《金色池塘》：如何抚平亲情的裂痕
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老桑说
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「 朋友，你好，我是老桑。」
老桑在《金色池塘》拍摄地---斯夸姆湖
《金色池塘》（On Golden Pond）(1981年出版)是一部经典电影，它改编自百老汇戏剧，探讨了家庭代际间的冲突。
电影围绕80岁的诺曼·塞耶（之前出演《12怒汉》而出名的亨利·方达饰)，他的妻子埃塞尔(凯瑟琳·赫本饰)和他们40多岁的女儿切尔西(亨利现实中的女儿简饰)而展开。
埃塞尔，诺曼和切尔西
即使这部电影输给了《火之战车》，没有获得奥斯卡最佳影片奖，但亨利·方达获得了奥斯卡最佳男演员奖，凯瑟琳·赫本赢得了最佳女演员奖。很少有男演员和女演员同时获得最佳男演员和最佳女演员的奖项，这证明了他们精湛的演技。这部电影tug（撩动）了无数人的心弦。
诺曼是一位crotchety（脾气古怪的）老师，很久以前就从宾夕法尼亚大学退休了。在他们将近50年的婚姻生活中，他和夫人埃塞尔都会在湖边的小木屋里避暑，彼时他们正值黄金岁月。
诺曼
而这一次，“在金色池塘上”象征着他们与衰老的斗争。诺曼沉浸对死亡和濒死的恐惧中，而埃塞尔则努力保持乐观，向前看。
诺曼与埃塞尔
这部电影是在新罕布什尔州的斯夸姆湖拍摄的。我的表姐凯西和表妹朱莉就生活在距离那里一个小时车程的地方，上个月我们一起在湖上荡舟，享受着40年前电影拍摄地的美丽风光。受益于严格的环境法规和茂密的森林，斯夸姆湖在这段时间几乎没有什么变化。
斯夸姆湖
老桑与表姐凯西和表妹朱莉
切尔西是诺曼和埃塞尔唯一的孩子。她在遥远的洛杉矶事业有成，很久以前就离开了家。她和她的父亲(她叫他“诺曼”而不是“爸爸”)从来都没有和睦相处过。诺曼对她很挑剔，也许暗地里想要个儿子。无论她做什么，切尔西都觉得她永远无法赢得父亲的爱和尊重——即使是作为一个成年人。
诺曼的ridicule（嘲笑）和切尔西的愤怒在电影中逐渐达到高潮。离开父母很长一段时间后，切尔西去湖边看望他们。结果一到那里，气氛就变得紧张起来。埃塞尔试图调解两人，但感情太根深蒂固，无法消弭。切尔西感觉自己又回到了过去那个年轻的“胖女孩”，而诺曼则感觉自己被切尔西的嘲笑给回绝了。
切尔西回家
切尔西的第二任丈夫比尔和13岁的继子比利也一同来到了这里。诺曼对比尔很一般，而他和比利渐渐喜欢上了彼此。这进一步激起了切尔西的不满，他们想知道诺曼怎么能对比利好而对她不好。切尔西内心中的疏离与无力感再次出现，最终导致了一场令人不快的爆发。
然而，尽管经历了这段曲折的过去，诺曼和切尔西最终还是在电影令人心碎的结尾和解了。以下是电影中的三个主题，或许也能帮助你与一位年长的家庭成员取得和解。
认识到没有人有一个完美的童年
Realize that nobody had a perfect childhood
切尔西在凉亭思考
在电影的一个场景中，切尔西向她的母亲抱怨说诺曼从来没有对她好过，他在这次旅行中对她刻薄的评论给她的旧伤口上撒了盐。埃塞尔认为切尔西应该认识到自己已经长大了，但事实上，这件事对她而言仍然耿耿于怀。
埃塞尔没有commiserate（同情）切尔西，而是给了她一个严厉但明智的建议:
“你不觉得所有的人回忆童年的时候，都会有某些事情让他感到痛苦和遗憾吗？别让这些事毁了你的生活，亲爱的。你现在是个大孩子了。你对这些不感到厌倦吗? 总是无聊，无聊。生活是在不断进步的，切尔西。希望你能跟上。”
诺曼与切尔西发生冲突
埃塞尔认为每个人都有一些童年遗留下来的愤怒和痛苦。重要的并不是它们如何开始的，而关乎于如何结束。当你成熟的时候，与其纠结于你受了何种委屈，不如原谅和放手，接受你父母本来的样子。否则，不断地旧事重提会让你筋疲力尽的。
如果你正在处理尚未愈合的伤口，可以考虑一下埃塞尔的建议。控制住愤怒，意味着你只是在控制自己。相反，原谅那些冒犯你的人，试着看看他们在这种情况下是如何尽力改善的。否则，你的生命时光将与你擦肩而过，因为你把宝贵的时间浪费在了愤怒上，而没有收获成长。
诺曼与切尔西进行沟通
电影快结束时，切尔西告诉埃塞尔她想和诺曼成为朋友。然而，她抱怨自己总是对诺曼顶嘴，尽管她住得离他很远。埃塞尔却没有表示同情，说:“诺曼已经80岁了。他有心悸和记忆困难。你到底希望这段友谊什么时候开始?”
切尔西随后承认说:“我害怕他。“埃塞尔却打趣道：“其实是他怕你。所以你应该好好相处。”她知道他们害怕彼此。切尔西害怕被评判，害怕诺曼的拒绝，所以他们都戴着面具，而不愿让自己暴露于真实的脆弱感下，而这构成了亲人之间爱意关系的自然组成部分。
切尔西鼓起勇气，走到父亲刚刚钓鱼的湖边，说她想恢复彼此的父女关系。诺曼被吓了一跳。切尔西之后说:“看起来我们已经生对方的气很久了……”诺曼回答说:“我不认为我们在为对方生气。我只是觉得我们不喜欢对方。”
诺曼与切尔西和好
交流帮助双方看到对方的观点。诺曼认为切尔西不喜欢他，切尔西认为诺曼生她的气。这种误解是紧张局势的根源，造成了双方的恐惧和不信任。然而，一旦他们把这件事说出来，他们的关系就能够有所好转。电影结束时，他们拥抱在一起，切尔西叫了诺曼一声：“爸爸”。
拍摄电影后不久，诺曼的饰演者亨利·方达就去世了。他的女儿在其死后代他领奖。这部电影反映了诺曼和切尔西在现实生活中的紧张关系。他们在电影结尾催人泪下的和解让人感觉如此真实，因为正如切尔西的饰演者简后来所言，这是在电影中诠释的真正的和解。
亨利·方达与女儿简·方达
03不同年龄段的人看待事物的方式不同Understand that different age groups see things differently
诺曼和埃塞尔去买东西
在一个场景中，诺曼点燃了壁炉里的一堆火，但没有把壁炉盖住，导致壁炉周围的区域着火。诺曼感到很尴尬，责怪年轻的比利，他实际上帮助扑灭了大火。虽然埃塞尔不会接受一个年轻人逃避责任，但她同情诺曼的羞愧感。
比利对受到的指责感到很难过，但是埃塞尔安慰他说:“你知道，他没有对你大喊大叫。他是在对生活大喊大叫。好像一头老狮子。他必须提醒自己，他还能咆哮。比利，有时候你必须仔细观察一个人，记住他已经尽力了。他只是想找到他的路而已，你也是如此。”
诺曼80岁生日会
埃塞尔的意思是我们在对另一个人做出反应之前需要深入了解他们。比利很想对诺曼的错误指责生气，但埃塞尔告诉比利别再多想了，而是让他看看诺曼是如何与衰老作斗争的。她从更高的角度看待这件事，力劝比利不要对诺曼太苛刻……也不要对自己太刻薄。
如果你和父母或年长的亲戚发生了冲突，记住他们也曾和你一样大，但你从没有经历他们的岁月。随着时间的推移，人们对世界的看法也各不相同。在《金色池塘》中，诺曼和埃塞尔直面死亡的恐惧。中年的切尔西被困在自私的自我怜悯的世界里，但她搭建了一座理解的桥梁，拉近了她和诺曼之间的距离。
一直以来，不管过去切尔西受到了怎样的委屈，埃塞尔都是希望由切尔西亲自解开她父亲之间的误解。这是代际冲突的一个教训。年轻人应该认识到，他们无法改变过去，倘若没有受到暴力的虐待，就应该接受父母本来的样子。这种心态能促进家庭的团结。
我的朋友，电影《金色池塘》探讨了年迈的父母和成年子女几十年前形成的积怨。要知道没有人拥有完美的童年，人们需要努力去倾听和理解，并意识到我们的长辈看待世界的方式和我们不一样。这种宽容会弥合隔阂，鼓励宽恕，并让潜在的友谊开花结果。
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On Golden Pond:
three steps to achieve family harmony
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「 Hello, my friend！
I'm John Smagula. 」
opening scene
I know we’re all supposed to get along with our family members. In China, the importance of family harmony is particularly revered, being one of the central tenets of Confucianism. Yet despite our best efforts, conflicts between parents and children come about, creating long-lasting wounds and deep-seated guilt.
On Golden Pond (1981) is a classic film, adapted from a Broadway play, that explores intergenerational conflict. In the movie we meet 80-year-old Norman Thayer (played by Henry Fonda, also known for his role in 12 Angry Men), his wife Ethyl (played by Katharine Hepburn), and their fortysomething daughter Chelsea (played by Henry’s real-life daughter Jane).
Even though the movie lost the Academy Award for Best Picture to Chariots of Fire that year, Henry Fonda won the Academy Award for Best Actor and Katharine Hepburn won Best Actress. It is rare for Best Actor and Best Actress to be awarded to actors in the same film, a testament to their superb acting. The movie tugged at the heartstrings of many.
Norman is a crotchety teacher, long retired from the University of Pennsylvania. For their nearly 50 years of marriage, he and Ethyl have spent their summers in their cabin on a lake. As they reach their golden years, this time “on golden pond” is symbolic of their struggles with aging. Norman is fascinated with death and dying, whereas Ethyl tries to be positive and look ahead.
On Golden Pond was filmed on the Squam Lake in New Hampshire. My cousins Kathy and Julie live an hour away, and last month we took a boat ride around the lake together, enjoying the scenery where the movie was filmed 40 years ago. Given strict environmental regulations and heavily forested shores, Squam Lake has changed little during this time.
Squam Lake
Chelsea is Norman and Ethyl’s only child. She long ago left home, having become successful in faraway Los Angeles. She and her father (whom she calls “Norman” and not “Dad”) have never gotten along. Norman was very critical of her, perhaps secretly having wanted a son. No matter what she did, Chelsea felt she could never earn her father’s love and respect—even as an adult.
Norman’s ridicule and Chelsea’s anger come to a head in the movie. Chelsea pays her parents a visit on the lake, after having been away from them for a long time. Tension arises as soon as she arrives. Ethyl tries to mediate, but the emotions are too raw to be patched over. Chelsea feels like the young “fat girl” she used to be, and Norman feels rebuffed by Chelsea’s scorn.
Chelsea’s second husband Bill and 13-year-old stepson Billy also visit for part of Chelsea’s trip. Norman is curt to Bill, but he and Billy gradually come to like each other. This further fans Chelsea’s resentment, wondering how Norman can be good to Billy and not to her. Chelsea’s alienation and feelings of inadequacy resurface, culminating in a nasty outburst.
Yet despite this checkered past, Norman and Jane finally reconcile in the movie’s heart-wrenching conclusion. Here are three themes from the movie that may help you, too, reconcile with an older family member with whom you may have had a conflict simmering for some time.
In one scene, Jane complains to her mother how Norman never treated her right, and his caustic remarks toward her on this trip have poured salt on old wounds. Ethyl was hoping that Chelsea might have grown up by now, but in fact, is still festering. Rather than commiserate with Chelsea, Ethyl gives her this stern, but sensible, advice:
“Don't you think that everyone looks back on their childhood with a certain amount of bitterness and regret about something? It doesn’t have to ruin your life, darling. You're a big girl now. Aren't you tired of it all? Bore, bore, bore. Life marches by, Chels. I suggest you get on with it.”
Ethyl was saying that everybody has some anger and bitterness left over from childhood. What matters is not how you start in life, but how you finish. As you mature, rather than dwell on how you were wronged, it’s better to forgive and let go, accepting your parents for who they are. Otherwise, the constant dredging up of the past will wear you out.
If you are dealing with unhealed wounds, consider Ethyl’s advice. By holding on to anger, you’re only holding yourself back. Rather, forgive those who have offended you, and try to see how they may have done their best under the circumstances. Otherwise, your life will pass you by, and you will have wasted precious moments on anger and not your own development.
Toward the end of the movie, Chelsea tells Ethyl she wants to have a friendship with Norman. Yet she complains how she feels she is always answering to Norman, even though she lives far away. Ethyl is unsympathetic, saying, “Norman is 80 years old. He has heart palpitations and trouble remembering things. Just exactly when do you expect this friendship to begin?”
Chelsea then confesses, “I’m afraid of him.” Ethyl quips right back, “Well, he’s afraid of you. So you should get along fine.” Ethyl understands that they were afraid of each other. Chelsea feared judgment, and Norman rejection, so they each wore masks rather than exposing themselves to an honest vulnerability that is naturally part of a loving relationship.
Chelsea musters up her courage, walks down to the lake where her father had just been fishing, and says she wants to have a relationship as a father and daughter should. Norman is startled. And then Chelsea says, “It seems that you and me have been mad at each other for so long…” Norman replies, “I didn’t think we were mad. I just thought we didn’t like each other.”
Norman and Chelsea reconcile
Communication helped each to see the other’s perspective. Norman thought Chelsea didn’t like him, and Chelsea thought Norman was mad at her. This misunderstanding was the root of the tension, creating fear and mistrust. Yet once they talked it out, their relationship took a turn for the better. At the end of the movie, they embrace, and Chelsea calls Norman, “Dad.”
Shortly after filming the movie, Henry Fonda died. His daughter accepted his Academy Award for him posthumously. The movie mirrored Henry and Jane’s tensions in real life. Their tear-jerking reconciliation at the end of the movie feels so real because, as Jane later reported, it was a true reconciliation captured on film.
Jane Fonda accepts father's Academy Award
03Understand that different age groups see things differently
In one scene, Norman lights a fire in the fireplace, but does not put the fireplace screen over it, causing the area around the hearth to go ablaze. Norman is embarrassed and then blames young Billy, who actually helped extinguish the fire. Although Ethyl would not have accepted a younger person shirking responsibility, she is sympathetic to Norman’s shame.
Billy smarts from this false accusation, but Ethyl comforts him, saying, “He wasn't yelling at you, you know. He was yelling at life. It means he’s like an old lion. He has to remind himself that he can still roar. Billy, sometimes you have to look hard at a person and remember that he's doing the best he can. He’s just trying to find his way, that’s all, just like you.”
Norman's 80th Birthday
Ethyl was saying that we need to deeply understand another person before reacting to them. Billy’s inclination was to be angry at Norman’s wrongful accusation, but Ethyl told Billy just to let it go and try to see Norman’s struggles with aging. She took a higher view of the situation, urging Billy not to be so hard on Norman…or on himself.
If you have a conflict with a parent or older relative, remember they were once your age, but you were never theirs. Over time, people see the world differently. In On Golden Pond, Norman and Ethyl confront their fear of dying. Middle-aged Chelsea is trapped in her own selfish world of self-pity, but she built a bridge of understanding to close the gap between her and Norman.
At all times, Ethyl puts the burden on Chelsea to make peace with Norman, regardless of the wrongs that were committed against her in the past. This is a lesson for intergenerational conflict. The young should recognize that they can’t change the past and, if there was no abuse of violence, just accept their parents for who they are. This mindset promotes family unity.
My friend, On Golden Pond explores how aging parents and adult children can carry the same resentments and grudges that formed decades ago. Know that nobody had a perfect childhood, seek to listen and understand, and realize that our elders see the world in a way we don’t. This tolerance will bridge the gap, foster forgiveness, and allow the latent friendships to blossom.
{ 今日英文速记卡 }
1.Deep-seated \ ˈdēp-ˈsē-təd \
a)含义：adj. 根深蒂固的
b)例句：
i.Yet despite our best efforts, conflicts between parents and children come about, creating long-lasting wounds and deep-seated guilt.
然而，尽管我们尽了最大的努力，父母和孩子之间的冲突还是会有发生，造成了长期的创伤和根深蒂固的负罪感。
ii.To the paper industry of deep-seated predicament, this is an interest good news undoubtedly.
对于深陷困境的报纸行业而言，这无疑是一个利好消息。
c)近义词：deep-rooted, entrenched, hard-core
2. Tug \ ˈtəg \
a)含义：v. （迅速地）拉，拖；触动
b)例句：
i.The movie tugged at the heartstrings of many.
这部电影撩动了无数人的心弦。
ii.He longed to give it a quick tug, but dared not do so.
他非常想把它拉快一些，但是不敢这么做。
c)近义词：drag, pull, tow
3.Crotchety \ ˈkrä-chə-tē \
a)含义：adj. 反复无常的；脾气古怪的
b)例句：
i.Norman is a crotchety teacher, long retired from the University of Pennsylvania.
诺曼是一位脾气古怪的老师，很久以前就从宾夕法尼亚大学退休了。
ii.It seems that he is in crotchety opposition to his father.
看起来，他对他爸爸火气很大，也很敌对。
c)近义词：crabby, cranky, cross
4.Ridicule \ ˈri-də-ˌkyül \
a)含义：v. 嘲笑
b)例句：
i.Norman’s ridicule and Chelsea’s anger come to a head in the movie.
诺曼的嘲笑和切尔西的愤怒在电影中达到了高潮。
ii.The right attitude to take is not to let insults, sarcasm, rudeness, ridicule, or mockery bother you.
正确的态度应该是不要让那些侮辱、讽刺、无礼、 奚落或是嘲笑烦忧你。
c)近义词：derision, mockery, sport
5.Commiserate
\ kə-ˈmi-zə-ˌrāt \
a)含义：v. 同情；怜悯
b)例句：
i.Rather than commiserate with Chelsea, Ethyl gives her this stern, but sensible, advice.
埃塞尔没有同情切尔西，而是给了她一个严厉但明智的建议。
ii.Martha's friends all came over to her house to commiserate over being laid off at the company.
玛莎的朋友都来她家，对她被公司解雇表达安慰之意。
c)近义词：feel (for), pity, sympathize (with)
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