2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛决赛记叙文/议论文赛题及作品展示

2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛决赛记叙文赛题

Read the beginning of Margaret Atwood's "A Letter to America", which uses a personified style to address the country. Write a letter to an event or an object in your life in a similar personified style, telling the story or stories that happened between the two of you. Please write 600–800 words.

Example:

A Letter to America

Dear America,

This is a difficult letter to write, because I'm no longer sure who you are.

Some of you may be having the same trouble. I thought I knew you: We'd become well acquainted over the past 55 years. You were the Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck comic books I read in the late 1940s. You were the radio shows—Jack Benny, Our Miss Brooks. You were the music I sang and danced to: the Andrews Sisters, Ella Fitzgerald, the Platters, Elvis. You were a ton of fun.

…

选手破题思路

（王鹏翔，广西外国语学院，2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军）

刚拿到作文题的时候，我足足把作文要求读了三遍，因为记叙文并不是我擅长的文体。题目要求以加拿大女作家Margaret Atwood的“A Letter to America”为例，要求选手“Write a letter to an event or an object in your life in a similar personified style, telling the story or stories that happened between the two of you.” 由于例子中给的对象是一个国家、一个地点，而我曾经写过类似的文章，就是去描述自己熟悉的一个地方。由于比赛时间紧迫，我毫不犹豫地确定把我的家乡作为写作对象。

题目要求中明确说了要使用拟人化的语言来描述对象，而这不是我很擅长的，因此我就顺着题目中的要求，主要围绕自己对家乡的思念之情来下笔。由于今年的赛题和以往的故事续写类作文有所不同，我就使用了过多的笔墨去刻画这一个人格化的家乡，因此显得语言有些啰嗦，没有一针见血。我甚至把家乡想象成自己的母亲和自己的亲人，如果是那样，我应该怎么写？

最后在完成这篇文章的时候，我又留有一些微微的遗憾，因为在情节叙述方面和事物特点的塑造方面，我还有很多不足。结尾处有些突兀，没有给人意味深长之感。总而言之，记叙文还是我的一大短板，我需要在此方面下更大的功夫。

选手作品展示

为真实展示选手三小时内的写作风貌，文章为从系统摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。

A Letter to My Hometown

My dear hometown,

This is a quite challenging letter to write, because I'm no longer sure who you are.

I'm certain you share the similar feeling with you, don't you? I had thought I knew you from every inch of your skin: We'd spent time together over the past 20 years. You were the old books and televisions I read and watched in the late 1980s. You were the two longest rivers---Changjiang River(Yangtze) and Yellow River, connecting you and me no matter how far the distance is. You were the popular singers, when whose songs are played beside me, I thought I was on top of the world. You mean everything to me.

These unforgettable moments keep flashing through my mind, and they finally inspire me to pick up my pen. I still remember the time when I got my first ever compliment from my Mom, you shone like a light house, accompanying me and guiding me wherever I want to go. Seeing the morning dew on the leaves scattering on the floor, I knew that a brand new day was about to come by. I rode on the road to school, apprieciating the beauty all around me, the uneven narrow pavement being the most exciting place I wanted to go to.

For many years far away from you, there's still a vague image of your appearance anchored in my mind. The most popular stand selling noodles, the splendid paradise for kids to play, the old-style building where people used to chat and play cards with delight... Have they vanished? Do they still stay where it was? A feeling of perplexity overwhelms me.

Putting the troubles and puzzles at the back of our mind, I cannot helping telling myself that moment when I, as well as my classmates, had scheduled to go far from home to have a picnic, and you welcomed us with bright sunlight shining on our faces, when, on the way, you suddenly treated us a pouring rain. Can you recall that? It was quite annoying to all of us. Curses, depression kept spilling out from our mouths, yet you turn a blind eye to our condition at that moment. Of course we all ended up being wet through, and that experience had taught me a lesson: When you smile, I'd better stay where I am!

My friends at present keep asking me tons of questions about you, eager to know what exactly you look like, and I just tell them that you are beautiful as you always are. Shouldn't you give me a kiss or a hug? HaHa, I believe we both know how much we matter to each other. But many years have gone by, and we have lost touch for long, are you happy right now? I always keep asking myself this question when I go to bed each day, the complex feeling of missing home haunting me all the time. Awake at night, the pictures of you and me taken in the past, with the park around me, often seem to appear in front of me, as if they were the live ones, but when I reach out my hand, it simply vanishes without any sound.

I tried to form a clear picture of you, but to no avail. Only the fragments in my mind can remind me of the pleasant time we experienced together, and every now and then, I like to show some old pictures to my friends,'Is she beautiful?'. Having received admiration and jealousy, I feel my mind refreshed and open. We still have time and chance to meet, but why do I say that as if it were a forever farewell? Maybe it's just because you have penetrated into my life. In two months, I'll be heading for you. Do welcome me! I shall get something you've never seen before for you. So do wait for me! 

点评嘉宾

牛云凤

2013年外研社杯全国英语写作大赛冠军

2013年全国大学生英语能力竞赛特等奖

2015年联合国学术影响力和ELS合办的世界多语种写作大赛获奖

关注大赛的U粉儿不难看出，此次大赛的记叙文题目有所创新。以往都是续写，今年的赛题是给出了玛格丽特·阿特伍德的名篇A Letter to America，要求选手同样以拟人化的手法，写一封信给生活中的一件事或一个物体。这无形中增加了不少难度，选手需要有充足的储备知识和生活经历，然后根据题目要求进行完整的文章的创作。

作者的题目是给家乡的一封信，此立意与题目给出的文章类似。包括作者文章的第一段“This is a quite challenging letter to write, because I'm no longer sure who you are.”和第二段绝大部分内容是临摹范文写的。看得出作者还是比较会寻捷径的，这本也是个非常吸引人的开头。读者会忍不住思考，为什么写这封信会很难以及为什么作者不再能清楚的认识自己的家乡。但由于题目中已经读过，所以效果打了折扣。可能由于时间有限，没能充分发挥想象力。

整篇文章内容素材选择上较有新意。作者先是回忆了自己与故乡的点点滴滴，街头巷尾的百姓生活，以及自己和同学野餐时被突然而至的大雨淋透的有趣经历。这个故事也是文章的出彩之处。通常写到故乡，读者期待的或预见的一般都是泛泛的溢美之词。而作者另辟蹊径，描写了作者在晴空万里的天气里去野餐，结果却赶上突如其来的大雨，让读者眼前一亮，非常有代入感，而且家乡俏皮可爱的模样跃然纸上。一定是对家乡有着深厚感情的人才能把她的顽皮也当做是可爱吧。个人建议，此处的故事还可以更加细致地写一下，比如自己经历从开心地出门野餐到遭遇大雨返回的心理变化，那些又懊恼又觉得有趣的哭笑不得的心理状态。文章最后写出作者离家多年对家乡现状的困惑，关于家乡的回忆的陪伴以及强调了一定会择日返乡的决心。内容可圈可点，素材贴近生活，文章张弛有度。

文章语言朴实，风趣易懂。句式灵活，长短句交叉使用使文章颇有韵律。作者比较擅长修辞手法的运用，文中多次运用拟人、对偶和排比等，美中不足的是词汇不是很丰富，有些许词汇和短语使用错误。考虑到比赛时间有限，拼写错误偶有发生亦在情理之中。

文章结构比较清晰。第1段和第2段是文章的开头和第1部分。第3、4段作为文章的第2部分，写出了作者对家乡现状的困惑，衔接第1、2段。第5、6段是文章的精华部分，开始讲述作者与家乡的故事。最后1段呼应主题，虽然作者有困惑，却依然决心要返乡。文章段落之间的衔接非常好，条理明晰。个人感觉，如果将第2部分简要地写，着重细致地描写故事部分，文章会更有感染力。

整体来说，这是一篇不错的记叙文。也希望作者以及读者看到各闪光点的同时也要注意到细节的不完美，坚持阅读，注重写作，勤于构思，锻造精彩文章。

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破题思路

（张远航，中国科学院大学，2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛亚军）

2016“外研社杯”写作大赛的记叙文题目不同于往年的续写，要求选手自行选定一样熟悉的事物或事件以拟人化的手法给其写一封信。审过题后，我感到有些棘手，因为我不仅需要在短时间内迅速选定对象，还要保证自己能围绕它讲出一段引人入胜的故事，这属实不易。我在草纸上开始头脑风暴，写下了许多备选的object，又一一否定。这时，我重新审视题目，发现the answer is staring me right in the face——这么多年来，让我几多欢喜几多愁的作文，不正是一个再合适不过的话题吗？于是我不再犹豫，敲定了题目：A Letter to Essay Writing。

确定了信的主体，接下来便要构思文章脉络了。之前我并没有太多写作英文记叙文的经验，但在Unipus U讲堂的备赛特训营中，我了解到了记叙文的6个基本要素：人物、背景、问题或冲突、事件、高潮和结局。因此文章虽然摇身一变成为书信的形式，讲述的故事仍应有这样的起承转合。我在草稿纸上按时间顺序大致梳理了一下自己从小到大写作文的经历：小学时，写的一篇小作文被老师表扬；受此鼓励我不断磨砺，中学时向英文报投稿并发表；后来由于题材常常没有新意，文章显得空洞，我感到失望，最终泄气并开始逃避写作；进入大学，系统学习了一些写作技巧，又重新拾起了勇气，最终来到了写作大赛的赛场。

有了大致的outline，就可以开始动笔了。我把essay writing拟作一个自己一直爱慕着的姑娘，讲述了和她相识相知的点点滴滴。中间，我回忆起身为语文老师的母亲小时候在书桌前带我一起阅读、辅导我写作的情形，也回忆起从小到大指导我、鼓励我的老师，这让我不由得感慨到，I owe them everything。文章中因此有了不少感恩的成分，这不仅让我写起来感到格外温暖，也使文章有了人情味。

当然，没有经过反复推敲的文章一定会有很多遗憾，这篇文章也是如此：受篇幅所限，爱上写作到沮丧放弃之间的缘由我没能展开来讲，使情感转变显得有些突兀；这个过程中如果多一些细致的心理描写，而不只是简单地用环境描写加以渲染，会使读者感到更加真实。此外，由于时间没太把握好，文章结尾有些仓促，没和开头相呼应。总之，通过大赛的磨练，我对写作有了更深刻的理解，这是最大的收获。

选手作品展示

为真实展示选手三小时内的写作风貌，文章为从系统摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。

A Letter to Essay Writing

Dear Essay Writing,

How's everything going? I have to say that it's a pity you and I never had the chance to meet in person. I may soon be leaving for another continent, the academic world. I met this girl academic writing who I really clicked with, and may not be easy to reach from then on. I've decided to write you this letter before I can make any decisions; it sure brings up some mixed feelings, but I believe it's important that I tell you how I feel.

You are, of course, no stranger to me. I first heard of your name on a Thursday afternoon at my primary school. I was 11 and our English teacher, Ms. Liu wrote your name in marvelous scripted letters on the blackboard. A ray of sunshine slanted through the windows, and your name shimmered in the sunlight. I had heard so much about your unique beauty, about how every successful writer had begun their fantastic journey by going on a date with this girl and getting heartbroken several times. It was really an honor that I could also be blessed with such a chance. Of course, according to my English teacher, I had to crack a riddle to win myself the opportunity of meeting you. The question was, "what was your most unforgettable experience?" Sitting in front of my desk, the excitement made me stumble over my words. Writing that essay was a daunting task for a sixth grader, but luckily I had my mother's help. "What are you working on, kid?" She asked me in this soothing tone, which is exactly what I needed at the moment. "Writing an essay, " I replied, "but I can't find a suitable topic. It's really frustrating. And the word choice is really a headache." "Well, all great works require great efforts. Take it easy." I stared at the blank paper for another ten minutes, and that's when I remembered the amazing exotic dish of spaghetti I just had last month. It was at my uncle's place and as soon as I started recollecting these memories, it was as if I could smell the food and hear the laughter of people in the room again. I decided to write my feelings down instantly, not for you for myself. It took me almost the whole night, and by the time I finished I had no time to write another proper essay that I think I can show you. I had to muster up my courage and hand it in to my teacher the following day. When she finished grading and everyone got their feedbacks, I was the only one who had nothing in my hands. I instantly started feeling uncomfortable and anxious. Then Ms. Liu walked inside and told us she wanted to read us an essay. That's my essay! My heart was filled with excitement, and it was truly a moment to remember. I could literally see you smiling at me. Everything seemed to be on the right track from then on. In middle school, things between us went even smoother. I was the first person to publish an essay on a paper that all my fellow classmates subscribed to, and it made me happy and proud to think that you might have seen my achievements.

Then you and I gradually fell apart. My writing was no longer attracting and every time I handed my writing in, my teacher would frown slightly and tell me patiently that something's missing. I knew exactly what she meant; my writing had no soul. It was nothing more than a combination of difficult words and worthless cliche. I thanked my teacher and brought my graded paper back home. It was a miserable night, and clouds gathered, a perfect setting for a perfect storm. The sound of pounding rain and howling winds outside was becoming unbearable, as I frantically searched for any room of improvement. There was none. Then it struck me that perhaps I simply didn't deserve someone like you. I tore all the paper lying on my table, with words sketched on them like graffiti into pieces . I never wrote anything again ever since.

An unexpected twist came a little more than a year ago, when I heard your name once again in a literature class at my university. It was a lecture given by Professor Paul, and he mentioned your new address, a technique known as Stream of Consciousness. According to Paul, it was the best way to break the writer's block. That night I sat in front of my table, struggling over whether I should try and reach out for you again. I scrolled through the lecture slides over and over again unconsciously, as memory came flooding in. I picked up my pen, grabbed a piece of paper and started writing again, although I knew you wouldn't be there to listen. That's when I realized how special you were to me.

Best wishes.

Yours truly,

Ed

嘉宾点评

牛云凤

2013年外研社杯全国英语写作大赛冠军

2013年全国大学生英语能力竞赛特等奖

2015年联合国学术影响力和ELS合办的世界多语种写作大赛获奖

记叙文写作题目中给出的范例文章题目是“A Letter to America”,乍一看觉得是非常宏大的题目，读起内容来却细致入微，作者以幽默嘲谑的笔调从军事、文化和宗教等各方面抨击了美国的现状，其深刻的洞察力和诙谐犀利的文笔让人赞叹不已。选手的这篇文章题目为“A Letter to Essay Writing”，紧张的赛场上能有这样新奇的立意实属难得，让我们分析下同样看似宏大的题目作者是怎样hold住的。

文章第一段作者就以旧情人的语气给Essay Writing写信，提及了自己的“新欢”——Academic Writing，写出了作者十分复杂的心情和难以抑制的倾诉欲。这是个非常成功的开头，非常能抓住读者的注意力。而且能够将Essay Writing 比作情人也是出奇制胜。个人认为，有待商榷的是Essay Writing 和Academic Writing是从属关系，如果要表达记叙文写作，用Narrative Writing; 而表达散文是Prose。Essay严格来说应该是包含学术论文的。第二段是比较长的一段，概括来说写出了作者与旧情人从相遇到相知的过程。小学英文课上初遇Essay Writing，交往是紧张而焦虑的。最终在母亲的鼓励下，成功撩到并得到老师表扬。之后进入热恋阶段，初中甚至成为同学中第一个发表文章的人。内容非常精彩，描述细致贴切，当读者以为这就是文章高潮的时候出现了戏剧性的转折——热恋中的双方突然吵架了。作者和小女朋友开始了痛苦的冷战，起因是老师指出了作者文章没有灵魂，作者不知道如何改进，不知道如何哄女朋友的直男癌晚期让读者操透了心。最后一段两方关系有所缓和的秘诀是意识流的写作方式，柳暗花明又一村。作者决定重新开始尝试写作，重修旧好。这样的结尾给读者留下无限遐想。

语言的运用是文章的一大亮点，作者对细节和心理变化的细腻描写体现了深厚的语言功力。Click with someone, a daunting task, in a soothing tone, muster up my courage, pounding rain and howling wind等短语运用得非常贴切。

文章结构比较清晰，段落之间衔接流畅自然。尤其是第二、三、四段的主旨句，简短却发挥着承上启下的作用。如第二段第一句You are, of course, no stranger to me. 读完第一段模糊知道了读者与Essay Writing的历史，而读到第二段很自然地了解到作者的意图是回忆与Essay Writing的点滴。第三段第一句Then you and I gradually fell apart。读过第二段的美好，再读这句话就清晰的知道要转折了。个人感觉，美中不足的是第二段有些过长，或许适度分段效果会更好。

总之，这是一篇趣味横生的恋爱史，虽有些拼写和结构的瑕疵，但相信若时间再充裕些，作者定能给我们一篇更完整精彩的文章。

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破题思路

（鲁昊，湖北工程学院新技术学院，2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛一等奖）

今年的写作大赛记叙文部分和以往有些许不同，要求选手根据材料中的 “A Letter to America” 文体样式，运用拟人化的手法，写一封信给身边的事物或事件。由于时间有限，在快速浏览了材料之后，结合要求，只能是事件或事物，我便结合外研社仿佛似曾相识的选手和评委老师，有感而发想到了今年八月份参加的夏令营活动。

在确定了主题之后，我便开始了我的“创作”。首先，我将夏令营直呼为you，以凸显拟人化手法及情感的真挚，并在开头模仿书信体格式写了几句寒暄语；其次，我简单回忆了为期五天的夏令营发生的事情；再次，我在分段中将这些事件进行详细陈述，并全程将夏令营当做“人”来描述；最后，结尾句我以散文常用的语句结束，表达了我对夏令营的思恋之情，文末仅此一句，以避免重复啰嗦。同时，我也意识到，受困于时间的紧迫和个人写作水平，本文语言平凡，为此必须日积月累以提升语言水平。文章句式不是很丰富，而且情节的处理需要仔细揣摩。更重要的是，由于材料没有书信体所必须的开头称呼问候及结尾的落款，我便遗忘了这一点，在之后的检查时我才发现了该问题，这也成了我本次大赛的最大遗憾。

不过，这次大赛给了我十足的信心和充分的大赛经验，这才是最重要的收获！

选手作品展示

为真实展示选手三小时内的写作风貌，文章为从系统摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。

A Letter to Summer Camp

Dear Summer Camp,

When I open the album of the Summer Camp for College Students held in Kunming, Yunnan Province, China, my memory becomes vivid as if it happened yesterday. Though several months have passed, the memory still withstands the wear and tear of the time.

I am wondering that whether you still remember me. Maybe you've already forgot, for you have so many friends in your 6-day period in Kunming. However, you meant so much to me. Your speech contest inspired me a lot, which opened my mind. Your talent contest brodened my horizen, which made me more aware of how talented others were while how tiny a spicies I was compared with the universe. It facilitated me to intensify efforts to improve myself, enrich myself, and displine myself. Your debate competition enabled me to know how versatile the contestants were despite their endowment in English. Your journey to the Stone Forest rendered me a precise opportunity to know more about the miracle created by the nature. It was the very first time that I had acquired the chance to be exposed by the UNSECO World Natural Heritage. You rendered me a marvelous platform to get acquaint with so many top-notch students who represent the highest level in English. Your importance for me can never be too emphasized.

On arriving the site of your camp in Yunnan Normal University, I received a warm welcome from your organizers and staff. I have got deep feeling about the fine weather in Kunming, which is renowned as the Spring City in China. The dormitory offered by your zealous staff member left me a very refreshing feeling that I have never received, for the dorm was in a multi-story building,so I was able to have a bird-view to the whole campus of the university. There were only two participants in the dorm, which means I had more pivacy and freedom. To make things better, my roommate was also from the same province as I was. We had common interests and hobbies, and he was a really nice guy who have rendered me numerous assistance both in academic learing and daily life.

Your opening ceremony made me know more about the distingushed professors and dedicated judge panel. Contestants in your opening ceremony were all energetic about the questions raised by the professor, the effects were highly optimistic. Other contestants left their anxiety behind and became brave to ask questions to the professor.

Your yummy and healthy food totally worked up our appetite withou fail. You have totally take different tastes from different regions into consideration. The types of the cuisine were diversified, covering from meat to vegetables, from soup to porridge, from fruit to milk, to name but a few.

Your competitive contests, namely, speech competition, talent competition,and debate competition, made me under great pressure yet excited. Though I wasn't renowned as any supreme prizes, I learned more than just trophy. I have gained friendship which could not gained in any other way. I have acquired valuable knowledge which cannot be learnt in the classroom and in the society. Above all, I dared to speak in public using English, which meant a lot to me. It not only bolstered up my confidence, but also sharpened my skills and tenacity to be relaxed in front of the public.

Your journey put all the stressful minds at ease. We all wore the same uniform, which formed an attracting scenery in the tourist site. Tourists in the Stone Forest were all attracted by us and we all felt extremely comfortable to introduce our activities to others.

Your awarding ceremony made me both exicited yet a little distressed. The exicitement lied in that all the efforts paid off. Contestants ramped up efforts to pracitise, to refine, to edite. Finally, they got return. While the disappointment derived from the sadness of departing our lovely friends as well as the innocent friendship during the six days. But there is no thing that will last forever. As we departed from each other, our friendship remained.

Several months have passes, yet my memory does not fade away at all. At this moment, I wold like to express my sincere and heartfelt gratitude to you, to all the participants and delegates. Thank you for making me become the member of the big family. Thank you for making me learn so much. Thank you for offering me such a precise chance to know about so many talents and genius in this field. Mere words cannot express my feelings, I will remember the great memory you have offered me.

Dear Summer Camp, how long can we meet again?

Yours sincerely

嘉宾点评

邵珊老师

南京师范大学外国语学院副教授，文学博士，英语系主任

多年从事英语教学，所授课程包括英美文学、高级英语阅读与写作等。

“A Letter to a Summer Camp” 这篇作文以作者在云南参加的夏令营活动作为叙述对象，在文章中表达了他对这个活动的回忆以及依依不舍的感情。

结构完整，头尾呼应

作文开头描写了作者因为看到相册而触动了对云南夏令营这桩往事的回忆，总体介绍了这次活动对作者的深刻意义和影响；接下来作者从夏令营提供的住宿、开幕式、一日三餐、比赛内容、旅游活动、闭幕式等几个方面分述了对这次夏令营的美好记忆；最后在总结中表达了作者对这次活动的感激和依依惜别之情。文章结构组织有序，先总再分再总，开头结尾呼应，结构显得比较整齐完整。

语言丰富，句式整齐

从作者在语言的把握上，也可以看出作者的英语语言功力扎实，比如作者注意到了句式的整齐规整，有意识且恰当地多次运用排比句，如：to improve myself, enrich myself, and displine myself; Thank you for making me become the member of the big family. Thank you for making me learn so much. Thank you for offering me such a precise chance to know about so many talents and genius in this field，来突出自己的强烈情感。词汇的选择上比较成熟地道，如：You rendered me a marvelous platform to get acquaint with so many top-notch students who represent the highest level in English. It not only bolstered up my confidence, but also sharpened my skills and tenacity to be relaxed in front of the public. the memory still withstands the wear and tear of the time.从这些用词上可以看出作者是个英语学习的有心人，很注意在平时大量阅读时词汇和句子表达的积累和运用。

关于记叙文写作的建议

记叙文写作时候应该让自己的描述更specific一点（这也是我们在作文训练中反复强调的）。讲述得越是具体，形象才越是鲜明，才能使读者产生共鸣，不然的话，就会流于空洞。记叙文就是通过发现并记叙生活中一些具体的人或事，从而引发你和读者共同思考和感动的一种文体。那些优秀的记叙文往往能从小处着手，却引发大的思考。而这篇作文写了夏令营活动的很多方面，基本做到了面面俱到，但却没有深入到某一点来挖掘这个活动之所以有意义的具体内容，比如演讲是什么题目啊，有什么才艺展示啊，会议餐具体吃的什么呀（meat和vegetable这样的词就算不够specific），同住的同学有共同的爱好，那是什么爱好啊，这些都具体的写出来，读者才真正对你参加的活动有认识，有感觉。否则任何一个夏令营活动都可以套用这篇文字，这个活动的独特意义就没有被表现出来。

再者，同学们在平时的写作训练中，相比于议论文，记叙文练习得较少，经常会出现“议”大于“叙”的情况，在对一个具体事件或人物的描述和叙述方面同学们还需要多多练习。

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2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛议论文赛题

Has man a future?

Liang Shuming, a Chinese philosopher who spent 70 years of his life seeking an answer to this question, held the belief that the world would get better every day. However, as the fast development of modern society has brought unprecedented challenges to mankind, this lingering question continues to provoke deep thought, reflection, doubt or even fear. For example, Igor Morski, a Polish graphic designer, has created a series of pictures depicting some of the lurking problems in today’s world that will endanger rather than improve people’s lives. Some scholars even warn that if severe threats like nuclear weapons and climate change remain unchecked, “the doomsday clock is on the verge of striking.”

What is your answer to this question? Write an essay with YOUR OWN TITLE, clearly stating your opinion and supporting your ideas with reasons and examples. You should write about 800 words.

破题思路

（赵莹，兰州大学，2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛二等奖）

今年写作大赛议论文的题目非常新颖——“Has Man A Future”。这个题目和我以往遇到的许多单纯论述利弊的作文题不同，因为其着眼点更大，可讨论的内容范围更广，和现实生活联系也非常紧密。但是，要找到一个好的切入点也不容易。比赛时间有限，我首先明确了自己的立场——虽然人类可能还面对着许多不容忽视的困难和挑战，但是人类仍有未来。在我看来，在考场写作过程中，为了有效地避免偏离主题、主旨不明等问题，一个明确的中心论点是非常必要的。

开始写作之前，我仔细地分析了可能的思路：第一，我可以逐一分析人类面对的种种问题（如环境污染、核威胁、恐怖主义危机等等），并分别论述人类克服困难的举措；第二，我也可以从行动和态度两方面来概论人类战胜危机的可能，最后推导出“人类仍有未来“的结论。考虑到思路一可能论据较为零散，对相关知识要求较高，写作困难大，我选择了第二种思路，并且增加了对于悲观主义对人类未来可能造成的危害的反面论述，以期通过正反对比来加强文章的说服力。为了让文章更加具体、全面，我在前两段的正面论述中使用了环境问题、核武器的例子加以支持；并在反面论述的段落中提出了人类需要的是 “警示”而非“绝望”、“恐慌”的观点。

在文章题目的的选择上，我借用了我非常喜欢的《悲惨世界》音乐中 的一句话——“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”。我想，用“太阳终将升起”来暗示我作文中“人类必有明天、必有希望”的主题，应该是比较合适的。

一直以来，我写作文速度都比较慢，这在限时写作的赛场上成为了我最大的短板。这篇作文在逻辑上仍显冗余，词句不够简练明了，结尾较为仓促，这些问题也都是我在今后的写作中需要更加努力解决的问题。

选手作品展示

为真实展示选手三小时内的写作风貌，文章为从系统摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。

The Sun Will Rise

When we put the development of human society throughout the history under scrutiny, it may be clearly discovered that there is undoubtedly a future in spite of all the challenges and hardship we may face, seeing the fact that active actions are taken to deal with possible issues by human beings for improvements. We human love, cherish and are willing to protect this beautiful earth that we call "home". With all the efforts made, the sun will always rise as usual and there will be always hope.

Undeniably, human beings are taking active steps towards most of the threats that are posed to our lives. However hard it may be, human beings always spare no efforts to fight against the problems. For instance, the environmental problem is one of the severest problems human beings are encountering now. Pollution, including air, water and noise pollution, is claimed to be the issue that are mostly to endanger the future of human society. However, it goes without any doubt that the situation is being improved in recent years since great importance has already been attached to the issue by mankind all across the world. Nowadays, an increasing number of children are improving their protection consciousness because they are well educated at a young age. Besides, countless environment-themed conferences are held throughout the world every year, aiming to find solutions for various problems. Censorship on pollutions is growing stricter, and more and more environmentally-friendly products appear in the market. People are turning over a new leaf in the problems and deserve a bright future.

To pursue this further, the future of human society also lies in our attitudes. There is always a future where there is hope and determinations. As is illustrated by human history, it is we human beings that decide the possible future of ourselves. For example, in recent centuries, some people have put forward the bloodcurdling idea that the rapid development of nuclear weapons may lead to the doom of mankind. Coincidentally, such ideas were quite prevalent at the turn of 19th and 20th century, which believed that the massive production of weapons may lead to wars worldwide that might destroy most of human civilization. However, as it turned out, the First and Second World War put no end to human society. The same holds true for nuclear weapons and other fruits of the modern science. With the advancement of technology, they are certain to be safer and cleaner.

Virtually, pessimism on human future can bring no benefits other than desperation, hopelessness and giving ups. What this society requires is no more than warnings. People do need to be aware of the dangers, but the last thing they would like is a pessimistic statement, imposing death penalty on the future for the whole species, which is not only too rush, but is also likely to result in public panic and chaos, causing further harms. Worries and warnings, if to a moderate extent, is necessary and indispensible for people to realize the urgency of change and improvements. But too much of them will adversely affect the society for sure. It will be more helpful for people to know that what is waiting in front of the path is problems that can still be solved, instead of a doomsday that is bound to come and destroy all.

By and large, there is always a future for human. Challenges and problems are a usual law of life. As long as being handled timely and in a right way, on no account can they deprive us of our future. However, if we merely focus on the possible difficulties with a negative attitude, we will become pessimists and are certain to miss our future. It may be high time that we replace the unnecessary worries with hope; that we drop fears and try to solve the problems step by step.

嘉宾点评 

王绪东老师

滨州学院副教授

从事英语专业高级英语教学工作

2013年“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军指导老师

盲评一篇文章唯恐贻笑大方，故只能反复细读，斟酌推敲。正如品酒啜茗，诚心刻意之下，优劣毕现。

总体来说，这篇文章相当不错。首先要肯定的是，作者依靠自己的知识储备和敏锐的反应，利用名人名著效应，选择了一个很容易引起共鸣的好题目 “The Sun Will Rise ”，而不是很随意或很无奈地利用给定材料中的信息，简单机械地谓之 “Has Man a Future?”。扣题中肯的题目，既简明扼要地表达了自己的观点，又一下子让人想起了海明威的大作The Sun Also Rises（《太阳照常升起》）及其中的人物、场景及寓意。

作者在第一段即亮明自己的观点；第二段里，从国际社会、政府、个人等方面列举了人类对诸多威胁的应对措施；第三段里，从人们的态度、意识方面阐述了人类向上向好的一面；第四段里，驳斥了悲观主义的负面影响；最后一段里，从正反两方面阐述了人类应持有的态度。整篇文章观点明确，结构合理，首尾呼应，张弛适度，逻辑缜密。

文章另外一大亮点即是语言的运用。作者显示了强大的措辞和巧妙的陈述功力，能做到避免句型单调、避免重要词汇无端重复，能准确运用表示逻辑关系的关联词，能发挥副词、形容词等的烘托作用。尽管瑕不掩瑜，但因为时间、环境、信息量等因素作祟，作品当中还是出现了一些小的过失。如文章中缺少那种耳熟能详的有强大支撑力度例子，因此论述稍显空泛；文中有许多因疏忽而造成的拼写错误；极少数地方表述不准确。

总体来说，这还是一篇不错的议论文。

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面对这道题目，戴智健同学另辟蹊径，选择了驳论的论证方法。赏析作文需“知其然”，也要“知其所以然”，在看作文前，先来来了解下他下笔时是如何构思的。

如何确定驳论对象及行文结构

（戴智健，广东外语外贸大学，2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛季军）

树靶子：选定驳论对象

当我一开始看到题目“Has man a future?”的时候，我第一时间想到的是各种的“世纪末日论”，包括电影2012、核威胁与核泄漏、全球变暖、人工智能AlphaGo打败韩国棋王李世石等等的素材。

当时我有两个方向：第一个方向是选取其中一个热点话题，然后针对这个热点话题从三个角度分析，这样论述的精力比较集中，可以分析得比较有深度，但是要在短时间内想出三个互不重复的角度并在短时间内完成800字的写作，难度较大；第二个方向是，选取三个话题，分别用一段来讨论一个话题，这样分析的方面比较全面、概括，广度够，缺点是深度不够。

最终我进行取舍，选择了第二个方向，因为比赛写作与平时的写作不同，构思的时间很短，这个时候必须要有策略性地取舍，假如采用第一个方向的话，虽然深度够，但是很容易会写到一半素材不够或者观点贫乏，适合平时有比较长准备时间的写作；而采用第二个方向的话，则让我感觉下笔如有神，素材很容易想出来，而且“Has man a future?”的“future”本身就是涵盖了很多方面、比较泛，如果仅从一个方面论证，说服力度也不够大。

架结构：“驳论文”+“传统三点论证式”

首段我采取的是“情景假设”的技巧来开头，希望可以吸引读者兴趣。中间的主体部分我采用的是“驳论文”+“传统三点论证式”，这种结构可以说是既封闭又开放。封闭之处在于“传统三点式论证”，很多人批评这种结构，认为它过于死板，但是实际上在考试或者比赛的写作里面，它的优点十分明显，因为它结构清晰，改卷老师很容易可以看到你的主题句、分论点和例子。在英语写作里面“一篇文章三个分论点、每段三个论据”也是论证相对比较充分的写法。开放之处在于“驳论文”，这应该是很少选手会采用的形式，一方面这对逻辑思维的要求较高，另一方面不仔细看或者看不懂的人可能会不知道你的观点到底是支持还是反对。但是它的好处也很明显，正如当你学习射击时需要一个靶、练习拳击时需要一个沙包一样，当你有一个明确要瞄准攻击的对象时，论证力度往往会更加集中、语言会更加犀利。

选手作品展示

为真实展示选手三小时内的写作风貌，文章为从系统摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。

We Are More Than We Assume

With the ocean flooding, and the sky darkening, people are fleeing on the streets, with their feet trembling in panic. This sort of scenario has been depicted repeatedly in the science fiction films, such as 2012. Sometimes, we question ourselves, "Are we human beings doomed to extinct some day?" No one, including the scientists, can now give an affirmative answer to this thought-provoking question. Yet, having been through decades of speculations and prophecies about whether we are doomed, we are still here, and we are still living, and breathing. As an optimist, I reckon that we, mankind, are destined to have a promising future.

There are, however, several myths about humans' doom. One of the commonly held misbeliefs is that human race would be wiped out one day by the environmental problems triggered by our own deeds. Indeed, environmental problems are one of the headaches for humans, and some of them were generated by our behaviors. However, the situation is being improved continuously. First, nature is endowed with the capability to purify itself. An environmentalist once told me that nature is more powerful than we presume, and every minute it is amending and readjusting itself to the environment. For instance, nature purifies the contaminated water by rainfall and waterflow. Another very crucial factor in sustaining the ecological balance is humans per se. As a renowned Chinese proverb goes, those who tied the bell are the ones who can untie it. Since this status quo is mainly attributed to our behaviors, we are the ones who can actually resolve this issue. As we can see, humans are now making concerted endeavor in tackling the thorny environmental problems and we have also achieved tangible progress in various spheres, namely water conservation, wildlife protection, the prevention of deforestation and so forth. 

Another prevalent misconception is that with the advancement of the devastating and massive nuclear weapons, human beings are doomed to kill each other and end up perishing in wars. Admittedly, the development of nuclear weapons might inevitably bring about some disputes and conflicts. But staggering statistics manifest that for the past few decades after the second world war, the number of wars throughout the world is plunging on the whole, despite our weapons being more destructive. So from my perspective, instead of escalating wars, we are refraining from provoking wars. The first possible justification for this is that humans are born with an amicable mind, as is contended by Confucius. When our malicious thoughts outflow the verge of our brain, we tend to try our utmost to restrain our mind. Another reason might be the fact that every single country in the world is endeavoring to develop their own military technologies and weapons to guard itself and its citizens from suffering from wars. Even North Korea is devising its own nuclear weapons to prevent the rest of the world from offending it. So with each country becoming more capable of safeguarding its own territory and sovereignty, those powerhouses like the US dare not to make irrational move to wage a war for the sake of its own citizens’ safety. Third, the vast majority of nations in the world know pretty well that collaboration brings more benefits than wars do. Countries in different regions are resorting to regional and global cooperation, and international organizations, such as the UN, and APEC, are helping to actualize mutual benefits and win-win outcome.

Lastly, it is universally misperceived that artificial intelligence would lead to the extinction of human race. Indeed, artificial intelligence might outperform us in certain aspects. For example, AlphaGo triumphed over the best chess player in the world this year. However, we cannot use this example to overgeneralize that artificial intelligence has excelled humans' intelligence, because there are still many things that we can do whereas AI cannot do. Personally speaking, artificial intelligence would not bring the doom to us. First and foremost, humans' brains are more complicated than the artificial intelligence. According to a research conducted by a group of American scientists, for our whole lifetime, most of our brains are merely developed for 20%, and 80% of our potential is yet to be exploited and unleashed. Secondly, artificial intelligence does not have its own emotions, at least for now. All the actions are predetermined by the programmer. Emotions and our own impulse sometimes can drive us to do some irrational things. So if the artificial intelligence does not possess emotions, that means most of its actions are logical and rational. Thirdly, artificial intelligence, in essence, is merely a tool and its actions depend on the users. Since its users are, very obviously, humans, we can actually control artificial intelligence if we can regulate its users' own behaviors.

Has man a future? When we contemplate this question, we are inquiring something unsubstantiated. But what I can tell you is that even though we worried a lot, every day when I woke up, I could always see the sun rising in the dawn, and I could see a prospective future is awaiting us.

嘉宾点评

黑玉琴老师

西安外国语大学教授

主要研究方向为：语篇分析、语用学、跨文化交际

出版教材《高级英语写作》获省级优秀教材一等奖

曾获省教学成果一等奖，获选西安外国语大学教学名师。

文章通篇采用驳论论证

这篇议论文立意新颖、独特，与常见论说文使用的立论写法不同，采取了驳论的写法。文章开头先呈现悲观情景，进行质疑，指出其错误的实质（No one, including the scientists, can now give an affirmative answer to this thought-provoking question.），并对此进行驳斥（Yet, having been through decades of speculations and prophecies about whether we are doomed, we are still here, and we are still living, and breathing.），最后，提出自己鲜明的立场（As an optimist, I reckon that we, mankind, are destined to have a promising future.），作为全文主旨句或总论。

总分总的论证结构，反-正的对立写法

开头段的总论后，作者分别从三个分论点，对自己的立场观点进行论证，论证方法同文首部分一样。

正文三个段落，每段的组织形式为：首先，指出错误的论点，构成各段的主题句（如

one of the commonly held misbeliefs; another prevalent misconception; it is universally misperceived that …）。然后，批驳错误论点，同时提出自己的论点，非常清楚地体现出驳论文中破与立的结合，注意作者使用的连接词语：（第一段Indeed, … However, 第二段Admittedly, … But, 第三段Indeed, … However）。最后，从几个要点（supporting ideas）入手，并借助例证、数据、名言警句、名人等进行说明解释，层层深入，对自己的论点进行充分论证，从过渡词语（first, first and foremost, secondly, another, third, thirdly, etc.）可以很清楚地看出作者清晰的思维与严密的逻辑组织。另外，作者对自己论点的论证都占据各段内容的大部分篇幅，更好地突出了全文的重点，即对文首中自己的立场观点做出支持和论证，而不是对错误的观点展开长篇大论。

在结尾段，作者以写作题目中所给出的问题开始，较好地呼应了文首段，接着对文中的讨论进行简要归纳，最后在结尾句重申自己的立场观点I could see a prospective future is awaiting，与全文主旨句前后呼应（promising--prospective）。

纵观全文，作者采用的论证结构为：总分总，各段展开方式平行一致，呈现出反-正这样的对立写法（counter—argument—author’s own argument + supporting points）。作文逻辑性强，语言准确、鲜明、严密；段落间有非常清楚的逻辑关系，如总分、并列等，并借助过渡性词语突出这种关系。

建议 

建议将第二段开头的那句，并到第一段的最后一句中，构成全文的总论或主旨句，涵盖后面段落的分论点，如：As an optimist, I reckon that we, mankind, are destined to have a promising future, though there are several myths about humans’ doom. 或者As an optimist, I reckon that we, mankind, are destined to have a promising future, despite the fact that there are several myths about humans’ doom.

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来源：全国英语写作大赛官网

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