WELL PARENT | An Honest Look At Parenting

Recently I had a new friend send me a message. At the time, she didn’t know I was a parenting educator, but she was so obviously overwhelmed that she just needed to get it all out.

Hands up who can relate?

I don’t think I’ve met a single parent who hasn’t at some stage wanted to give up because PARENTING IS HARD.

Sure, there’s those moments when your gorgeous littles are laughing, or when they’re asleep, and those are the moments that our heart might burst with love.

But for many parents, the bad times outweigh the good times and our hearts are doing the OPPOSITE of burning with love.

“Will this ever end?”

“I can’t deal with the tantrums anymore.”

“I love him, but most of the time I don’t even like him.” (This is a hard one to admit AND it’s more common than you think.)

In full disclosure, because I am a parent just like you, I have had those same thoughts. 

I had three kids under the age of 3.5 years. When we first moved to Beijing you would see me in my little electric scooter with a 2 year old, a 1 year old, and a heavily pregnant tummy.

I was the one with a middle child who wouldn’t be sleep trained, wouldn’t nap longer than 20 minutes (followed by an hour of crying), who would scream at the top of his lungs if ever I disappeared from sight, and who liked to be carried around ALL the time.

I was the one at Jenny Lou’s with a 4 year old, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old trying to do a full grocery shop when the youngest had one of his daily tantrums.  That was me, sitting out the front of Jenny Lou’s on the ground, holding him as he screamed and kicked for TWENTY minutes.

I am the one who sat in the middle of my living room floor with all three (my very own personal daycare) as we all cried together. I would be the one singing,

‘Everybody’s crying, crying crying,
Everybody’s crying, just like me’.

Because sometimes all you can do is cry.

I never want to be one of those ‘perfect’ parenting coaches because I’d rather be in the trenches with you all. Because that’s where real life happens. 

You know what else happens in real life?

Whenever we have our own meltdown at our kids, we tend to beat ourselves up because WE SHOULD KNOW BETTER. Our social media feeds can be FULL of positive parenting advice, and we’ve read all the right books, so when we can't implement it or we don't live up to these crazy high standards we've set for ourselves, we judge ourselves. Harshly.

We need to stop beating ourselves up, we need to stop judging ourselves, we need to stop trying to be 'good' parents and learn to love ourselves and focus on creating relationships with our kids that are mutually respectful. 

But it's not always to do that by ourselves, and that's where parenting workshops are a fabulous resource.

Because it IS possible to for your family dynamics to change. It is possible to create a more peaceful home. It is possible to work WITH your child, instead of battling them.

I went to my first positive parenting workshop when my youngest was 4 years old and it was a game-changer.

It literally changed EVERYTHING.

I hadn't realised how much the small things I would say and do would impact my kids behaviour. Through the experiential activities I was able to feel what it was like to be a ‘child’ on the receiving end, and then I was equipped with tools and strategies I could use immediately and they WORKED! Hallelujah!! 

We began to have more fun, I understood my children better and what they were trying to communicate through their misbehavior, and we became a more cooperative, respectful family. 

Today, I look at my kids (11, 10 and 8) and I LOVE the humans they are becoming.

We have open lines of communication because my kids aren’t fearful of being punished when they mess up.

We know how to restore our relationships after conflict. We know how to problem-solve so that instead of blaming, we can find solutions that work for everyone. 

They are not perfect, but neither am I, and neither were any of the parents I met on my parenting workshop, so thank God that pressure is off us all.

In response to the changes I made in my own behavior and our home all those years ago, my kids now make my life easier everyday by cooperating, contributing to the family, and taking (age-appropriate) responsibility for their lives. 

I learned to step out of the power battles, and the conflict evaporated.

My only regret is that I didn’t discover these Positive Discipline strategies earlier - maybe I could have avoided the daily tantrums.

But then, I couldn't really say that I 'GET' what you are going through, could I?

If you’d like to learn more about Parenting Through Positive Discipline, then come along to my introductory online workshop on Sunday 26 Feb at 7:30-8:30pm.

Following the intro workshop, I’ll be running a 6 week workshop series online which is where the real change in your parenting happens. It's 6 weeks long because it takes time to build up self-awareness, and to gain a shift in perspective. Each week you’ll learn positive parenting concepts, and also be given two tools to practice during the week which you will report back on the following week.

You’ll also be surrounded with an amazing parenting community who are all facing similar challenges, and we will work together to solve problems and keep each other inspired and accountable. 

If you'd like to join the FREE Introductory Workshop, scan the QR code in the poster. See you on Sunday!

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  ABOUT THE WORKSHOP FACILITATOR  

Rebecca Archer is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and Early Childhood Educator, teacher, and the mom of 3 energetic kids. Originally from New Zealand, and has been working with children, families, and women for over a decade as a teacher, facilitator, parent educator, writer, community founder, and event manager in the international community. She is passionate about helping parents deepen the connection with their children, and equipping them with simple everyday strategies to build a cooperative, respectful, fun, family life.