I Gave My Baby Out For Adoption. Now I Want Him Back!
Hi! My name is Jane. I am telling you my story to share my personal drama in hopes that you'll be able to really understand me. Right now, it feels like I am sitting in front of a ticking timebomb, a huge and terrible timebomb, with no clue about which wires I need to cut. I am not exaggerating — I only have three days left to decide the fate of two people: my sweet baby child and myself.
I'm twenty years old now. About a year and a half ago I learned that I was pregnant. At that time it was a real blow for me! But later on it turned out that this was just the first blow of many more to follow. I wish I did not even have to talk about the father of my child — I hate the very idea that this bastard became famous on the internet the way he did. But I have to talk about how he, my boyfriend and the father of my child, fled as soon as he found out that I got pregnant. He said that it was not his child and disappeared, without even waiting for the opportunity to do paternity tests, and leaving me completely alone — especially because my parents were NOT the type of people who would be willing to take on the burden of caring for a single mother with a small child. They even told me directly that I was not ready to become a mother. That I wouldn't be able to finish college because of my pregnancy, and that without an education I would never find a good job and would spend my entire life struggling with poverty. And believe me, my parents knew a lot about poverty, because they never managed to escape from it.
Yes, in my head, I perfectly understood that my parents were right. But deep inside my heart I couldn't fight the thought they were wrong. I suffered a lot mentally because I had a really hard time making a firm decision. I wanted this child and I did not want it at the same time. I do not know what I would do next if not for my cousin Helen who suddenly came to rescue me.
She came to my campus, and it was like my fairy godmother had appeared from a fairy tale. Helen and I practically did not communicate before this moment, and I was very surprised that she came at all. But it turned out that it was my mother who had almost begged her to help me — Helen was a social worker and had dealt with issues like the adoption of children who were neglected by their biological parents. So if anybody could help me, it washer.Helen was a calm and serious middle-aged woman — you know, one of those people who you trust immediately right when you see them. For starters, she talked to me... the way my mother should have talked to me. Helen calmly and mindfully told me about everything that awaited me on the other side of my pregnancy — like what would happen if I abandoned my child, and what my life would be like if I left it. It turned out that my mother, in addition to her hysteria and the moral pressure she was putting on me, also urged Helen to immediately register my case in order to look for adoptive parents for my child in advance. But Helen apparently saw my doubts and gave me time to think before the birth of my son... or daughterYou see, I did not want to know the gender of the child if I was not sure that he or she would be staying with me. For months before giving birth, I was in deep thought constantly... I did A LOT of thinking. I asked for my friends opinions, I even talked about my situation with some of my college teachers. No one, of course, could give me the right advice. So I didn't make my decision until I was in the hospital, during the first contractions. I told Helen that I would give up my parental rights and give the child up for adoption. And that I neither wanted to know his or her gender, nor meet the adoptive parents. Helen promised to take care of everything.
Well, I gave birth, my child was immediately taken away from me, and as soon as I recovered a little, somebody slipped the documents into my hands where I would sign away my parental rights. I signed them indifferently. And Helen kept her promise — all that was needed from me was the signature. Everything seemed so simple!
And at the beginning everything was simple, really. My body quickly recovered, and I kept telling myself that everything that happened to me was just an experience, a change from one physical state to another. I even convinced myself that it was like I was just sick for several months. And now that I have recovered and could live a NORMAL life, like go to my college classes, spend evenings with my friends, go jogging in the mornings again, and visit my parents on the weekends...文本并非一一对应，且不完整，仅供参考阅读
LearnAndRecord
2015年2月8日
2019年10月8日
第1704天
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