Hudson的故事：值得等待的祝福
两年前的今天，我们申请去中国领养Hudson， 然后他被正式安置给我们。为了纪念那个日子，我们把当初募捐页上的旧文，宣布领养Joshua的同时另一个孩子也要加入我们家庭的文章，再次分享给大家。Hudson如今已经来到了我们家，成为了我们家庭的成员，我们为此非常感恩。
An Asking Story
2016年9月
在领养之旅中，我们学到了很多的功课。有些是我们意料之中的，另一些则不然。很多功课让我们的心豁然敞开，而另外一些则很温和，像上帝恩典的的耳语。还有的是，让我们对神把各种碎片拼接到一起的手艺心存敬畏。这个故事是关于这样的一个经历。 这个故事是关于神的延迟、拼图的碎片，以及我们敢开口祈求就会临到的智慧。
最开始，我们就觉得应该是领养两个孩子。当我们在（2016年）6月份开始改变领养国，开始领养Joshua的时候，我们知道还有另外一个孩子等着我们一同去领养。只是我们不知道他/她是谁。
从我们知道了Joshua的年纪和特殊需求之后，机构建议我们缩小第二个孩子的选择范围。我们有2到4个月的时间选择Joshua会有一个领养姐妹还是一个兄弟。
思前想后，因为Joshua的特殊需求（对于我们来说），比较符合逻辑的做法，是领养一个比我们自己最小的孩子，也就是2岁的Esther，还要小的孩子。而且，这个孩子的特殊需求也不能太多。
在同几个医生讨论之后，我们已经有了Joshua的治疗方案，不过，那时，对于Joshua的特殊需求还是知之甚少。
所以，那个时候，我们想放手来接受上帝给予的一切。但是我们需要告诉机构自己的愿望，我们选择了我们认为的最好的方案，就是找寻一个年纪小点的，需求不要太多的孩子。
寄出Joshua的申请以后第二天晚上，我们从一个朋友那里得知机构收到一个新的孩子的信息。事实上，这个小家伙已经等待领养一两年了，只是在最近才被我们机构收到材料。
我们迫不及待地看了小家伙的照片和视频，他甜美的笑声让人无法抗拒。我们也情不自禁地想象他同Esther在一起玩儿，成为最好的朋友。
但是当我们看出这个孩子其实也有很多特殊需求的时候，我们心头一紧。先不说其他的，照片中的他虽然已经2岁了，但是还不会走路。我们一直在跟机构交流，担心能否满足Joshua特殊需求，所以，如果是一下子拥有两个都有很高特殊需求的孩子，可怎么办呢？所以，我们谢过了我们的朋友，让她知道，我们不申请他。
大约一个多礼拜之后，我们的社工到访，帮助我们更新家庭报告。两周之内，她把更新给了机构，真的非常快了。不过，在那之后，我们的领养被延迟了。
时间一分一秒、一天一天、一周又一周的过去了，我们等待，我们打电话询问，我们发送邮件。所有的努力都石沉大海。我们还在想，我们到底错过了什么？
在等待期间，我们开始了解到更多关于Joshua的信息。我们收到了很多新的关于Joshua的信息，这些是过去我们不确定的。Joshua的进步非常大，他的特殊需求似乎也不像我们当初想的那样。
我们几乎可以构想一个未来日常生活的图景了。对于可能领养的第二个孩子，什么范围的特殊需要是可接受，什么是不可接受这一问题，我们夫妻间还进行了深度的探讨。开始有点眉目了。
然后，我们决定去要那个几周前那个小家伙的文件资料。我们只看过照片和视频，也许……也许……不是我们看到的那样呢，也许还有更多关于这个小家伙的故事呢，所以，我们申请要他的资料。
几天之后，我们拿到了孩子的资料，那是在一个早晨，我哭得不行，因为被抛弃的孩子们以及这个孩子的特殊需求。我为罪而哭泣，罪造成世界的堕落。
我也为自己内心的纠结而难过，我不知道自己能不能照顾另外一个有特殊需求的孩子。我的心都碎了。他的资料非常简短，最新的信息也都是一两年前的了。不多的资料显示，这个小家伙可能有的问题比资料列出来的多很多。
我被未知的，不被回答的问题弄崩溃了。虽然觉得他能和我们一家人相处得很好，但是不能绕过去特需这个坎儿。这又是面对各种未知凭信心往前迈一大步。那天，Ryan在离家去工作之前来跟我再见”，我抓着他的衣服哭得一塌糊涂。
但是让我吃惊的是，他并没有直接说“算了吧。”而是淡淡地跟我说了一句，“我们只需要听听医生怎么说。” 我甚至没有勇气去跟他说，我不知道是否要把资料发给医生，因为我都懵了。我后来还是鼓起勇气，把资料给了医生。然后，就是等待和祷告。我们摒弃一切，单单祷告和等待上帝的指引。
等到医生的信儿是几天之后了。第一个专家给出了一个长长的单子，都是需要注意的事项。单子很长，我给她打了一个小时的电话。她给出了一份治疗计划，让我们来决定是否需要继续。
那天晚上，我躺在床上，看着她给出的单子。她不能确认孩子以后能否走路。估计孩子需要一个轮椅。我们倒不是抵触孩子坐轮椅，但是发现孩子可能今后永远不能独立行走，还是很痛苦。永远啊，我为这孩子伤心欲绝。
在我内心深处，从第一次从朋友那里听到他的名字，看到他的视频之后，我就爱上了这个小家伙。上帝对我轻柔耳语，告诉我他是我们的孩子。
我已经把他藏到了我的心里，我相信，如果他真的是我们的第二个孩子，上帝会用他的方式，在他的时间告诉我。为此，我不需要说服Ryan或者我自己。上帝都能够解决的，他会让我们两个人都清楚这一点。几个月前，他就向我们保证，我们不会错过自己的孩子。
从第一个专家那里得到了有帮助的信息后，我们的领养医生也给了我们一个更加清晰的解释。他看到孩子的整体情况（而不是像第一个专家只评估特殊需求），能告诉我们孩子是不是还有比资料中写明的更多问题，以及从一个长远的角度看待孩子的特殊需求。
5天之后，我们把孩子的相关资料给了领养咨询医生，而且得到了反馈。我和Ryan最终听到的东西让我们很振奋。我们的一些看法得到了印证，这个孩子的需求其实跟另一个孩子类似。美国的医疗体系会极大地改变这个孩子未来的一生。
第二天，我下楼去喝一杯咖啡，然后读《圣经》。这个时候，我再一次感受到主在指引我们去寻找第二个孩子。我求告主，“一切都很好，但是你必须把这些告诉Ryan。”
我读完《圣经》，走进厨房，这时Ryan对我说，“你能帮我把《圣经》拿来吗？我认为上帝希望我们去领养那个孩子。”听了这话，我不可置信地看着他。我帮他去拿了《圣经》，一起坐在厨房的桌子旁边，我丈夫一字一句地分享着上帝赐予他的话。眼泪从Ryan的脸上滑落。
就这样，我们走到了这一步。这一次我们发现自己在跨越恐惧和不确定的时候，实现了惊心动魄的飞跃。我们准备好领养这个孩子的资料。我们可以往前走了。我们可以名正言顺的掉头走开，但是有一小束光，一声耳语向我揭示希望。
上帝指引我们来到这一步。他让我们内心平静，并且在最紧要的时候开口说话。我们不能调转头去，因为我们知道：这是我们的孩子。
第二天，我们给机构打了电话，告知我们决定申请领养这个从一开始就用他甜蜜的笑声俘获我们的孩子。这之后又过了一天，我们的中介收到了一个意外的更新信息，并转给了我们。
我们得到了关于这个孩子的两段新视频，是他走路的。我们花了几乎一周的时间咨询医生，以确定这个孩子未来是否能够独立行走。但是没有确定的答复。我们没有得到任何的承诺。
一天之后，我们领养孩子的资格得到了官方的确认，然后，我们又拿到了另外两段视频，视频中，这个孩子悠闲地，若无其事地走在便道上，让人难以置信。
哦，甜蜜的小孩，我们已经迫不及待地要去看看上帝对你做了什么。能够成为你的父母亲，这是一份多大的礼物。我们等不及告诉你，第一次看到你的视频的时候，你的照顾者呼喊你的名字，这个名字是很多很多年前我们最喜欢的名字，但是一直没有用上。我们已经等不及要告诉你，你是无所畏惧，奇迹般的造物。
一片又一片，拼图快要完成了。在告诉我们的中介我们希望领养这个孩子之后不久，一份已经等了好几周的领养这个孩子需要的文件终于到了。所有事情又可以启动了。
现在，所有的文件都送交了移民局，这是在把它们提交给这两个孩子的出生国之前的最后一步。好啦，我们要领养两个孩子了，我们已经迫不及待地要把他们领回家了。
我要称谢你，因我受造奇妙可畏。你的作为奇妙，这是我心深知道的。
【诗139:14】
翻译：林琛
翻译校对：张雯 郑琼 陈恭
中文校对：Maggie
排版：李旅
The Hudson Story
AUGUST 23, 2018
POSTED IN ADOPTION, FAITH, FAMILY
https://wholesomeday.wordpress.com/2018/08/23/the-hudson-story/
Two years ago today we sent our letter of intent to China to pursue adopting Hudson and he was officially matched with our family. In honor of that anniversary, we’re re-sharing the post we wrote on our fundraising page announcing a second child would be joining our family alongside Joshua. We are so thankful Hudson is now home and is a part of our family.
An Asking Story – September 2016
We’ve learned a lot of lessons during this adoption adventure. Some lessons we’d expected and other lessons not so much. A lot of the lessons cut our hearts wide open. Other lessons were gentle, whispers of God’s grace. Then, there were the lessons that left us awestruck at God’s handiwork in bringing all the pieces together. This story is about one such lesson. This is a story about a divine delay, puzzle pieces, and wisdom that comes when we dare to ask for it.
From very early on in this process, we felt led two adopt two children. When we switched to countries in June and started the process to go after J, we knew there was another child somewhere that we were going to adopt alongside J. We just were not sure who it was. Since we knew J’s age and special needs, our agency asked us to narrow down what we were hoping for in our second child. We had a two to four month window to figure out a brother or sister for J. We thought about it and, because of J’s special needs, thought the logical thing would be to adopt a second child younger than our youngest, Esther (2), and one that has minor special needs. We had a treatment plan in place for J after talking to several doctors, but, at that point, only had limited information about J’s needs. So, as much as our hearts wanted to have open hands to whatever God had for us, we still had to give our agency some guidance and direction. So, we did what we thought best (per usual) and let our agency know a younger, minor needs child was what we thought would work well.
The evening after we sent J’s letter of intent, we heard from a friend that our agency had just gotten information on a new little one waiting. Actually, this little one had been waiting for a couple of years, but only recently had come to the attention of our agency. We eagerly looked at the pictures and videos. This sweet child’s giggles were contagious, and we couldn’t help but think about how well this little one would get along with Esther. They could be the best of friends. Our hearts ached so very much when we saw in the pictures and videos that this child also seemed to have some pretty major special needs. Among other things, he was two years old and not walking yet. We’d just been talking to our agency and, given all the uncertainty with J’s needs, we weren’t sure how wise it’d be to go after two major special needs kids. And, so, we thanked our friend and let her know we didn’t want to request the file from our agency.
First picture we ever saw of Hudson
A week or so later, our social worker came over to meet with us to update our home study to our new country. She had the updates all done and off to our agency within two weeks, which is a super fast turnaround. After this step of the process though, we hit a delay.
Time was ticking by. Day. By. Day. By. Week. By. Week. We waited. We called. We emailed. All our efforts were going nowhere. We kept thinking, what are we missing?
As we were waiting, we began to get a lot more information on J. We received several updates including some of J doing things we were not sure would ever be possible. J’s progress was remarkable and it seemed like J’s special needs would not be as much of a limitation as we had initially thought. We had a better picture of what life would look like on a daily basis. We also had several more in depth discussions with each other about what types of things we were open to and not open to for our second child. The puzzle pieces were beginning to come into focus.
We eventually decided we needed to ask for the file of the little one we had seen a few weeks prior. We had only seen the pictures and videos before and perhaps- perhaps it was not what it seemed. Perhaps there was more to this little one’s story. So, we called our agency and asked for the file.
It took a few days for us to get the file and when it finally arrived, early one morning, I promptly cried my eyes out. I cried for babies being abandoned and over this little one’s special needs. I cried over sin. Sin that created this whole stinking mess of a fallen world and for my own wretched self who just didn’t know how we could possibly manage another major special needs kiddo. I was heartbroken. The file was very brief and the most recent information in it was years old. There were a few things in the file that indicated this little one could have more complex issues than what were listed. I was overwhelmed by the unknowns and unanswered questions. As much as we could envision this little one fitting so well into our family, there was no getting around it. This would be another giant leap of faith into all sorts of unknowns. Ryan came in to say “goodbye” before leaving for work, and I cried all over his suit. He just said nonchalantly, “We’ll just have to see what the doctor says” and left for work. I was surprised he didn’t outright say “no”. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I wasn’t sure I could even send the file to the doctor because I was so overwhelmed. I gathered up my courage and sent the file to the doctor. Then, we waited. We prayed. We cocooned ourselves from all else and just prayed and waited to see how God would lead us.
It took a few days for us to hear back from the doctors. The first specialist sent us back a list so long of potential issues that she had me call her to go over them all. The phone call was an hour long. She typed up a treatment plan for us should we decide to move forward. I laid in bed that night, reading over her list. She could not promise the child would ever walk. She said a wheelchair might be needed. We are not anti-wheelchair or anything, but there’s just something heart wrenching about finding out a child may never walk independently. Ever. I was devastated for this little person.
In my heart of hearts, I had fallen in love with this little one from the first time I saw the videos our friend sent us and heard this child’s name. It was God’s gentle whisper to my heart that this child was ours. I had tucked it away in my heart, trusting that if this truly were our second child, God would bring it to pass in His way and in His timing. I didn’t need to convince Ryan of it or myself for that matter. God would work it all out. He would make it clear to both of us. He had promised us months before that He would not let us miss our kids.
As helpful as it was to hear from the first specialist, our adoption doctor would have a much clearer picture of the file, as he looks at the whole picture (not just the one special need that the specialist was assessing) and is usually able to tell if there were more needs than what a file listed and how the special needs would manifest over the long term. Five days after we sent the file to our adoption doctor, we heard back. Ryan and I were bursting with excitement to finally have heard something. Our original thoughts about the file were confirmed and our adoption doctor believed the needs would be similar to manage as those of our other sweet child. We knew that the medical care here in America would make an incredible difference in this child’s life.
The next morning I went down and had my cup of coffee and read my Bible where once again, I felt the Lord leading us to go after this second child. I told God, “that’s all well and good, but you’re going to have to tell Ryan.” I walked into our kitchen when I was done reading and Ryan said to me, “Can you grab my Bible? I think God wants us to go after this kid.” I stared at him in disbelief. I went and got his Bible. We sat at our kitchen table and my husband shared verse after verse that the Lord had given him. Tears were streaming down Ryan’s face as he shared all God had shown him.
And, there we were. We found ourselves at another startling, breathtaking chance to leap- despite all our fears and uncertainties. We had all the information we were going to get on this little person. We could walk. We had every justifiable reason to turn away, but there was a glimmer. A whisper of hope. God had led us to this place. He had quieted our hearts and gently spoke in his perfect timing. We could not turn away. We knew. This was our other child.
We called our agency the next day and let them know we’d chosen to go after this little person who’d captured our hearts with the sweetest of giggles. The following day our agency received an unexpected update and passed it on to us. We got two videos of our child. Walking. We had just spent a week trying to figure out from doctors if this child would ever be able to walk unassisted. We had gotten no answers. We had gotten no promises that it was even possible. And, then, a day after we were officially matched, we got two incredible videos of this little person strolling down a sidewalk like it was nothing.
Oh sweet child, we cannot wait to see what God does in your life. We cannot even begin to tell you what a gift it is to be your parents. We cannot wait to share with you that your name- the one your caretakers are calling you in the first video we ever saw of you- is a name we had picked out years and years ago as one of our favorite names, but could never use. We cannot wait to share with you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Piece by piece this puzzle is coming together. A few days after we called our agency to tell them we were going after our second child, we found out the one document we’d been waiting on for so many weeks was finally all set. Everything was back in motion once again. Right now, all of our documents are at immigration, the last step before everything gets sealed and sent on its way out of our country to theirs. Here we go. We’re going for two. We can’t wait to bring them home.
Gotcha Day, July 11, 2017
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14
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