双语视频 | 崔娃脱口秀：“新冠”把汉克斯夫妇撂倒了
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饰演过《阿甘正传》中阿甘等无数经典角色的汤姆·汉克斯（Tom Hanks）和妻子丽塔·威尔逊都感染了新冠肺炎病毒。
汤姆·汉克斯（Tom Hanks）周三在社交媒体Instagram表示，他和他的妻子丽塔·威尔逊（Rita Wilson）在澳大利亚时都检测出了冠状病毒阳性。
“我们感到有点累，就像我们得了感冒和一些身体疼痛。丽塔有一些寒冷。汉克斯在Instagram上的帖子中说，“为了正确处理事情，我们已经测试了冠状病毒，并且被证明是阳性的。”
汤姆·汉克斯说，这对夫妇希望按照公共安全协议的要求进行测试，观察和隔离。
汤姆·汉克斯出生于1956年，1980年出道，1993年和1994年因为《费城故事》、《阿甘正传》曾接连2届赢得了奥斯卡最佳男主角奖。2016年饰演了《萨利机长》中的英雄几张萨利伯格。
汤姆汉克斯今年64岁，这个年龄刚好是新冠病毒感染的高危年龄，希望汤姆·汉克斯夫妻俩能够挺过这一关。根据澳大利亚政府 卫生部的数据，澳大利亚至少有112例确诊的COVID-19病例。
汉克斯妻子丽塔刚刚转发了崔娃谈论他们夫妇二人的脱口秀：谢谢你带来一天中最好的笑声，你真棒！……隔离中的汉克斯夫妇真的很乐观。
崔娃在最新的脱口秀中爆笑点评了好莱坞巨星汤姆·汉克斯和太太检测结果呈阳性，同时也说了各种体育比赛都停了，百老汇、大都会歌剧院、大都会艺术博物馆也关了，迪士尼也关了，电影也推迟上映了...因为没有游客，泰国的猴子都到城市里抢吃的了，看到这种情况，连朝地球飞来的小行星都不忍心来了。
All everybody's talking about is the coronavirus pandemic, aka COVID-19. I feel like that's how you know this thing has gotten serious. 'Cause now we've switched to using -the virus's government name. You know?
- Yeah, it's just like, "COVID-19, "get your ass down here! Explain why you've been infecting the world." "Mama, my name's Corona." "Your name is COVID, boy! -"I created your virus ass, and I'm not afraid to be the vaccine!"
-Anyway... the past 24 hours has been one of the biggest corona news cycles we have been a part of yet. And part of that was because it went from a disease affecting anonymous people to affecting the world's most famous face.
NEWSWOMAN: Stunning announcement. Hollywood legend Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson revealing they have the coronavirus, testing positive in Australia. The couple now in isolation. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, corona got to Tom Hanks.
And this man's already been through so much. I mean, think about it. After the war he's been through and that time his plane crashed... and he already had to deal with his dog dying, I feel bad for him. But, I mean, at the same time he shouldn't have been letting everyone touch his chocolates. That's probably how he got it. But regardless, he has announced that him and his wife, Rita Wilson, are gonna be in isolation. And luckily, he's used to being stuck alone with Wilson,
-so he'll be fine. Yeah, you thought the movie jokes were done, -and then I came back with another one.
You know, just... just by the way, this is a weird story. This funny thing that happened to me yesterday. When I saw Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson trending, I was so devastated, because I thought, after 31 years together, they were getting divorced, and I was like, "Oh, no," and then I clicked on the news, and I was like, "Ah, thank God, they're getting corona. Ah." I mean, not "thank God," but "thank God."
-And honestly, I can't believe that Tom Hanks is the first celebrity to get the virus. Like, I would have expected someone ridiculous, like Flavor Flav or Charlie Sheen or Sarah Pa... But Tom Hanks! This is insane. Like, like, this is like finding out Mr. Rogers has Chlamydia. Like, I don't...
-Yeah, I'd be like, "I didn't even think he had genitals." It's almost like coronavirus chose Tom Hanks just to send a message to the rest of us. You know, like prison rules. Just like, "If I can get Hanks, -I can get to anyone."
So the biggest star in Hollywood just tested positive for coronavirus, and luckily, he's saying he's feeling good, he's, you know, he's obviously sick but he's feeling good, and he's gonna be quarantined until he fully recovers. But coronavirus isn't just sweeping the entertainment world, it turns out it's going after everything. The NBA made the stunning decision to suspend the season indefinitely because of the coronavirus.
NEWSMAN: The NCAA just cancelled the March Madness Tournament. The MLS, the NHL, they had suspended their seasons. Disneyland in California will be closing starting on Saturday. Broadway shows will now close, so will the Met Opera, and the Met Museum of Art. Yes, my friends, life as we know it has been cancelled. Now we're all just gonna have to go home and die of corona.
-Yeah. Or, even worse, spend time with our families. We're... we're not gonna die. Please, I'm joking. But it is... it is big news, right? Parades are cancelled. Movies are delayed. Uh, Broadway is dark. The NBA has suspended its season indefinitely. Which is devastating news for those teams. They won't be playing basketball. It was devastating except for the Knicks. -They haven't played basketball in 20 years.
But... but I will say, I do agree with shutting down Disneyland. I mean, it's a breeding ground for disease. Think about it. -There are rats everywhere hugging people.
It is New York cancelling the Saint Patrick's Day Parade for the first time in 250 years.
WOMAN: Wow. -Yeah, that's a big deal. And I get it, I get it. New York City doesn't want people sick and vomiting in the streets and then getting corona afterwards. -They don't want that.
So that's how the coronavirus has been affecting the U.S. But remember, this is a global disease that's affecting everyone, and one of the craziest unexpected side effects of corona is probably in this video that came out of Thailand.
NEWSMAN: This is a video from Thailand, and that is hundreds of monkeys that are hungry. These monkeys are used to having tourists feed them bananas, but Thailand has seen a massive drop in tourism because of the coronavirus, and so these monkeys are just invading cities. Locals said they looked like wild dogs attacking each other whenever one of them got a single banana.
Holy shit.
There are no tourists to feed the monkeys in Thailand, and so they're just absolutely wreaking havoc. Which is crazy. Because imagine if you are the one tourist left -in Thailand right now. Yeah, and you're just like, "Ah, time for my breakfast banana."
And then the monkeys swarm over, and it's just you and your skeleton left behind. Because I don't know about you, but rabid monkeys are the most terrifying animal in my book. No, 'cause, like, I know a lot of animals can attack you, but monkeys, for some reason, they terr... they just seem so much better equipped, you know? They can open doors, they can handle tools, you know, they can pick up things with their feet.
They're the only animal that can do sign language, so they can even tell you what they're doing, -like, "I'm gonna kill you." Wait. What? -"I want a banana." Like, the only person who doesn't need to be afraid of rabid monkeys is Mitch McConnell. Yeah, because if they try and rip his face off, he'll just be like, "Joke's on you. "I've got tons to spare. Meh. Meh. Meh."
I mean, it's-it's really insane. You've got corona shutting down the planet, right? And then now a crazy monkey invasion on top of it. It's like we're living in two different disaster movies at once. Somewhere out there in space, there's an asteroid headed to us, but it's like, "Uh, I'm gonna come back later. "You guys, yeah."
Hello, folks. Rita and I are down here in Australia. We felt a bit tired, like we had colds, and some body aches. Rita had some chills that came and went. Slight fevers too. To play things right, as is needed in the world right now, we were tested for the Coronavirus, and were found to be positive.
大家好，丽塔和我现在澳大利亚。我们感觉有点累，像是感冒了，身体有些疼痛。丽塔觉得一阵冷一阵热。有些轻微的发烧。为了做正确的事情，正如目前世界所需要的那样，我们做了新型冠状病毒检测，结果呈阳性。
Well, now. What to do next? The Medical Officials have protocols that must be followed. We Hanks’ will be tested, observed, and isolated for as long as public health and safety requires. Not much more to it than a one-day-at-a-time approach, no?
现在也只能这样了。公共卫生和安全部门有他们必须遵守的规定。我们也会按照他们的要求接受检查，观察和隔离。也只能走一步算一步了，不是吗？
We’ll keep the world posted and updated. Take care of yourselves!
我们会及时发布和更新我们的最新状况，照顾好你们自己。
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