10 Different Types of Kissers

Are you a bad kisser? Have you ever even stopped and really thought about your kissing style? 

Now, we may all have some moves to turn on the charm and turn up the heat, but what if you’re not as hot as you think you are?

In Episode 18 we were delighted by the stories sent in by our listeners about their best and worst kisses, so much so that we thought we’d compile a list of the different types of kissers. 

So, it’s time to kiss and tell… which type of kisser are you?

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1. The Lizard

Technique: Closed or partially open mouth. The tongue pokes in and out quickly, usually at random and with little movement from the rest of the body.

How to kiss a lizard: A lizard kisser needs someone strong and firm to guide the kiss. They need someone to open them up to a new rhythm of kissing and that the tongue can stay out to play a little longer.

2. The Slobberer

Technique: Mouthwide open, almost like they have been injected with morphine and lost feeling in their jaw. The tongue acts as a separate entity and very invasive and full of saliva.

How to kiss a slobber: I have no fucking idea actually. If it were a dog then a firm smack on the nose would do the trick… “Bad dog! No.” Please do not practice with a dog. 

3. The Slow Kisser

Technique: Slow, playful, a little bit of tongue, and able to change up intensity of the kiss.

How to kiss a slow kisser: Go at their speed - it’ll make for a steamy make-out session!

4. Hard and Fast

Technique: A hard and fast kisser will lock their lips on yours, their tongue down your throat and their hands all over your body like a blind man reading erotic braille.

How to kiss a hard and fast kisser: If the time and location is right then go with it - these kissers are usually good at making your head spin. 

However, if it’s a little too much while you’re queueing for coffee, then try the following: when they go in for a kiss, take control but be gentle. Hold their face or stroke your hand softly through their hair. Look them in the eye, go in 90% of the way, smile and then slowly move in for a soft, sensual kiss. Don’t linger too long - just enough to take their breath away. That should let them know that it’s OK to slow down and still feel the passion.

5. The Goldfish

Technique: Open mouth that expands like a fish gulping.

How to kiss a goldfish: Don’t. Just don’t.

6. The Biter

Technique: The clue is in the name. Biters love to tease the bottom lip first and will usuallysuck on it a little before then going for a bite.

How to kiss a biter: I’ve always believed a little nibble never hurt anyone. If it’s too much, ask them to be gentle. Biters enjoy biting but ultimately do it because it gives them pleasure giving you pleasure. Oh, and watch out for hickeys because biters get carried away very easily.

7. The Dentist

Technique: Open mouth and use their tongue like a dentist’s drill. The tongue is a precision tool licking your teeth - why this is a thing? God only knows. I don’t get it.

How to kiss a dentist: In-between patients - whey! Sorry bad joke. Maybe you could train these kissers because they have the potential to be good slow kissers.

8. The Drunken Sailor

Technique: Amazing… but only when drunk. When sober, they lose their confidence and inhibitions and become tight-lipped and timid.

How to kiss a drunken sailor: When they’re sober they may have confidence issues or intimacy issues - this isn’t a problem. You need to build trust, go slow, maybe find a quiet place to get busy. Once trust is there then the kisser may feel comfortable opening up and being more expressive with you. Be patient.

9. The Drummer

Technique: Nothing usually wrong with the technique per se, just their timing!

How to kiss a drummer: There’s an old joke that drummers are never in tempo, - they’re either too fast or too slow, and they can’t keep time. These kissers may speed up and slow down erratically, leaving you a little bewildered as to how to kiss them back. Try making out to a nice slow waltz and work your way up to a foxtrot. Failing that, buy them a metronome and ask them to practice on their hand… “And one and two and three and four!”

10. The Chameleon

Technique: This kisser matches you perfectly. They’re experienced, they pay attention to how you kiss, they listen to your sighs and can feel when your knees buckle and your shoulders melt in their embrace.

How to kiss a chameleon: Just enjoy it. These kissers don’t mind taking the lead. If you feel relaxed when you’re kissing someone, then you’re more likely to have fun and get a little more playful and adventurous.

Which Type of Kisser Are You?

How are you feeling? I don’t know about you but I’m a little turned on and eager to kiss someone! Let us know which type of kisser you think you are and if you’ve ever kissed someone on this list. Date Night China is giving you permission to kiss and tell 

Listen to Date Night China Episode 18: Kissing on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your other favorite podcast app to hear more about kissing in China

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Date Night China is your podcast guide to dating in China. Listen to the latest episodes on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app!