我荐｜宗萨钦哲仁波切：谈中国人

2017-05-01 宗萨钦哲仁波切 黄灿然小站

学生问：

“仁波切，您有没有任何要给中国人的整体建议？”

宗萨钦哲仁波切开示：

“我无权给任何人任何建议，更不要说给中国人，因为我对中国的历史与文化了解的非常少。但因为我有很多中国朋友，我本人也来过中国几次，既然你问了这个问题，我会尽力从我个人的观察提供一些建议。

在我看来，很多中国人似乎错误地将“你拥有什么”等同于“你就是什么”。当然作为一个人，我对这种概念上的混淆在某种程度上是可以理解的。能够有个遮风挡雨的地方，能衣食无忧，银行里有相当不错的存款当然很好。但如果“拥有”变得过度，我想你会失去什么是单纯地“做你自己”。如果你失去了自己，你就不快乐。如果你不快乐，拥有那么多有什么用呢？

因为中国有很多新富起来的人，如果说他们经常有一种“暴发户”心态应该并不为过。这种心态有时会令他们相当粗鲁、庸俗并且物质至上。

虽然我不应当比较，但我不禁想起印度那些古老世家的财富继承人。在他们身上总能看到举止优雅、文化底蕴深厚、教养良好等等品质。尽管他们非常富有，不一定会戴劳力士手表，不一定开豪车或住豪宅，但他们是那么自在与庄重。你可以和他们进行真正有内涵的对话，而在中国我很少遇到这样的人。

中国的朋友告诉我，她们不得不购买上千美元的手提包，因为她们的公司坚持她们必须在晚宴或午餐时看起来很体面。这使我了解到中国“新富人群”的一些心态，但也令我感到悲伤。因为这种根深蒂固的不安全感，永远不会藉由购买更贵的东西而得到缓解。当然，这种物质至上的文化会令消费行业感到欢喜。”

学生问：

“仁波切，您对中国年轻人、儿童以及他们的父母有什么建议吗？”

宗萨钦哲仁波切开示：

“我知道很多父母迫切期望他们的孩子受到良好教育，毋庸置疑，中国年轻人在学术研究、科学技术以及很多方面都相当优秀。事实上，我的一些朋友在学校课程之外还敦促他们的孩子去学习钢琴、小提琴、第三或第四种语言。由于这是个竞争的世界，我有些同情他们压力背后的这种竞争心态。

我的意思不是说父母们不应当这么做，但他们也要在脑海中问问自己，所有这些（敦促孩子学习各种知识的）压力，有多少其实是想圆自己要在孩子身上实现的梦呢？要知道这个世界最成功的人中，有些是中途退学的！

我想最终重要的是你们的孩子要快乐。为了他们将来能够快乐，你的孩子需要学习仁慈和礼貌待人。事实上，整体而言中国人需要学习懂礼貌、不忽视来自他人的暗示及信号。假如你不懂得尊重他人、忽略别人所给出的信号，那么其他人对你所发出的信号也将置之不理，这会造成很多的误解。

总有人说中国的年轻人傲慢无礼并且粗鲁。我思考过这个问题，从我自身体会而言，我不认为他们真的粗鲁，但他们总是不断地忽略其他人所给出的信号。令人费解的是，当其他人不理会他们所发出的信号时，他们会感到不开心，这有点古怪，因为这意味着当他们被如此对待时，他们是能够辨识出这些信号的。

举个简单例子，当你看到一群漂亮的中国女孩走进电梯，她们穿着范思哲（Versace）的上装、CCP（Carol Christian Poell）的夹克、香奈儿（Chanel）的裙子, 手里拿着爱马仕（Hermes）的包，脚上是普拉达（Prada）的鞋，但她们的傲慢无礼令她们满身昂贵的装束完全失去了意义，对我而言，她们毫无吸引力。

当电梯到下一层时，有另外一个女孩走进来，她穿着极为普通的蓝色牛仔裤、皱巴巴的T恤衫，拿着一个塑料购物袋。但她面带笑容，谈吐亲切不造作，尽管同前面那些女孩比较，她显然与《时尚》（Vogue）杂志上的那些女孩相距甚远，但我发现自己更被这个女孩所吸引。

所以，与其认为有钱才能吸引人，中国年轻人真的应当学习恰当的言行举止、礼貌、礼仪以及尊重他人而不是居高临下、盛气凌人，这样会让你非常有魅力。毕竟，有谁不希望在别人眼里是很有魅力的呢？”

翻译：西游译文小组

Question :

Rinpoche, do you have any overall advice for people in China?

Rinpoche Answer:

I have no authority to give any advice to anyone, let alone to Chinese people, since I know so little about Chinese culture and history. But, since I have many Chinese friends and have been to China several times, and since you ask, I’ll do my best to offer some suggestions just based on my personal observations.

It seems to me that many Chinese make the mistake of thinking that “to have” is “to be”. As a human being I understand that confusion to some extent. It is good to have a roof over your head, enough to eat, and a decent balance in your bank account. But when “having” becomes excessive, I think you lose what it means just “to be”. And when you lose that, you can’t be happy. After all, what’s the point of having so much if you’re unhappy?

Because China has so many newly rich people, I think it’s safe to say they often have a “nouveau riche” mentality too, which can sometimes be quite crass, vulgar, and materialist.

I shouldn’t compare, but I can’t help thinking of those in India with old, inherited wealth, who often have something so elegant, refined, cultured, and good about them. Though often very rich, they may not wear Rolex watches or have fancy cars and homes, and yet are so relaxed and dignified. You can have a proper cultured conversation with them, which I find very rare in China.

Chinese friends have told me they had to buy a thousand dollar handbag because their company insisted they look good at dinners or lunches. That tells me something of the mentality of the newly rich, but also makes me sad because the fundamental insecurity it shows will never be eased just by buying more expensive stuff. Of course the consumer products industries are delighted with that materialist culture.

Question:

Rinpoche, what is your advice for Chinese youth, children and their parents?

Rinpoche Answer:

I know many parents are anxiously pushing their children to get a good education, and there is no doubt that young Chinese are really becoming good in academics, science, technology and more. In fact, I have family friends who push their children way beyond the school curriculum to study piano, violin, and a third or fourth language. I have some sympathy for the competitive spirit behind that pressure, because this is a competitive world.

I’m not saying parents shouldn’t do that, but at the back of their minds they should also ask themselves how much all this pressure is going to answer their own dreams for their children. After all, some of the most successful people in the world are dropouts!

I think that at the end of the day, your children have to be happy. And for that to happen, your children need to learn to be kind and polite. In fact, Chinese in general need to learn to be polite and not to miss cues and signals from others. When you don’t respect others and miss their cues, it makes others miss cues as well, which creates so much confusion.

So many people say that young Chinese are often arrogant, impolite, and rude. I’ve thought about that and, from my experience, I don’t think they are actually rude, but just keep missing these cues. The puzzling thing is that they themselves get upset when others miss their cues, which is odd because it means they actually recognize cues when they’re at the receiving end.

A simple example of this is seeing beautiful Chinese girls walk into an elevator with Versace blouses, Carol Christian Poell jackets, Chanel skirts, Hermes bags, and Prada shoes. But they are so arrogant and impolite that the whole point of their expensive outfits is lost and I’m not attracted to them at all.

On the next floor, another girl enters the elevator, simply dressed in very ordinary blue jeans and a crinkled T-shirt, carrying a plastic shopping bag. But she smiles, talks and has no airs, even though she definitely doesn’t look like she’s out of Vogue magazine like the other girls. I find myself much more attracted to her.

So instead of thinking it’s money that attracts people, young Chinese should really learn the proper demeanour, politeness, manners, and respect for others that are so attractive without ever being condescending or patronizing. Who, after all, would not want to attract others?

预读/校对：陈涛、zzj、李宏飞、Turquoise

执编：郑春娇

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