M君分享丨追求英译文的简洁、精炼
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与才华于一身的良心小编。
英语语言的美，除了用词准确、形象以外，还体现为句式精炼、韵律均衡、节奏感强。汉英翻译学习者常常有译文啰嗦、臃肿的现象，而地道的英语是极力避免这一现象的。英语中有句名言：Brevity is the soul of wit. 应该说，简洁是英汉语言所共同追求的目标，因为简洁的语言不仅在字面上能形成美的节奏和韵律，在字里行间它还能传达朴实、真切的感情，并指向深邃、幽远的意境。所以，我们的译文要尽力做到惜墨如金，达到Every word counts.
通过我们的观察，汉英译文中不够简洁、精炼基本上由两种原因造成：一是语言基本功不够，不知道怎样对语言进行过滤、梳整、调合；二是过分依附于原文，虽然某些意义成分在译文之中已经表达出来，后面汉语中再出现时，不敢、或者根本没意识到要对它作简化处理，这样译文便难以率读。下面我们分别分析译者在简洁问题上所要注意的要点。
Day Day Up
一、译者既要了解种类词(generic words)，还要了解它之下的属类词(specific words)，同时，还要擅长使用含有多个语义成分的词汇。例如：
1. 漫天的大火把夜空映了个通红。
The night sky was reddened by the sweeping fire.
2. 一个面皮干瘪的老妪
A crone
3. 我从他那里渐渐探出了秘密。
I wormed the secret out of him.
4. 我一时想不起这个词了。
The word escapes me at the moment.
5. 这篇文章不太好理解。
The article is elusive.
6. 那里的景色会让您大饱眼福。
The beautiful scene will feast your eye to your heart's content.
7. 他怒气冲冲地对我们说。
He stormed/roared/blustered at us.
8. 家庭的贫困，使我无法再坚持学业。
Family poverty incapacitated me from further study.
9. 他冒着饥饿的危险，跟几个同事毅然辞职了。
Braving hanger, he resolutely resigned with several colleagues.
10. 有的老牛活活渴死了，因为身体里没有水分，牛皮都剥不下来。
Some cows died on their feet from dehydration. And because there's no moisture in their bodies, you can hardly skin them.
二、一些特定的短语、用法也能使句子简洁、地道。如：
1. 你要是跟我们一起就好了！
If only you could be with us!
2. 画笔之于画家有如钢琴之于音乐家。
The brush is to the painter what the piano is to the musician.
3. 一半是因为劳累，一半是因为气愤，他病倒了。
What with overwork and what with indignation, he was laid up.
4. 天气一会儿冷，一会儿热。
The weather is now cold, now hot.
5. 有两家便宜的旅馆，若都不行的话，不妨还是回你从前住的地方去吧。
There are two cheap hotels, but failing either of these, you may as well go back to where you were before.
6. 这本书不是一下子就能吃透的。
The book cannot be understood at one swoop.
7. 他总是轻言细语地跟别人讲话。
He is always soft-spoken.
8. 它的眼带出进退两难的神情。
The look in its eyes shows that the little creatures is of two minds.
三、名词化结构往往包括动作行为的逻辑内涵，但句式表现却非常简洁。需要注意的是，名词化结构往往用于很正式的文体之中。如：
1. 他贪污了大量公款，锒铛入狱了。
His egregious embezzlement led to his imprisonment.
2. 由于无法弄到实验器材，实验进展起来非常困难。
The unavailability of apparatus rendered the experiment rather difficult.
3. 我家和他家很近，路途上也方便，所以每月都要往来一次。
The convenient proximity between the two families enabled our monthly visit.
4. 由于电信、传媒的发达，人们之间联系日益紧密，地球仿佛成了地球村。
The sophistication of telecommunication and mass media brings about increasing interconnection among people and turns the globe into a village.
5. 雨水一刻不歇地下着，运动会只好搁浅了。
The relentless determination of the rain wrecked the sports meet.
6. 这位老人举止优雅，可以看得出，他从前过着非常从容的生活。
The old man's graceful appearance betrayed his previous easy days.
四、为了保持语法结构的凝炼，一般说来，能用词组、动词非谓语形式(如不定式、现在分词短语、过去分词短语)、垂悬结构的地方就倾向于不用从句，能用明了、简洁的结构的时候就倾向于不用复杂、臃长的结构，除非是为了达到特别的文体效果。如：
1. 薰鱼 smoked fish (请比较：fish that has been smoked，后者啰唆)
2. 浆过的衣服 starched clothes (请比较：clothes that have been starched)
3. 我在报纸上读到一篇文章，了解到盐是高血压的诱发因素。
I knew through a newspaper article that much intake of salt was an occasion of high blood pressure. (请比较：I read an article published on a newspaper and knew that…)
4. 在学校里，哪个支系的学生多就使用哪种语言，但同一支系的学生相互交谈又使用本支系的语言。
In schools, the language of the branch with the majority of students dominates the conversation, yet students from the same branch prefer their own language.
(请比较：In schools, the prevalent language is the filiation that has the largest number of student speakers, yet students from otherwise same branch still talk in their own language.我们发现，前一句体现出英语物称主语(impersonal subject)的特点，而students from the same branch prefer their own language寥寥数语，却将“但同一支系的学生相互交谈又使用本支系的语言”的意义交代得清清楚楚。)
5. 这时迎亲队伍中的“长统”走出来，郑重其事地倒出竹筒里的水酒给小姑娘喝，并送上一些喜糖和喜钱。
The Changtong will come forward and please them with wine and tip them with candies and money.
(请比较：The “Changtong” will come out of the troop and solemnly pour out wine for them to drink, and give them some wedding candies and money.)
6. 有的地方，新娘将要进入新郎家时，新郎家大门口要载上香蕉树，意味子孙后代昌盛。同时还要载上甘蕉，意味着新生活节节甜。
In some places, the bridegroom plants some banana trees and sugar canes in front of his house, the banana trees a wish for the prosperity of later generations, and the sugar canes a sweet sign of a happy life.
(请比较：In some places, as the bride is to enter the bridegroom's home, banana trees are planted in front of the house praying for offspring's prosperity. Meanwhile, sugar canes are also planted with the hope that the new life is sweet in every section as the sugar cane.)
7. （新娘）羞羞答答，不言不语，来到了一道路障前。
Shy and quiet, she finds herself in front of a road barrier.
8. 人捕捉它，将它制成标本，作为一种商品去出售，价钱越来越高。
Man captures it, makes a specimen of it and sells it in the market at an increasingly high price.
9. 我不指望你出名，只愿你身体好，没病没灾的。
I don't expect you to be famous. All I want is for you to stay healthy, and safe from misfortune.
10. 即使想起她，也是想起那个抱着刚满月的孩子，双膝跪在母亲面前，脸色苍白、两眼盈泪的小姨。
The thought of her brought back her image as she knelt in front of Mother, her face pale and tearstained, her month-old infant in her arms.
11. 他不多说话，但常常微笑。
He was a man of few words, but of all smiles.
12. 这是私人房产。房东并不因为它完全不像个样子就将房租压得便宜些。
The house was privately owned, and the landlord would not reduce the rent however ramshackle condition of the structure.
五、和英语相比，汉语在形式上不太严密，这表现在有时字面意义和蕴涵意义的相隔，有时汉语句群中、或句子中意义因素的相对重复。对此，译者要有清醒的认识，不可过于依附原文字面结构，而要对其中重复的语义因素进行剪裁、过滤、消肿。例如：
1. 当它合起两只翅膀的时候，像长在树枝上的一片干枯的树叶。谁也不去注意它，谁也不瞧它一眼。
When it closes its wings, it resembles a withered tree leaf hanging from a branch – scarcely noticeable to human eyes. (“谁也不去注意它，谁也不瞧它一眼”是语义重复，翻译时可省去一个小句。)
2. 窗口下，会有几个摊点卖着西瓜什么的，在他们的头顶方向，是电信塔楼和城市报时钟。
Below the window were several melon stalls, and above them was the Telecom Tower with a big clock on top of it. (如果将“城市报时钟”按字面译为topped with the turret clock telling the city time，译文将是臃肿不堪。)
3. 赫赛的重温故乡之梦结束了。当我在车厢和他话别时，……
When Hersey's visit to Tianjin was over and I got on board the train to say good-bye, … (“重温故乡之梦”不可译为the dream of visiting Tianjin，否则，不但会使译文增重，还会使译文的意义发生改变。)
4. 只要这个人看得起我们，我们就会将我们全家真挚的、充满敬意和感激的情意奉献给这个人。
As long as that someone would meet us face to face, we would offer our most heartfelt gratitude and affection. (“真挚的、充满敬意和感激的情意” 不可照字面译为sincere, respectful and grateful affection。)
5. 母亲停止了切菜，转脸瞧着她说......
Mother stopped cutting cabbage and wheeled around. (“瞧着她说”根据上下文语境可以省去不译。)
6. 三月里刘薰宇君来信，说互生病了，而且是没有希望的病。
In March I heard from Mr. Liu Xunyu that Husheng was sick and hopelessly at that. (and hopelessly at that就将“而且是没有希望的病”的语式简洁地表达出来，没有必要译为and it was a hopeless sickness。)
7. 他办立达便饮食坐卧只惦着立达，再不想别的。
When he was running Lida School, he had all his thoughts on the school, whatever he did. (“饮食坐卧” 不可照字面译为when eating, sitting or sleeping。)
8. 你刚开口说由哪里来的时候，一杯很热的浓茶，就递在你的下巴上。
Scarcely have you begun to tell where you come from when a cup of hot and strong tea is handed over to you. (“递在你的下巴上”如果译为hand over to your chin，不但复杂，让英语读者也觉得唐突。)
9. 不同支系的青年男女恋爱叙衷肠时，男子往往主动使用女子支系的语言，以示爱慕之心。
When a boy is in love with a girl from a different branch, the boy usually speaks in the girl's language voluntarily to show respect.
(请比较：如果译成when a boy and a girl, who are from different branches, are in love with each other, the boy usually speaks in the girl’s language voluntarily to show his respect. 则过分贴附于字面了。)
10. 忆昔当年，日寇强敌入境，山河破碎，风雨飘摇。日寇军阀穷凶极恶，遣无数本国精壮，到海外屠杀无辜，……
During the war, the atrocious Japanese militarists sent Japanese armies to China to slaughter the innocent people, bringing the country to the point of disintegration. (本句译文中“山河破碎，风雨飘摇”译为bringing the country to the point of disintegration即可，没有必要分别译出两个短语。)
我只是一条分割线
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