心导

Editor / Sheendhao

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Thank you for your attention and support

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