《55 Successful Harvard Law School Essays》精读系列 2：少数裔申请者

关于《55 Successful Harvard Law School Essays》精读系列的介绍可参考：《55 Successful Harvard Law School Essays》精读系列 1：移民申请者，本期的PS对于少数民族申请者/混血申请者来说是一篇不错的参考，而这类申请者虽然不多，但每年都有。其他申请者也可以从哈佛校报工作人员，律政的David老师和Aaron老师的点评中学习本篇PS的优缺点。

PS

Nicole Dooley

It usually takes people several attempts to figure me out. With the toffee-colored skin and curly hair that I inherited from my black father and Puerto Rican mother, my racial heritage has never been easy to guess. I’ve been assumed to be white, black, Hispanic, South Asian, and Middle Eastern, to name a few. With my background so hard to place, I could fit quite nicely into the predominantly white suburbs where I grew up. I didn’t look or feel all that different from the Dohertys or the Barravecchios living there. The racial homogeneity of my upbringing had an unfortunate side effect: I never had an opportunity to connect with black or Hispanic culture outside of my family. Growing up, I didn’t really notice. Acute racial awareness did not hit me until college.

At that point, Rice University was the most diverse place I had ever lived. At first, I spent my free time with my South Asian and white roommates, as I was not ready to explore the black and Hispanic groups on campus. Soon enough, though, I ventured out, hoping they would add a sense of belonging to my life that I thought was lacking. I joined the Black Student Association, eager to find my niche. Instead, at every meeting or event I attended, I stayed on the outskirts, feeling separated, as if I were observing through a glass wall. I couldn’t commiserate about being racially profiled, and I could get my hair wet whenever I wanted. My feelings of disappointment were so cutting that I didn’t attempt a single foray into the Hispanic group on campus. As someone who didn’t speak Spanish fluently, I feared that I would feel similarly disconnected.

By the time I graduated from Rice, I had decided to take steps to grow into my ethnicity. To begin this journey, I spent three weeks in Puerto Rico. My intent was to speak only Spanish for the duration of the trip and lose myself in the culture. Unfortunately for me, everyone on the island spoke English and could tell my Spanish was not up to par as soon as the first anglicized hola came out of my mouth. As for culture, I felt oddly unexposed. My relatives took me to all the tourist spots and malls, where the customs mirrored those of the white neighborhoods where I had been raised. Ultimately, my trip brought me no closer to identifying with my Hispanic heritage, and I returned to the States disappointed.

The next part of my journey involved my postgraduation plans: teaching in inner-city Atlanta. I did not pick this path so that I could explore my “blackness,” but it was a fortunate side effect. I saw the experience as an opportunity to connect with and learn about African American culture—my culture. From the start, my seventh graders branded me as an outsider by not referring to me as light-skinned, their sign of acceptance. Instead, I was white. I quickly learned that to them, being black was less of a genetic fact and more of an attitude, which I initially lacked. The rejection I felt fully eclipsed the disconnection I felt in college. However, necessity is the mother of invention, and I needed my students to accept me in order to achieve my goals of racial acceptance and effective teaching. As each day passed, I related to them a little more by spending time with them at school and at their homes, both during the week and on the weekends. By the end of the year, my students serenaded me with songs about their light-skinned teacher. My personal quest for ethnicity was over; my students had taught me how to belong.

Part of my duty as their teacher was to return the favor by teaching them how to belong in the world outside their inner-city neighborhood. Unfortunately, I was unable to give my students a complete picture of their greater surroundings within the confines of the classroom. I realized that in order to help my students, I needed to go beyond the classroom into the realm of law. Many of the obstacles preventing them from attaining a complete education stemmed from issues within the legal system, such as the emphasis placed on standardized testing. An understanding of law and policy making will give me a greater basis to provide minority students with resources to reach beyond their borders to their fullest potential. I not only want to understand the existing law, but I also aim to make laws more equitable and fair for my former students. Law school will better equip me to give them the opportunity to expand their horizons, as I had done.

点评

April Yee, The Harvard Crimson

Several hundred words is precious real estate, especially when the stakes are entrance to Harvard Law. Dooley writes a compelling essay that shows the reader she aims to serve an underprivileged population, and a reader would have benefited from more details about her experience teaching in inner-city Atlanta.

Dooley shines in the second half of her essay. When she tells the reader that she visited students at their homes, she shows that she cares about her students and about being a good teacher. “By the end of the year, my students serenaded me with songs about their light-skinned teacher,” she writes, giving proof that her students appreciated her efforts.

In her final paragraph, she explains how learning law will help her to serve her students. Now the reader knows why Dooley’s quest for a racial identity and her love for her students matters.

Still, the essay could be improved if she used her limited essay space to detail her experiences. She could have recounted her first day on the job, described the inside of a student’s inner-city home, or recalled the words to the songs her students sang to her. Dooley leaves the reader wanting to know more and feeling as if they’re missing some vital information—something that may make for a good murder mystery, but not a good law-school application essay.

David Atnip, 律政留学外籍主管

Nicole Dooley’s presents a deeply personal narrative in her PS. It is authentic. The reader gains a good sense of who she is. The reader understands the “journey” she pursued to explore and understand her ethic heritage. Lead to paragraph four: “The next part of my journey involved my…”

Ms. Dooley starts well—most important for storyteller to get the reader’s attention and interest from introductory sentence, to prepare reader in early sentences for direction of the story. We are drawn into the story by the details Ms. Dooley chooses to share. The chronological progression works well. The reader understands how Ms. Dooley arrived at her decision to study law.

The weakness of this PS is the ending, after Ms. Dooley decides to study law. In the second half of her final paragraph, she transitions from describing her past to describing her future—what will be. After enjoying a vivid journey of discovery, the reader is left with few words, very limited description, to understand how Ms. Dooley will realize her stated desire “to help my students.” Will she continue teaching? Will she practice law? The ending leaves reader flat, unsatisfied. Writing a PS is not like writing a book where there is a next chapter for reader to continue.

Usually, it is easier for a writer to describe from her memories than create words communicating vision. It is also usual for a writer to spend more time and energy polishing her early paragraphs leaving limited time, and creative energy, to end well.

Aaron, 律政留学上海办公室负责人

如果外貌的确很有特色，外貌描写的开头往往会很有冲击力。我前年一篇PS的开头用了不到二十个词刻画了一个戴着眼镜的瘦弱男生形象。当然外貌描写需要服务文章内容，不能为了抓眼球而抓眼球。正如本文的作者的外貌引发了她对自己身份认同感的思考，并贯穿了全文。

这篇文章让我想起前几年我带的一个蒙古族学生，对于国内的少数民族申请者来说，少数民族的身份往往会让他们的成长经历与众不同，这是一个可以深挖的点。

不过这篇PS值得所有申请者都学习的一点是她解释了她的活动：社团，旅行和教书。大家都知道要背景提升，各类活动参加的也很多，但是很多人只写了什么活动，有些甚至能把活动中的内容写得非常，却很可惜没有写为什么要参加特定的活动和参加特定的活动给自己带来了什么样的变化。这一点可以好好向这篇PS学习。

此外，少数族裔属于美国学校非常看重的diversity，如果因为PS篇幅不够无法展开，可以在Diversity Statement中详述。

今日互动

聊聊你对这篇PS的看法吧~

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