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讲堂｜勇敢可以习得：请鼓励女孩去冒险！
(Credit: Dribbble)
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Gutsy girls skateboard, climb trees, clamber around, fall down, scrape their knees, get right back up — and grow up to be brave women. Learn how to spark a little productive risk-taking and raise confident girls with stories and advice from firefighter, paraglider and all-around adventurer Caroline Paul.
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To Raise Brave Girls, Encourage Adventure
想培养勇敢的女孩，就鼓励她们去冒险
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the Guinness Book of World Records, and I really wanted to set a world record myself. But there was just one small problem: I had absolutely no talent. So I decided to set a world record in something that demanded absolutely no skill at all. I decided to set a world record in crawling. 小时候，我对《吉尼斯世界纪录大全》很着迷，并且真的很想创造一个属于我自己的世界纪录。但是有一个小问题，那就是：我完全没有什么天赋。所以我决定去创造一个完全不需要任何技巧就能达成的世界纪录。我决定去创造一个爬行世界纪录。
Now, the record at the time was 12 and a half miles, and for some reason, this seemed totally manageable. 当时的纪录是12.5英里，出于某种原因，我觉得这看起来很容易办到。
I recruited my friend Anne, and together we decided, we didn’t even need to train. 我找来了好友安妮，我们一致认定，我们甚至都不需要训练。
And on the day of our record attempt, we put furniture pads on the outside of our good luck jeans and we set off, and right away, we were in trouble, because the denim was against our skin and it began to chafe, and soon our knees were being chewed up. Hours in, it began to rain. Then, Anne dropped out. Then, it got dark. Now, by now, my knees were bleeding through my jeans, and I was hallucinating from the cold and the pain and the monotony. And to give you an idea of the suffer-fest that I was undergoing, the first lap around the high school track took 10 minutes. The last lap took almost 30. 在挑战纪录的那一天，我们将家具垫绑在幸运牛仔裤外面，然后便开始了；很快，我们就遇到了麻烦，因为牛仔布料会产生磨擦，开始擦伤皮肤，所以很快我们的膝盖就磨破了。几个小时后，开始下雨了。然后，安妮退出了。再然后，天黑了。到了这会儿，我的膝盖流血了，并且透过了牛仔裤，寒冷、疼痛和单调的动作使我产生了幻觉。可以给你们形容一下我当时遭受的痛苦，我们是沿着中学跑道爬的，爬完第一圈花了10分钟，而最后一圈差不多30分钟。
After 12 hours of crawling, I stopped, and I had gone eight and a half miles. So I was short of the 12-and-a-half-mile record. 爬行12个小时后，我停下了，我总共爬了8.5英里。离12.5英里的纪录还有一定距离。
Now, for many years, I thought this was a story of abject failure, but today I see it differently, because when I was attempting the world record, I was doing three things. I was getting outside my comfort zone, I was calling upon my resilience, and I was finding confidence in myself and my own decisions. I didn’t know it then, but those are not the attributes of failure. Those are the attributes of bravery. 此后很多年，我一直认为这是一个关于悲惨失败的故事，但今天我对此有了另一种看法，因为当我向世界纪录冲刺的时候，我其实在做三件事：我在走出我的舒适区，我在唤起我的适应能力，我在为自己和自己所做的决定找信心。当时我并没有意识到，其实这些并不是失败的特征。而是勇气的特征。
Now, in 1989, at the age of 26, I became a San Francisco firefighter, and I was the 15th woman in a department of 1,500 men. 1989年，我26岁时成为了旧金山的一名消防员，而我是这个1500人的部门中的第15位女性员工。
And as you can imagine, when I arrived there were many doubts about whether we could do the job. So even though I was a 5’10’’, 150-pound collegiate rower, and someone who could endure 12 hours of searing knee pain—I knew I still had to prove my strength and fitness. 可以想见，我入职时面临着许多对于我能否胜任这份工作的质疑。虽然我是身高177cm、体重150磅的大学赛艇手，并且能够忍受膝盖长达12个小时的剧烈疼痛——但我知道我依然得证明我的实力和适应力。
So one day a call came in for a fire, and sure enough, when my engine group pulled up, there was black smoke billowing from a building off an alleyway. And I was with a big guy named Skip, and he was on the nozzle, and I was right behind, and it was a typical sort of fire. It was smoky, it was hot, and all of a sudden, there was an explosion, and Skip and I were blown backwards, my mask was knocked sideways, and there was this moment of confusion. And then I picked myself up, I groped for the nozzle, and I did what a firefighter was supposed to do: I lunged forward, opened up the water and I tackled the fire myself. The explosion had been caused by a water heater, so nobody was hurt, and ultimately it was not a big deal, but later Skip came up to me and said, “Nice job, Caroline,” in this surprised sort of voice. 有一天，发生了一起火警，当我们消防小队赶到的时候，我非常确定滚滚黑烟正从一个小巷中的一栋建筑中冒出。我当时跟一个叫斯基普的大个子在一起，他拿着消防车喷头，我就在他身后，这是一次很典型的火灾。浓烟弥漫，高温炙热，突然之间发生了爆炸，斯基普和我被震得朝后飞去，我的面罩撞到了路边，这一刻一切都陷入了混乱。然后我迅速爬起来，寻找喷头，我做了一个消防员应该做的：我向前冲过去，打开了水龙头，一个人扑灭了大火。爆炸是由一个热水器引起的，所幸没人受伤，最终也没酿成大灾。然而稍后，斯吉普走过来，带着某种吃惊对我说：“干得好，卡罗琳。”
And I was confused, because the fire hadn’t been difficult physically, so why was he looking at me with something like astonishment? And then it became clear: Skip, who was by the way a really nice guy and an excellent firefighter, not only thought that women could not be strong, he thought that they could not be brave either. And he wasn't the only one. Friends, acquaintances and strangers, men and women throughout my career ask me over and over, “Caroline, all that fire, all that danger, aren’t you scared?” Honestly, I never heard a male firefighter asked this. And I became curious. Why wasn’t bravery expected of women? 我当时有些懵，因为这场大火并不是很难扑灭，那他为什么会用这种惊讶的神情看着我呢？后来我就明白了：斯吉普，当然他是一个很好的人，而且也是一个出色的消防员，但他不仅不认为女性能足够强壮，也不认为女性可以非常勇敢。他并不是唯一一个这么想的人。不管是朋友、熟人还是陌生人，不分男女，在我的整个职业生涯一遍遍问我：“卡罗琳，面对那些大火，那些危险，你不害怕吗？”说实话，我从来没听过一个男消防员被问这些问题。所以我变得很好奇。为什么人们不认为女性是勇敢的？
Now, the answer began to come when a friend of mine lamented to me that her young daughter was a big scaredy-cat, and so I began to notice, and yes, the daughter was anxious, but more than that, the parents were anxious. Most of what they said to her when she was outside began with, “Be careful,” “Watch out,” or “No.” Now, my friends were not bad parents. They were just doing what most parents do, which is cautioning their daughters much more than they caution their sons. 当我的一个朋友对我感叹自己的小女儿很容易受到惊吓时，答案开始在我的脑海中显现，从那时起我开始留意，是的，那个朋友的女儿很焦虑，不仅如此，她的父母也很焦虑。当她去室外玩耍时，她父母对她说得最多的就是，“当心点”“注意点”或“不行”。我朋友是很好的父母。他们只是做了大部分父母会做的，即对女儿的担心程度要比对儿子大得多。
There was a study involving a playground fire pole, ironically, in which researchers saw that little girls were very likely to be warned by both their moms and dads about the fire pole’s risk, and if the little girls still wanted to play on the fire pole, a parent was very likely to assist her. But the little boys? They were encouraged to play on the fire pole despite any trepidations that they might have, and often the parents offered guidance on how to use it on their own. So what message does this send to both boys and girls? Well, that girls are fragile and more in need of help, and that boys can and should master difficult tasks by themselves. It says that girls should be fearful and boys should be gutsy. 有一个涉及游乐场消防滑杆的研究，有意思的是，研究人员发现，小女孩通常很有可能会被父母警告消防滑杆的危险性，如果那个小女孩还是想要玩消防滑杆，那么父母中的一个很可能会陪她一起玩。如果换成小男孩呢？他们通常被鼓励去玩消防滑杆，也不管他们是否会害怕，并且通常父母会指导他们怎样独自去玩。那么这个行为给男孩和女孩传递了怎样的信息呢？那就是，女孩是脆弱的，更需要获得帮助，而男孩能够并且应该自己处理好困难的任务。人们说女孩应该谨慎，而男孩应该勇敢。
Now, the irony is that at this young age, girls and boys are actually very alike physically. In fact, girls are often stronger until puberty, and more mature. And yet we adults act as if girls are more fragile and more in need of help, and they can’t handle as much. This is the message that we absorb as kids, and this is the message that fully permeates as we grow up. We women believe it, men believe it, and guess what? As we become parents, we pass it on to our children, and so it goes. 但其实，在这么小的年纪，男孩和女孩在身体上是非常相似的。事实上，青春期之前女孩通常更强壮也更成熟。然而我们成年人表现出来的却好像女孩子更脆弱、更需要帮助，很多事她们不能应付。这是我们从小就接受的信息，这个信息也渗透进我们整个的成长过程。我们女人相信这一点，男人也相信这一点，猜猜怎么着？当我们成为父母时，我们又把它传给了下一代，就这样一代代传下去。
Well, so now I had my answer. This is why women, even firewomen, were expected to be scared. This is why women often are scared. 现在我已经有了答案。这就是为什么女人，甚至是女消防员，也被认为是胆怯的。这也是为什么女人通常胆小害怕的原因。
Now, I know some of you won’t believe me when I tell you this, but I am not against fear. I know it’s an important emotion, and it’s there to keep us safe. But the problem is when fear is the primary reaction that we teach and encourage in girls whenever they face something outside their comfort zone. 我知道你们中的一部分人不会相信我跟你说的这些，但我并不是反对恐惧。我知道它是一种很重要的情绪，使我们保持安全。但是，如果每当我们的女儿在外遇到困难，我们的第一反应就是教导和鼓励她们去害怕的话，这就是个问题了。
So I was a paraglider pilot for many years—and a paraglider is a parachute-like wing, and it does fly very well, but to many people I realize it looks just like a bedsheet with strings attached. 我曾经做过很多年的滑翔伞运动员——滑翔伞就像降落伞，它能够很好地飞翔，但我知道，对很多人来说，它看起来就像是一张系了绳子的床单。
And I spent a lot of time on mountaintops inflating this bedsheet, running off and flying. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re like, Caroline, a little fear would make sense here. And you’re right, it does. I assure you, I did feel fear. But on that mountaintop, waiting for the wind to come in just right, I felt so many other things, too: exhilaration, confidence. I knew I was a good pilot. I knew the conditions were good, or I wouldn’t be there. I knew how great it was going to be a thousand feet in the air. So yes, fear was there, but I would take a good hard look at it, assess just how relevant it was and then put it where it belonged, which was more often than not behind my exhilaration, my anticipation and my confidence. So I’m not against fear. I’m just pro-bravery. 我花了很多时间在山顶给这些床单充气，然后一跃而下飞翔在空中。我知道你们在想什么。你们在想，卡罗琳，有些害怕也是应该的。没错，你们是对的，的确如此。我的确也害怕。但是站在山顶，等待正确的风向时，我也会感受到很多其他的东西，比如快乐、自信。我知道我是一个很好的滑翔伞运动员，只有当我确认条件适合的时候才会站在那里。我知道飞翔在300米的高空中是多么了不起。是的，有过害怕，但我会仔细审视它，评估它的重要性，然后把它放在正确的位置，而它通常排在我的愉快、期待和信心之后。因此，我不是反对害怕。我只是支持勇敢。
Now, I’m not saying your girls must be firefighters or that they should be paragliders, but I am saying that we are raising our girls to be timid, even helpless, and it begins when we caution them against physical risk. The fear we learn and the experiences we don’t stay with us as we become women and morphs into all those things that we face and try to shed: our hesitation in speaking out, our deference so that we can be liked and our lack of confidence in our own decisions. 我不是说女孩子必须要成为消防员或滑翔伞运动员，我的意思是，我们正在把女孩们培养得胆小甚至无助，这一切都从我们提醒她们注意身体上的危险开始。我们体验的恐惧感和那些我们不曾有过的经历伴随着我们长大成为女人，然后演变成那些我们所面对并且试图去摆脱的事情：我们犹豫而不敢发声，我们顺从以招人喜欢，我们对自己的决定缺乏信心。
So how do we become brave? Well, here’s the good news. Bravery is learned, and like anything learned, it just needs to be practiced. So first, we have to take a deep breath and encourage our girls to skateboard, climb trees and clamber around on that playground fire pole. This is what my own mother did. She didn’t know it then, but researchers have a name for this. They call it risky play, and studies show that risky play is really important for kids, all kids, because it teaches hazard assessment, it teaches delayed gratification, it teaches resilience, it teaches confidence. In other words, when kids get outside and practice bravery, they learn valuable life lessons. 那么我们如何变得勇敢呢？这里有个好消息。勇敢是可以学来的，就像任何可以学的事情一样，只需要多加练习。所以首先，我们得做一个深呼吸，然后鼓励女儿去玩滑板、去爬树、去攀爬游乐场的消防滑杆。我的母亲就是这么做的。她当时并不知道什么理论，但是研究人员对这类事情有一个专门的叫法：危险游戏。研究表明，危险游戏真的对小孩子很重要，是对所有的小孩子，因为它教会评估危险，教会延迟享乐，教人更有韧性，让人产生自信。换言之，当孩子们走到室外练习勇敢时，他们在学习非常有价值的人生课程。
Second, we have to stop cautioning our girls willy-nilly. So notice next time you say, “Watch out, you’re going to get hurt,” or, “Don’t do that, it’s dangerous.” And remember that often what you’re really telling her is that she shouldn’t be pushing herself, that she’s really not good enough, that she should be afraid. 第二，不管愿不愿意，都不要再去提醒女孩们。所以，留意下次想说“小心点儿，你会受伤的”或者“不要那样做，很危险”的时候。请记住，你真正想告诉她的是她不应该强迫自己，她能力有限，以及她应该害怕。
Third, we women have to start practicing bravery, too. We cannot teach our girls until we teach ourselves. So here’s another thing: fear and exhilaration feel very similar—the shaky hands, the heightened heart rate, the nervous tension, and I’m betting that for many of you the last time you thought you were scared out of your wits, you may have been feeling mostly exhilaration, and now you’ve missed an opportunity. So practice. And while girls should be getting outside to learn to be gutsy, I get that adults don’t want to get on hoverboards or climb trees, so we all should be practicing at home, in the office and even right here getting up the guts to talk to someone that you really admire. 第三，成年女性也得开始练习勇敢。在我们教会自己之前，我们没资格去教女孩们。还有一件事：恐惧和愉快是很相似的感受——双手发抖，心跳加快，神经紧绷，我敢说，对你们中的大多数来说，上一次被吓到的时候，你很可能更多感到的是愉快，现在你已失去这一机会。因此，要不断练习。同时，女孩们应该走出去学习变得胆大，我知道成年人不会想去滑板或者爬树，所以我们所有人都需要练习，不管是在家还是在办公室，甚至就在此时此刻，请鼓起勇气跟那个你钦佩的人交谈。
Finally, when your girl is, let’s say, on her bike on the top of the steep hill that she insists she’s too scared to go down, guide her to access her bravery. Ultimately, maybe that hill really is too steep, but she’ll come to that conclusion through courage, not fear. Because this is not about the steep hill in front of her. This is about the life ahead of her and that she has the tools to handle and assess all the dangers that we cannot protect her from, all the challenges that we won’t be there to guide her through, everything that our girls here and around the world face in their future. 最后，当你的女儿，比方说，骑着车在陡坡坡顶，如果她坚持说自己太害怕了不敢骑下去，那么指导她一点点找到勇气。最终，或许那个坡的确太陡，但她是用勇气而不是恐惧得出的这个结论。因为这与她面前的陡坡无关。这关乎她以后的人生，她获得了方法去处理和接近所有那些我们不能保护她远离的危险，所有那些我们不能指导她通过的挑战，以及今天在座的女孩以及全世界的女孩未来可能面对的所有事。
So by the way, the world record for crawling today—is 35.18 miles, and I would really love to see a girl go break that.顺便说一下，那个爬行世界纪录现在是——已经是35.18英里了，我真的很想看到有个女孩去打破它。
来源：TED官方
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