Tim弟兄 ▎18件我将绝不会后悔和我孩子一起做的事

像大多数父母一样，有时我会经历像海浪一样涌到我的身上的罪疚和后悔。那时我会想，我作为人父的时间有多少已经过去，留下来的时间是多么少。我最大的孩子，我儿子13岁，已经是一个青少年，只差一年就要上高中，再过八年就到我从前离家结婚的年龄。我的女儿们紧跟在他后面。当这些波浪涌起，当我感觉我在所有这些懊悔之下会被淹死的时候，有时我会思想这些我将绝不会后悔做的事。

我知道有18件事，是我将绝不会后悔和我孩子一起去做的。

1为着他们和他们一起祷告

让我迷惑不解的是，我最害怕的其中一件事情，就是和我的孩子一起祷告。我不是说在饭前或饭后全家一起祷告，而是为着我的女儿和她一起祷告，或者为着我的儿子和他一起祷告。但这种祷告让他们看见，我关心他们所关心的事，我知道我需要把这摆在优先位置上。

2读书给他们听

当夏天过去秋天来到，当白日变短，夜间变冷的时候，我们很多晚上一起在客厅里度过，我大声读书。我们已经读过跨越这个世界，跨越许多其他世界的书；我们已经读过在历史上向前的书，关于很久以前的书；我们已经遇见英雄和恶棍；我们作为一家人一同经历这一切。我将绝不会后悔读书给我的孩子听。

3和亲吻他们，向他们道晚安

白天日子漫长，我变得非常疲倦。到了孩子准备上床的时候，我有时如此疲倦，以致我想做的最后一件事，就是把孩子送到床边，亲吻他们，向他们道晚安。但我总是很高兴我曾这样做过，经常发现这些时候是孩子最温柔，最想说话，最愿意聆听的时候。

4带他们去教会

全家一起坐在教会里，一起敬拜主，一起主聆听主的话语，这是何等大的喜乐。我带孩子去教会，不是为了让他们可以学习作一个有礼貌的人，或者学习作好人。我带他们上教会，好让他们可以认识自己是谁，可以认识神是谁，好使他们可以与恩典相遇，经历恩典。

5带孩子们出去吃饭

我们家其中一个大家都非常喜爱的传统，就是星期六带孩子出去吃饭。每周带一个孩子出去，这是一个我已经放弃，又重新拾回，然后又放弃又拾回的传统。这是一个值得保留的传统。所费的金钱和时间，与在他们生命中所做的投资相比是微不足道。

6让我的朋友与我的孩子交朋友

当我的孩子与我的朋友交朋友的时候，我就再高兴不过。我要我的孩子与那些比他们年纪更大、更有智慧的人，那些能在我自己薄弱的领域帮助他们的人交朋友。

7家庭敬拜

家庭敬拜是很难坚持的一种操练，特别是随着孩子年龄增长，学校的功课和责任更多的时候。但我们投身再投身，坚持，因为这些是宝贵的时间——几分钟在一起读圣经，谈论我们学到的功课，一起祷告。我知道我绝不后悔用在一起来追求主的每分每秒。

8管教孩子

我讨厌管教我的孩子，我讨厌不得不要管教他们。但我绝对相信，拒绝管教他们，就是拒绝爱他们，拒绝尊重他们。剥夺他们的特权，严厉对他们说话，把他们单独关在房间里反省，这些当时看上去都是恨，但后来看起来都是爱。

9做特别的事

人生主要在平淡中度过，爱最经常表现在一日复一日的生活当中。但是在下午参加球赛，晚上去看芭蕾舞，和爸爸一起出差，这也有很大价值。我将绝不后悔和我的孩子一起做这些特别的事。

10请求他们的饶恕

我比任何其他人都更难向我的孩子道歉。在我心里我总觉得，向他们道歉，就是暴露出我的软弱；但是在我状态最好的时候，我知道向他们道歉，因为我犯罪得罪他们，我请求他们饶恕，这是尊荣神，尊重他们。

11饶恕孩子

我很大的弱点，就是我孩子其中一个强项，当他们犯罪的时候，他们几乎是快快地求我饶恕。我将绝不后悔真诚和马上给他们要的饶恕。

12爱孩子的母亲

我知道一位母亲和一位父亲坚定彼此委身带来的稳定，要给全家带来稳定作用。我向我的孩子保证，我要用我的言行和感情爱他们的母亲，以此爱我的儿女。我将绝不会后悔经常重申我对他们母亲的爱。

13辨认出神的恩典

当我的孩子承认相信，开始在敬虔品格方面成长的时候，看到神在他们生命中的恩典，这是何等喜乐。我在学习把我正在看见的告诉他们，为此表扬他们，把他们指向作成这一切的那一位。

14表达感情

我喜欢牵着手与我的女儿散步，我喜欢我儿子上学前给他一个拥抱，这种身体方面爱的表达，让他们有安全和被爱的感受，同时教导他们界限和纯洁合适的接触。我将绝不会后悔继续用身体语言表达爱。

15计划安排小小的惊喜

我外出演讲回家偶然带一些小礼物，给女儿的妈妈买一束花时也给她们买一朵玫瑰；无需理由去麦当劳吃上一顿。我将绝不会后悔安排和送上这些特别的小小惊喜。

16给他们全然的关注

我几乎全时间手头都有一件电子产品，很多时候有两三件带在身边。每次蜂鸣声或滴嘟声响起的时候，这都如此容易打断对话，打断眼神接触，打断关住。我知道，当我的孩子有话要说的时候，我将绝不会后悔把我全部注意力都倾注在他们身上。

17指向福音

福音不仅仅是通往基督徒人生的入口，而是基督徒人生盼望和喜乐的源头本身。人需要一次又一次回归福音，我们每天都需要福音。

18对孩子说“我爱你”

我非常爱我的孩子。我可以用上面列出的各样方法表明这种爱，但是当他们上学的时候，当他们和朋友一起出去的时候，当他们打电话到办公室找我的时候，当我们彼此相隔甚远，进行网上聊天的时候，我将绝不会后悔对他们再说一次“我爱你”。

有什么事情，是你绝不会后悔和你孩子一起去做的？

文章来自古旧福音网站

Tim弟兄和妻子

【英文原文】

18 Things I Will Not RegretDoing With My Kids

by Tim Challies

Likemost parents, I have those moments where guilt and regret comes over me like awave. I consider then how much of my parenting time has already passed by andhow little remains. My oldest child, my son, is thirteen. He is already ateenager, just one year away from high school, just eight years from the age Iwas when I left home to get married. My girls are following close behind him.When that wave rises up, when I feel like I could drown beneath all thatregret, I sometimes consider those things I will never regret.

Hereare 18 things I know I will not regret doing with my kids.

1. Praying withthem for them. It baffles me that one of the things that most intimidates me ispraying with my kids. I don’t mean praying with the whole family before or aftera meal, but praying with my daughter for my daughter or with my son for my son.Yet this kind of prayer lets them see that I am concerned for what concernsthem and it lets us join in prayer together for those very things. I know Ineed to prioritize this because I will never regret praying with themfor them.

2. Reading booksto them.As summer turns to fall, as the days grow shorter and the nightsgrow colder, we spend many of our evenings together in the living room as Iread books aloud. We’ve read our way across this world and across many others;we’ve read forward in history and we’ve read about days long past; we’ve metheroes and villains; and we have experienced it all together as a family. Iwill never regret reading books to my children.

3. Kissing themgoodnight.The days get long and I get so weary. By the time the children head to bed I amsometimes so worn down that the very last thing I want to do is see the kids tobed and to kiss them goodnight. But I am always glad I did and often find thesethe times where the children are most tender, most eager to speak, and mosteager to listen. I know I will never regret all thosegoodnight kisses.

4. Taking themto church.There is such joy in sitting in church together as a family,worshipping the Lord together and hearing from him in his Word together.I do not take my children to church so they can learn good manners or be betterpeople; I take them to church so they can learn who they are, so they can learnwho God is, and so they can encounter and experience Grace. I will never regretprioritizing church.

5. Taking themout for breakfast. One much-loved tradition in our family is taking mychildren out for breakfast on Saturday mornings—one of them each week. It’s atradition I have lost and revived and lost again and revived again. It is atradition worth maintaining. The $10 or $20 expense and the time it takes palesin comparison to the investment in their lives. I will never regret ourbreakfast daddy dates.

6. Letting myfriends be their friends. I love it when my children befriend, and arebefriended by, my friends. I want my children to have friends who are older andwiser than they are and friends who can help them in those areas where I amweak. I will never regret encouraging my friends to be their friends.

7. Doing familydevotions. Family devotions is a difficult discipline to maintain, andespecially as the kids get older and have more lessons and responsibilities.But we commit and re-commit and persevere because these are precious times—justa few minutes together to read the Bible, to talk about what we’ve heard, andto pray. I know I will never regret a single moment spent pursuing theLord together.

8. Discipliningthem. Ihate disciplining my children; I hate having to discipline them. YetI am absolutely convinced that to refuse to discipline them is to refuse tolove and respect them. The lost privilege, the stern talking-to, the time spentalone in their room—these are all seen as hatred in the moment, but seen aslove later on. I will never regret lovingly disciplining my children.

9. Doing specialthings.Life is largely lived in the mundane and love is mostly shown in theday-to-day. But there is also value in the afternoons at the ballgame, theevenings at the ballet, the business trips with dad. I will never regret doingthose special things with my children.

10. Asking theirforgiveness. I have more trouble apologizing to my children than to anyoneelse. Somewhere way in the back of my mind I am convinced that to apologize to themis to show weakness; but at my best times I know that to apologize to them—toask their forgiveness when I have sinned against them—is honoring to God and tothem. I will never regret those times I have asked their forgiveness.

11. Forgivingthem.My great weakness is one of my kids’ great strengths; when they sin they arealmost always quick to seek my forgiveness. I will never regret sincerely andimmediately granting the forgiveness they ask.

12. Loving theirmother.I know that the stability of a mother and father who are firmlycommitted to one another brings stability to the whole family. I can love mychildren by assuring them of my love for their mother through my words anddeeds and affection. I will never regret regularly affirming my love fortheir mother.

13. IdentifyingGod’s Grace. As my children make professions of faith and as they begin togrow in godly character, it has been a joy to see God’s grace in their lives. Iam learning to tell them what I am seeing, to commend them for it, and to pointto the One who has generated it. I know I’ll never regret identifying this kindof grace in their lives.

14. Expressingaffection.I love to walkhand-in-hand with my daughters and I love to hug my son before he goes off toschool. This physical affection makes them feel safe and loved while teachingboundaries and platonic, appropriate touch. I will never regret continuing toexpress physical affection.

15. Planninglittle surprises. The small and occasional gifts when I return home froma speaking engagement; a single rose for my girls when I buy their mother abouquet of flowers; the dinner at McDonald’s for no reason at all. I will neverregret planning and delivering these special little surprises.

16. Giving themmy full attention. I almost always have an electronic device within reachand often I have two or three of them. It is so easy to break out of aconversation with every buzz or beep, to break eye contact and to breakconcentration. I know I’ll never regret giving my children my full attentionwhen they have something to say.

17. Pointing tothe gospel. The gospel is not merely a gateway to the Christian life,but the very source of hope and joy in the Christian life. We need toreturn to the gospel again and again; we need the gospel every day. And I willnever regret pointing my children to the gospel.

18. Telling them“I love you”. I love my children dearly and I can show that love in each of theways I’ve listed above. But when they head off to school, when they go out withfriends, when they call me at the office, when we FaceTime from afar, I willnever regret telling them one more time, “I love you.”

Whatare some things you will never regret doing with your kids?

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