他们都在逃离北京，我却搬进了胡同
一周多前，我从北京的 5.5 环搬到了二环安定门，过上了一种可能只作为文化符号存在过的北京胡同生活（从这个意义上，我的朋友说我更像一个老外了）。朋友们陆续逃离北京，我也曾想过搬到深圳。黄章晋在十年前的文章中说，还有半个北京是信奉公平和个人努力的。虽然十年后，这半个北京被不断压缩，但它还是让我留下了。搬家前后有一点随感，写出来和各位分享。
Moving has characterized my life. By Chinese standards, I move fairly frequently. Ever since when I was 12, I have been on the move. Pingyao, a small city in central Shanxi Province known for having the country's best-preserved ancient city walls, became my first adoptive town, where I went to middle school and high school. I later relocated to Tianjin for college. Four years later, I rode a bus to Beijing by choice, determined to make good. After one-and-a-half-years' exhilarating and footloose life, I bid Beijing goodbye and boarded a New York-bound airplane. Then, it was Annapolis of Maryland and San Francisco of California. It went full circle, and here I am in Beijing again.
Of the past eight years, five and a half years has seen me somewhere in Beijing. Within the city, I have moved a few times, an indication of rising housing prices on the one hand and a testimony to the ebb and flow of my income and relationship on the other. Wudaokou, Huilongguan, Sanyuanqiao, Jijiamiao, Jimenqiao, Shahe, and most recently, Andingmen all have a place in my memory. Although they never shaped me, they comforted me with the idea of home.
I have felt the pulse of the city: the Panglossian post-Olympics boom and the stock market crash in the summer of 2015; a cheery influx of homegrown and expatriate talent (from programmers and entrepreneurs to artists and moviemakers) and the shockingly deplorable low-end people eviction and the unfortunate exodus of translators who found it increasingly hard to make ends meet; foggy and smoggy skies that smothered the capital and the unbelievably blue skies--a godsend thanks to a set of prominent events: APEC (2014), a military parade (2015), the two sessions (2016 and 2017), and Forum on China–Africa Cooperation (2018); the omnipresence of cranes (a sure sign of improvement of city-wide infrastructure) and a rash of high-profile scandals (one involved a kindergarten and a few others concerned vaccination) that wracked the nerves of elitist middle-class parents who were forced to admit that unless the social ills are addressed all shall suffer. I have been at the epicenter where all of these took place. I could sense the Zeitgeist.
The moving was very personal, too. Every time I moved, I was reminded of the classic line from the movie Fight Club, "The things you own end up owning you." You can live in an apartment for years without realizing how much stuff you have piled up, often not driven by necessity. Once you realize you are enslaved, first, you are startled, and then you start to have this irresistible sense of self-disgust. You wonder why on earth you bought so much and sink into deep disbelief. You vow to never ever buy shit you don't need, although deep down you know you are not dead serious.
Sometimes it's not easy to disown things. Over the years you become attached to the things you own because they carry traces of you, however subtle they may be. By nature, I am madly protective of things that I own. A Casio electronic dictionary has been working dutifully for me for over ten years. A pair of Bose headphones followed me over the Arctic and throughout the continental US. Six years on, they are still perfectly serviceable. When my Vans Atwood Buck leather shoes wore out, I gave them a proper send-off by sparing a moment of silence. Before I let them go, I took a picture, an attempt to immortalize them.
fallen shoe warriors
I am acutely aware of the danger of being overly sentimental. Life goes on. Pauses are fine, but should not stand in the way of moving on. Over the years, I have learned to build an organic relationship with things in such a way that validates and perpetuates them and yet makes the break with them easier. Many years ago, a friend of mine remarked that knowing how to properly say goodbye to things is an important part of life. I agree and have been perfecting the art of doing so.
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现象级英语联合创始人
《经济学人》11 年研究者
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