How to Respectfully Give Condolences in Times of Mourning
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There's never a good time to talk about death but this year seems especially delicate. As the coronavirus continues its slow march around the world, affecting families and causing unimaginable loss, it's important to be mindful of those who have lost now or in the past. At its heart, Qing Ming, commonly known as Tomb-Sweeping Day, is a time when the Chinese mourn those they've lost, traveling out to tombs to sweep, pay respect, and spend time with the family.
With that in mind, we thought it would be a fitting time to run through some of the commonly used phrases in Chinese to help show your condolences.
To express the idea that someone passed away, the words 逝世 shìshì, 辞世 císhì, 去世 qùshì, and 过世 guòshì are most commonly used. They all basically mean the same thing: "Said goodbye to this world."
However, there are some more specific terms depending on how a person actually died: 病逝 bìngshì is used when a person died from an illness and 遇难 yùnàn or 罹难 línàn is used when a person died because of an accident or disaster, such as a plane crash, earthquake, and so on.
If the person died due to an obligation, for example through their medical work on the frontline, you can say 殉职 xùnzhí. Meanwhile, 牺牲 xīshēng is used if the person is perceived to have died for the greater good, such as to save others.
享年 xiǎngnián refers to how long a person lived for and is usually used for someone who lived past 60, for example, 享年84岁 xiǎngnián bāshísì suì "(He/she/they) passed away at 84 years old." For anyone under 60, it's better to use 得年 dé nián.
If the deceased is an elder and died from natural causes, you can use 百年 bǎinián lit. a hundred years. The deceased don't have to have been over 100, it's just a polite way to refer to them since living to 100 was nigh-impossible in ancient times. For example, 祖父百年之后，邻居间走动的也少了 zǔfù bǎinián zhīhòu, línjū jiān zǒudòng de yě shǎole "After my grandfather passed away, there was little communication between us and the neighbors."
Alternatively, you can also say 寿终正寝 shòuzhōngzhèngqǐn, something akin to "They used up their years in this world and are resting in peace now." 寝 qǐn means sleep, similar to how Westerners refer to death as "the big sleep."
If you want to get very poetic, you can say 驾鹤西归 jià hè xī guī "Riding west (to paradise) on a red-crowned crane." The red-crowned crane is a symbol of longevity in Chinese culture and due to Buddhism's influence, many believe that paradise is located in the west.
Below are a few of the most commonly used phrases to comfort someone who is grieving.
节哀顺变 jié'āi shùnbiàn, may sound harsh when translated literally as "Please restrain your grief and gradually accept it," but it means the equivalent of "My condolences" or "I am sorry for your loss" in English.
Alternatively, provide comfort by saying:
如果愿意，有什么事都可以和我说。
Rúguǒ yuànyì, yǒu shé me shì dōu kěyǐ hé wǒ shuō.
If you are willing to talk, I am all ears.
需要帮忙的地方，请随时告诉我。
Xūyào bāngmáng dì dìfāng, qǐng suíshí gàosù wǒ.
Please let me know if you need any help.
想哭就哭吧。
Xiǎng kū jiù kū ba.
Don’t refrain from crying if you want to.
If you are going to attend a funeral or tomb-sweeping ceremony, it will be useful to know these words beforehand:
安息
Ānxí
Rest in peace.
愿逝者安息。
Yuàn shì zhě ānxī.
Rest in peace to those who lost their lives.
默哀
Mò'āi
To stand in silence (as in, 默哀三分钟 mò'āi sān fēnzhōng "Let's stand in silence for three minutes.")
脱帽
Tuōmào
To take off one's hat (as in, 请脱帽以示尊敬 qǐng tuōmào yǐ shì zūnjìng "Please take off your hat to show respect.")
鞠躬
Jūgōng
To take a bow (as in, 一鞠躬，二鞠躬，三鞠躬 yī jūgōng, èr jūgōng, sān jūgōng "Take a bow once, twice, thrice.")
贡品
gòngpǐn
Tribute (usually food and drink but occasionally cigarettes and other items the person enjoyed, as in, 请献上贡品 qǐng xiànshàng gòngpǐn "Please offer your tributes.")
Sorrow is a common emotion among humankind when facing tragedy. So too is the comfort of words. Hopefully, with a few choice phrases under your belt, you'll be able to provide a little solace to those in grief.
READ: Why Chinese Burn Paper on Tomb-Sweeping Day
Image: nysfda.org
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