嫉妒：是什么让你羡慕？
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老桑说
当嫉妒的感觉出现时，
你要留心它们，
把它们看作是一种“尘土”般的弱点，
把它们藏在心里，然后...
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「 朋友，你好，我是老桑。」
老桑在玉佛寺
最近我在上海大学参加了一个会议。我一直都很喜欢上海，之前我也和大家分享了自己对外滩、豫园和上海博物馆的感想。的确，上海从不缺少值得留念的事物！
停留在上海的这段时间里，我花了很多时间漫步在黄浦区和静安区的街道上。以前我总惊叹于闪闪发光的摩天大楼和历史建筑，思考着上海的过去和现在。这一次，我注意到身边惊人的财富：昂贵的汽车、奢侈品、名牌服装、有钱人和豪华公寓。
玉佛寺停车场的豪华车
不是每个人都能负担得起这种生活方式。不管是在中国还是在美国，富人都是少数。当那些生活水平一般的人们走过这些富裕地区时，他们都“只能远观而无法触及”。在上海和纽约这样的城市，这种对比更为极端，因为这两个城市都是吸引高端财富的金融中心。
Green with envy
嫉妒心
虽然我的个人言论不能代表所有人的意见，但我敢肯定有些人会有一丝的嫉妒。毕竟，我们工作得都很努力，所以当一些人比其他人拥有的少时，会是什么感觉呢?
在英语中，“猜疑的”（jealous）和”羡慕的“（envious）是一组同义词，因为他们都代指贪婪。“嫉妒”（envy）被定义为令人不悦地意识到他人拥有的优势，并渴望拥有同样的优势。“猜疑的”（jealous）则还有另外一个意思，指怀疑别人，比如“猜疑的妻子”担心丈夫的faithfulness（忠诚）。
“嫉妒”可以延伸到我们生活的许多方面，甚至可以渗透到我们的友谊中。下面是一些例子:
钱
如果你的财富不多，你可能会敏锐地意识到自己的朋友有多少钱。
情感状态
如果你的朋友有伴侣，而你是单身，你可能会把他与自己相比较，想知道你是不是有某种defective（缺陷），降低了你的自尊。
孩子
如果你的朋友是一个有孩子的家庭，但若你认为自己没有一个“完美”的家庭，你可能很难为他们感到高兴。
外表的吸引力
在当今这个以形象为中心的社会中，这一现象尤为普遍：女性可能会嫉妒其他高挑、漂亮、身材匀称的女性；男人可能会嫉妒那些长得好看、强壮和运动能力强的人。
体重
对于那些对自己的体重不满意的人来说，和瘦的朋友在一起往往会引发深深的嫉妒，认为自己的体重会对日常生活产生负面影响。
事业上的成功
你可能会嫉妒那些比你更成功的朋友，尤其是当你和他们从事同样的职业，但那个人比你赚的钱更多的时候。
社交媒体会加剧很多人的嫉妒情绪。毕竟，我们往往不会在微信或脸书上展示自己的不好的一面，而是展示自己whitewash（粉饰）过的一面，展现最好的自己。每天看社交媒体会让我们对朋友的生活产生偏见，会让我们嫉妒他们的活动和生活方式。
Four steps to overcome envy
克服嫉妒四步法
“嫉妒”是生活的一部分，也是人性的一部分。它是一种怨恨的感觉，会削弱我们的自尊，导致我们做出错误的决定，甚至破坏友谊和职业关系。为了了解更多的信息，我离开上海glitzy（繁华的）商业区并拜访了玉佛寺，那是身处城市中心一处僻静的世外桃源，来探索佛教关于嫉妒的教义。
玉佛寺
玉佛寺建于1918年至1928年之间，是如今上海为数不多的仍然香火旺盛的佛教寺院之一。它的核心是玉佛殿，中间矗立着一尊1.9米高的暗绿色的玉佛，它是由一块完整的玉石雕刻而成的。而天王殿、大雄宝殿以及卧佛殿都体现着它们作为精美的艺术品而存在。
玉佛殿
大雄宝殿
观音殿
天王殿
卧佛殿
漫步于寺庙建筑群中，我向光昇法师请教了关于嫉妒危险性的看法。当我们讨论到我在朋友和学生中看到的各种情景时，我提出了四个步骤来指导我们与嫉妒作斗争。我把它看作是“后退”三步，从而成就一次更加大跨越的迈进。
当某件事触发我们嫉妒的情绪时，我们可能不会马上承认。也许因此会感到愤怒、怨恨、痛苦，甚至自哀。我们也可能会痛苦地抱怨世事不公。产生自己不被欣赏的看法，认为别人会得到所有的机会。然而，仔细观察，这些反应的根源可能是出于嫉妒。
玉佛右边挂着“尘”字的卷轴。“尘“是指阻碍我们看透事实真相的vexation（烦扰之事），这其实是一个提醒，即我们都得通过终生的内心斗争来拂去嫉妒和其他琐碎干扰的尘土。
嫉妒的根源在于，当我们在生活中不断摸索着试图满足我们的基本需求时所产生的竞争心。玉佛寺的僧侣向我阐释了我们是如何在竞争激烈的学校环境中长大的，在那里我们都努力获得高分，从而赢得大量的荣誉。但既然我们都不可能成为“第一”，这种排名第二的感觉会毒害我们的心灵。
美丽是肤浅的。当然，也有看起来很棒的人，我们在电影、广告和其他媒体上看到过无数美丽的人。然而，外在美是短暂的，它不会永远存在。相反，倘若你拥有一颗纯洁的心灵和赤诚的品质，你那健康的笑容和自然的美就会永远闪耀。相由心生。
嫉妒源于内心的疾病，而无法通过获得更多的物质、金钱或地位来“治愈”。即使你暂时满足了它，你在内心深处仍然没有得到满足。莎士比亚把它称为“green-eyed”(“ 绿眼”)，因为当我们生病时，我们的皮肤会变成黄绿色，但绿色的、未成熟的食物会引起胃痛。
在英文中，“green-eyed monster”( “绿眼怪兽”)是嫉妒的化身。
”与其关注别人拥有什么，不如扪心自问：“为什么我如此渴望拥有它?”“为什么我对我所拥有的不满意?”给自己一个回答的机会，把你的关注点从别人的身上转移到你自己的身上。通过转移注意力，你可以为下一步和最后一步做好准备。
现在你回到了现实中，开始考虑自己个人发展计划。你想要改善生活的哪些方面呢？持续的自我完善已经被证明可以改善情绪，从而减少嫉妒的感觉，并促进成功。当你用书面计划设定现实的目标时，你会把嫉妒的能量重新引导到积极的、富有成效的轨道上。
如果你嫉妒一位朋友的成功，你可能会试图诋毁他或贬低他，试图以此把自己提升到高位。然而，这并不能解决你潜在的不安全感。一个更好的方法是重新关注你如何从那个人的优点中取其长补其短。但如果你不清楚，那就多问问。世界上到处都是伟大的老师。三人行必有我师。
我的学生经常听到我说:“生活是一个分阶段的旅程。”你现在所处的位置，并不代表你将来所处的位置。你在和自己竞争，根据自己的成就来衡量进步的程度，而不是别人的。如果你在目前的阶段已经竭尽所能地去成长，那么也许是时候继续前进了，因为对于那些愿意迈出下一步的人来说，这个世界充满了机会。
除了玉佛寺,上海的另外两个著名的寺庙是静安寺和龙华寺。在这次旅行中，我还参观了这两个地方，以探索上海的佛教文化。我看到很多地方都引用着大慈大悲，要求我们在对待他人以及自己时都应遵循这一点。
静安寺
龙华寺
我的朋友，你在生活的各个方面感到越满足，你对别人的嫉妒就越少。当嫉妒的感觉出现时，你要留心它们，把它们看作是一种“尘土”般的弱点，把它们藏在心里，然后按照生活中的优先顺序来行事。当你“后退”了三步时，你就得以更好的帮助自己跨越到“前面”，充盈自己的人生旅程。
本文部分图片来源网络。
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英文版
English
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Green with envy:
what are you jealous of?
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「 Hello, my friend！
I'm John Smagula. 」
I recently had a meeting at Shanghai University. I always love to visit Shanghai, and I have previously shared with you my reflections on the Bund, Yuyuan Garden, and Shanghai Museum. Indeed, there’s no shortage of things to write about in Shanghai!
On this visit, I spent a lot of time walking the streets of Huangpu and Jing’an Districts. In the past, I marveled at the glittering skyscrapers and historic buildings, contemplating Shanghai’s past and present. This time, I took note of the amazing wealth around me: expensive cars, luxury products, designer clothes, moneyed people, and opulent apartments.
Jade Buddha Temple parking lot
Not everybody can afford to live this kind of lifestyle. Regardless of whether we are in China or the United States, the rich are a minority. As the have-nots walk through these affluent areas, they can only “look but not touch.” In cities like Shanghai and New York, the contrast is more extreme, given that both cities are financial centers that attract extreme wealth.
Green with envy
Although I can’t speak for everyone I saw, I’m sure some people felt just a tinge of envy. After all, we all work hard, so how does it feel when some people have less than others?
Jealous and envious are synonyms in English, as they both mean covetous. Envy is defined as painful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another along with a desire to possess the same advantage. Jealous has an additional meaning of being suspicious of others, such as a “jealous wife” concerned about her husband’s faithfulness.
Envy can extend to many parts of our lives, and it can even seep into our friendships. Here are some examples:
Money.
If you have less money, you may be acutely aware of how much more money your friends have.
Relationship Status.
If your friends have partners and you are single, you may compare yourself and wonder if you are somehow defective, lowering your self-esteem.
Children.
If your friends have a family with children, you may have a hard time being happy for them if you think you do not have that “perfect” family.
Physical Attractiveness.
This is especially common in today’s image-obsessed society: women may be jealous of others who are tall, beautiful, and shapely; men may be jealous of those who are good-looking, strong, and athletic.
Weight.
For people who are unhappy with their weight, being around thin friends can trigger deep envy, believing their own weight negatively affects their daily lives.
Professional Success.
You may be jealous of friends who are more successful than you—especially if you are in the same career and that person makes more money than you.
A lot of these feelings of envy can be compounded by social media. After all, we tend not to show our dirty laundry in WeChat or Facebook, but rather we show the whitewashed versions of ourselves that put our best foot forward. Watching social media every day gives us a slanted view of our friends’ lives, and it can cause us to envy the activities and lifestyles of our friends.
Four steps to overcome envy
Envy is a part of life and a fact of human nature. It’s a resentful feeling that diminishes our self-esteem, causes us to make poor decisions, and destroys friendships and professional relationships. To learn more, I departed Shanghai’s glitzy commercial districts and visited the Jade Buddha Temple, a sanctuary of calm amid the city, to explore Buddhist teachings on envy.
Jade Buddha Temple
Built between 1918 and 1928, the Jade Buddha Temple is one of Shanghai’s few active Buddhist monasteries. The centerpiece is the Jade Buddha Hall, with a 1.9m-high pale-green jade Buddha, carved from a single piece of jade. The Hall of Heavenly Kings, Grand Hall, and Reclining Buddha Hall all display figures of exquisite artistry.
Jade Buddha Hall
Jade Buddha Hall
Heavenly Kings Hall
As I walked the grounds of the temple complex, I spoke with Monk Guangsheng about the perils of jealousy. As we talked through various scenarios I have seen among my friends and students, I came up with this four-step roadmap to guide us in our struggles with envy. I see it as taking three steps “back” to make one even larger jump “ahead.”
When something triggers our jealous feelings, we may not always acknowledge it as such right away. We may feel anger, resentment, pain, or even self-pity. We may bitterly complain that a situation isn’t fair. We may feel unappreciated for who we are, thinking others get all the breaks. Yet upon closer look, the root of these reactions may be jealousy.
Hanging to the right of the Jade Buddha is a scroll with the character for “dust.” This “dust” refers to life’s vexations that cloud our view of the truth, and it is a reminder that we all have to go through a lifelong inner struggle to wipe the dust of jealousy and other impurities away.
At its root, envy is about competition as we navigate through life and try to get our primary needs met. The monk explained how we grow up in a competitive school environment, where we all strive to earn top scores and be showered with accolades. But since we all can’t be “number one,” this feeling of being second best can poison our hearts.
Beauty is only skin deep. Sure, there are people who look great, and we see an endless parade of beautiful people in movies, advertisements, and other media. Yet physical beauty is fleeting and won’t last forever. Instead, when you are pure of heart and sincere in mind, your healthy smile and natural beauty will shine through forever.
Jealousy stems from a sickness of the heart and cannot necessarily be “cured” by acquiring more material things, money, or status. Even if you temporarily satisfy it, you will still be unfulfilled at your deepest levels. Shakespeare referred to it as “green-eyed,” as our skin can become a yellowish-green when we’re ill, and green, unripe foods can cause stomach pain.
在In English, the “green-eyed monster” is jealousy personified.
”Rather than focus on what others have, we can look into our hearts and ask, “Why do I want that so badly? Why am I unhappy with what I have?” Give yourself a chance to answer, turning your thoughts away from what others have and toward what you do have. By redirecting focus, you can prepare yourself for the next and final step.
Now that you are grounded back in your own reality, turn to your personal development plan. What areas of your life are you trying to improve? Continued self-improvement has been shown to boost moods, diminish feelings of envy, and catalyze success. When you set realistic goals with a written plan, you re-channel your jealous energy to positive, productive energy.
If you are jealous of a friend’s success, you may try to discredit that person or tear him down in an attempt to lift yourself up. However, this will not resolve your underlying insecurity. A better approach is to refocus on how you can learn from that person’s strong points to offset your own weaknesses. And if you don’t know, ask. The world is full of great teachers.
My students often hear me say, “Life is a journey that comes in phases.” Where you are now is not where you will always be. You are in competition with yourself, and you can best measure your progress based on your own achievements—and not those of others. If you have grown all you can in your current phase, it may be time to move on, as the world abounds with opportunities for those who are willing to take the next step.
In addition to the Jade Buddha Temple, Shanghai’s two other well-known temples are Jing’an Temple and Longhua Temple. I also visited both on this trip to explore Shanghai’s Buddhist culture. I saw many references to mercy, which we should exhibit toward others…and ourselves.
Jing'an Temple
Longhua Temple
Incense Burning Zone
My friend, the more fulfilled you feel in the various aspects of your life, the less envy you will feel toward anyone. When you are of mindful of jealous feelings when they occur, recognize them as a “dusty” weakness, withdraw into your heart, and then act on your life’s priorities, you take three steps “back” that enable you to bounce far “ahead” to fulfill your life’s journey.
{ 今日英文速记卡 }
1.Faithfulness
\ ˈfāth-fəl -nəs \
a)含义：n. 忠诚
b)例句：
i.Jealous has an additional meaning of being suspicious of others, such as a “jealous wife” concerned about her husband’s faithfulness.
“猜疑的”（jealous）则还有另外一个意思，指怀疑别人，比如“猜疑的妻子”担心丈夫的忠诚。
ii.Love is the harmony and understanding of two intimate souls in life, along with faithfulness, kindness, and beauty.
爱情是两个亲密的灵魂在生活及忠实，善良，美丽事物方面的和谐与默契。
c)近义词： commitment, dedication, steadfastness
2.Defective
\ di-ˈfek-tiv \
a)含义：adj. 有缺陷的；不完美的
b)例句：
i.If your friends have partners and you are single, you may compare yourself and wonder if you are somehow defective, lowering your self-esteem.
如果你的朋友有伴侣，而你是单身，你可能会把他同自己相比较，想知道你是不是有某种缺陷，降低了你的自尊。
ii.In other words, if the product is not accessible for target users, then the product is defective.
换句话说，如果产品对目标用户是不可行的，那么该产品是有缺陷的。
c)近义词：faulty, flawed, imperfect
3.Whitewash
\ ˈwīt-ˌwȯsh \
a)含义：v. 粉饰；掩饰
b)例句：
i.After all, we tend not to show our dirty laundry in WeChat or Facebook, but rather we show the whitewashed versions of ourselves that put our best foot forward.
毕竟，我们往往不会在微信或Facebook上展示自己的不好的一面，而是展示自己粉饰过的一面，展现最好的自己。
ii.The president wanted to whitewash all that he did during the war.
总统想粉饰他在这场战争期间所做的一切。
c)近义词：gloss (over), sugarcoat, varnish
4.Glitzy \ ˈglit -zē \
a)含义：adj. 盛大的；浮华的
b)例句：
i.To learn more, I departed Shanghai’s glitzy commercial districts and visited the Jade Buddha Temple, a sanctuary of calm amid the city, to explore Buddhist teachings on envy.
为了了解更多的信息，我离开上海繁华的商业区并拜访了玉佛寺，那是身处城市中心一处僻静的世外桃源，来探索佛教关于嫉妒的教义。
ii.From glitzy mini-dresses to more sumptuous gowns, we’ve got the budget-conscious party dresses to accompany you to each of your holiday engagements.
这里有炫目的超短裙和华丽的晚礼服，我们这些满足预算的晚会礼服会在每个假日约会陪伴你。
c)近义词：flashy, ostentatious, splashy
5.Vexation \ vek-ˈsā-shən \
a)含义：n. 苦恼；愤怒
b)例句：
i.This “dust” refers to life’s vexations that cloud our view of the truth, and it is a reminder that we all have to go through a lifelong inner struggle to wipe the dust of jealousy and other impurities away.
“尘”|是指阻碍我们看透事实真相的烦扰之事，这其实是一个提醒，即我们都得通过终生的内心斗争来拂去嫉妒和其他琐碎干扰的尘土。
ii.Everyone has vexations as they grow up, and everyone has their own story.
每个人都有成长的烦恼，每个人就都有了他的故事。
c)近义词：bugbear, exasperation, thorn
Thank you for watching me to inspire, encourage, and accompany you.
See you next time.
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