I Trusted Him Blindly And Now I Have HIV
Hey. I am twenty years old and my name is... well, let it be Jane. There are many girls in the world who are named Jane, but for me it is hard enough to tell my story, let alone tell you my name. After everything that happened, I feel very... dirty. And I guess I will have to live like this for the rest of my life. I can only hope that it will still be long.
I've always had problems talking about myself. I suppose I'm an introvert. And I could never feel at home talking to anyone... except for children. Oh, I love children so much! I had a chance to make sure that this dream would come true when I got a job as an assistant teacher at a childcare center. At that time I made a firm decision: I will devote my life to children! So, after work, I took late evening classes in teacher education, and thought that someday... then... maybe...I would have my own children, too...
I was so uncertain about this, well, because before you have children, you need to have a husband — my mother taught me in such a simple logical way that there were moral principles and I was brought up with these. But I have never, since childhood, been in any relationship with any boy. My best... or rather my only friend, Megan, always told me that I was pretty, but I never knew how to make a proper entrance in order to introduce myself.
And only once in my life have I worn a beautiful dress. It was for my graduation ball. No boy invited me to accompany him on this special evening, but still, it was one of the few evenings that seemed kind of romantic to me. Yes, that’s exactly how I felt that evening. I dreamed that one of the boys would invite me to dance with him and that it would be my first dance with a boy in my entire life! But that never happened. After the graduation party, I was so depressed that I abandoned the idea of having a boyfriend for a long time.
But then I started to feel lonely more and more often. After graduation, I moved away from my mother’s home, and every night when I came back home after a hard day at work and school, nobody was waiting for me in my small... and very empty apartment. I began to miss having someone near me. So much that I decided to confess this to Megan. I was surprised to learn that Megan had been worried about me all this time and, as soon as I talked about it, my friend literally got excited with the idea that we should find a boyfriend for me!
Megan is nothing like me at all — she is active, easygoing, talkative, and has never had any problems making friends with people. And she had a lot of boys around her. And I... and I hadn’t even kissed anybody. Can you imagine? I never told her this, but after this conversation, I had to confess. This made Megan whistle in amazement... and it only made her determination to turn me into a normal girl, stronger.
Megan's plan, however, wasn't outstanding. She promised that “we would make me into a beauty,” which meant shopping for some pretty outfit, putting on make-up, and doing my hair in a stylish hairdo. After that, as Megan promised, we would go to a party where, as she put it, “we would meet everyone.” Which meant, of course, a lot of guys. It all seemed like something very strange to me, but... I had to change my life, and I decided to trust my friend and just go with the flow.And you know, after Megan had done something with my looks, I even started to like that girl who smiled back at me from the mirror! I was in an excellent mood when we went to the party. Of course, I was very scared — I had no idea how to get to know someone, and without the first step on my part, everything could end just like it did at my graduation party — with nothing. But fortunately, Megan was nearby and she promised to introduce me to someone. However she did not stay with me for long — Megan's friends quickly took her away from me, and I was left alone — in utter confusion.And then Alistair appeared.
He was a little older than me, tall and slender... maybe not too handsome, but to me at that moment he seemed like a Prince Charming. He came up to me, quickly realized that I was very shy, said something friendly and funny, and suddenly I felt a sense of ease and very comfortable! And then we danced... to slow melodies, because I admitted that I didn’t know how to dance at all, but this didn’t bother Alistair at all. He led the dance and guided me throughout the whole evening. I even managed to forget that I had come to the party with Megan. All that occupied me at that moment were Alistair’s blue eyes — large, beautiful, and as if they were hiding something in their depths...文本并非一一对应，且不完整(我没有全文)，仅供参考阅读
LearnAndRecord
2015年2月8日
2019年12月11日
第1768天
每天持续行动学外语