患癌农妇白茹云：诗歌，让我从苦难中落落大方地走出来 | Lust for life and poetry

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My eyes always get wet.

我的眼睛容易流泪

I can't hear clearly.

耳朵听不太清楚

And my voice is hoarse.

声音也是嘶哑的状态

I think it's the illness.

因为生病吧，我感觉

Sometimes, life is really hard.

生活有时确实太艰难了

But, I don't want people to see only the misery in me.

但是，我不想让大家看到的都是我的不堪

Thanks to poetry, I could be more graceful.

因为诗歌，我也可以变的更优雅一点

Bai Ruyun, 40, a farmer in north China's Hebei Province. 

Six years ago, Bai was diagnosed with lymphoid cancer.

However, the miserable experience helped Bai cumulate lots of poems.

白茹云，一个40岁的河北农妇，

一个与死神争夺生命的癌症患者。

在接受7次化疗，1次放疗期间，

诗歌带她走出了人生困顿的低谷。

In the winter of 2010, my nose got blocked.

2010年冬天，我的呼吸变得困难

When I was in the hospital, doctors said it might be lymphoma.

到医院住院后，大夫检查结果说，怀疑是淋巴瘤

I took the results to experts at No. 4 provincial hospital.

我拿着这个结果又到省四院去找主治大夫看

I was told that there's no benign lymphoma. It's malignant.

大夫说，淋巴瘤就没有良性恶性之分，就是一个恶性的东西

My first thought was: I'm going to die.

我第一个反应就是，有可能会与世长辞吧

Talking about poetry in the countryside feels whimsical to people.

在农村，如果谈论诗词，大家会感到遥不可及

Your head is in the clouds where nobody can reach it.

曲高和寡，不太好理解

First touch with poetry

藉诗而生

At 13 or 14, I came across the tune "Rouged Lips" by Li Qingzhao 

十三四岁的时候，看到李清照写的一首《点绛唇》

“Stepping down from the swing, 

languidly she smooths her soft slender hands. 

She wouldn't bother stretching her hands.”

“蹴罢秋千，

起来慵整纤纤手。”

It's so beautiful, and so vivid is the shyness of a maiden.

当时就感到，这首诗好美呀，写出了少女的含羞

I couldn't put the feeling into words.

说不出是什么感觉

But I fell for it.

忽然就喜欢上了诗词

“The two flowery faces smile to each other.

The new design will be embroidered on the silk gauze coat.

In the design there is a pair of golden partridges.”

“花面交相映，

新帖绣罗襦，

双双金鹧鸪。”

After getting married and having a child, everything costs money.

结婚以后，有了孩子，孩子和大人都要花费

The moment I open my eyes, I get busy.

每天睁开眼，就是忙忙碌碌的

All I think about is earning money.

光想着怎么挣钱了

Already my "literary dream” has gone far from me.

与文学梦就会渐行渐远

I hate it.

我厌恶

I hate myself

厌恶自己

spinning around involuntarily.

身不由己地旋转

Along with the wild wind is the filth on my body.

随着这狂风，带来一身的污垢

Storm, come quickly 

暴雨，请你快点来

And wash away the dirt, purify my heart.

洗去这风尘堆积的繁华，让心澄净

Bai Ruyun

白茹云

Sympathy to the poets

走过春夏秋冬，经过漏败蒙尘

I was alone in the hospital.

我是一个人住院

Chemotherapy made me very sick.

化疗完以后特别难受

From the third session onwards, I had to borrow money to pay the medical bills.

到第三个疗程时，基本上都是借来的钱

Once I read about a poem by Tao Yuanming called "Begging for Food”:

看到书里，陶渊明有一首诗，叫《乞食》

“The pangs of hunger drove me from my home, 

with no idea of where to go.

I travelled on for miles, until I reached a village, 

knocked on the nearest door, blurted out some clumsy words.”

“饥来驱我去，不知竟何之。

行行至斯里，叩门拙言辞。”

Then I felt that I was also begging like him.

我借钱的那个感觉，和陶渊明好像啊

Reading these poems for some time, I might have sympathy to the poets.

在他们的诗中，我看到了自己

These great poets, none of them had a smooth life.

都是大诗人，他们也没有一个人一帆风顺的

I think that everyone in this world has his own sorrows.

在这尘世中，每个人都有自己的忧愁

My difficulties may not be that hard.

我这个愁，可能也不算什么

Poetry is like a ferry-place or a friend.

诗歌，是我的渡口，亦是我的朋友

It carried me out of the hard times.

让我从苦难中落落大方地走出来

I think poetry is for everyone.

诗词，不分高低

Anyone could, if they want to, live a poetic life.

每个人，只要我们愿意，都可以诗意地活着

网友留言

@张一：

“她怎么可能会丑呢？她是美的，是大美！”

@wang涛涛：

“面对苦难的挑战、死亡的威胁，

她不慌不忙，无畏无惧，笑谈过往，庄重从容，

她的美不倾国倾城，但倾尽全力。”

@倩仔：

“看到白茹云的故事，我泪流满面。

她感动了我，也提醒了我，珍惜现在的生活，

享受每一天，在我心中她是一个胜者！”

阅读更多相关故事

“2月4日世界癌症日”

Cameraman: Zhang Han

Film editor: Gu Yue, Peng Shuai

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