I Had Two Kids When I Was 10
Hi! My name is Alice. Recently, I made a choice that will define my life for many years to come. And I don't know if I did the right thing or if I'll be happy.
I'm the big sister in a big family, or rather what's left of that family. Dad left us when I was 4 years old. Since then, mom has been trying to start new relationships, but all that's left of her exes are my younger brothers Jerome and Mark. They are 8 and 6 years old. If you think that since my mother has three children, she is probably constantly with us, then you are wrong. For as long as I can remember, mom has been absent from our lives. I don't even know what she was doing. We lived with our grandmother, and she said that mom was on the road for work all the time, and she was trying to make money. I don't know if that's true or not. And I wouldn't feel any better if I knew. Mom only lived with us when she was pregnant because no one else could take care of her. And a month after giving birth, she went back to work. I might have missed her then, but my head was full of thoughts about my younger brothers. I'm 18 now, and I know how to take care of children. But when Jerome was born, I was only 10 years old. I was a child myself! And my grandmother and I had to take care of him. It was hard, because we could not replace his mother, but we tried our best. And two years later, Mark was born, and more weight fell on our shoulders. In those days, life seemed unbearably hard for me. I came home from school, and instead of homework, I took care of the kids. And instead of getting a good night's sleep before school, I spent half the night cradling Mark because he didn't sleep well.
But I can't say that I hated it all. They were my brothers and I loved them very much. So I coped with all the difficulties, and tried very hard to help the boys grow up normal. Plus, grandma was very helpful. I am very grateful to her that she didn't just leave us, unlike my mother. So we lived together, and every year it became easier and easier. The boys are already in school, and they don't need round-the-clock supervision like babies, and I had more free time. And here he was - Alex. He's my boyfriend. We'd been dating for almost a year, and we were in a serious relationship. We made life plans together, dreamed about what would happen next, and waited for our coming of age to gain complete freedom and start living together. I was sure my brothers were old enough to live without me, plus my grandmother would have stayed with them. But as it usually happens, plans for life crumble in the most horrible way.
You know, I'm old enough to understand everything. And of course I know that no one lives forever, but I didn't think it would happen so soon. Yes, our grandmother died. It was a real blow for my younger brothers. Imagine what it's like to lose someone who loved you and cared for you throughout your entire life. The boys cried all the time, and just couldn't think of anything else but grandma. It was a big tragedy for me, too, but I had to be strong to support Jerome and Mark. The whole time I was trying to calm them down and assure them that everything would be all right. But at the same time I wanted to hide from the whole world and cry. My boyfriend sympathized with me, and tried to help, but nothing could distract me from my grief. I couldn't even get my mind off those dark thoughts. Imagine that, at the age of 17, I had to deal with a funeral! I had to make a lot of unpleasant calls and organize everything. It was just awful.
So big changes were waiting for us. Since my brothers and I were underage, we couldn't just go on living together, we needed a guardian. So we had to be reunited with our mom. That wasn't easy either. I haven't seen her in years. We talked on the phone every few months at most. So she came to the funeral and we talked very awkwardly. Mom looked like she wasn't sad that grandma was dead. It was weird. Apparently, she was gone too long, and had lost the link with the people in her family. But mom seemed happy to be reunited with us. She said we would have a new life, and we would be fine. Her positivity seemed odd, given the circumstances. We were still at grandma's funeral, and she was smiling and happy. Anyway, we moved in together. Generally, everything was as normal as it could be after such a shock. But the more time we spent together, the more I started to notice strange things. The boys continued to be sad, and our mother could not find the key to cheer them up. She acted like nothing had happened. She just didn't understand that they needed attention, and she just needed to talk to them. Instead, she was getting nervous and acting weird...
LearnAndRecord
2015年2月8日
2019年11月29日
第1756天
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