95后王霜：绿茵场上，没有孤单（中英双语）

6月7日，2019女足世界杯在法国拉开帷幕，承载着全国球迷目光的中国女足也开启了梦想征程。德国，南非，西班牙，分在号称死亡之组的铿锵玫瑰努力在征程中冲出小组赛，力争最高荣耀。

熟悉中国女足的老球迷都会记得，20年前的1999年，伴随着中国女足在世界杯的凯歌高奏，铿锵玫瑰自此成为中国女足的代名词。孙雯，刘爱玲等球星成为广大民众热爱的偶像。20年后，中国女足再次踏上世界杯征途，她们希冀延续荣耀，冲击最高的领奖台！

在世界杯开始前，王霜在“球星看台The Players Tribune”上撰文On the Pitch, You Are Never Alone（《绿茵场上，没有孤单》），讲述自己的成长故事。

原文地址：

https://www.theplayerstribune.com/global/articles/wang-shuang-china-world-cup

（转载已授权）

2018年，王霜获得“亚洲足球小姐”的称号。

I have never liked the word goodbye.

我从来都不喜欢“再见”这个词。

Whenever I hear it, painful memories appear. One of the worst took place on a train station in my hometown of Wuhan when I was 12 years old. It was a bitterly cold February night, and we were in the middle of the Chinese New Year, which is basically like an XXL version of Christmas. For one glorious week, you go home, you eat delicious food, and you see your friends and family.

每当我听到这个词，很多难过的回忆就会涌上心头。其中最刻骨铭心的应该是那个在武汉火车站的记忆，那年我12岁。我清晰的记得那是二月份的一个寒冷的夜晚。当时正好是过年的时候，中国的春节, 比起西方的圣诞节，有过之而无不及。整整一周时间，我们返回家乡，享受美食，看望亲朋好友, 感受家的温暖。

For me, that week is heaven. I never want it to end.

所以对我来说，这一周是最美好的存在，我总是想，如果它永远都不会结束，该多好。

The holiday was particularly important to me that year because I was living away from home for the first time. I was attending a boarding school in Beijing run by the Chinese national team and Renmin University High School. It was so tough. The school was for the Chinese under-17 team, so I was several years younger than most of the players there. I was lonely. I was missing my parents so much that I’d often break down in tears.

这一年的春节更是如此，因为我在那之前第一次离开家在外生活，在北京参加国家队“希望队”在人大附中办的训练营，一个像寄宿学校一样的环境。那不是个特别容易的经历，因为是17岁以下国家队的预备队，当时12岁的我还比很多人都小几岁。在那里我感到很孤独，也因为想家经常哭鼻子。

So you can imagine how horrible it was for me when, having just come home for the holiday, I had to go back to the school after only three days. They didn’t give us more time off. Just when I needed my family the most, I had to board a sleeper train to Beijing — alone.

所以你能想象，好不容易能回家过年，但是只过了三天就又要离开，对我来说是多么痛苦的事情。那是我最最需要家人的一段时间了，但是我却要独自踏上火车去北京。

My parents and my older brother had come with me to the station. My father was following me to the gate. I looked at him. I wanted to tell him something, but I didn’t know if I dared.

我的父母和哥哥把我送到了火车站告别，父亲送我到车门边。车就要开了，我抬头看看父亲，真的好想跟他说点什么，但是我好像又不太敢。

I wish I could say that I thought everything was going to be O.K.

我多么想洒脱的说没什么大不了的。

But that’s not how my brain works. That’s not who I am.

但是我的性格不是那样，那不是我。

I have a reputation, I think, for being a positive, optimistic person. But really, I am not. And no matter how bad I am feeling, I never want to make people worry about me — not even my parents. So that night at the train station, my instinct was to suffer in silence. And yet I was in such a bad state that I made an exception.

我知道，很多人一直都觉得我是一个很开心，很乐观的人。但是说实话，我真的不是。然而无论我多么的消沉，我从来都不想让别人担心我，甚至是我的父母。所以当时在火车站，我自然而然的想将自己的感受藏起来。但是那天晚上，我是真的很伤心，所以我觉得那可以是个例外。

I told my father how I felt.

这一次，我跟他说出了心里话。

I said, “I don’t want to go!”

我说：“我不想走！”

He had a surprise for me. “Oh, don’t worry,” he said. “You go today, and I’ll be there tomorrow.”

然而他却给了我一个惊喜，说：“别担心，你先去，我明天就来”。

I cried out, “You have to come, Dad! Promise!”

我哭着说：“你一定要来啊，你保证！”

He promised.

他保证了。

We said goodbye.

然后，我们说了再见。 

I spent the night on the train crying myself to sleep. When I arrived in Beijing, I did not need long to discover the truth. My father had lied to me. He never came.

我还是在火车上哭了一整晚，哭着哭着，就睡着了。当我醒过来的时候，我已经到北京了，很快我也意识到事情的真相。其实他根本就不会到北京来，他骗了我。

I was distraught. Only later did I fully understand that he was trying to push me in the right direction. He knew I had to get on that train, that I had to go back to Beijing. Today, I’m glad that I have such a caring father.

我当时真的好伤心。后来我当然明白，他那么做是想要推我一把，因为他知道，我必须要坐上那列火车，我必须要回到北京。现在，我明白他那么做都是为了我好。

I say father … although deep down, I know that he really isn’t.

哦对了，我叫他“父亲”，内心深处，我很明白他其实不是我的亲生父亲。

In fact, I hardly ever see my real parents anymore.

事实上，我几乎没怎么见过我的亲生父母。

When I was five, my parents got divorced. I knew they didn’t get along well, but when my father had told me that I was going to live with my aunt and uncle, I struggled to accept it. I cried all night. I felt so vulnerable. To make things worse, both he and my mother left Wuhan for different cities, so I could no longer see them.

在我5岁的时候，我的亲生父母离婚了。其实我从小就知道他们关系并不好，但是当我父亲把我送到我的姨父姨母家，让我开始跟着他们生活的时候，我还是很难接受这个事实。我哭了一晚上，那也是我第一次感到真正的无助和脆弱。更让人无法接受的是，我的亲生父母离婚之后就各自离开了武汉，到别的城市生活了，就那样，留下了我一个人。

Today, I rarely talk to them. I feel no connection to them at all. Just thinking about that goodbye fills me with … sadness … it’s hard to find the words….

直到今天，我已经不太和我的亲生父母联系，我和他们并没有特别多的感情。每当我想起和他们那样的离别，还是让我非常的难过，这种感觉很难用言语来表达。

I don’t really want to talk more about it.

对此，我也不太想说的更多了。

My uncle and aunt became my new parents. My real parents. When I say father and mother now, I am referring to them — they are the people I love. I also consider their son — my cousin — to be my older brother. When I moved to their place, I was still so insecure that I would lock myself in my room and refuse to come out. But I eventually began playing football with my brother, and through the game I began to make friends. At my elementary school, we would play during the lunch break. There was a football club there for boys only, but because of my brother I was allowed to play. I had short hair, I looked like a little boy, so the teachers and parents began calling me “Tomboy.”

我的姨父姨母从那个时候开始成为了我的新的父母，真正的父母。现在当我提及“父母”，我说的是他们，他们是我爱的家人。也是那个时候我开始和我的表哥一起踢足球了，而他对我来说，就像亲哥哥一样。我刚刚搬进他们家的时候，我确实还是觉得很没有安全感，所以我经常就呆在自己的房间里面不出来。但是慢慢的，通过足球，我结识了新的朋友。小学的时候，我们会在午休的时候踢球。当时我们学校有个足球俱乐部，但是里面只有男生，因为我是哥哥的妹妹，我才得以加入。我当时留着很短的头发，看起来也像个小男孩，所以有的时候你会听到老师和家长们叫我“假小子”。

“Hey, look at Tomboy, she is playing so well!”

“你瞧那个假小子，踢得真不错。”

That memory still makes me smile.

想到这些，我还是很开心。

I loved football because it allowed me to express myself and get attention. And at that time, after my parents’ divorce, I needed that. I also loved football because you are always on a team. You win together, you lose together.

我从一开始就喜欢上足球了，因为足球让我能够充分的表现自己，让别人注意到我。而这一点，在我父母刚离婚的那段时间，正是我非常需要的。还有一个原因，就是我能够和一个集体在一起，我们一起赢，一起输。

No matter what happens, you are not alone.

无论发生什么，在球场上，你都不会是一个人。

By the time I was 12 years old, I had reached such a high level that I made it to that training camp in Beijing.

当我12岁的时候，我似乎感觉自己踢的还不错，得到了参加国家队“希望队”的那个机会。

What made the school so scary was that I was several years younger than everybody else. I was shy. I missed my parents and my brother. The school was also far outside the city, so we just stayed at the camp all the time. And the schedule was brutal.

在那个队上，我不仅年龄算是比较小的，又害羞，又想家，而且这个基地还在偏远的郊区，日程安排又非常紧张。

The coach would wake us up at 7 a.m. We would eat breakfast at 7.30, and then study from 8:00 till noon. We had lunch and took a break until three. Then we would train for two hours until dinner, and then study from 7.30 to 9 p.m. I spent about six months at that school.

老师会在7点钟叫醒我们，7:30吃早饭，然后8点到12点上课。吃完午餐之后可以休息一会，紧接着就是训练两个小时，直到晚餐，然后晚自习从7点半到9点。我在那个学校呆了6个多月。

I know it doesn’t sound like much, but trust me … it felt like a lifetime.

我知道听起来时间并不长，但是相信我——当时我感觉过了一辈子。

When I got out, I just wanted to play football with a smile on my face. That was not easy. I don’t know why, but people around me have always tried to push me down, to crush my hopes, to tell me everything that I couldn’t do. Even my coaches have done this. “Oh, she’s not very smart,” they would say. “She has no positional sense. She doesn’t even keep her eyes on the ball.”

其实一直以来，我最想做的，不过就是开开心心的踢球而已。但是没想到这个愿望如此的难。我不知道为什么，但是身边很多人似乎总是想要打压我，打击我的梦想，告诉我这不行，那不行。我的很多教练也是如此。比如“她在场上不够动脑子，不知道怎么走位，不看球……”

They were saying that I had no talent for football at all. After a while, I felt almost as if I didn’t.

他们都说我在踢球方面没有什么天分，听得多了，那时候的我似乎也相信了他们。

None of this is normal in China. Teachers and coaches have high expectations, but they do not treat kids like this. I felt like they just did it to me. I don’t know why. It happened even with my two most important coaches, who I now get along with fine. One of them discovered me when I played with the boys at elementary school. He was always telling me that I didn’t use my head enough on the pitch. The other one was the coach on my middle school team. And he was the harshest of them all.

当然了，老师和教练们应该要有很高的要求和期待，但是我不觉得他们对其他人都像对我那样苛刻。我也不知道为什么。其中也包括对我来说很重要的两位教练，第一个是我的启蒙教练，是他在我小学的时候看我和男孩子们玩耍，把我带入了足球，但是他也总说我在场上踢球不动脑子。第二个是我在初中的教练，他也是对我比较严苛的一个。

He was always trying to get a reaction from me. One time when I was 13 years old, I had played a really good game and came off the pitch hoping for a bit of praise. But he just gave me this stream of criticism. I felt so unfairly treated. Later that night I cried, completely crushed. Luckily, a teammate noticed that I was sad and told the coach. I guess he became worried, because not long after he told me, “Listen, you actually played pretty well in that game...”

他总是刺激我。有一次我可能13岁？我觉得一场比赛里面我自己踢得还不错，就去找他觉得会得到一些表扬，结果表扬没有，却得到了一顿骂。我就觉得特别委屈，很难过，晚上我站在阳台上哭的特别厉害，特别沮丧。一个队友看到我那样有点担心，然后告诉了教练，我猜他也有点吓到了，赶紧安慰了我几句，“其实你踢的还不错啊……”

All those negative voices stayed in my head. They caused me a lot of doubt. But they also made we want to prove myself to people — again and again.

但是确实一直以来，我也总是听到质疑的声音。这些声音有时会让我否定和怀疑自己的能力，但是同样，它们也让我更加想要一次又一次的证明自己。

In January 2013, when I was 17 years old, I was called up to the senior national team for the first time. I went to a training camp ahead of the Four Nations Tournament. I had no self-confidence at all. But the coach told me to believe in myself. He said that the team really needed a player like me. They needed me! I had to double-check that I had heard him right.

2013年1月份，我在17岁的时候第一次被征召到国家队。那年的四国赛备战，我第一次参加了国家队训练营。那时的我真的没有自信，但是当时的国家队教练让我要相信自己的能力。他跟我说，国家队就需要一个像我这样的球员。他们需要我？我没听错吧？

Me? Are you sure? Can I really do it?

我？真的假的？我真的可以吗？

I began playing well in training. For our first game at the Four Nations, against Canada, I was on the bench. With about 30 minutes left and the score 0–0, the coach told me to get changed. I was so nervous that I almost begged him not to. Noooo! Don’t call on me!

那段时间我在训练中表现不错。后来我们对阵加拿大的时候，我在替补席上坐着，当比赛还有30多分钟的时候，场上比分还是0-0，那个时候教练竟然叫我做上场准备。我当时紧张极了，我心里想着：啊，别叫我啊。

My anxiety showed. I was running all over the pitch, not thinking, just trying to catch my breath. I hardly touched the ball. About 20 minutes later, the coach took me off!

结果我当时的焦虑和紧张也确实显现了出来，我在场上就是使劲跑着，也没有什么比赛意识，只记得自己上气不接下气，好像也没有触到几脚球。然后20分钟以后，我又被换下了！

Coming off when you have been brought on in the same game does not happen often in football. It usually means that you have screwed up. We lost 1–0. After the game, I just went back to the hotel, took a shower and fell asleep. I was so embarrassed. The only positive was that I wouldn’t have to tell my family about it.

这种在同一场比赛被换上又被换下对于足球运动员来说，不是常事。通常这意味着你的表现实在太差了。结果那场比赛我们好像还0-1输掉了。比赛之后，我就记得回到酒店，洗完澡倒下就睡着了。我觉得好丢人啊，好在我不用打电话给我的家人，亲口告诉他们发生了什么。

Everyone had already seen it — the game had been live on national television.

因为所有人都已经在电视上看到了……

And when you’re in China, that means quite a lot of people have their eyes on you.

在中国，电视上现场直播比赛，意味着很多很多的人都看能到你的表现。

This time though, there was no criticism. People were actually supporting me. They were like, “Come on, it’s O.K. It was your first game.” The coach said he would keep faith in me. Later that year I went with my club, Wuhan Ladies, to prepare for the National Games of China. We travelled to South Korea to play some friendlies, and I must have played well because a coach there saw me and said he wanted to sign me. I was so excited that a coach from another country thought I was good.

但是这次，我没有受到太多批评，更多的是鼓励的声音。他们都说：“已经很好啦，你的第一场比赛。” 就连教练也说相信我的能力。后来我在武汉女足备战全运会的时候，我们到韩国参加一些友谊赛，我好像表现很不错，结果当时一个韩国的教练看到我踢球，说想要让我去韩国踢球。当时我真的特别高兴，因为一个外国的教练竟然觉得我踢得好。

So after the games, I signed with Gumi Sportstoto in South Korea. I was voted the player of the year after my first season. I was actually playing for three teams at once: my new club, and the Chinese national team and the youth national team. It was crazy. I was flying back and forth between China and South Korea, in and out of training camps. And I was … happy. I was so busy that I didn’t have time to think about all the things that upset me. I felt valuable. I felt recognised.

全运会之后，我就去韩国的忠北女足踢球了，第一个赛季就被评为了最佳球员。而且那时的我是在同时为三个球队踢球，俱乐部，国家青年队，还有国家队。比赛任务太多了。我在中国和韩国来回飞着，进出各个训练营。虽然忙，但是那时的我...真的很开心。也许正因为忙碌，我也没有时间去想任何不好的事情。我觉得自己有价值，我觉得得到了大家一定程度上的认可。

Perhaps I had a bit of talent after all.

也许，我有那么一点点踢球的天分。

But playing for three teams had a downside. Because of the heavy workload, my body broke down. I fractured my left ankle. I told my club team that I did not want surgery, because I didn’t want to face the long recovery process alone. I was living alone in South Korea and did not know the language. But the club had signed me up for another season and wanted me to have the surgery. So in the end, I did it — alone. I went through rehabilitation — alone. It was so difficult having to make all these big decisions on my own.

但是为三个队踢球也有负面影响。因为比赛任务实在太多了，我的身体终于还是吃不消了，结果左脚踝受伤，骨裂。我其实一开始不想手术，因为我不想独自面对术后恢复的那个漫长的过程。我当时一个人在韩国生活，语言也不通。可是当时我正好又和球队签了一年，球队很想让我手术。所以最后我还是自己一个人接受了手术，一个人躺在医院两周做了恢复。在那个年纪，独自做这种大决定，真的是很难的事情。

When I look at the pictures from that time, I can see how sad I was.

现在有的时候看看那个时候的照片，我能看出自己当时多么的消沉。

I soon went back to play for Dalian Quanjian, a club team in China. It was good to be home. My time in South Korea had made me realise how tough it is to go to another country.

后来我到了大连权健踢球。在韩国的那个赛季，让我第一次意识到，离开家去另外一个陌生的国家生活，是一件多么难的事情。

But playing in Korea did not compare to moving to Europe. Going to France was like turning the world upside down. I had to relearn everything, like a newborn baby.

但是那次的经历和去欧洲还不能比。来到法国，我感觉到的变化，是翻天覆地的。我觉得自己好像一个婴儿一样，要重新学习很多东西。

It happened last year, when I left the Chinese league to sign with Paris Saint-Germain.

去年，我离开中国，加盟了巴黎圣日尔曼。

Once more I was leaving home.

又一次，我离开了家。

Once more I had to say goodbye.

又一次，我说了再见。

You have to understand that China and France differ in a very profound way. It’s not just the food and the language. In China, we do things in groups. We live collectively. I was always with my teammates there, so whenever I had a problem there were people around me to help. But in Paris, you go to your club, train and go home. It’s like going to work. It’s a far more independent way of living. And so whenever I had a problem in Paris, I was alone. I spoke little English. I certainly spoke no French. Quite often, I was just lost.

你们要知道，中国和法国有多么大的不同。不仅仅是食物和语言之类的。在国内，我们更多的是集体生活。我们一起住宿舍，我总是和自己的队友在一起，所以如果遇到什么问题，身边也总会有人帮忙解决。但是在巴黎的俱乐部踢球，大家每天各自去训练和回家，好像上下班一样，是非常个体的一种生活方式。所以在巴黎遇见的所有一切，我都需要独自面对。我刚来的时候英语也不好，更别提法语了。很多时候，我感到的是迷茫。

But I didn’t want to bother people. I didn’t want to complain. There is no use in that.

但是就算如此，我还是不想麻烦别人，不想抱怨，因为我觉得那些都没什么用。

You have to deal with your problems on your own.

因为，所有事情到最后，我不都还是得自己解决么。

It led to a lot of despair. I would video chat with my parents, and there would be moments when I wanted to cry. But I didn’t want them to see me like that, and so I’d lie to them and say, “Sorry I have to go!” Then I’d shut down the computer. Humiliation avoided.

所以我也有很多孤独难过的时候。有时候我和父母视频通话，突然会想哭。但是我不想让他们看到我那样，我时常会骗他们说，“哦我要出去了。”然后赶紧把电脑关了。好险，他们没有看到我流泪。

Everything just becomes easier once I am playing football. Although Paris has helped me grow as a person, many things are still hard, like communicating with my teammates. But out on the pitch we all understand each other. Once I am out there, I know what to do. I feel no stress. I can forget my problems.

足球场一直都是我的避风港。在巴黎的这一个赛季，我成长了很多，学到了很多东西，但是我也碰到了不少难题，比如和队友们的沟通。但是在场上，我们却能够理解彼此。踢球的时候，我似乎就能找到真正的自己，知道自己该做什么。所有烦恼和消极的想法，在那一刻，都消失不见。

Once I am out there, I can escape.

每次站在球场上，感觉是一种解脱。

I can still hear voices saying that I have no talent. It still motivates me to prove them wrong.

有的时候，我还是会听到质疑的声音，说我没有足够的天分。这些声音直到今天，还是激励着我，让我想要证明给那些质疑我的人，他们是错误的。

There is a World Cup coming up now. People in China always talk about the team that made the World Cup final in 1999, and my dream is that we will do even better and become world champions. It won’t be easy; we have a lot of work to do. But we know what people expect of us. This is our big chance to show the world what we can do.

今年的世界杯就要打响了。直到现在，大家还时不时谈起1999年那支打进世界杯决赛的中国女足，我的梦想就是我们这届女足能够超越之前的成绩，朝着冠军的目标努力。我知道这绝不容易，我们有太多需要做的，而且我们也明白大家的期待。我们很清楚，世界杯是一个向全世界展现我们中国女足的绝好机会。

Until then, I hope that you now understand a bit better who I am. And if you plan to follow our games this summer, I’d like to think that we will in some way meet again in France.

那么，今天就先说到这里吧。我希望你们现在更加了解我的故事，还有我这个人。当然，如果你们有打算去看今年世界杯的比赛，我真心希望能在法国见到你们。

That way, I won’t have to end this article with another goodbye.

这样，我就不用又以一个“再见”来结束这篇文章了。

Thank you for listening to my story.

谢谢你聆听我的故事。

I hope to see you soon.

我们后会有期。

 往期精选 

图文 | 球星看台ThePlayersTribune 

图文资料整理自网络，如涉及侵权请及时联系

阿研，我也想在外研社微信公众号上发文章~

读者

阿研

进入公众号，点击菜单“我要投稿”了解征稿信息~丰厚稿酬等你来拿哦！

©外研社

长按二维码关注我们

点一下你会更好看耶