TED演讲：我们如何才能从痛苦的回忆中真正解脱出来？
故事有助于你理解自己的生活，但当这些故事不完整或有误导性时，它们会让你陷入困境，而不是让你变得清晰。在一次可行的演讲中，心理治疗专家和咨询专栏作家洛里·戈特利布展示了如何通过成为自己的编辑和从不同的角度重写你的叙述，来帮助摆脱你那些痛苦的回忆。
演讲者：Lori Gottlieb
演讲题目: Change your story, change your life
I'm going to start by telling you about an email that I saw in my inbox recently. Now, I have a pretty unusual inbox because I'm a therapist and I write an advice column called "Dear Therapist," so you can imagine what's in there. I mean, I've read thousands of very personal letters from strangers all over the world.
演讲的开始我将会给你们分享一封我最近在收件箱看到的邮件。我的收件箱比较特别，因为我是个心理咨询师而且我写着一个叫《亲爱的咨询师》的建议专栏，你也可以想象收件箱里的会是什么。我意思是，我阅读了来自全球各地陌生人的数千封非常私人的信件。
And these letters range from heartbreak and loss, to spats with parents or siblings. I keep them in a folder on my laptop, and I've named it "The Problems of Living." So, I get this email, I get lots of emails just like this, and I want to bring you into my world for a second and read you one of these letters. And here's how it goes.这些信件的内容包括心碎和失去，到与父母或兄弟姐妹发生口角。我把他们保存在我电脑的一个文件夹里，命名为“活着的问题”。我收到这些邮件，很多这样的邮件，我想把你们带到我的世界片刻，给你们读其中一封信件。内容大概是这样。
"Dear Therapist, I've been married for 10 years and things were good until a couple of years ago. That's when my husband stopped wanting to have sex as much, and now we barely have sex at all." I'm sure you guys were not expecting this.“亲爱的咨询师，我结婚10年了，直到几年前，一切都很好。那时我丈夫没那么想和我做*了，现在我们几乎很少有性生活。”我相信你们没有预料到这内容。
"Well, last night I discovered that for the past few months, he's been secretly having long, late-night phone calls with a woman at his office. I googled her, and she's gorgeous. I can't believe this is happening. My father had an affair with a coworker when I was young and it broke our family apart. Needless to say, I'm devastated. If I stay in this marriage, I'll never be able to trust my husband again. But I don't want to put our kids through a divorce, stepmom situation, etc. What should I do?"
“昨晚，我发现在过去几个月中，他一直在悄悄地跟他办公室的一个女人打很长的深夜电话。我去查了她，她很漂亮。我无法相信这发生了。小时候我父亲和他同事发生了外遇，这让我们的家庭支离破碎。不用说，我很伤心。如果我继续维持这段婚姻，我永远不会再相信我丈夫了。但我不想让我的孩子经历父母离异，将他们推向继父/继母的等等艰难境地。我应该怎么办？”
Well, what do you think she should do? If you got this letter, you might be thinking about how painful infidelity is. Or maybe about how especially painful it is here because of her experience growing up with her father. And like me, you'd probably have some empathy for this woman, and you might even have some, how should I put this nicely, let's just call them "not-so-positive" feelings for her husband.
你们觉得她应该怎么做？如果你收到这封信，你可能会觉得不忠是多么让人痛苦。或尤其考虑到她不忠的父亲的过往，这是多么让人痛苦的事啊。跟我一样，你可能会对这个女士产生同情，你甚至可能有些，我应该怎么说合适些，我们称其为对她丈夫“不是很正面”的感觉。
Now, those are the kinds of things that go through my mind too, when I'm reading these letters in my inbox. But I have to be really careful when I respond to these letters because I know that every letter I get is actually just a story written by a specific author. And that another version of this story also exists. It always does.
当我阅读收件箱里的这些信件时，这些也是我脑海中的感觉。但回复这些邮件的时候，我需要非常小心，因为我知道我收到的每一封信件是一位特别的作者写的故事。这个故事的另一版本也会存在。总是如此。
And I know this because if I've learned anything as a therapist, it's that we are all unreliable narrators of our own lives. I am. You are. And so is everyone you know. Which I probably shouldn't have told you because now you're not going to believe my TED Talk.
我知道这点是因为我从事咨询师学到了我们都不可靠地叙述着自己的生活。我就如此。你们也是。你们认识的每个人也如此。或许我不应该告诉你这些，因为现在你们可能不会相信我的TED演讲了。
Look, I don't mean that we purposely mislead. Most of what people tell me is absolutely true, just from their current points of view. Depending on what they emphasize or minimize, what they leave in, what they leave out, what they see and want me to see, they tell their stories in a particular way. The psychologist Jerome Bruner described this beautifully --he said, "To tell a story is, inescapably, to take a moral stance." All of us walk around with stories about our lives. Why choices were made, why things went wrong, why we treated someone a certain way -- because obviously, they deserved it -- why someone treated us a certain way -- even though, obviously, we didn't. Stories are the way we make sense of our lives.
并非是我们有意误导。大部分人告诉我的绝对是真的，但只是从他们的视角来看。取决于他们强调或淡化什么，留下了什么，舍弃了什么，看到了什么，以及想让我看到什么，他们用一种特定的方式讲故事。心理学家杰罗姆·布鲁纳对此做了精彩的描述—— “为了讲述一个故事，人们不可避免地要采取一种道德立场。”我们所有人都被自己的生活故事所包围。为什么做出选择，事情为什么出错，为什么我们这样对待某人——因为很显然，他们自取的——为什么人们要这样对我——即使我完全不应受到这种待遇。故事是我们让生活变得合理且有意义的方式。
But what happens when the stories we tell are misleading or incomplete or just wrong? Well, instead of providing clarity, these stories keep us stuck. We assume that our circumstances shape our stories. But what I found time and again in my work is that the exact opposite happens. The way we narrate our lives shapes what they become.
但当我们讲述的故事有误导性不完整，或错误时，会怎样呢？这些故事不仅没有提供准确清晰的信息，反倒把我们困住了。我们认定我们的环境塑造了我们的故事。但在我的工作中，我一次又一次地发现，情况恰恰相反。我们叙述生活的方式决定了生活的未来方向。
That's the danger of our stories, because they can really mess us up, but it's also their power. Because what it means is that if we can change our stories, then we can change our lives. And today, I want to show you how.
这是我们故事的危险之处，因为它们真的可以把我们搞得一团糟，但这也是它们的力量所在。因为这意味着若能改变我们讲述的故事，我们即可改变生活。今天，我想向你们展示如何做到。
Now, I told you I'm a therapist, and I really am, I'm not being an unreliable narrator. But if I'm, let's say, on an airplane, and someone asks what I do, I usually say I'm an editor. And I say that partly because if I say I'm a therapist, I always get some awkward response, like, "Oh, a therapist. Are you going to psychoanalyze me?" And I'm thinking, "A : no, and B: why would I do that here? If I said I was a gynecologist, would you ask if I were about to give you a pelvic exam?"
我告诉过你们我是个咨询师，我真的是，我现在不是个不可靠的叙述者。但如果，比方说，在飞机上，有人问我是做啥的，我通常说我是个编辑。我这样说的部分原因是如果我说自己是个心理咨询师，我总会得到一些尴尬的回应，比如， “噢，一个咨询师。你要对我进行心理分析吗？”我会想：“首先，不会，其次，我为什么要在这里做心里分析？如果我说我是妇科医生，你还会问我是不是要给你做盆腔检查吗？”
But the main reason I say I'm an editor is because it's true. Now, it's the job of all therapists to help people edit, but what's interesting about my specific role as Dear Therapist is that when I edit, I'm not just editing for one person. I'm trying to teach a whole group of readers how to edit, using one letter each week as the example.
但我说我是个编辑的主要原因是因为这是真的。所有咨询师的工作是帮助人们编辑，但我作为《亲爱的咨询师》这一特殊角色的有趣之处是当我编辑时，我不仅为一个人编辑，而是在尝试教一群读者如何编辑。通过每周使用一封信作为案例。
So I'm thinking about things like, "What material is extraneous?" "Is the protagonist moving forward or going in circles, are the supporting characters important or are they a distraction?" "Do the plot points reveal a theme?" And what I've noticed is that most people's stories tend to circle around two key themes.
所以我会思考这些东西，例如 “什么资料是无关紧要的？”“主角是在前进，还是在原地打转？”“配角是重要的，还是会分散注意？”“这个情节是否揭露了一个主题？”而且我注意到的是大部分人的故事都是围绕两个关键的主题：
The first is freedom, and the second is change. And when I edit, those are the themes that I start with. So, let's take a look at freedom for a second. Our stories about freedom go like this: we believe, in general, that we have an enormous amount of freedom. Except when it comes to the problem at hand, in which case, suddenly, we feel like we have none. Many of our stories are about feeling trapped, right?
第一个是自由，第二个是改变。当我编辑时，这些是我开始的主题。那么，让我们看下“自由”。我们关于自由的故事往往是这样开始的：我相信，总的来说，我们拥有很多自由。除了在面临手头问题的时候，这种情况下，突然之间，我们感到没有自由。我们很多故事都是关于被困住的感觉，对吧？
We feel imprisoned by our families, our jobs, our relationships, our pasts. Sometimes, we even imprison ourselves with a narrative of self-flagellation -- I know you guys all know these stories. The "everyone's life is better than mine" story, courtesy of social media. The "I'm an impostor" story, the "I'm unlovable" story, the "nothing will ever work out for me" story.
我们感到被我们的家庭，我们的工作，我们的关系，我们的过去所囚禁。有时，我们甚至把自己禁锢在自我鞭笞的叙述中——你们都知道这些故事。那个“每个人的生活都比我的好”的故事，这得归功于社交媒体。“我是冒充者”的故事，“我不够讨人喜欢”的故事，“我永远不会成功”的故事。
The "when I say, 'Hey, Siri, ' and she doesn't answer, that means she hates me" story. I see you, see, I'm not the only one. The woman who wrote me that letter, she also feels trapped. If she stays with her husband, she'll never trust him again, but if she leaves, her children will suffer.
那个“当我说，‘嗨，Siri’，她没有答复，意味着她讨厌我”的故事。我知道你们，看，我不是唯一的一个。那个给我写邮件的女人，她也感到被困住了。如果她与丈夫待在一起，她将永远不会再相信他，但如果她离开，她的孩子会遭受痛苦。
Now, there's a cartoon that I think is a perfect example of what's really going on in these stories. The cartoon shows a prisoner shaking the bars, desperately trying to get out. But on the right and the left, it's open. No bars. The prisoner isn't in jail. That's most of us. We feel completely trapped, stuck in our emotional jail cells. But we don't walk around the bars to freedom because we know there's a catch. Freedom comes with responsibility. And if we take responsibility for our role in the story, we might just have to change.
有个漫画我认为真实呈现了这些故事中真正发生的情况。这个漫画展现了一个不断在摇动铁栏的囚犯，拼命地想出去。但监狱的左右两边，是开放的。没有铁栏。这个囚犯不在牢笼里。那就是我们大多数人。我们感到完全被困住，困在情感的牢笼中。但我们不会绕着铁栏走走来寻找自由，因为我们知道这里有陷阱。自由伴随着责任。如果我们要担负起自己在故事中的角色的责任，我们可能必须得改变。
And that's the other common theme that I see in our stories: change. Those stories sound like this: a person says, "I want to change." But what they really mean is, "I want another character in the story to change." Therapists describe this dilemma as: "If the queen had balls, she'd be the king." I mean --It makes no sense, right? Why wouldn't we want the protagonist, who's the hero of the story, to change? Well, it might be because change, even really positive change, involves a surprising amount of loss. Loss of the familiar. Even if the familiar is unpleasant or utterly miserable, at least we know the characters and setting and plot, right down to the recurring dialogue in this story. "You never do the laundry!" "I did it last time!" "Oh, yeah? When?" There's something oddly comforting about knowing exactly how the story is going to go every single time.
那就是另一个在故事中常见的主题“改变”。这些故事往往听起俩是这样的：一个人说，“我想要改变。”但他们真正的意思是，“我想要故事中的另一个角色做出改变。”咨询师把这种窘境描述为：“如果皇后有种，她就是国王。”我意思是—— 这不就是废话嘛，对吧？我们为什么不想让主角故事中的英雄去改变？这可能是因为改变，即便是一个非常积极的改变，涉及无法想象的损失。失去熟悉感。即便熟悉是不愉快或绝对悲惨的，至少我们知道故事的角色、背景和情节，甚至是故事中反复出现的对话。“你从来不洗衣服！”“我上次洗了！”“哦，是吗？什么时候？”明确地知道故事每次将如何发展，有一种奇怪的安慰感。
To write a new chapter is to venture into the unknown. It's to stare at a blank page. And as any writer will tell you, there's nothing more terrifying than a blank page. But here's the thing. Once we edit our story, the next chapter becomes much easier to write. We talk so much in our culture about getting to know ourselves. But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself. To let go of the one version of the story you've been telling yourself so that you can live your life, and not the story that you've been telling yourself about your life. And that's how we walk around those bars.
谱写新的篇章需要勇敢地探索未知。是要盯着空白页。正如任何作家会告诉你的，没有什么比空白页更可怕的了。但这是问题所在。一旦我们开始编辑我们的故事，书写下一章节就会变得容易多了。在我们文化中，我们探讨了太多“要了解自己”。但了解自己的一部分是“生疏自己”。放下你一直告诉自己的一个故事版本，这样你才能够去过你的生活，而不是过你告诉自己的故事里的生活。这就是我们跨越铁栏的方式。
So I want to go back to the letter from the woman, about the affair. She asked me what she should do. Now, I have this word taped up in my office: ultracrepidarianism. The habit of giving advice or opinions outside of one's knowledge or competence. It's a great word, right?
于是我想要回到那个女士关于外遇的邮件，她问我她应该怎么做。我把这个短句贴在了我的办公室：没有知识的意见是危险的（ultracrepidarianism）。在自己知识或能力范围之外提供建议或意见的习惯。这是个很棒的词，对吧？
You can use it in all different contexts, I'm sure you will be using it after this TED Talk. I use it because it reminds me that as a therapist, I can help people to sort out what they want to do, but I can't make their life choices for them. Only you can write your story, and all you need are some tools.
你可以在所有不同的语境中使用它，我确定你会在这个TED演讲后使用它。我用它是因为它提醒我作为治疗师，我可以帮助人们理清他们想要做的事情，但我不能为他们的人生做决定。只有你，才能书写你的故事。然而你所需要的是一些工具。
So what I want to do is I want to edit this woman's letter together, right here, as a way to show how we can all revise our stories. And I want to start by asking you to think of a story that you're telling yourself right now that might not be serving you well. It might be about a circumstance you're experiencing, it might be about a person in your life, it might even be about yourself. And I want you to look at the supporting characters. Who are the people who are helping you to uphold the wrong version of this story?
所以我想要做的是在这里一起编辑这位女士的来信，来展示我们能够如何修正我们的故事。我想从让你们想一个你们告诉自己的，但却对自己毫无益处的故事开始。它可能有关你所处的周遭环境，可以是你生活中关于某个人的，甚至可以是关于你自己的。并且我想让你们看看配角。是谁在帮助你支撑着这个错误版本的故事？
For instance, if the woman who wrote me that letter told her friends what happened, they would probably offer her what's called "idiot compassion." Now, in idiot compassion, we go along with the story, we say, "You're right, that's so unfair," when a friend tells us that he didn't get the promotion he wanted, even though we know this has happened several times before because he doesn't really put in the effort, and he probably also steals office supplies.
比如，倘若那个给我写信的女士告诉她朋友发生了什么，她们可能会给她提供所谓的“白痴同情”建议。现在，带着愚蠢的同情心，我们跟着故事走，我们说，“你说的对，这不公平，”当一个朋友告诉我们他没有得到他想要的升职，即便我们知道这已发生过多次，因为他并没有真正在努力工作，并且他可能还偷办公用品。
We say, "Yeah, you're right, he's a jerk," when a friend tells us that her boyfriend broke up with her, even though we know that there are certain ways she tends to behave in relationships, like the incessant texting or the going through his drawers, that tend to lead to this outcome. We see the problem, it's like, if a fight breaks out in every bar you're going to, it might be you.
我们说，“是的，你说的对，他是个混蛋，”当一个朋友告诉我们她男朋友和她分手了，尽管我们知道她在恋情中的一些行为，比如不停地发短信或者翻他的抽屉，容易导致这种结果。我们能看到问题，这有点像，如果你去的每个酒吧都有打架场面发生的话，那可能是你的问题。
In order to be good editors, we need to offer wise compassion, not just to our friends, but to ourselves. This is what's called -- I think the technical term might be -- "delivering compassionate truth bombs." And these truth bombs are compassionate, because they help us to see what we've left out of the story.
要成为好的编辑，我们需要提供明智的同情，不仅对我们的朋友，而且对我们自己。这就是所谓的——专业名词为——“传递同情的真相炸弹”。这些真相炸弹是具有同情的，因为它们帮助我们看见我们在故事中遗漏的东西。
The truth is, we don't know if this woman's husband is having an affair, or why their sex life changed two years ago, or what those late-night phone calls are really about. And it might be that because of her history, she's writing a singular story of betrayal, but there's probably something else that she's not willing to let me, in her letter, or maybe even herself, to see.
真相是，我们不知道这位女士的丈夫是否出轨，或者为什么他们的性生活在两年前发生了改变，或者这些深夜电话真正是因为什么。这还可能是由于她的过去，她在写仅仅关于背叛的故事，但可能也有其他事情，她在邮件中不想让我或者甚至她自己，看见的。
It's like that guy who's taking a Rorschach test. You all know what Rorschach tests are? A psychologist shows you some ink blots, they look like that, and asks, "What do you see?" So the guy looks at his ink blot and he says, "Well, I definitely don't see blood." And the examiner says, "Alright, tell me what else you definitely don't see." In writing, this is called point of view. What is the narrator not willing to see?
就像在做罗夏克墨渍测验的人。你们都知道罗夏克墨渍测验是什么吧？一个心理学家给你看一些墨迹，比如这样的，之后问你，“你看见了什么？”于是这个人看着他的墨迹说，“好吧，我确定没有看见血。”于是检测人员说，“好的，告诉我你绝对没看见什么其他东西。”在写作中，这被称为视角。叙述者不愿意看见什么？
So, I want to read you one more letter. And it goes like this.
所以，我想要给你们再读一封信。它是这样的。
"Dear Therapist, I need help with my wife. Lately, everything I do irritates her, even small things, like the noise I make when I chew. At breakfast, I noticed that she even tries to secretly put extra milk in my granola so it won't be as crunchy."
“亲爱的咨询师，我跟我妻子需要帮助。最近，我做的每件事都让她生气，即便很小的事情，比如我咀嚼的声音。早餐时，我注意到她甚至偷偷地往我的麦片里加牛奶，所以它不会那么脆。”
"I feel like she became critical of me after my father died two years ago. I was very close with him, and her father left when she was young, so she couldn't relate to what I was going through. There's a friend at work whose father died a few months ago, and who understands my grief. I wish I could talk to my wife like I talk to my friend, but I feel like she barely tolerates me now. How can I get my wife back?"
“两年前在我父亲去世后，我感到她对我来说变得越加重要了。我曾跟父亲非常亲近，她父亲在她很小时就离开了她，所以她无法理解我所经历的一切。我的一个同事朋友，她父亲在几个月前也去世了，她能理解我的悲伤。我真希望我可以像跟我朋友一样和我妻子谈谈，但我感觉她现在很难忍受我。我应该怎样才能把妻子找回来呢？”
OK. So, what you probably picked up on is that this is the same story I read you earlier, just told from another narrator's point of view. Her story was about a husband who's cheating, his story is about a wife who can't understand his grief. But what's remarkable, is that for all of their differences, what both of these stories are about is a longing for connection.
好了。所以你们可能注意到了这是我早先给你们读的同个故事，只是从另一个叙述者的视角来讲的。她的故事是一个出轨的丈夫，他的故事是一个无法理解他伤痛的妻子。尽管他们的故事有些差别，但明显的是，这两个故事都是关于对相处连接的渴望。
And if we can get out of the first-person narration and write the story from another character's perspective, suddenly that other character becomes much more sympathetic, and the plot opens up. That's the hardest step in the editing process, but it's also where change begins.
如果我们能跳出第一人称的视角，从另一个角色的视角去书写故事，突然之间，另一个角色就变得更让人同情了，故事情节也就此展开。这是在编辑环节最困难的一步，但这也是改变发生的地方。
What would happen if you looked at your story and wrote it from another person's point of view? What would you see now from this wider perspective? That's why, when I see people who are depressed, I sometimes say, "You are not the best person to talk to you about you right now," because depression distorts our stories in a very particular way.
如果你看着你的故事并从另一个人的视角来写同样的故事，会怎样？从这更广阔的视角中你现在会看到什么？这也是为什么，当我看到人们沮丧时，我有时候说：“你不是此刻跟你谈话的最好人选”。因为抑郁会以一种特定的方式扭曲我们的故事。
It narrows our perspectives. The same is true when we feel lonely or hurt or rejected. We create all kinds of stories, distorted through a very narrow lens that we don't even know we're looking through. And then, we've effectively become our own fake-news broadcasters.
它缩小了我们的视角。当我们感到孤独、被伤害，或被拒绝时，也是一样。我们制造的各种故事，被一个我们甚至不知道其存在的非常小的镜头扭曲。然后，我们就变成了自己生活的假新闻主播。
I have a confession to make. I wrote the husband's version of the letter I read you. You have no idea how much time I spent debating between granola and pita chips, by the way. I wrote it based on all of the alternative narratives that I've seen over the years, not just in my therapy practice, but also in my column. When it's happened that two people involved in the same situation have written to me, unbeknownst to the other, and I have two versions of the same story sitting in my inbox.
我得坦白。我刚读给你们的丈夫版本，是我写的。顺便，你们不知道我花了多长时间在麦片和皮塔饼之间挣扎选择。我写这个是基于我过去这些年所看到的所有叙事故事的“替代版本”。不仅在咨询师的工作中，而且也在我的专栏中，当陷入同一情况中的双方在不知情的情况下同时给我写信，我会有同个故事的两个不同版本在我的信箱中。
That really has happened. I don't know what the other version of this woman's letter is, but I do know this: she has to write it. Because with a courageous edit, she'll write a much more nuanced version of her letter that she wrote to me. Even if her husband is having an affair of any kind -- and maybe he is -- she doesn't need to know what the plot is yet. Because just by virtue of doing an edit, she'll have so many more possibilities for what the plot can become.
那真的发生过。我不知道这个女士的故事另一个版本是怎样的，但我知道的是：她得写出来。因为一个勇敢的编辑，她会给我写一封更细致入微的信。即便她的丈夫有任何外遇——也许他确实如此——她不需要知道情节是什么。因为仅仅通过编辑，她会拥有很多可能展开的情节。
Now, sometimes it happens that I see people who are really stuck, and they're really invested in their stuckness. We call them help-rejecting complainers. I'm sure you know people like this. They're the people who, when you try to offer them a suggestion, they reject it with, "Yeah, no, that will never work, because ..." "Yeah, no, that's impossible, because I can't do that." "Yeah, I really want more friends, but people are just so annoying."
有时我看到人们真的被困住了，他们极其投入于自己的停滞不前。我们称他们为“拒绝帮助的抱怨者”。你们肯定认识这样的人。他们是那些当你试图给他们建议时，他们这样拒绝：“对的，不行，那不会有用，因为……”“是的，不行，那不可能因为我不会那样做。”“是的，我真的想要交更多朋友，但人们实在太烦人了。”
What they're really rejecting is an edit to their story of misery and stuckness. And so, with these people, I usually take a different approach. And what I do is I say something else. I say to them, "We're all going to die." I bet you're really glad I'm not your therapist right now. Because they look back at me the way you're looking back at me right now, with this look of utter confusion. But then I explain that there's a story that gets written about all of us, eventually.
他们真正拒绝的是对他们悲惨和停滞的生活进行编辑。于是，对于这些人，我通常采用不同的做法。我用的方法是说点不同的事情。我跟他们说，“我们都会死去。”我打赌你很高兴我现在不是你的咨询师。因为他们回看我的样子就跟你们现在看我的样子一样，带着一脸的困惑。但我后来解释说有个故事最终是写我们所有人的。
It's called an obituary. And I say that instead of being authors of our own unhappiness, we get to shape these stories while we're still alive. We get to be the hero and not the victim in our stories, we get to choose what goes on the page that lives in our minds and shapes our realities. I tell them that life is about deciding which stories to listen to and which ones need an edit.
这叫做讣告。我说与其做自己 不幸福生活的作者，我们要趁着还活着的时候，去塑造这些故事。在我们的故事中，我们要成为英雄，而不是受害者。我们可以选择生活在我们脑海里那一页，塑造我们现实。我告诉他们生活是在于决定我们要听什么故事以及哪一个故事需要被编辑。
And that it's worth the effort to go through a revision because there's nothing more important to the quality of our lives than the stories we tell ourselves about them. I say that when it comes to the stories of our lives, we should be aiming for our own personal Pulitzer Prize.
这值得我们努力去重新审视，因为和生活品质相比，没有什么事情比我们讲述自己的故事更重要的了。我认为，当故事有关于我们的生活时，我们应该瞄准为自己颁发普利策奖的目标。
Now, most of us aren't help-rejecting complainers, or at least we don't believe we are. But it's a role that is so easy to slip into when we feel anxious or angry or vulnerable. So the next time you're struggling with something, remember, we're all going to die.
现在，我们大部分人不是拒绝帮助的抱怨者，或者至少我们不相信自己是。当我们感到焦虑、愤怒，或脆弱时，我们非常容易把自己带入这个角色。所以下次当你挣扎于某件事时，记住，我们都将要死去。
And then pull out your editing tools and ask yourself: what do I want my story to be? And then, go write your masterpiece.
然后拿起你的编辑工具去问自己：我想要自己的故事是怎样的？然后，写下自己的大作。
Thank you.
谢谢。
TED演讲：改变自以为高效的“疯狂忙碌”
TED演讲：记忆是怎么形成和消失的？
TED演讲：女人不一定要生孩子！
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END特 别 声 明
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主编/慕容风 监制/Richard
视频编辑/李小可 安雅制图/慕容秋水©爱天涯
主编/慕容风 监制/Richard
视频编辑/李小可 安雅制图/慕容秋水©爱天涯