[Parenting] I have an enemy image of my child

Does that ever happen to you to have angry thoughts  about your child - that you probably feel guilty about right after having them? Such as "How can you be so ungrateful after all the efforts I made for you?", "Why are you impossible to live with?", "Why did I ever decided to have kids?". In NVC, we call that having "enemy images", and instead of fearing those thoughts or feeling guilty about it, we learn how to work with them.

Last year in Macau, I met with Stephanie Bachmann Mattei, CNVC certified trainer, and MBSR teacher. I used this opportunity to ask her how she works with herself when she has an enemy image of her child. Check her answer below:

As Stephanie mentions, when you can not transform your enemy images on your own, it means that you need empathy and care for yourself. Friends and family can often offer this support, but it may happen that they can not, for various reasons. Then joining a parents support group can be a good idea. 

At the BMC we hold the "Mindful Mothers" weekly sessions on each Wednesday morning, for mothers who need a non-judgmental and undivided attention. Join us if you need empathy and compassion along your parenting journey - and if you are a father and would like to have such a regular time please let us know, we would be happy to start a Mindful Fathers group. 

Know more about Stephanie:

Stephanie is now my assessor and mentor, walking on my side along the NVC certification journey. She is also one of the teachers of the Parent Peer Leadership Program (PPLP), an online one year program for those who desire to share NVC with parents, and that I attended two years ago. She is also a mother of three self-educated children. She will come to mainland China delivering talks and workshops starting from next year, stay tuned!

Stephanie's website: https://yoursanctuary4wellbeing.com

PPLP website: https://www.nvc-pplp.com

Mindfully yours, Julia

MSc in general engineering
Certified Montessori educator
NVC trainer & coach

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