找对象时常犯的错误，你有过吗？
淘过宝的都知道卖家秀与卖家秀的区别，但你们有没有想过，在感情中也有这种现象呢？
你以为的感情跟你实际得到的感情，其实根本不是一回事？
是想的太多？还是根本做错了选择？
Quora上有这样一个提问，“人们在找对象的时候常犯些什么错误？”
小编选择了两个赞数较多的答案来供大家参考。
@Dushka Zapata
When choosing a partner I make two mistakes.
在找对象的时候，我犯了两个错误。
I expect, and I assume.
“我希望”，和“我以为”。
I expect the person I want to marry is who I think they are. Who I think they are and who they are might be very different, and that is not their fault.
我希望我嫁的那个人是我想象中的样子，然而，我想象中的他们和真实的他们或许根本就判若两人，而这不是他们的错。
I expect my perception to be reality. My perception is instead my perception.
我希望我的想法能变成现实。但想法却只能是想法。
I expect the other is responsible for making me happy. (Heck. The other person isn’t even responsible for making me coffee.)
我希望我的另一半负责逗我开心。（该死，事实是他连为我倒咖啡的责任都不必有。）
I expect I can in any way control or affect the other person’s behavior.
我希望我能控制，或是影响另一半的行为。
I expect love to be something I have already experienced and hence already know. I’m looking for that, for my version of love, rather than for what love can be.
我希望爱情是某种我经历过并懂得的东西，我一直在寻找我想象中的爱情，而不是真实的爱情。
I expect the other person to save me.
我希望有人来拯救我。
I assume this choice of mine and I speak the same language and are therefore understanding each other.
我以为这是我一个人的选择，我以为我们都说相同的语言理所因当就能够理解彼此。
I assume my feelings (and his) are never going to change. Everything changes. Even what I want to have for breakfast.
我以为彼此的感觉永远都不会改变，但唯一不变的是变化。我连每天早上的早餐都要变着花样来吃啊。
I assume that internal fissures happen for external reasons (such as loneliness, restlessness, anxiety, anger) so when I look for the fix I look in the wrong places.
我以为感情内在的破裂是由外因引起的（譬如孤独、不安、焦虑、愤怒），所以我总是找错地方来修复弥补。
I assume this will be forever and that if it isn’t, if I made the wrong choice, all can be made right by making another better choice. If only it were that simple.
我以为一段感情不能白首，是我选错了人，我只要重新再选一次就好了。可要是真的有这么简单就好了。
@Craig Weiler
When choosing a life partner, most people think of this:
找对象的时候，人们脑海里想的是这样的：
Romance, love, affection, sex and adventure.
浪漫、爱情、喜欢、性以及冒险。
The reality is that the vast majority of your time together looks like this:
但事实是你们人生的大多时候是这样度过的：
Housework, cooking, paying the bills, watching TV, driving, shopping etc.
家务、做饭、付账单、看电视、开车、购物等等。
The dishes won’t clean themselves and the house won’t tidy itself up. Someone has to do that work day in and day out for their entire lives. It’s tedious and repetitive, but it’s life.
盘子它没有“自净”功能，房间也不会自己变整洁。这些事情总需要有人日复一日的来做，乏味枯燥，一做就是一辈子。可这，就是生活。
This is what you’ll be sharing the most of: your boring lives. It’s a common mistake to forget about this part of it, yet this will account for 99% of how you live together. At some point, your partner won’t look quite so sexy; is the rest enough to keep you together?
你们之间共享最多的就是——乏味的生活。找对象时大部分人都会忘记这一点，但这却将会占据你们人生的99%。在人生的某些时刻，你的另一半看起来可能不再性感，你们之间剩下的其他东西还能支撑你们走下去吗？
What does it take to live a boring life with someone? You both need to be kind to one another. Saying cruel or hateful things, not being supportive and/or being unfair and unreasonable are not things anyone can put up with over the long haul.
要怎么样才能和另一个人一起过完这乏味的一生呢？彼此宽容。总是对对方说一些刻薄讨厌的话、不支持对方、对对方不公平、无理取闹，长久以来，没有人能忍受得了这些的。
Even a boring life has its ups and downs. The question is, do the two of you band together to solve the problems? or do you both fall out?
即使是乏味的人生也总是有起有伏。问题是，你们能一起携手解决困哪吗？还是彼此埋怨。
Over the long haul you will have misfortunes, probably at least one terrible one.
时间一长，你们总会有运气不好的时候，有时候可能会非常糟糕。
When this happens, you and your partner will find out just how emotionally strong both of you are. Does this make both of you closer and increase your trust? Or does it tear you apart?
当这些倒霉事发生的时候，你就会知道自己和另一半感情的深浅。这些挫折时会你们变得比以往更亲密，信任更强，还是让你们分崩离析？
If you are not a strong, kind person yourself, you have little hope of finding a partner that is those things. People who are emotionally strong will not commit themselves to someone who is shallow and selfish.
如果你本人不是一个强大宽容的人，你找到一个这样的爱人的机会微乎其微。真正内心强大的人是不会喜欢一个自私肤浅的人的。
Is this someone you can take care of if they become an invalid? Will they take care of you if you’re the one this happens to? This is the stuff long term relationships are made of: devotion, friendship, kindness and emotional strength. Not romance, sex and love.
无论疾病还是残疾，你都愿意照顾对方不离不弃吗？那如果你疾病或是残疾了，对方也愿意对你不离不弃吗？一段长久的感情是由这些构成的：奉献、友爱、善良还有强大的内心，不只是浪漫、性和爱情。
额，看来他们说的大意都是“感情没你想的那么好哇别做梦啦傻孩砸！”
真的是这样吗？
还请正在处对象或出过对象的人来分享讨论一下你们感情中的“卖家秀与卖家秀现象”。
爱泥萌，摸摸大。
猜你喜欢
点击阅读原文，去普特英语听力网获取更多精彩内容、下载更多实用资料！