《55 Successful Harvard Law School Essays》精读系列 1：移民申请者

很多同学在网上搜索关于法学院PS写作的书籍时可能都看到过这样一本书《55 Successful Harvard Law School Essays》。这本书有其局限性：1. 这本书是十多年前出版的了，很多当年时代感很强的话题现在看来已经过气了；2. 这本书主要是针对美国JD申请者，他们的情况和中国JD申请者不同，和中国LLM申请者区别就更大了。

尽管如此，这本书还是非常值得一读，因为它不止是成功文书的合集，还有来自哈佛校报（The Harvard Crimson）成员的评论，对大家改进自己的文书很有帮助。

我和不少同学聊过，发现他们也只是“看到过”而不是“看过”（就像大家背单词永远在背红宝书的A一样）。因此，我们准备推出《55 Successful Harvard Law School Essays》精读系列，每期一篇哈佛成功PS+哈佛校报成员点评+律政留学外籍主管David点评+律政留学上海办公室负责人Aaron点评，也欢迎大家在评论中分享自己的观点。

PS

Kenneth Basin

They had been subjected to indignity after indignity. They had paid over six months’ salary per person for the “privilege” of relinquishing their Soviet citizenship (though conveniently enough, they had lost their jobs upon applying for their visas and being labeled refusniks). They had stood quietly as armed soldiers barraged them with accusations of treason, anti-Semitic slurs, and threats of imprisonment. But standing in that train station in the Ukrainian border town of Chop, waiting for the train that would take them out of the Soviet Union and on the first leg of their journey to the United States, my parents had finally had enough: they would not let a book of Grimm’s Fairy Tales go. 

The Russian customs official who made the final inspection of their bags had removed only the book, leaving my parents grateful that they had gotten off rather easily. But as they started toward the train platform, my sister (then five years old) lingered behind, growing increasingly hysterical at the loss of her favorite book. 

My father pled with the official, not as a refusnik to a soldier or a Jew to an ethnic Russian, but as one father to another, for the return of his daughter’s beloved book.

It was November 22, 1981, and my parents and sister boarded their train westward with two suitcases of clothing, $210 in cash, and a book of Grimm’s Fairy Tales. Though I was not yet born, it is a story I have to come to know and feel as deeply as any of my own.

In my experience, it is in the home that one’s eyes are first opened to the outside world, and my parents saw to it from early on that my eyes were wide open. With a family that had immigrated as political refugees to the United States, arriving in January 1982, international affairs took on a whole new life within my home. The end of the Cold War and the collapse of the Soviet Union were more than headlines my father read in the newspaper; they were personal experiences shared by every member of my family.

When I began my studies at the University of Southern California, then, I never doubted that my cosmopolitan interests would find a way to express themselves. I set out on a study-abroad program to London in January 2004 in search of the one lesson I felt that USC, or any American university, could never truly offer me: perspective.

And so it was that on my summer break in Europe after attending King’s College London, I found myself retracing my parents’ experiences through the continent on their way to the United States. 

In Eastern Europe, the legacy of Soviet Cold War domination allowed me to communicate using my proficiency in conversational Russian. 

In Bratislava, I arrived by train at the same station that received my parents’ train from Chop. 

In Vienna, I passed by the palace where for six days my parents were held under armed guard to protect them from terrorists who had been targeting Jews and other refugees from the east in the winter of 1981. 

In Rome, I strolled through the neighborhood where my parents spent three weeks, waiting for their visas to enter the United States to clear.

Given my experience with my family, my interest in international law comes as little surprise. When I consider the challenges my parents faced in the repressive climate of the U.S.S.R. during the Cold War, as well as those they confronted in trying to escape it, the vitality of the field takes on a whole new salience for me: the modern world is a deeply interconnected one, and with that interconnection comes an underlying sense of uncertainty. 

If man is to survive that uncertainty, he must find in it a guiding order. In my mind, international law is the means by which humanity can find that essential order and, with it, the stability and progress necessary to thrive.

In the end, I have come to feel very strongly that the whole world is my home and, more than that, my responsibility. From the twinkling lights of Paris to the dusty corridors of one-time communist Budapest, from the bustle and excitement of the Turkish bazaar to the natural peace and beauty of Australia’s Great Barrier Reef, I have long believed that the world is my classroom. I have very much enjoyed attending class.

点评

Emma Lind, The Harvard Crimson

This essay’s effectiveness rests in its deeply personal nature. Because Kenneth’s interest in international law can be understood only in terms of his family history, it could not have been written by anyone else. 

The fact that he is able to communicate the profundity of his family’s escape from political oppression with clarity and concision, and then spin that into his personal draw to the field of law, is what makes this essay dexterous and strong. 

The first sentence of the essay is punchy, essential to grabbing a law school admissions officer’s attention and ensuring that [he or she] remember[s] the essay when comparing [Kenneth’s] application to others. 

The introductory paragraph delivers what the first sentence promises: a gripping story that is universally fascinating but holds enough personal elements to give it a raw authenticity. 

This is the strongest paragraph in the essay, as it communicates the author’s ability to synthesize information he heard from his parents and establish both a historical context for it and a deep personal connection to it. 

The second and third paragraphs clearly transition the essay from a story of [Kenneth’s] family to a story of himself. His mention of study in London gives purpose to his decision to go abroad, which would appear on his transcript without any context or explanation. 

Notice also how he mentions that he speaks Russian, and communicates his interest and dedication to history, without being ostentatious about it. He mentions law only at the end of the essay, but the connection is strong enough that his conviction comes off as confident and to the point. 

Kenneth, however, could have done more with his last sentence, which is trite and doesn’t draw on a theme present throughout the essay. He should have mentioned his family history again to bring the essay full circle.

David Atnip, 律政留学外籍主管

Kenneth Basin’s PS is authentic, moving, entirely personal writing. In one word, it’s authentic. We feel like we know Mr. Basin, where he comes from, his roots, his world perspective, his life perspective, his career priorities. He writes well, using vivid vocabulary. His sentences are crafted well, with obvious care to communicate details and feelings. His writing gives a reader sense he knows who he is, his plan, what he wants to accomplish in life. Notice how Mr. Basin weaves into his narrative small details about himself. Reaching the end, a reader is looking at complete picture, a full cloth.

Mr. Basin starts well—his opening sentence catches our attention; the reader wants to know more. Mr. Basin is telling a story, his story. His opening is unique, personal only to him. Members of law school admission committees read many, many, personal statements. When a writer can start well, more likely the reader’s focused attention will continue to the end. A boring start means a bored reader. Once bored, it’s difficult to raise a reader’s enthusiasm.

The ending is a bit weak. Though this does not ruin the earlier quality; it’s a missed opportunity. Maybe Mr. Basin ran out of creative energy, or time. Both are finite resources. Finishing well is often a challenge for PS writers. Writers should try to bring the theme of their story full circle—the snake catching its tail.

Admission committee readers want to understand the thoughts of the PS writer. They want to see the world from the writer’s view. They want specific details that are real, that make them know the writer. Mr. Basin successfully completed his assignment.

Aaron Yuan, 律政留学上海办公室负责人

这篇PS开篇是一个引人入胜的场景化描写，这是一个很好的吸引眼球的做法，直到今天也很成功，也是我很喜欢的一个写作手法。同时它也用一个相对来说比较极端的方式告诉我们，在PS字数限制下奢侈地用一半的篇幅去写一个故事也是一点问题都没有的。随后行文流畅，但是我个人的看法是并没有很好地解释why law school，作者的经历似乎去深造国际关系/政治之类更加合适。我觉得意识形态的问题使得这种苏联政治难民在申请美国JD的时候还是有加分的。这篇PS对我们中国申请者最大的借鉴意义在于外籍华人申请者。这两年我们的客户中，外籍或绿卡申请者越来越多，他们在申请JD上相对陆本是有不小优势的。而对于第一代移民和绿卡持有者来说，寻根或者文化冲突，如本PS，是一个不错的思路。另外，我们常说如何把PS写得更有真实性，本文也做了很好的示范，具体的日期，$210这些表述，都会极大地增加可信度和可读性。

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