What's It Like To Be in a Throuple?

Advertisement

L-O-V-E

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and we want to celebrate the thing that makes us feel alive – love, that many-splendored thing that’s better than ice cream and comes in all shapes and sizes and forms. This week we’re talking to Beijing-based couples from various walks of life and finding out what makes their love last.

Today, we’re taking a look at a throuple relationship.

What’s a throuple, you ask? Well, a couple is two people and a throuple, according to Healthline, is “a relationship between three people who have all unanimously agreed to be in a romantic, loving relationship together with the consent of all people involved.” 

So how does a polyamorous relationship like this work? Let’s find out.

The throuple we interviewed has insisted that we keep them anonymous. But Joey (not his real name) paints us a picture of their relationship.

We’re what people would call a gay throuple. In our relationship there’s the “main couple” which is myself and my husband. We’ve been together for 13 years, and married now for eight years. Then in comes the boyfriend of almost two years and voilà! You have the makings of an exciting new relationship paradigm.

How did you and your partner meet?

I met my husband at a gay bar in the States and I met our boyfriend on Tinder. I was the one who set up the meet and everything else is history.

How did you guys decide to become a throuple?

We never decided that throupling was going to be our “thing,” but we did decide to have an open relationship about seven years into our relationship.  The seven-year itch is a real thing. A “don’t ask don’t tell” policy was in place, alongside many other rules and boundaries. Some notable ones are, of course, not meeting the same person twice, not getting emotionally attached, and always using protection.

Is there a term for the third partner in the relationship?

We like to call him the boyfriend, but we’ve also used “The 3rd” in some instances.

How is it working out compared to when it was just the two of you?

In order to introduce a 3rd, there has to be love – unquestionable love – and lots of communication. We had a great relationship before, and we still do. Honestly, it’s just a lot more exciting now. Two people get kind of lonely and predictable. Our boyfriend has thrown in unexpected challenges that make us all stronger.

Advertisement

What are some advantages and disadvantages of being in a throuple relationship?

The advantages are limitless. Each person brings a different dynamic to the other person, and that’s what keeps things exciting. We’ve always said that one person can’t be everything to any one person. There will always be something that someone else can give you more of or better. The disadvantage of a being in a throuple is that we have to go back into the closet and decide whom to come out to all over again. So far, only one set of parents knows about it.

Is there any jealousy in the relationship? 

So far, no …

Do you see this as a long-term relationship?

Every day is a new day for the relationship, and just like with our marriage, we must continue to work at it diligently. Communication, trust, and openness must be practiced for it to last. Will it be long-term? Only our efforts will tell.

Do you feel that many people are confused about throuple relationships?

Whenever we bring up our relationship status, people are intrigued. This is especially true with married and long-term partners. They tend to be willing to ask more questions. We find that single people are the most unaccepting. Finding a 3rd is a good way to keep things exciting for an existing couple if things get boring, or when something is lacking, but it definitely shouldn’t be used as a tool to “fix” anything. There might or might not have been certain single friends who think we’re being greedy.

To your knowledge, are there many other throuples in Beijing?

No, we do not know of any other throuples in Beijing … but hopefully this article changes things.

Whether you applaud or hate their lifestyle choices, it’s what works for Joey and his partners, and theirs is a relationship built on trust and unconditional love. The boyfriend has, in a way, rekindled their love for one another. As Joey told us, “After 11 years in a relationship, everything gets kind of routine. We’ve learned to pay attention again. It’s one of the hardest things for us to adapt to.”

So how does a gay throuple celebrate Valentine’s Day? “We don’t celebrate anything because we believe every day should be celebrated. If we wait for one day to be special, then what does that make the other days?”

Images: Jingkids

Daily Poll

How many romantic partners have you had in your life?

KEEP READING

Advertisement