「英文全文」李靓蕾发文
Full text of Lee Jinglei’s post about ex-husband Wang Leehom
Taiwan News
Shortly after Mandopop star Wang Leehom (王力宏) publicly announced his divorce from Lee Jinglei (李靚蕾) after eight years of marriage, Lee took to several social media platforms to write a lengthy post accusing Wang of infidelity, hiring prostitutes, and abandoning his family.
Following is the full-text translation of her post:
"First, I want to thank each one of you that was willing to take the time to write warm, caring messages to me. My heart is heavy, so I haven’t responded to you individually. I want to first let you know that, perhaps it is just a small gesture to you, but it is huge for me. Thank you for giving me great consolation and power during the most difficult time of my life.
Writing this letter is the hardest decision I’ve had to make … life is truly difficult. I think, only by facing this bravely and frankly can this all go back to zero, and we can each get a chance at being reborn. I also hope that my anecdote can inspire some thought in you, who is deeply immersed or who is about to begin this journey.
When I married, I thought we would be family for life, so I wholeheartedly put everything I had into our family. As you are 10 years older than me and wanted many children, I was constantly being pushed to bear more children, so I gave up my job and my personal life, and made you and our children the center of my life.
Most of the time during our marriage, I’m either preparing to get pregnant, pregnant or nursing after giving birth, experiencing a lot of changes physically and mentally during the process, most of which I faced myself.
Of course, I like children myself, and I was the one who agreed to have them, but if I had known after having these three children you will leave our family because you want to live a 'single' life, and I would need to raise the three children as a de facto single parent, I would never have agreed.
You know very clearly as well that my dream since I was a child has been to build a harmonious family, allowing my children to grow up in a home that is complete and loving. However, I have no regrets, because our three children are my everything, and God’s greatest grace.
Women today
Modern women are unlike women in the past who didn’t have the chance to get an education, who did not have a choice at home but to play the role of the wife and mother. We are lucky to get higher education, are knowledgeable, academic, and have the chance to see, have the ability to work, and contribute to society as well as men.
Women, no matter in the past or today, have chosen to be housewives and give their all for their family, and though it is practically an 'unpaid” job' they accept it as a family role, an important pillar of the family, and even a year-round, 24-hour role with multiple aspects (such as being a nanny/teacher/cleaning lady/driver/butler/partner/assistant).
The salary for this job should be the sum that includes the opportunity cost of not going out and working based on your ability. This should be the salary that housewives are entitled to, and not something that is given or doled out. The person delegated this role should not be forever without the ability to earn money or savings just because the party who takes on the role of going out working gets all the benefits and authority.
This will lead to an unequal relationship and leaves women at a disadvantage, even if the man is guilty of infidelity or is abusive. They have a hard time getting their voices to be heard.
I think this is an issue that our generation needs to rethink together. Many housewives around me do not have their own savings, or income in their own accounts, feel apologetic for using the money their husbands earn, are always subject to their husbands’ judgment when they use money, and would never dare mention they want to take care of their own parents.
If women talk about the subject of money, our society condemns them as being unscrupulous, or questions if they are girls who are just after men’s money. For women who focus on their families for so long and do not go out to work, if they don’t do anything wrong but are forced into divorce by a man without proper reason, usually they are at a loss of what to do.
Go, girl!
So girls! You must take precautions for the future. I never thought that I would go through this myself, you may think like I did that it is impossible! Yet taking precautions and planning for yourself and your children cannot be wrong!
Having been married to you for so many years, subject to constant suspicion by you and your family … humiliation and cold violence. In the beginning, I was forced to sign an unequal prenuptial agreement, as you wanted to protect your property before marriage.
I can understand that and completely accept it, but the property after marriage was earned by our mutual efforts and came from each of us doing our own jobs; the house is under your name, the car is under your mother’s name, properties were transferred very clearly for fear that I might take any 'advantage' of you.
Of course, you were not stingy with money used to raise the kids, but for so many years, I also never used your money to buy any luxury goods and lived a simple life. I was even the only person by your side encouraging you to not take commercial performances, programs, or advertisements to earn money; life is short, just do what you love.
Spend all your time on making good music that heals people … change the world, that’s your purpose and something only you can do. Our family doesn’t lack money, nor do we need a more extravagant life. Why should a person like me endure you and your family’s long-term suspicion and humiliation?
The person who owns all your money and doesn’t let you use it, who instigates us to fight, is not me. I know saying this will make you angry, but I sincerely hope you will open your eyes and see clearly. I know when you tried to obey in the past, you became so depressed you lay on the floor for days, unable to move. I also witnessed you losing many important things in your life for trying to obey.
Used like a pawn
At 37, you are still unable to make any decision, you feel defeated, helpless, unable to do what you want to do, unable to take control of your job, relationship, or finances. You came to vent to me and ask for help, I offered a helping hand. I thought simply I was saving my love from torment, but in retrospect, I realized that after all, I’m just a chess piece in your hand. You used my empathy and love for you and made me your shield. You hid behind me, using me to get back the power you want bit by bit, and in the process, you’re the angel, and I’m the devil.
To me, fighting for power holds no benefit at all, you are the only beneficiary. You’re the boss, so you are directly in charge of all business decisions, those who help you out of responsibility when you are in need, all merely get the blame as they do it.
What really chilled me was that in the end, you said that I should trust you, you said you’ll do the talking, you’ll protect us, you and your team are fully prepared to manipulate the media and talk. What was the result? You protected only yourself. You used your network and media connections and made me your shield, attacking me to protect yourself.
You’re the one in the wrong, but your mother and I bore all the public opinion and negative reports, while you were untouched. I asked you since the news wasn't real, can you make a clarification for me? You said because you already said in the statement you would not respond, so further responses would not be a good idea, I said I understood.
Then … an hour later, while browsing the news, what I saw was the scandal of your affair, and you quickly clarified for yourself. So the “us” includes only you and not the rest of us. You said your reputation is precious, but have you ever thought that a woman’s reputation is also precious? I still have a long way to go in life.
You use the fact that I am always the most protective of you and never say a bad thing about you, even with family and friends, I never say anything. Yet to protect your high-quality image, you went as far as creating rumors that defame me. Using the same tactics, you hide behind your family and friends and bully me through them, only because if the problem is not on me, and you left irresponsibly, you cannot maintain your high-quality image.
Friends with benefits
I will no longer bear your cross for you. At the time, Wu XX also made a show of clarifying for himself, and everyone knows what happened. Whether your relationship with her involves anything unusual, you both know. The relations men and women share within the entertainment circle and your values exceed my knowledge, one’s partner/ex-partner/and their friends, everyone … are all 'good friends.'
I met you when I was 16, thinking back to the past 20 years, everything suddenly cleared up, everything had a trace, only I was blind to it. I was still underage at the time, you were 26, you asked for my number, told me I was pretty, was ambiguous with your language, and chatted with me for at least an hour every time you called.
In the following years, you and I both often flew, sometimes meeting in the same city. I remember one time, you asked me to go watch a movie with you, we sat in the front, and as we were leaving, I noticed your rumored girlfriend sat at the very back of the theater, and we watched the same film screening.
Later, while you were still in a relationship with your ex-girlfriend, you called me at two in the morning, asking me if I wanted to go and sleep with you at your home … I found it odd and refused, but didn’t think much about it either. You then said you would come out and meet me, and we spent the night outside that day till morning. I found out only later that you were still with your ex-girlfriend at that time.
After you broke up, we met again in the same city, you were very considerate to me and held my purse, took me out, and we had a lot of fun together, then you held my hand. Since you are a high-quality idol, I held no defense in my heart, we got together naturally and had sex. The next morning, however, you told me you didn’t want a relationship.
I had never encountered something like this. I was very surprised, but at the same time, you shared with me sincerely many things about your loneliness and the little secrets in your heart. I thought at the time since you had such a high-quality image, you must have been hurt in some way to end up like this.
Us against world
So, we continued our passionate romance like a normal couple would, we stuck together whenever we could. If we were in different cities we kept in touch all day, spending a lot of good time, saying 'I love yous,' everything except making it official. You said you weren’t with anyone else either, you just didn’t want a relationship.
In the end, as I found out later, people like me, you actually have many 'friends' like this in many cities. You were caught on camera taking girls home for the night, you were caught calling a prostitute, and there is video proof of all this. The girl clearly stated your floor number and your registered name, as well as turning left and entering your home after exiting the elevator. You admitted all these to me, too. You admitted these are your problems, you cannot control yourself.
I asked to part ways, you called me for weeks to ask me to stay, saying you wouldn’t do it anymore, I would be your 'only' in the future, and gradually we began to build a family together.
One day, after your concert in Shanghai ended, you didn’t call me, I couldn’t locate you until the morning. Later I found out you and your friend-with-benefits drank and partied all night, taking all kinds of photos, with your face pressed against her breast as well as lip-licking.
After marriage, you continued as usual with her, and you had me, but when you received a series of nude photos to wish you a happy birthday, you happily responded. You promised me you would sever ties, but I still found your interactions now and then, as well as continued, ambiguous messages.
Once, you did a commercial performance with her, you didn’t want me to go. Later, she posted on Instagram about you, calling you “Hom Hom” before deleting it. Another girl, also your friend-with-benefits, who is married and has kid(s) herself, wanted you to help lie to her husband.
Prostitutes and staff
Your past of sleeping together casually made me uncomfortable, because after we married, the girl still charmed and lured you in all kinds of ways, to which you responded warmly. If there was nothing to hide, there really wasn’t any need to lie to her husband. I said I felt uncomfortable, normal social contact I could accept, but if she was invited to our house I would feel uncomfortable, could we not do that?
You were very angry because and said 'let’s not throw any Halloween parties in the future.' Even though you knew you were breaking the law, you ran to her house to party with her. I was pregnant and about to give birth, but your dance instructor 'friend' messaged you to say he was sad because he thought you were together. Another female 'friend' cried before me for an hour after hearing that we were together.
Later, I found you kept a record of features of the prostitutes you hired, some of which resembled a few staff members that are around us. How much more humiliated could I be? Even after going through so many things like this, I was willing to choose to forgive you, to keep you company, just in a different way. I no longer dreamed that I could change you, and gave you the freedom to live the life you want. I backed out of your life, staying home and waiting for you with the kids, waiting for the time when you want to come back and reunite with us, and I stopped fighting with you.
Yet you selfishly still wanted to leave, and the reason was if you met a girl you liked, you didn’t want her to suffer the fate of being called the mistress, so you insisted on the divorce. When I was unwilling to divorce, you upped your game and thought of all the ways to verbally abuse me, even humiliating me, fabricating facts before family and friends to defame me.
I have given you everything you wanted, no matter how irresponsible and how ridiculous you became, I never said anything to even the closest family and friends. I held my smile the same when greeting people, protecting our home gently and resolutely, just hoping that I could exchange my restraint and concession for harmony in the family and for the kids to grow up in a harmonious and happy family.
However, the result was your absence. Absence on the children’s birthdays, absence on important holidays. Every time you left, it was for months, as I watched the kids fall into my embrace, crying, heartbroken, my heart was broken too.
Absence an action
I realized that my restraint was just a bad example for our children … I thought I would bring happiness to the kids, but I only got their anxiety in return … disappointment again and again. As Li Ke Tai Tai (理科太太) once said: 'Those who are absent always have their excuses. Love and care are shown through action.' You said you loved me, you say you love the children, I heard, but I didn’t see. Love and care are reflected in actions, not words.
One of the reasons why I decided to speak up is that I don’t want other girls to go through the same things I did, and I think the world needs to think more. The media has always been manipulated by powerful people, and the media manipulates the public, resulting in wrong social values and controlled public opinion and thoughts.
Though this is a big industry, I sincerely hope that in the future, powerful people can be banned from controlling the direction of public opinion and from maintaining their character through marketing and sales, and public figures can be seen as their true selves while facts can be seen. I also feel that I have the social responsibility to ensure that others would not unknowingly follow my footsteps and experience the same things.
Finally, about getting into the upper class. I don’t choose to make or not make friends with anyone due to people’s identities, and I did not get my current life “thanks to him.” In the future, I don’t need, nor will I be humiliated in any way to get money from him to pay for living expenses (even though I deserve it, but no, thank you). I can still raise the children through my own hard work.
You said you hoped that I would not ruin your career in entertainment, but I want to say that I never wanted this, which is why I kept quiet till now. The fact that we need to come so far pains me. However, if your entertainment career is affected, your own choices contributed to it, not me.
I hope we can both be reborn and find our ways on our own. You can change the habits that are detrimental to your physical and mental health, focus on your music, as fame and fortune and all kinds of partners cannot bring you true happiness, they only lead you to an endless pit … I also hope you can face yourself honestly, ignore the world’s judgment, and be with the right person.
Moving forward
From today, I will treat myself well, I will be reborn, and I will be the strongest support and best role model to the children, letting them know that even when life hits rock bottom, you can still stand up with your own strength.
When one walks to the end of the river, one sits down to watch the rising clouds. In the pits, life will get better every day from now on. This is to encourage myself and to encourage every one of you who are currently going through life’s challenges. I hope no matter what we go through, we can believe that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
The following days will not be easy, but I will rely on god and the light at the end of the tunnel, and every one of you around me, to continue forward step by step. If you are also experiencing something similar, I hope we can share our experiences and empower each other.
Thank you for reading everything. I hope this article can somewhat inspire and be meaningful to your lives, perhaps this is the meaning of my experience.
Lee Jinglei"