邻家草更绿？索取与感恩的取舍

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老桑说

草坪The Grass

播种属于自己的种子，精心浇灌草坪。你会在成就自我和实现人生价值的过程中收获成长，成为自己理想中的那个人。

朋友，你好，我是老桑。

我刚在康涅狄格州过了周末，参加了我表妹琳达的婚礼。能看到家人并在我以前常去的地方漫步的感觉真是太好了。在这次旅行中，我注意到许多人都住在独栋的房子里，整栋房子周围都是manicured（修剪整齐的）草坪。这勾起了我的回忆。

我在康涅狄格郊区长大，曾帮忙照料草坪。这是一个相当gargantuan（艰巨的）任务。每年春天，我们都要播种施肥。夏天，我们每周给草坪浇水和割草。在秋天，我们耙树叶。即使草坪在冬天进入休眠状态，下一个周期也会很快开始。草坪需要做很多工作。

在我现在居住的费城东北部地区，大多数人都住在独栋里，他们的前院有一小块一小块的草坪。它们往往很小，比如100平方米，但需要做同样的工作。每年三月，我们都开始忙同样的事:播种和施肥，夏天变成浇水和割草，在夏天甚至冬天需要耙地。

表姐琳达与表姐夫李的婚礼

近年来，已经有大量的中国移民东北费城，他们主要来自福建和广东。有些家庭把前院的草坪拆掉，种上菜园。他们告诉我可以种植空心菜、丝瓜和苦瓜，这对于空间的使用会更加实用一些！

01

许多房主在他们的房产之前筑起了篱笆。在这次康涅狄格之旅中，我注意到一些家庭使用了尖桩篱笆，让人联想起田园诗般的家园和幸福的家庭，而另一些家庭则使用了后轨式篱笆，使其更具有rustic（乡村）气息。

除了美观之外，这些栅栏也起到了划分邻居之间的财产边界的作用。篱笆可以在邻里之间建立一种友谊，如果篱笆坏了，邻居们必须一起来修复它。如果一个家庭有孩子或宠物，围栏会为他们创造一个安全的封闭空间。

“好篱笆才有好邻居”是从罗伯特·弗罗斯特（Robert Frost）的著名诗歌《补墙》。几年前，农民们修护他们的围栏，以防止牲畜游荡到邻近的农场。今天，这句话的意思是好邻居之间应该互相尊重财产，管好自己的事情。

02

我还注意到很多草坪的情况都不一样。有些是翠绿色的，丰厚而茂盛。其他的则有些patchy（斑驳），长满了马唐草和其他杂草，这些杂草很可能在冬天就会枯死，变成棕色。但总的来说，大多数草坪看起来都一样。足够的绿色，保养得很好，当然有的地方还有褐色的小块。自然就是如此。

看到这么多的草坪和篱笆，我想起了一句流行的谚语:“篱笆外的草总是更绿的。”它最基本的意思是别人的草坪看起来总是比你的好。一个邻居看到邻居的草坪会觉得比自己的好。那个邻居会回头说同样的话。

换句话说，每个邻居都在说，“我的草坪不够好，所以我应该拥有邻居的草坪，因为它更好。”然而，尽管有很多人都在争相拥有最好的草坪，这个表达的意义却很少局限于字面上。这个表达最常用来比喻自己想拥有目前没有的东西。

当你抱怨别的地方的草更绿时，其实你是在逃避现实，去寻找另一种生活，一种不同的生活，或者在别的地方寻找更好的生活。你试着得到别人的生活，而不是享受当下的生活方式。你被嫉妒所征服，相信别人比你有更好的生活，更好的东西，更好的玩具。

在我访问上海的玉佛寺时，我学会了四个步骤来克服嫉妒:当嫉妒发生时，给它贴上标签，认识到嫉妒是人类弱点的一部分，审视自己的内心，重新关注自己的优先事项。

不同草坪的情况不一样

03

当我们想要别人拥有的东西时，就代表我们开始走下坡路了。这种贪婪会导致抑郁、焦虑和认为我们拥有的太少的想法。这种空虚感也会导致贪婪，我们想要的越来越多，却觉得永远都不够。生活可能会变成一个没有成就感的无底洞。

不管你怎么努力，最后，你只能拥有自己的草坪。即使你可以买到邻居家的那栋有看起来更绿的草坪的房子，但你也仍会认为另一边的邻居家又更胜一筹。诸如此类的事情时有发生。你的一生都在试图获得其他东西，却不珍惜你已经拥有的东西。

佛经说到：“满足于自己拥有的，知足才是最大的财富。”意思是，快乐其实很简单；秘诀是要学会索取你所拥有的，而不要索取你所没有的。

此外，惦记别人的草坪会损害你自己的精神健康，因为你没有充分利用你已经拥有的东西。当你否认自己获得的许多祝福时，你就会错误地认为自己能力不足。当你把这些自我限制的信念强加于自己时，你就会失去自信，甚至希望。

不过，你可以学着拥有自己的草坪。重新调整自己来应对你已经拥有的生活。这似乎是令人泄气的，因为我们被教导要努力奋斗和向上攀登。的确，我也写过克服困难的文章。但这两个概念并不矛盾。寻求改善你的环境不同于想要别人的环境。

拥有个人和职业目标会增加我们的幸福体验，给我们目标感和成就感。然而，想要别人拥有的东西是一种由低自我价值驱动的习惯。嫉妒和贪婪不会带来成就感，只会导致想拥有更多的vicious（恶性）循环，仅仅只专注于我们认为不够满足的生活。

感恩可以帮助你珍惜自己所拥有的事物，而不是寻找自己目前还没有的。一位老师曾经建议每天记录下美好的事物——选择那些真正让我们感觉欣慰的东西。你可以想说多少就说多少，但这是一个需要培养的好习惯。我的一位同事在便利贴上写下这些内容，贴在墙上。

“

圣经也呼吁我们要珍惜自己的财物，正如第十诫命所教导的:“ 毋贪他人财物。”

”

04

“邻家草更绿”在很大程度上臆想的结果。事实上，最绿色的草坪都是浇灌过的。你邻居的草坪不会神奇地变绿，也不会神秘地变绿。如果它实际上更绿的话，他们很有可能会给它浇水施肥。如果你想要一个更绿的草坪，你必须经历播种、施肥、浇水和修剪的过程。

一位广受欢迎的作者写道：“事实上，并不总是篱笆另一边的草更绿，一点也不。这与篱笆无关。其实，有水的地方草最绿。当你越过篱笆时，随身带些水，并照顾你身边的草地。”——罗伯特·福尔格姆《那些人生中最重要的道理我在幼儿园里都学过了》

当你专注于你能做什么来改善自己的环境，利用你所拥有的，你比那些只是被动地渴望别人所拥有的人更能获得多一些的成功机会。将他们播种到你的生活中，种植你未来的果园。你无法控制自己来自哪里，但你可以控制自己如何去规划和追求自己的未来。

不同草坪的情况不一样

我的朋友，开车经过康涅狄格郊区的经历提醒我，相比较来看，我们都有草坪和篱笆。虽然我们可能倾向于想要别人拥有的东西，但真正的幸福始于欣赏自己已经拥有的东西。播种属于自己的种子，精心浇灌草坪。你会在成就自我和实现人生价值的过程中收获成长，成为自己理想中的那个人。

本文部分图片来源网络。

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英文版

English

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I want what you have!

The grass is always greener

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「 Hello, my friend！

I'm John Smagula. 」

With cousins Leo, Linda, and Brandi

I just spent the weekend in Connecticut, where I attended my cousin Linda’s wedding. It was wonderful to see family and roam around my old stomping grounds. On this trip, I took note that many people in the state live in detached homes with manicured lawns that wrap around their entire properties. This brought back memories.

Growing up in suburban Connecticut, I helped take care of our lawn. It was a pretty gargantuan task. Every spring, we had to plant seed and fertilize. In the summer, we watered and mowed the lawn every week. In the fall, we raked leaves. Even though the lawn goes dormant in the winter, the next cycle begins soon enough. Lawns are a lot of work.

In my present Northeast Philadelphia neighborhood, most people live in rowhomes, where they have patches of lawn in their front yards. They tend to be small, like 100 sq m (1,000 sq ft), but it requires the same work. Every March we start the same drill: planting and fertilizing, which turns to watering and mowing in the summer, and raking in the summer and even the winter.

In recent years, there has been a large influx of Chinese immigrants to my Philadelphia neighborhood, mostly from Fujian and Guangdong provinces. Some families tear out the front lawns to plant vegetable gardens. They tell me that planting hollow-stem vegetable, loofah, and bitter melon is a much more practical use for the space!

01

Many homeowners put up fences between their properties. On this Connecticut trip, I noticed how some families had picket fences, which evoke images of idyllic homes and the happy families who live in them, whereas others had post-and-rail fences, used in more rural properties to give a rustic touch.

In addition to landscaping value, these fences also serve a purpose of demarcating the property boundaries between neighbors. Fences can build a camaraderie in a neighborhood, as if the fence gets broken, the neighbors have to work together to fix it. If a family has children or pets, the fences create an enclosed space where they can be safe.

“Good fences make good neighbors” is from Robert Frost’s famous poem Mending Wall. Years ago, farmers maintained their fences in order to keep livestock from wandering onto neighboring farms. Today, this saying denotes how good neighbors should respect one another’s property—and to mind their own affairs.

02

I also noticed that many lawns were in different conditions. Some were emerald green, thick and plush. Others were patchy and full of crab grass and other weeds, which would probably just die off and turn brown in the winter. But by and large, most lawns looked the same. Green enough, well maintained, and certainly with their share of brown patches. So it is with nature.

Seeing all these lawns and fences reminded me of the popular expression, “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Its most basic meaning is that other people’s lawns always seem better than your own. One neighbor will look at their neighbor’s lawn and think it’s better than his. That other neighbor will look back and say the same thing.

In other words, what each neighbor is saying is, “My lawn isn’t good enough, so I should have my neighbor’s lawn because it’s better.” However, the expression is rarely used literally, although there are plenty of people who are in competition to have the best lawn! The expression is most commonly used as a metaphor for wanting something you don’t have.

When you bemoan that the grass is greener elsewhere, you are turning away from your reality by searching for another life, a different life, or a better life somewhere else. Rather than work with the life you have, you try to get someone else’s. You can be overcome by envy, believing that other people have better lives, better things, or better toys than you do.

On my visit to Shanghai's Jade Buddha Temple, I learned four steps to overcome envy: label jealousy when it occurs, recognize that jealousy is a part of our human weakness, look to your heart, and refocus on your own priorities.

03

When we want what others have, we start to go down a slippery slope. This covetousness can lead to depression, anxiety, and the nagging belief that we have too little. This sense of emptiness can also cause greed, where we want more and more, but feel that we can never have enough. Life can become like an unfulfilling bottomless pit.

Try as you might, in the end, you can only have your own lawn. Even if you could buy your neighbor’s house with its seemingly greener lawn, you would then look to the neighbor’s house on the other side and want that lawn. And so forth and so on. You’ll spend your entire life trying to acquire other things, without appreciating what you already have.

Buddhist scripture teaches that the way to happiness is actually quite simple; the secret is to learn to want what you have and not want what you don't have.

Moreover, to want someone else’s lawn is to undermine your own mental health, as you turn away from making the most of what you already have. When you deny your many blessings, you come to a false belief that you are inadequate or lack capacity. When you impose these self-limiting beliefs on yourself, you lose focus self-confidence, and even hope.

You can, however, learn to want your own lawn. You can re-orient yourself to deal with the life you already have. This may seem deflating, as we’re taught to struggle and progress to new heights. And sure, I have written about overcoming hardships. But the two concepts are not inconsistent. Seeking to improve your circumstances is different from wanting someone else's. 

Having personal and professional goals add to our wellbeing, giving us a sense of purpose and achievement. Wanting what others have, though, is a habit driven by low self-worth. Envy and greed will not lead to a sense of achievement, but just to a vicious cycle of wanting more, while only focusing on what we think is wrong with our lives.

Gratitude can help you appreciate what you have, instead of seeking what you don't. A teacher once suggested to write good things down daily—choosing the things that actually give us the sensation of feeling good. You can be as general or as specific as you want, but it’s a great habit to cultivate. One of my coworkers writes them on post-it notes and sticks them to her wall. 

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The Bible also calls us to cherish our own belongings, as the 10th Commandment instructs, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.”

”

04

“The grass is greener” is largely a myth. In reality, the greenest lawn is the one that is watered. Your neighbor’s lawn will not become magically or mystically green. There’s a good chance they watered and fertilized it if it is, in fact, greener. If you want a greener lawn, you have to sow, fertilize, water, and cut.

A popular author wrote, "The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. No, not at all. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you are." –Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

When you focus on what you can do to improve your own circumstances, working with what you have, you will have a much greater chance of success than if you just passively crave what others have. Sow into your life and plant your future orchard. You have no control over where you have come from, but you can control how you plan for and pursue your future. 

My friend, my drive through suburban Connecticut was a reminder that, metaphorically, we all have lawns and fences. We may be inclined to want what others have, but true happiness will start with appreciating what we already have. Sow your own seeds, and water your own lawn. You’ll grow in accomplishments and self-worth, becoming who you were made to be.

{  今日英文速记卡  }

1.Manicured 

\ ˈma-nə-ˌkyu̇rd \

a)含义：adj. 修剪整齐的

b)例句：

i.On this trip, I took note that many people in the state live in detached homes with manicured lawns that wrap around their entire properties. 

在这次旅行中，我注意到许多人都住在独栋的房子里，整栋房子周围都是修剪整齐的草坪。

ii.Manicured lawns and two-car garages are on every block.

每户都有修剪整齐的草坪和双车库。

c)近义词：beautify, clip, cut

2.Gargantuan 

\ gär-ˈgan(t)-sh(ə-)wən \

a)含义：adj. 庞大的；巨大的

b)例句：

i.It was a pretty gargantuan task.

这是一个相当艰巨的任务。

ii.It's a new paradigm for computing which affects everyone, and with it come gargantuan business opportunities.

云计算将成为影响人类运算方式的新范例，也将带来巨大的商业机遇。

c)近义词：gigantic, immense, mammoth

3.Rustic \ ˈrə-stik \

a)含义：v. 乡村的；纯朴的

b)例句：

i.On this Connecticut trip, I noticed how some families had picket fences, which evoke images of idyllic homes and the happy families who live in them, whereas others had post-and-rail fences, used in more rural properties to give a rustic touch. 

在这次康涅狄格之旅中，我注意到一些家庭使用了尖桩篱笆，让人联想起田园诗般的家园和幸福的家庭，而另一些家庭则使用了后轨式篱笆，使其更具有乡村气息。

ii.She likes rustic comfort and good food.

她喜欢乡间的舒适和佳食。

c)近义词：bucolic, country, pastoral

4.Patchy \ ˈpa-chē \

a)含义：adj. 零散的；分布不均的

b)例句：

i.Others were patchy and full of crab grass and other weeds, which would probably just die off and turn brown in the winter. 

其他的则有些斑驳，长满了马唐草和其他杂草，这些杂草很可能在冬天就会枯死，变成棕色。

ii.The data on these differences are patchy, the study’s authors acknowledge.

该项研究的作者承认这些区别的数据是零落分散的。

c)近义词：mottled, speckled, uneven

5.Vicious \ ˈvi-shəs \

a)含义：v. 恶毒的；恶意的

b)例句：

i.Envy and greed will not lead to a sense of achievement, but just to a vicious cycle of wanting more, while only focusing on what we think is wrong with our lives.

嫉妒和贪婪不会带来成就感，只会导致想拥有更多的恶性循环，仅仅只专注于我们认为不够满足的生活。

ii.Round and round, the liquor market descended into a vicious cycle of competition.

久而久之，白酒市场进入了一个恶性竞争的循环怪圈。

c)近义词：brutal, fiendish, savage

Thank you for watching me to inspire, encourage, and accompany you. 

See you next time.

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John Smagula

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