爱情故事是否都是千篇一律的？ | SandwiChina Love Story Workshop 作品回顾 02
7月，LOVE STORY英文阅读写作课程的二十位学生和土耳其作家Nazlı一起阅读了三个来自不同国家、时代、文化背景的爱情故事，并尝试写下了属于自己的英文爱情故事。课后，同学们也上交了自己长达1000-3000字的英文故事，并收到Nazlı老师逐字逐句的批改与对整篇文章的总体评价和修改意见。从语法、词汇、时态的使用到素材运用、意义深化、人物塑造，Nazlı老师都从自己的专业角度给出了详细的点评。
昨天我们分享了3个学员的故事片段，并附上Nazlı的点评（点击阅读《当我们用英文书写爱情，故事会变得不一样吗？》），今天带来第二篇作品回顾。明天（8月7日），新一期Love Story写作课程就要开始了，来这里创作一篇自己的英文爱情故事吧。目前还剩最后两席课程名额。
From A Vase for Coffee
By:Wang Guoli
On circular foot, the lower section with eight ogee arched reserve of foliate arabesques, the curved spout and scroll handle issuing from opposite sides with bands of geometric designs and pellets, the detachable double-domed cover surmounted by a silver gilt, the finial top formed as a basket of flowers. Henry gently touched and turned the vase on the counter, amazed, crouching down in order to admire it more closely. In no less intensity was she perceiving his countenance.
[…]
They passed through the outer gate into a forest-fringed enclosure. The walls appeared to be carrying the weight of a whole arc of dazzling turquoise sky. Shoes crunching the fresh snow, they emerged from the rim of trees into the enormous space. It was just one building – a heavy triple tiered roof, which stood upon a marble platform mounted by a broad flight of balustraded steps, glistening marble slabs arranged around the central slab in multiples of nine. The whole of the upper tier of tiles and the outer rims of the other two tiers lay hidden in shining carpets of snow, but the sheltered parts showed a sufficient expanse of gleaming porcelain to provide a breadth-taking contrast of blue and white reflecting that of the sky and snow bound earth.
Nazlı:
This is a story about a young English man in China, collecting antiques for his company, except some of the items he is after happen to have personal value, such as the cloisonné vase that he has seen in his aunt’s photos. I loved your descriptions. The use of specific vocabulary, as well as the way you formulate your sentences so that they carry both information and emotion as they open up like images on the page are both done with much skill and grace. I appreciate the structure where you go back in time to introduce the young man’s aunt to the reader. It’s interesting to read about China and coffee, and even more interesting to imagine making coffee in a vase.
这个故事讲的是一个年轻英国男人为公司在中国收集古董，结果意外发现自己要找的某些物品有特殊的个人价值——曾经在他姨母照片中出现过的景泰蓝花瓶。我喜欢你的描述。你对特定词汇的运用与构造带着信息与情感，像图像一样在文字中展开，这需要相当的技巧。你插叙介绍姨母的结构也很好。在故事中读到中国和咖啡非常有趣，而想象着在花瓶里做咖啡，真是更加生趣盎然。
From House Plant
By:Li Yiqing
When the doors opened for procession, Dan was nearly the same as I first knew him. I remember watching him in our partnering class, and his Albrecht so desolate and commanding that I could barely recognize him as the bashful person on bar with a wry backlog of insider jokes. At graduation performance, I feared the stage woodwork might collapse under the frantic roar at curtain call, as the tiny auditorium gravitated towards his aura. He bowed, beamed, more invincible than I ever knew he could be. He trembled from Albrecht’s high and woe when he hugged me backstage. “Thank you, Jia,” he said, and I couldn’t look away from him since then.
[…]
As Albrecht, he’d burst out in entrechat sixes, landing softly on the stage while crushing over me. I envied his ability to set himself up at the center, dancing on the spot, and keeping blindness to what was around him, even though it was what killed him. If I dissected his story today, I’d like to also believe its driving engine was earnest, its breath heartfelt and genuine.
Nazlı:
This is a story about Jia having a dream about Dan, a friend, fellow dancer, and perhaps also a romantic partner/interest in the past. I appreciate your language, which is clean and to the point, your sentences, which are refined and sharp, your paragraphs, which build wonderfully with grace and force.
I enjoyed reading about dancers, and I liked how you used Giselle, a perfect fit for Dan and Jia. That said, I did look it up, and that’s why I know what happens in Giselle, and I suggest finding subtle, perhaps indirect ways to add a little bit more information about it to the story. Jia can reflect on her own role, she can reflect on the quality of others’ performances, and these would provide opportunities to educate the reader. They may also help reveal Jia’s feelings, which would be a much welcome.
这个故事讲述了Jia梦到昔日情人、一个舞者Dan的经历。你的语言干净直接，句子精炼锐利，段落也充满优雅和力量。我喜欢阅读到舞者的部分，而且你运用了《吉赛尔》的故事，完美契合Dan 和Jia。我建议增加一些《吉赛尔》的元素到故事中，将两个故事的信息一一对应起来，这不仅能够表达主人公的情感，也能给读者了解更多信息的机会。
From Crush
By:Guo Xin
The first guy she had a crush on always came to her mind whenever she thought about love. She wanted to talk to someone about her bewildered feelings, so she opened her diary.
I didn’t know when I started to like Ethan. Maybe because he always showed up near my seat and talked random things with me. I seldom talked to boys at high school. Once I skipped my lunch deliberately because of my teenage capriciousness and spent most of my first afternoon class lying on the desk. He came by and asked what happened, then he came back with a sandwich for me. I knew he did the same thing to several girls in our class, and each of them had their unique attractiveness. One day I saw him holding hands with another girl under the desk, but that did not shake my affections for him. Anyway, I didn’t tell him how I felt about him. There was nothing to lose. Maybe he never liked me the way a boy liked a girl. He was there just as a friend. Not even a close one.
I liked him because I was certain there was something real in his playfulness. As I grew older, I gradually realized that maybe he was the other version of mine. If I were a man, I’d be like him. Passionate about life. Surrounded by friends, boys and girls. Maybe too impulsive, but you’d forgive me if you were aware of my frankness. Most importantly, I would travel, all over the world.
Now I have realized my dream without being a man. As a stewardess I have been to a lot of places on this tiny planet. Ironically, once a dream is achieved, it is a dream lost.
Nazlı:
This is a story about Lydia finding love, first by challenging herself to trust somebody else, since she is extremely self-reliable, and secondly by accepting to have a baby. I appreciated in your story the direct way you describe Lydia’s personality, her inner life, in strength and vulnerability. I liked that you made use of the diary too, and especially admired how you made sure the language used for the diary entries felt natural. Having your protagonist be a stewardess gave you ample opportunity to use different settings, very handy to make dreams come true! This story is well structured, the main character is well established, and the language is clean and to the point, so my suggestions will be about deepening the story and perhaps also making it a bit more complex.
这是一个有关Lydia寻找爱情的故事，她虽然非常自立，但从开始相信别人到生一个孩子，都在不断挑战自己。我欣赏你在故事中直接描述Lydia交杂着力量和脆弱的性格、内心世界，也很喜欢你的对日记的使用，尤其是你在引入日记部分时自然的过渡。主人公的职业是空姐，因此你能够充分运用不同场景。这个故事结构合理，主人公性格突出，语言简洁明了，所以我的建议是可以进一步深化故事的内涵， 使它变得更复杂一些。
上一篇学员作品选段及点评
当我们用英文书写爱情，故事会变得不一样吗？
8月7日起，Nazli将在三明治开设第二期以“Love Story”为主题的线上阅读写作课，课程内容结合爱荷华大学创意写作项目中的教学内容，将阅读与写作紧密结合，包括三篇爱情故事的深度赏析课与围绕一篇个人写作展开的写作指导。在一个月里，你将和土耳其作家Nazli一起阅读艾米·布鲁姆、雷蒙德·卡佛、爱丽丝·门罗、伊恩·麦克尤恩的作品，并在指导下完成一篇以爱情为主题的个人作品。
在前三次1.5小时的小班课中，你将与Nazli一起分析故事文本，学习如何像一个作者一样阅读，增强对写作元素的敏感性，并从中挖掘潜在写作主题与素材。每次阅读课前，老师会发布与文本相关的思考问题和写作提案，我们鼓励任何提问、感想与写作。
在写作上，本次课程分为提前班和正常班，分别招收5人与10人。
正常班同学会在第三次课前上交1000-2500字的英文作品，并会在五天之内收到老师的反馈。
提前班的同学需要在第二次课前提交1000-2500字的英文作品，并会在第三次课之前收到老师的书面批改，BONUS是老师将在第三次课程上对提前班的作品做直接赏析与课堂讨论，做针对性对专业指导！也就是说，你的作品将会像正式作家的作品一样，接受在讨论课的专业点评！
*提前班和正常班同时上课，只是交作业时间不同，且提前班的作业将会成为课堂直接的案例分析
课程内容
我们总是容易掉入概念化的陷阱，以为爱情故事“应该是这样的“，关于婚姻和性，人们也有一个固定框架，我们总是被规训着”爱情应该怎么做“”在婚姻中应该怎么做“。
但是，爱情没有范式。这个世界上，没有两段相同的爱情。那么，我们是如何去描写爱情的呢？在社会层面，对爱情的偏见是如何在纸张间呈现的？我们每个人是否都在生活中强化这些错误的偏见？
第一周：什么是一个爱情故事？
阅读作业：Amy Bloom “Love Is Not a Pie”, Raymond Carver “On Writing”
写作作业：关于“什么是一个爱情故事”，写一段150-250字的回答。
课程内容：
精读入门
理解阅读如何影响写作
如何在写作中避免陈词滥调，突出个人风格
如何平衡写作技巧与创造性
第二周：爱情故事中的人物
阅读作业: Alice Munro “Corrie”, Alice Munro The Paris Review Art of Fiction Interview, Alice Munro Nobel Lecture
写作作业: 思考并回答阅读与写作问题
课程内容:
如何构建人物，如何探索人物内心世界
什么是爱情故事的“happy ending”
如何在故事中的某个桥段延展时间
如何在故事中揭露或隐藏信息
如何加入线索
第三周: 爱情故事中的象征
阅读作业: Ian McEwan “First Love, Last Rites”, Ian McEwan The Paris Review Art of Fiction Interview
写作作业: 思考并回答阅读与写作问题，从阅读文本中摘录写作建议，制作成小卡片，课堂上分享
课程内容：
爱情故事中“身体亲密”的重要性
如何在故事中运用象征
如何结合私人故事与社会问题
个人写作Project：
在前三周的学习中，学员将在Nazli的指导下，搜集个人写作素材，学习写作方法，并在第二/三周课前上交1000-2500字的写作作品，老师会在五天内给予针对性的个人反馈，帮助每一位学员完成一个用英文写作的爱情故事。优秀作品有机会在国外网站或三明治的平台上发表。
导师简介
Nazli
Nazli，土耳其作家，美国爱荷华大学非虚构写作项目MFA硕士毕业，曾在中国中山大学本科两年的教学经历。本科在美国Gettysburg College主修英语与创意写作，毕业后前往法国进修艺术史和油画。曾翻译出版了三部青少年作品，并志愿参与The Iowa Review工作。目前以自由职业的身份，一边开设线上写作与阅读工作坊，一边写作。
课程收获
赏析来自三个不同国家的爱情故事，思考对文学体裁的一般期望与模式化观念
学习如何在一个普遍的经历中突出个人特点，理解主旨与象征，深入了解人物内心
完成一个以爱情为主题的英文个人作品
有机会在老师的指导下，发表自己的英文作品！
8 月 7 日
8 月 14 日
8 月 21 日
每周五晚20：00-21：30在线授课
课程价格
1299元/人（限额15人）
注意事项
1.课程资料请勿外传。如发现私自共享，将取消课程资格；
2.课程正式开始后，恕不退费。如在课程开始前退出，需扣除全款的 20% 作为手续费。
报名方式
1.点击下方小程序报名
正常班
提前班人数已满
2.完成上述步骤后，
请添加课程助理三明治小讯
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LOVE STORY WORKSHOP第二期开始招募
明日开课