【雅思写作指南】一篇看上去不错的文章，到底在考官眼中有多少扣分点呢？
考完雅思：
老师，这次大作文我写的贼好！发布成绩：
每次考完试都会有学生对自己的文章充满自信，这种时候我都心情复杂，因为有些情况不容易被发现。有很多时候学生在准备时用语法软件检查过错误，所以从大面儿上文章本身已经看不出问题了。
但！这个时候送上去的作文其实是这样的情况：
那到底是哪里出了问题呢？
我们不妨从考官的视角来一起看一篇文章。
学生文章
题目：
Do children today have too much freedom? To what extent you agree or disagree.
With the revolution of educational systems, schools and parents encourage their kid to participate in some meaningful activities and allow their kids to have freedom, but now they seem to have too much freedom. I think for children’s better growth, some rules must be needed to restrict their freedom, which means I completely agree this statement.
In a digital era, too much freedom can be harmful to children, particularly those without self-control. It is widely known that now children do not obtain enough the ability of self-control so that when they face some attractions, it is almost impossible for them to reject to them. If no rules set, some children can stay at home for a whole week and keep looking at the screens. Also, some useful restrictions should be established at school to ban students using their electronic devices. According to some reports from China, in order to make their students study more efficiently, over 86 percentage of schools ban cell phones in China.
Meanwhile, teenagers’ social life can be expanded since freedom is excessively given to them so that students may be affected heavily by some bad people, which is detrimental to their value and spirit. It is a fact that now rate of juvenile delinquency is constantly increasing so when some children who do not have the skill to identify right from wrong, it is possible for them to touch laws because their dirty social circles may abet him or her to do illegal things. A new report in China.
All in all, children should not possess too much freedom because they are too young to control themselves properly and the fast- paced society that they live in.
词汇&语法
第一段：
which means I completely agree this statement.
这一句里的 agree 应改为 agree with
第二段：
it is almost impossible for them to reject to them.
这里的 reject 其实应该是 resist them
但这些问题在考官眼中根本不需要被注意，因为他还没有读到这些错误，这篇文章从内容上已经死了，我们来捋一下这篇文章的三个致命点：
微观逻辑大面积崩溃
信息的表面化
跑题！！！
微观逻辑大面积崩溃
With the revolution of educational systems, schools and parents encourage their kid to participate in some meaningful activities and allow their kids to have freedom, but now they seem to have too much freedom. I think for children’s better growth, some rules must be needed to restrict their freedom, which means I completely agree this statement.
开头段的最后一句尤为惹眼，但你如果仔细去读，你会发现上文并没有提到任何statement. 考官会非常疑惑，你到底是同意encourage their kid to participate in some meaningful activities，还是allow their kids to have freedom，还是but now they seem to have too much freedom，亦或是some rules must be needed to restrict their freedom？？？？？
第三段的开始，文章说 Meanwhile, teenagers’ social life can be expanded since freedom is excessively given to them so that students may be affected heavily by some bad people
这里非常的诡异，social life can be expanded 怎么听都是句好话，但你说freedom is excessively （过分的）given to them，而且后面还 affected by bad people，考官已经完全不知道应该怎么理解了。
信息的表面化
If no rules set, some children can stay at home for a whole week and keep looking at the screens.
这一句简直是教科书般的信息表面化。其实作者想真正说的是没有自制力的学生会由于在接触信息和娱乐上太自由而沉迷于此，但表达出来时变成了“他们会一直盯着屏幕”。
这非常像小学生写作文说“今天我们在花园里看到了，红的，黄的，蓝的，绿的。” —— 这里没有诋毁小学生的文采，只是说明，这样的表达在论文文体中并不高效。
86% and 67%，这两个在论证段中出现的数字显得非常突兀，因为考官不会觉得数字精确代表什么，相反他有可能会怀疑你是否是编造。朋友们再说一次，雅思写作和口语，所有的素材可以编造，但一定要合理。你在40分钟的一个写作考试里能不通过互联网就得知如此清晰确定的数字，这个事情本身就不合理！
跑题！！！
如果你现在仍然认为这个文章最大的扣分点是在前两项，那你也有可能面对着被团灭的危险。因为真正宣告这篇文章无法通过的理由是：
走题了。
请大家再看看题目：Do children today have too much freedom? To what extent you agree or disagree.
翻译过来是“现在的孩子是否有太多的自由”。而这篇文章通篇都在证明“现在的孩子是否应该有太多的自由。”
这完全是两个问题！
总结而言，希望大家小心谨慎，在写作文的时候不要只想着语法词汇，更多的时候要想着如何尊重题目，尊重自己的思路，呈现清晰专业的想法给考官。
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