双语 | 史铁生：秋天的思念

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秋天的怀念

Reminiscence of Autumn

文/史铁生    译/黎历

 By Shi Tiesheng /Tr. By Lily

双腿瘫痪后，我的脾气变得暴怒无常。望着望着天上北归的雁阵，我会突然把面前的玻璃砸碎；听着听着李谷一甜美的歌声，我会猛地把手边的东西摔向四周的墙壁。母亲就悄悄地躲出去，在我看不见的地方偷偷地听着我的动静。当一切恢复沉寂，她又悄悄地进来，眼边红红的，看着我。“听说北海的花儿都开了，我推着 你去走走。”她总是这么说。母亲喜欢花，可自从我的腿瘫痪后，她侍弄的那些花都死了。“不，我不去！”我狠命地捶打这两条可恨的腿，喊着：“我活着有什么劲！”母亲扑过来抓住我的手，忍住哭声说：“咱娘儿俩在一块儿，好好儿活，好好儿活……”可我却一直都不知道，她的病已经到了那步田地。后来妹妹告诉我， 她常常肝疼得整宿整宿翻来覆去地睡不了觉。 

With my two legs paralyzed, my temper became very capricious. While looking at the flight array of home-coming wild geese in the sky, I could suddenly smash the glass in front of me. While listening to the sweet voice of singer Li Guyi, I would suddenly throw things on hand onto the walls. At this moment mother always quietly went out, hiding somewhere out of my sight and listening secretively to my move. When everything was restored to silence again, she sneaked in, looking at me with red eyes. ‘I heard the flowers in BaiHai Park are in bloom. I'd like to push you in the wheelchair to take a walk there’. She always said so. Mother likes flowers. But since my legs were paralyzed, all the flowers tended by her had died. ‘No, I won’t go!’ I desperately beat the two hateful legs, shouting: ‘For what purpose I’m still alive!’ Mother rushed over and grabbed my hand. She held back tears and said: ‘Mom and you will together live well, live well......’.But I’ve never known that her illness had been so serious. Later my sister told me that mother was suffering from severe liver pain and tossing in bed night after night sleepless.

那天我又独自坐在屋里，看着窗外的树叶“唰唰啦啦”地飘落。母亲进来了，挡在窗前：“北海的菊花开了，我推着你去看看吧。”她憔悴的脸上现出央求般的神色。“什么时候？”“你要是愿意，就明天?”她说。我的回答已经让她喜出望外了。“好吧，就明天。”我说。她高兴得一会坐下，一会站起：“那就赶紧准备准备。”“唉呀，烦不烦？几步路，有什么好准备的！”她也笑了，坐在我身边，絮絮叨叨地说着：“看完菊花，咱们就去‘仿膳’，你小时候最爱吃那儿的豌豆黄儿。还记得那回我带你去北海吗？你偏说那杨树花是毛毛虫，跑着，一脚踩扁一个……”她忽然不说了。对于“跑”和“踩”一类的字眼儿。她比我还敏感。她又悄悄地出去了。

That day I was sitting alone in my room and looking at the leaves falling ‘in drift’outside the window. Mother came in, standing in front of me to block the window: ‘Mums in BaiHai are in bloom now. I’ll push you in the wheelchair there to enjoy’. A begging sign on her haggard face, 'When? If you like, how about tomorrow?’, she asked. My answer had made her pleasantly surprised. ‘Okay, tomorrow’. I said. She was so delighted to sit down for a while and stand up for another while. ‘So we should hurry up to get ready.’ ‘Oh, are you okay? Only a walking distance, there’s nothing to prepare’. She laughed too, sitting next to me and nagging: ‘After viewing chrysanthemum, we’ll go to‘Fangshan' restaurant1, where you can find the yellow pea cake, your favourite as a little boy. Do you still remember once I took you to BaiHai, you insisted that poplar flowers are caterpillars? You ran to trample on them ......’ She suddenly stopped, since she was more sensitive than me to some words such as ‘run’ and ‘step’. She quietly went out.

她出去了。就再也没回来。

邻居们把她抬上车时，她还在大口大口地吐着鲜血。我没想到她已经病成那样。看着三轮车远去，也绝没有想到那竟是永远的诀别。

She went out， but never came back.

When the neighbours carried her onto the rickshaw, she was still spitting a mouthful blood. I did not expect she was sick so severe. Looking the rickshaw far off, I never thought it was actually an eternal farewell.

邻居的小伙子背着我去看她的时候，她正艰难地呼吸着，像她那一生艰难的生活。别人告诉我，她昏迷前的最后一句话是：“我那个有病的儿子和我那个还未成年的女儿……”

A fella of our neighbours carried me on his back to visit her in hospital. She was struggling to breathe, just as hard as her whole life. Someone told me her last word before sinking into a coma: ‘My sick son and my not-yet-grown-up daughter ......"

又是秋天，妹妹推我去北海看了菊花。黄色的花淡雅、白色的花高洁、紫红色的花热烈而深沉，泼泼洒洒，秋风中正开得烂漫。我懂得母亲没有说完的话。妹妹也懂。我俩在一块儿，要好好儿活……

It was autumn again. My sister pushed me in the wheelchair to BaiHai to view chrysanthemum. Elegant yellow flowers, noble white ones, warm and deep purple ones, were all brilliantly bloom in the autumn wind. I understand the unfinished word of my mother. So does my sister. Together both of us will live well......

Translator’s notes: 

1.    ‘Fangshan' means eateries which imitate the imperial cuisines.

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